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Ephesians chapter 5. We'll just pick up reading in Ephesians 
5 at verse 22, and we'll read through chapter 6, verse 4. Wives, 
submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband 
is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, 
and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church 
is subject to Christ, So let the wives be to their own husbands 
in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just 
as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that 
he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water 
by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, 
not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she 
should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their 
own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own 
flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the 
church. For we are members of his body, 
of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason a man shall leave 
his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and the two 
shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but 
I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let 
each one of you, in particular, so love his wife as himself, 
and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, 
obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your 
father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, 
that it may be well with you and that you may live long on 
the earth. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children 
to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of 
the Lord. Let us pray. Father, we just pray to You now 
and ask that Your Spirit would be upon each and every one of 
us, that You would guide our thoughts and our minds as we 
investigate Holy Scripture. We just pray, God, for the forgiveness 
for all of our sins. We pray for cleansing afresh 
in the blood of the Lamb. And we pray that all that we 
do this day would be for Your glory and for Your honor and 
for Your praise. And help us with the psalms to 
bless the Lord, to call upon you, Father, and to praise and 
to worship you for your wondrous works, for your wondrous mercy, 
for your grace displayed preeminently at the cross at Calvary. How 
we thank you for the Lord Jesus Christ. How we thank you for 
the imputation of Christ's righteousness. How we thank you that you made 
Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become 
the righteousness of God in Him. We give you praise and glory 
for this wondrous gift. We ask now that you would just 
be pleased to strengthen, to encourage us, and to build us 
up in our most holy faith. We pray through Christ our Lord. 
Amen. I thought it being Father's Day 
we would take occasion to review some of the responsibilities, 
some of the particular roles and duties that men bear, men 
who have been saved by God's grace. Some of this will be repetitive 
or repeat the things that we've looked at in our Wednesday night 
Bible study. from Titus chapter 1, where it 
speaks of the elder and the qualifications that he must have. We noted there 
that it's not just the elder that should manifest faithfulness 
in these areas. All of us as men ought to be 
the husband of one wife. All of us as men ought to govern 
our children, and discipline them, and love them, and care 
for them, and rear them as unto the Lord. So it will be a bit 
of a repetition from some of that material, but I think it's 
that kind of stuff that we need to be reminded of. It's that 
kind of stuff that we need to be encouraged with and to be 
built up so that we may take seriously this particular aspect 
of our role as father. Now, we aren't fathers apart 
from being husbands. We're going to look at all of 
the domestic relationship, the husband to the wife, the wife 
to the husband, father to child, and children toward their fathers. 
That will be the bulk of our study this morning. The first 
thing that we need to see is the authority of the father. God clothes fathers with a great 
deal of authority, and of course this is grounded in, it is rooted 
in, biblical law. At Sinai, God gave ten words, 
and the fifth commandment very specifically says, honor your 
father and your mother. that your days may be long upon 
the land which the Lord your God is giving you. This is repeated 
in Deuteronomy chapter 5 verse 16, where the law is stated again 
to that generation that would enter into the promised land. That's what the word Deuteronomy 
means. It means second law, the second giving of the law on the 
plains of Moab. This is absolutely crucial for 
us to recognize that the Father bears authority. given to him 
by God Most High. We see this repeated elsewhere 
in the Old Testament. Leviticus chapter 19. Leviticus 
19.3. Every one of you shall revere 
his mother and his father and keep my Sabbaths. I am the Lord 
your God. And then throughout the book 
of Proverbs, we see the authority of the father assumed everywhere 
in the fact that children are told to obey, to give heed, to 
listen, and to truly take in the word of their father. In 
Proverbs 1.8, my son, hear the instruction of your father, and 
do not forsake the law of your mother. In Proverbs 4.1, hear, 
my children, the instruction of a father, and give attention 
to no understanding, for I give you good doctrine, do not forsake 
my law. Proverbs 19, Proverbs chapter 
19 at verse 18, chasten your son while there is hope and do 
not set your heart on his destruction. The father is clothed with authority 
in so much as he is able to discipline his son, to chasten him and to 
inflict corporal punishment and positive encouragement for their 
betterment. Proverbs 19 and verse 26, he 
who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son 
who causes shame and brings reproach. It is simply unacceptable in 
the biblical world to ever disrespect or to engage in the sorts of 
insubordination that is commonplace in society and in family today. It is absolutely unacceptable 
in God's world for a child to exert his own will or independence 
against his father or his mother. You are given very specific instruction 
to honor and to obey them. Proverbs 20 in verse 20. 20 in 
verse 20. Whoever curses his father or 
his mother, his lamp will be put out in deep darkness. Proverbs 22 in verse 15. Foolishness is bound up in the 
heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive 
it far from him. That doesn't mean there's some 
rod of correction just sort of floating out there. The idea 
is that the father as the authority has the right, has the prerogative, 
yea, has the duty by God to use that rod