Scripture Reading: Proverbs 31:10–31
Well, please turn with me in your Bibles to Proverbs chapter 31. Proverbs chapter 31. Today is, in fact, the Lord's Day, but it doesn't preclude us from remembering mothers and addressing mothers. Specifically, if you're not a mother here, I suspect that you know one.
So through the course of the sermon, perhaps you might make a note on how to pray for that mother that you know. are somehow connected to. But I do want to set forth some thoughts from the book of Proverbs, specifically chapter 31, concerning mothers. Beginning in chapter 31 at verse 10, hear now the word of the living and true God. Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax and willingly works with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships. She brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants. She considers a field and buys it.
From her profits she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good and her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor. Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes tapestry for herself.
Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies sashes for the merchants. Strength and honor are her clothing.
She shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her.
Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all. Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her own works praise her in the gates. Amen.
Let us pray.
Opening Prayer
Our Heavenly Father, we thank you for the written word. We thank you that it is given by inspiration of God. It's profitable to us for doctrine, reproof, correction, and instruction in righteousness. And we pray that the Spirit who gave it would be the Spirit who guides us now as we study Scripture.
We would ask that Your Spirit would be at work in our minds and in our hearts, that You would teach us from Your truth and cause us to be affected by these truths, and may You cause us as believers to pursue obedience to the things revealed herein. And God, for any and all outside of Christ, we pray that today would be the day of salvation, For certainly the fear of the Lord is set forth positively in this passage. Paul tells us, there is no fear of God before the eyes of those who are dead in their trespasses and sins. So we pray to you, our God, that you would open hearts and eyes to the truth as it is in Jesus, that you would indeed exercise that sovereign grace and call effectually unto Christ those who are presently dead in their trespasses and sins.
And we do pray for all mothers, all grandmothers, those who are charged with the responsibilities in this passage, that you would strengthen them and help them to be faithful. Certainly, in many ways, it is a thankless task. It is a non-ending task. And we just commit them to you and pray that you would guide them, guard them, watch over them, and strengthen them.
And do forgive us now for all of our transgressions and our sins. When we look at your holy law, Lord God, it does reveal to us who you are, but it also reveals who we are. And we are vile in the sight of a holy God. So we plead the merit and the mercy and the forgiveness of the Lord Jesus Christ.
We pray for cleansing and that fount that is open for sin and uncleanness. And we pray these things through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen. Well,
Introduction
Proverbs 31, verses 10 to 31 are indeed a familiar passage of scripture. I'm certain that you're all familiar with them in one form or another. And it does indeed describe the virtuous wife. It's an interesting passage in terms of the Hebrew construction.
It's what's called an acrostic. So each of the verses begin with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet. And then interestingly, in the Hebrew canon, the book of Ruth follows Proverbs. And in many respects, Ruth is an illustration or an application of what we find here in verses 10 to 31, in Proverbs 31.
And as Solomon, or as rather the author, sketches forth this picture of a godly woman, he highlights the fact that she is diligent, she is spiritual, she is self-control. As a wife, she is trustworthy, and she does good for her husband. This is a tall order of good set forth in this passage, and certainly the Spirit is necessary to apply this consistently in one's life. But as I said, I want to focus on the Christian mother.
And this is a sense where we're going to look at Proverbs here, but we'll look at other passages as well. And
Four Aspects of Christian Motherhood
I want to look at four things concerning the Christian mother. First, her condition before God.
Her Influence Over Her Children
Secondly, her influence over her children.
Her Authority Over Her Children
Thirdly, her authority over her children. And fourthly, her responsibility toward her children. Now, God's Word is not lacking in this instruction. Throughout Scripture, we see this emphasis, and we see it encompassed in the fifth commandment.
Honor your father and your mother. It is absolutely crucial that we understand biblical motherhood before a holy God. But
Her Condition Before God
in the first place, with reference to her condition before God, she is saved by grace. We are describing the Christian mother, not the unbelieving mother, but the Christian mother, and she is saved by grace. Note the emphasis there, specifically in verse 30. Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears Yahweh, she shall be praised.
It's the fear of God that characterizes or that marks her life. The Apostle Paul tells us in Romans chapter 3, when he highlights the fact that there is none righteous, no not one, there is none who seeks after God, there is none who does the will of God, he summarizes the entirety in Romans 3.18 by saying, there is no fear of God before their eyes. The prophet Jeremiah, God using him, speaking to the New Covenant, or concerning the New Covenant, God the Lord says, I will put the fear of me in their hearts. So when we look at this Christian mother, displayed here on the pages of Proverbs 31, her condition before God is that she is saved by the grace of God.
It's not the case that because of her virtue, because of her effectiveness at being a mother, because of the fact that she rises early, and that she produces, and that she makes a lot of money, and that she provides well for her family, that then God blesses her with salvation. It is never the case that a woman will ever enter into heaven based on her deeds, based on her performance, You can be the best woman, the best wife, the best mother, but you are still dead in your trespasses and sins. God's grace must make you alive. God must effectually call you.
God must put the fear of God in the heart of those who believe. And this is the emphasis in this passage. So ladies, if you are not a believer here this morning, don't just look for five helpful tips on how to deal with your nasty children, but rather look to the Lord Jesus Christ. Look to the one in whom there is salvation.
Look to the one in whom alone there is forgiveness. She is saved by God's grace. And then this is crucial in terms of the application of God's command with reference to motherhood. You can turn to the book of Titus.
Titus chapter 2, Titus chapter 2, wherein you see the connection between God's saving grace and our ability to function the way the Lord calls us to in this current world. Notice the particular instructions in Titus 2, verses 1-3. I mean, the whole section here in chapter 2 is emphasis on how persons are supposed to conduct themselves. The older men are addressed in verse 2.
The older women are addressed in verse 3. Younger women, notice specifically in verses 4 and 5, that they admonish the young women. This is the role of the older women in the church. Older women in the church are looking for a ministry in the church.
Befriend the younger women and tell them how to mother their children. Befriend the younger women and disciple them and mentor them and instruct them on how they are to do the sorts of things that Paul enjoins upon us here. Notice in verse 4, that they, the older women, admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blaspheme. You see the stakes are high, ladies, with reference to your conduct towards your husbands and towards your children.
If you are engaged in unbelieving type of living, if you look no different than the pagan or the heathen that lives next door to you, what's at stake is that the Word of God may not be blasphemed. In other words, you've been saved to function in a particular way. God has given you this mandate. But He doesn't expect you, or He knows, rather, that you cannot do this apart from His grace.
Further in the section, young men are addressed. Perhaps we'll hit that when we get to Father's Day. And then later, bond servants are addressed in verses 9 to 10. But notice the theological basis for Christian ethics in verses 11 to 15.
In other words, those who fear the Lord will function as those who fear the Lord. Those saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ are those who will actually obey what the Apostle Paul says in this section. Notice verse 11. for the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for himself his own special people, zealous for good works. So, let's just work backwards for just a moment.
If indeed Christ gave himself for you, mothers, that he might redeem you from every lawless deed and purify for himself his own special people, zealous for good works, you see, that's the grace that enables you to comply with what is enjoined upon you in verses 4 and 5. Now, you mothers know I've preached a lot of sermons on this particular subject over my 20 years here. A friend of mine recently made an interesting observation. He's not in our church, so don't try to figure out who it was who said such a thing.
But he says, you know, in our churches on Mother's Day, mothers are generally encouraged by the message that is given. And I'm not here to discourage you. I'm not here to cast you down. But he says mothers are usually encouraged, and yet on Father's Day, the men are hammered.
Women are extolled and their virtues displayed and how wonderful you are. He didn't elaborate like this, but I think I see the thought process. And then when we get to Father's Day, you wretches need to do this, that, and the other. So if you detect, ladies, this morning, a bit more admonition than typical, I think my brother was right in that observation.
We ought not to expect that a saved Christian woman who is called to be a mother is necessarily doing everything perfectly, any more than we ought to suspect that a saved Christian man who is called to be a father is doing everything perfectly. So a bit of admonition, or a bit of exhortation, or a bit of perhaps warning, or calling one to consider the reality that we find in Scripture may not be out of line, and hopefully it will be of benefit to you as you consider this situation. So in terms of her spiritual or condition before God, she is saved by grace. As well,
Walking with the Lord
she walks with the Lord. The woman who fears the Lord is one who walks with the Lord. And this is important. I mean, anything that we are called to do in service to God demands that we are living in service to God.
We ought to be close to the Lord in order to serve the Lord. We ought to be close to God in order to honor God. We ought to be close to God to draw the resources or to draw off of him the resources necessary to engage in in the particular things he calls us to. It's not just men who need to study theology.
It's not just men who need to study the Bible. It's not just men who should show up on Wednesday night as we study the kings of Israel. It's not just men who should show up on Saturday morning as we study Louis Burckhoff. It's not just men who need to walk with the Lord.
Ladies, you need to walk with the Lord, and if in your walk with the Lord one of the particular activities you are called upon is to communicate the word of the Lord to your children, don't do it heretically. Husbands, you ought to have a vested interest in the fact that your wife can explain justification by faith. Hopefully she's not of the school of Pelagius. Hopefully she is not a heretic.
Hopefully she is not catechizing your children on just be good little boys and girls and God will accept you into his heart or into his kingdom. Women, you need to get busy and study the scriptures. You need to study theology. You need to understand that system of Christian faith because your task is to educate your children.
A woman once approached D.L. Moody and said, Dr. Moody, or Pastor Moody, I want to preach the gospel. And Moody's response was golden.
He says, do you have children at home? She said, yes, eight. He said, then go home and preach the gospel. I don't care if Beth Moore's out there funneling her big face into every church and they're soaking it in.
Your responsibility as women under God is to teach those little ones the fear of the Lord. You cannot do that apart from God's grace. You cannot do that apart from God himself. So this woman fears the Lord, which obviously means that she is a benefactor of his grace.
It was grace that taught my heart to fear, and she walks with the Lord. She cultivates this relationship. She does read broadly and widely, and I'm not saying all you can ever read is Birkhoff, but could you think about including something like that? Read the Confession of Faith.
Know the difference between justification and sanctification. Don't undo in your private setting what our job is in the public place. We're trying to teach our kids the difference between, or the relationship between, but the differences between justification and sanctification. Don't be a Roman Catholic at home, conflate the two, and cause them to be utterly confused about the whole scenario.
Now, if that line confused you, then you need to study. If that line confused you, then you're not paying attention because we emphasize that reality a lot. Justification is a one-time act by God wherein He pardons all our sins and accepts us as righteous in His sight only for the righteousness of Christ imputed to us and received by faith alone. Those justified now will pursue holiness.
They will pursue what's called sanctification. We're not saved by a combination of the two. We're saved because of the doing and the dying and the rising of the Lord Jesus and the justification that comes as a result of that. So don't pay pies or be papistical with your kids and mess up their thought process on this whole subject.
Ladies. I mean this in the most encouraging way I can say. You need to know theology. You need to know the Bible.
And as I will hammer the men on Father's Day, it's unconscionable that we don't. We are so plugged into social media. We are so on Facebook and so on Instagram and so on whatever online game or or allurement is out there, we don't have time to study a little bit of theology? I would suggest, based on what's happening in terms of social media, we've got nothing but time.
And to waste it on those particular avenues is to waste golden opportunities to take and embrace the calling given us by God, to take these little ones and raise them up in the fear and admonition of God Most High. I'm not suggesting you zero out everything and delete all your accounts, though that might not be a bad idea for some of you, but watch and pray and consider. If you cannot define the doctrine of justification, but you know everything that's going on with everybody in the church in terms of their status, you've got problems. You've got issues.
And repentance might be the order of the day. Her condition before God is that she's saved by grace and she walks with the Lord. Secondly, her influence over her children. I've already told you, the fifth commandment highlights the reality that this lady has influence over her children. as well in the book of Leviticus in 19.3.
You want warrant for a Mother's Day sermon on the Sabbath day? Leviticus 19.3. Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father and keep my Sabbaths. I am the Lord your God.
We see her influence over her children enjoined in the law itself, but also as exemplified or rather amplified, which the book of Proverbs essentially is, it is the exposition and application of God's law to daily life. Notice in Proverbs chapter 1, just to spot the influence of a godly woman or a godly mother over her children. Proverbs 1 in verse 8, my son, hear the instruction of your father and do not forsake the law of your mother. What's that imply?
The mother is commanding her children. She's not begging them. She's not bribing them. She is commanding them.
And as I thought through just the impact we as fathers and mothers can have in our generation, I mean, if you look out there, the bar has dropped, right? I think if we can just successfully teach our kids to walk and chew gum at the same time, they'll probably be the most successful beings on the face of the earth. I saw a video this week of a woman in a university setting. She saw a sign, and this isn't pro, anti, it's just an observation.
Somebody had a pro-Donald Trump sign, and this grown woman screamed at the sight of it, carried on like an absolute mad woman. So, brethren, to raise up children that make a mark on society today, it's probably not unattainable. If our spawn just don't scream and yell when they see a sign, praise God, from whom all blessings flow. Do you know why people carry on that way?
It's because their parents didn't command them. They bribed them. They begged them. They didn't assert their God-given authority.
You think there's any sort of haphazardness to the Decalogue, the 10 Commandments of God? You've got our duties toward God, Commandments 1 to 4, duties toward man, Commandments 5 to 10. Five is the linchpin. Five is sort of the turning point.
In fact, there have been those in the history of the church that put the fifth word with the first table. It indicates God's authority when He stations parents in the home, not to bribe their children, not to beg their children, but to command their children. It is a loathsome thing to see parents out there actually bribing kids to do what the kids should do. And this is, again, this is indicative of society all around us.
When you see these whiners in a university setting, there's a whole host of reasons why it's ended up this way, but never forget the parents. If you produce rotten kids, we're going to have a rotten society. Now, I know God's good and God saves rotten kids and He causes their hearts to fear and all of that. I get that.
But in terms of the basic approach that we find worked out in the book of Proverbs, what you put into it is what you will get out of it. Notice Proverbs 6 in verse 20. My son, keep your father's command and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart, tie them around your neck.
When you roam, they will lead you. When you sleep, they will keep you. And when you awake, they will speak with you, for the commandment is a lamp and the law a light, reproofs of instruction and the way of life to keep you from the evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a seductress. Ladies, instruct your sons in a way that is pleasing to the Lord so that he will be kept from this evil woman.
And then, of course, in Proverbs chapter 31, our very passage, notice in verse 1, prior to the description of this virtuous woman, Proverbs 31.1, the words of King Lenuel, the utterance which his mother taught him. It's a beautiful thing that a mother influenced a king. It's a beautiful thing that a mother exercised her God-given role over her king son so that he would function in a way that was pleasing. The third thing we ought, before we leave this influence over her children, let's listen to C.H.
Spurgeon. He says, fathers and mothers are the most natural agents for God to use in the salvation of their children. Isn't the church blamed all the time when children leave the church? They get to 15, 16, 17, 18, and they leave, they apostatize.
The church is typically blamed, and I think we ought to share some of that. We ought to make sure we're going after the hearts of young people. We're preaching in such a way that we're explaining the truth of the gospel. We're explaining justification.
We're explaining sanctification. Brethren, it's the parents that exercise that first level of responsibility. I think we typically fall into, you know, Adamic mode. The woman who now has given me, she gave to me to eat.
The church that you put me in messed my kids up. Again, churches mess kids up. I'm not here to debate that. But brethren, as the first line of defense, it is your primary responsibility to deal with your kids.
We don't like when the state wants to raise our children, do we? I hope we don't. Why should we try to farm it out to the church? It's the parents that should be the ones involved in their kids' lives.
They should love you a whole lot more than they love me. Not saying kids don't love me, hate me, throw things at me, but you should be the best people in their lives. You're God's means of influence over them for the long haul. You're God's means of influence over them for the bulk of the week.
They come to Sunday school, perhaps, and they're in church service in the morning and church service in the evening. We get them, what, three, four, five hours out of the week? You've got the rest of the time. So Spurgeon is not off the mark here.
Fathers and mothers are the most natural agents for God to use in the salvation of their children. I am sure that in my early youth, no teaching made such an impression upon my mind as the instruction of my mother. Neither can I conceive that to any child there can be one who will have such influence over the young heart as the mother who has so tenderly cared for her offspring. I don't think he indicates it here, but there's another place where Spurgeon said his own mother would plead with the kids at family worship such and would declare, had declared to them, if you end up cast off on the day of judgment, I will side with God himself because my hands are clean of your blood.
I have not shrunk back from declaring to you the whole counsel of God and pleading with you in earnest to be reconciled unto God through Jesus Christ. If you are finally lost and finally damned, I will side with God on that day." Think about it. This woman raised a Spurgeon. That's incredible, isn't it?
A man, he goes on to say, a man with a soul so dead as not to be moved by the sacred name of mother is creation's blot. Never could it be possible for any man to estimate what he owes to a godly mother. How can I ever forget her tearful eye when she warned me to escape from the wrath to come? I thought her lip eloquent.
Others might not think so, but they certainly were eloquent to me. How can I ever forget when she bowed her knee and with her arms about my neck prayed, oh, that my son might live before thee? It's beautiful, isn't it? You can never underestimate the influence of godly motherhood on the lives under their charge.
I've quoted this before, it bears repetition. And again, politically, just not what I'm on about. But when asked what could be done to restore the prestige of France, Napoleon replied, give us better mothers. North America looking like that today?
Again, you see these teenagers and these young adults, brethren, they just needed to be spanked when they were kids. What's wrong with society? The economists and the social sort of engineers are all trying to figure out what's wrong. They should have been spanked at Walmart or after their trip to Walmart when they flipped out because they couldn't have something.
I mean, it really isn't much more difficult than that. I'm sure there's other factors. You know, don't go home today and say, well, you know, just spank kids and everything will be hunky-dory. No, but if you don't spank kids, things are probably not going to be hunky-dory.
Thirdly, her authority over her children. We've referred to the fifth word. Exodus 20, verse 12, Ephesians 6, verses 1 and 2. One famous or popular Bible dictionary says, honoring both parents is at the heart of the Ten Commandments.
And the mother comes first in the command to respect, literally, fear them as part of national holiness. That passage I read in Leviticus 19.3. Both father and mother are to be heeded and obeyed. This is absolutely crucial that we underscore this and understand this because especially at times, young teenage boys say, well, you're not my dad or dad's not here.
Fathers, you need to instruct your children that in your absence, the Queen's word is to be received, revered and feared and in your presence as well. equal authority in terms of bringing up these little ones. Dumas, in his book on the Ten Commandments, says, mentioning the mother is no afterthought, for she deserves to be treated with as much respect as the father. Practice demonstrates that children can misuse the fact that a mother's physical condition often renders her less able to enforce her word. She is physically the weaker parent.
But the Fifth Commandment clearly requires respect for both father and mother. Children must honor their mother even when she is physically and physiologically declining. Do not despise your mother when she is old, Proverbs 23, 22. The Bible presents a relationship of authority between husband and wife where the husband takes the lead, but children must show equal honor to both mother and father.
You see, her condition before God is that she's saved by grace and walks with the Lord. Her influence over her children is great in that the Lord has given parents to children to be a primary means of influence. Her authority over her children is given you in the fifth word, in the fifth commandment, and demonstrated and exemplified all throughout the book of Proverbs.
Her Responsibility Toward Her Children
Let's look finally at her responsibility toward her children And certainly there's probably a plethora of other things, but I've got four specifics that we will close on here this morning. Terms of exposition, then I have some concluding admonitions, gentle, kind, gracious, loving, but nevertheless, some admonitions or exhortations.
Instruct Your Children
In the first place, your responsibility is to instruct your children. Not in quantum physics, though if that's where you happen to be gifted, by all means, teach them quantum physics, but the law and the gospel. the law and the gospel, teach them the truth as it is in Jesus, teach them the truth of God's holy word, teach them what scripture says, and in order to do that, you need to know what scripture says. Those little ones are looking to be led, they're looking to be taught, they're looking to be influenced, they're looking to be guided, shaped, molded, and helped. This idea that, you know, just let them go and express themselves.
No! Absolutely not. Do not let them go and express themselves. They'll end up screaming on a public campus when they see a Donald Trump sign.
You don't want that for your kid. You want to restrain them. You want to guard them. You want to help them.
You want to do like that woman in Proverbs chapter 6. Give that young man such commands that he will be kept from the evil woman. Don't deliver him up to her vicious hand. You need to know the law and the gospel and you need to instruct your children.
Set an Example
Secondly, you need to set an example for your children. Look at Proverbs 22.6. Proverbs 22.6, a very famous passage. one that bears exposition all on its own. Just gonna read it and then make a comment or rather read a comment from Bridges in his commentary on Proverbs.
Proverbs 22.6, train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. So certainly that touches on the first point to instruct your children but secondly to set an example for your children. Listen to Bridges who I highly commend. If you have the opportunity to purchase Charles Bridges' commentary on Proverbs, He deals beautifully with all the passages that deal with child rearing.
If you're a new parent here this morning, you've got young children, or you're an older parent and you've got older children, and you need a bit of a boost in the arm or some encouragement, pick up Proverbs by Charles Bridges and read the sections dealing with child rearing. It's brilliant. Notice what he says specifically with reference to setting an example. He says the mere talk to a child about religion without bringing it to bear upon his loose habits and self-willed tempers is utterly ineffective.
None of us lives to himself alone. We're all spreading around us an influence, whether for good or for evil. Here, therefore, in our families lies the responsibility of Christian consistency. If the child hears of godliness and sees but wickedness, this is bringing him bread with one hand and poison with the other, beckoning with the hand to heaven and at the same time taking him by the hand and leading him in the way of destruction.
He says, who would receive even the choicest food from a leprous hand? Well, what are you saying there? Who would receive even the choicest food from a leprous hand? You probably wouldn't.
Name your favorite food. If a diseased hand was holding it out to your lips, you'd probably say, no, I think I'll pass. And yet, this is what it is to instruct with no example. This is what it is to try and teach them the law and the gospel, but not being one who lives as one conquered by that gospel.
He says, a child learns more by the eye than by the ear. Imitation is a far more powerful principle than memory. A well-trained child gladly looks to his parents' godliness as his model picture to copy after. A wayward child eagerly seeks for the excuse of his own delinquency, and this discovery in parental example will harden him in infidelity and ungodliness." That last bit's very important.
Child's going to look to a good example. When he sees the good example exemplified by his father and mother and he follows that, it's a good thing. It's a win-win. But if this child can look at his parents as a reason for his own wretchedness and his own sinfulness, and he's able to rise up and say something to the effect, well, this is what I always saw in my home, he's still guilty to be sure, but it certainly does not fare well for the mother and for the father.
You see, instruction and example.
Discipline Your Children
Thirdly, to discipline her children. To discipline her children. I think we've sufficiently covered this. We don't bribe them, we don't beg them.
We deal with them with the authority God's given us. Now be judicious here. Be wise in the application of scripture here. We live in a day and age, a society that is contrary to the word of God.
Let's give you a little bit of a personal autobiographical sketch. When my wife and I were converted, we were brought to the Savior by God's grace in an obviously miraculous way. We didn't wake up one day and say, hey, I've decided to follow Jesus. No, it was a conquered by sovereign grace sort of thing.
Well, not long after that, we started to learn about how to bring up children, because before being Christians, we just didn't even think about such things. And so I had a faithful mentor, a faithful brother, a faithful pastor, a faithful friend who taught us about corporal punishment, that implementation of physical punishment to the kids. My mother got wind of this and said, how dare you beat your kids? And when she said that, brethren, it knocked me back a few feet and I thought, wow, man, that's right.
And I had to regroup and think, no, God's word says to. Now, the scripture doesn't say beat your kids. It talks about, well, actually some passages do, but it assumes that you're bright enough to understand that doesn't mean physically abuse them. But it was interesting, because I asked my mom, what happened when you were a kid and you got out of line?
She said, we got belted. Just matter of factly, we got belted. I said, is there any correlation between the fact that in your day and age, the biggest crimes at school were running in the hall, chewing gum, talking in class? What are the biggest crimes in high school today?
I'd be afraid to walk onto a campus. We need metal detectors to get into a public school campus. I said, Mom, do you see any correlation between what you got as a child, the way things were when you were a kid, and the way things are now? She got it, by the grace of God.
Doesn't take rocket science or an engineering degree to get that correlation, so be judicious. We live in an anti-Christian sort of a society that is contrary to the word of God, so be judicious, be wise, be righteous. Child abuse is never authorized in the scriptures. If any of you men or women are beating your children in a way that's ungodly, repent, forsake it, stop.
God says no. But with reference to biblical discipline, the scriptures are clear in a whole host of ways, a whole host of instances. So be judicious. If you need to ask questions, you can talk to Pastor Porter, you can talk to me.
Not that we're the gurus or the Bill Gothards of the Reformed Baptism, we're not that. But brethren, this is something we need to apply, but we need to be judicious, we need to be wise, we need to be cunning as serpents, we need to be harmless as doves in our society, that we mustn't ever resist those things that God enjoins for us. And it's not just corporal, it's reproof. Reproof.
There are times it's the best thing in the world to tell your kids no. It's the best thing in the world to let them know that life is tough. There are issues, there are problems. You can't always just be unbridled and undisciplined and lacking self-control.
Best thing you can do is to get a grip on them while they're young. Somewhere in Bridges, one of the comments, he said, the father said, if you haven't broken the child's will by the age of two, you lost him. That's a bit of a hardcore statement, brethren. Is that what the patristics believed?
Praise God we're not raising kids back in those days, right? Because our kids are eight and they're still going nuts if they don't get a Snickers when we go to Walmart. What would they suggest with reference to us? The point is, is that they're born in Adam.
There is this idea that that little precious babe wrapped in swaddling cloths is a neutral being. Philosophy, this is called a tabula rasa, like their heart's a blank stone or a blank slate and that, you know, it's up to us to put everything on it. That's not what's taught in scripture. We're in Adam.
The wicked go estranged from the womb, speaking lies as soon as they are born. That wasn't John Calvin who said that. It wasn't Augustine who said that. It wasn't Jim Butler who said that.
It was the sweet psalmist of Israel in Psalm 58, verse 3. The wicked go estranged from the womb, speaking lies as soon as they are born. That self-same sweet psalmist of Israel, typically, of course, Christ is the sweet psalmist of Israel, but David functioning typically concerning his own native depravity, traces it back to his conception. In sin did my mother conceive me.
David's not saying the conjugal act between my father and mother was a sinful thing, a necessary evil. No, David said as soon as David is, he was a sinner. They're not blank slates, brethren. If you let them express themselves in their crib or in their nursery, don't be surprised when they express themselves at age 18 or 20 or 25 in a way that is less than savory.
So
Love Your Children
you need to instruct, set example, discipline, and love. Love the children. This is what Paul tells Titus in that text we read in Titus 2. Now, you might suggest or you might ask, well, why does a woman need to be told to love her kids?
Because this is a godless, wretched age, isn't it? It's a terrible age. Abortion is certainly an indication that not all mothers love their children. There are horrific acts that are occurring on children by mothers.
You need to love them. You need to nurture them. You need to care for them. That they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.
See, Paul thought, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, it was necessary to remind young women to love their children. You know, I wonder if we do duties at times, or we engage in particular activities, and we forget love. to think about that as a pastor, as a preacher. Am I doing this because I love the brethren or just to fulfill a particular requirement? Are we being faithful fathers and faithful mothers to fulfill a requirement?
Is it done in the orbit of love? I was telling somebody recently with reference to preaching, your people will forgive a bad sermon or two if they know that you love them. It's the same thing with parenting. You're gonna mess up as parents, but if your kids know you love them, The kids know that you even did a terrible thing, but in the grand scheme of things, it's because you love them.
There'll be forgiveness there. You need to function in the orbit of Christian love. That is crucial with reference to child rearing.
Application
So, in conclusion, I want to bring out a few thoughts by way of application and then we'll close. In the first place, there is a need for such women as described here in Proverbs 31. Martin Luther said, The greatest gift of God. Now certainly Luther would assume that the greatest gift of God is salvation by grace through faith in Jesus.
But he's speaking in terms of creature, gift that is created. The greatest gift of God is a pious, amiable spouse who fears God, loves his house, and with whom one can live in perfect confidence. Bruce Waltke in his commentary on the Proverbs. It's interesting, if you go back to chapter 31, specifically at verse 10, it's all framed in the form of a question.
Who can find a virtuous wife? And he goes on to explain such a woman. Who can find this kind of a woman? Waltke says the rhetorical question, who can find, aims to awaken within the audience the desire to find such a wife or to be like her.
And Matthew Henry, in his beautiful way, says the description of the virtuous woman is designed to show what wives the women should make and what wives the men should choose. I love that emphasis. All of you young ladies here that perhaps are not married and perhaps having children at this particular time, this is the kind of woman you ought to be. This is the kind of woman you should pursue to be or try to be.
If you are presently a mother and you have children and you are in the task, this ought to be your goal. If you've made a mess of it, if you have sinned, if you have violated God's law, confess it, forsake it, and you will find mercy. It's a blessed promise from Proverbs 28, 13. Whoever covers his transgression will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes it will find mercy.
You've got 1 John 1.9. You might go home today and say, kids, I've been a wretched mother. Cast yourself upon the mercy of God in Christ, 1 John 1.9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Don't continue to perpetuate the misery Oh, I'm just so wicked, I'm just so evil. But the God of heaven and earth says he'll forgive you. Why? You hear this with people sometimes.
Rebecca and I are reading a very excellent little book right now, and the author points out, you'll meet people that say, I'm so sinful, I can't forgive myself. Are you better than God? Because God can forgive you. Are you more holy and pure than God?
Because God forgives you. Imagine the gall of somebody who actually believes the Bible saying, I know that God exercises forgiveness and mercy and grace and cleanses me in the blood of Christ, but I can't forgive myself. Why? God's much better than you are and he forgave you, so perhaps you ought to follow suit.
But young man, this is the kind of woman you ought to pursue. This is the kind of woman that you ought to pursue, the kind of woman who fears God, the kind of woman who glorifies God, the kind of woman who serves God. This is what you ought to be praying for because this is a gift from Yahweh. Proverbs 19.14.
I love the way the author states it. Proverbs 19.14. Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. Brethren, if you have such this morning, when you go home, praise God for her.
Praise her as well. You say, well, I don't want to go puff her up. You know what the Bible says to those who won't ever puff their wives up because somehow that's godly? You're a nabal.
You're a fool. What does the husband in Proverbs 31 say to his wife? I have a great deal of respect for you, and I'd love to compliment you, but I don't want you to get proud. Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.
Husbands, if you don't encourage your wives, especially if they're surrounded by nonstop chatterboxes all day long, you got problems, man. Motherhood's tough. Motherhood is tough. Ask most men to watch the little kids for, you know, an hour.
They're chomping at the bit to go back to work. I'd rather move bales of hay. I'd rather try to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I'd rather dig a hole with a spoon and be surrounded by that for an hour.
I'm not trying to be rude, brethren, but God has temperamentally fitted it in such a way that women just seem to excel in patience. Patience. Husbands, praise your wives if you've been given such a gift. That brings us to our second point in terms of application, the encouragement given to such a woman from her husband, her husband also, and he praises her.
Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all. Men, do you love your wife in such a way that you encourage her with your words? Do you love your wife in such a way that you build her up? That's the whole point in Ephesians 4.
We oftentimes take Ephesians 4 and say, well, you can't say these four-letter words. When Paul's talking about let no corrupt word proceed from your mouth, certainly you're not supposed to go out and cuss. But the idea is to let those words proceed from your mouth that are good for necessary edification, words that up-build, words that encourage, words that help. If your wife is doing the work of mothering children and she's doing a decent job of it, tell her as well from her children.
Verse 28a in Proverbs 31, her children rise up and call her blessed. It ought not to be just one Sunday in May that you thank your mom for the stuff that she does. You have no idea for the stuff that she does. Thank her, praise her, say such kind things to her, call her blessed.
As well, there's encouragement from her community, at least in a covenanted community, so it ought to be the case in the life and the context of the church. Let her own works praise her in the gates. The gates is where the city's business was conducted. And this woman's man had such a woman that she was praised in the gates.
Now thirdly, and this brings us to the finally, as I mentioned earlier, mothers are often encouraged on Mother's Day, fathers are often hammered on Father's Day. I want to gently suggest a few things for you ladies. First, you must constantly maintain dependence upon God, the word and prayer, both privately and publicly. I know it's tough at times to come to church on Sunday when you've had a really busy week.
It's amazing to me how, and I'm not trying to make this sound belittle it, all of us have demands on our time, don't we? You get the odd one or two, I'm just so tired I couldn't come to church. Now, I get that. I mean, some of these guys are machines that work, but for the most part, brethren, life is busy.
Life is hard. You know, we don't have bluebirds attending us and clothing us and, you know, putting on our makeups and powdering our faces and, you know, bringing us into the public place. It takes some effort. Brethren, sisters, specifically, you cannot do your job unless you are living in vital dependence upon God.
And that dependence is expressed through prayer and through scripture. Yes, privately, but as well in the public place of worship. A woman who fears the Lord. Secondly, you must not forsake God's word in child-rearing.
God calls the shots regarding your children. God owns your children, not the civil state, not the community. You've heard the old adage, it takes a community to raise a child. No, it takes obedience by faithful parents to God to raise a child.
Or as Ken Harms would say, rear a child. Cattle are raised, you rear children. You get my gist. Thirdly, you must realize that your task is difficult.
Preaching to the choir now, ladies, aren't I? Oftentimes thankless and mostly underappreciated by just about everyone. Like I said, I'm intimately connected to at least one mother in this place. I've seen what goes on.
I used to work shift work, so I was home during the days because I worked all night, so I kind of saw what was involved in motherhood. And like I said, brethren, given the opportunity of being a full-time mother or digging holes with a spoon, I'll choose the latter typically. It's oftentimes thankless, oftentimes underappreciated. Fourthly, you must persevere in your calling and realize that the calling you have under God is a full-time, multifaceted calling that is of the utmost importance.
Walter Chantry had a little booklet called The High Calling of Motherhood. You know, it's almost to the point in our society where some ladies are embarrassed to say, stay at home with the children. So we don't want to be judged by those around us. That's all you do?
Again, I'd rather dig a hole with a spoon than that's all I did. Ladies, don't be embarrassed to embrace your God-given calling of rearing children unto the Lord. It doesn't matter what the pagans say. It doesn't matter what the heathens say.
They're at active enmity to God. Why does it matter that they think you're wasting your life taking care of those kids? There's no higher calling on this earth than taking care of those kids. I think Society, in many ways, depends upon it.
You must labor, fifthly, to understand God's truth, the law of the gospel, and you must continually set the truth before your children. And sixthly, here's, it's gonna get a little personal, you must guard against laziness. It is intriguing, in chapter 31, specifically at verse 27, she watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. You cannot be lazy and an effective mother.
Now, I certainly realize we all have our off days. We all have our days that are perhaps not as productive as other days. For the most part, we're chugging along, we're doing well, our output is high, and then we get hit with a Thursday or a Friday where it just seems like it's terrible, especially if we have that tendency to be a gloomy goss, and we don't get that stuff done. I get that.
There's an exception to every rule. But ladies, if social media is gobbling up more of your time than your little ones, there's a problem. If anything is gobbling up more of your time than your little ones, there's a problem. Child rearing takes involvement.
You've heard the adage, but we spend quality time. Kids need quantity time. Just hang out, be together. Same with husbands or fathers.
Yeah, I only spend 14 minutes a week with them, but we make it count. Take them out when you paint the fence. Take them out when you dig that hole with the spoon. Take them out.
Quantity is necessary for the task of faithfully rearing children unto God. Bring them up, Paul says, in the training and admonition of the Lord. That's not done in 14 minutes a week. In many respects, my dear sisters in Christ, when you had babies, you basically gave up your life, at least for a period of time.
Don't whine about it, don't snivel about it, don't grumble about it, don't complain. You had the desire to engage in the privilege of motherhood, exercise the responsibility to bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Don't just farm them out to devices. Don't farm them out to something else other than you.
Spend the time. They need your instruction. They need your example. They certainly need your discipline, if society is any testimony around us.
And they need your love. Certainly have quality time, but it ought to be in the context of quantity time. Spend time with your kids. I've mused with my kids because of the way that my work schedule was.
We were always together. I mean, it was a nice shift to go to work at 10 at night and come home at 7 in the morning. I mean, it wasn't nice because it takes years off your life and you're a grumpy bear every time you get out of bed. But you just, by necessity, were with your kids.
That was a blessing in God's providence. They may not have thought so, because I was a grumpy bear most of the time. But they can say, at least we had the quantity. Brothers, if you are that busy or working that much, you've got to make time for kids.
They're not going to raise themselves. Wouldn't it be nice if you just pop them out and set them on the shelf and in 18 years they were just faithful, decent human beings that went out and made money and paid their taxes? It doesn't work that way. You have to get down and dirty in the midst of it and rear them unto Jesus.
So guard, my dear sisters, against laziness. Identify those things that will chomp up your time and take you from the task at hand. And I would suggest, finally, you must continually look to the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. Parenting is not for novices.
Parenting is not for beginners. Parenting demands people that understand the truth as it is in Jesus. Those who do apply daily to the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. And those who will indeed humble themselves, not only before God, but before their children.
Parents, well, we don't want to show any weakness. No, but you want to communicate mercy. You want to communicate what it is to ask for forgiveness. You want to communicate what it is to confess sins.
You want to let them see that you are not a perfect specimen of a human being, and you stand as dependent upon the grace of God in Christ Jesus as you are pressing upon them. Be faithful, be diligent, be earnest, but above all, be close to Jesus. Well, let us pray.
Closing Prayer
Our Father in heaven, we thank you for your word. We thank you for the mothers and the grandmothers in our church. We pray that this would have been an encouragement to them, a challenge to them. I pray for them, God, that daily they would know supplies of grace from on high and strive to be faithful to their high calling.
Bless the children and the young people in this congregation. We do long to see them close with Christ at an early age. Our hearts desire that they would be brought up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Our hearts desire that they would call upon the Lord Jesus Christ for salvation.
Grant us grace in this endeavor. Grant us grace to bring up children that are pleasing in the sight of a great and holy God. Go with us now, we pray, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
We'll close with a brief time of meditation.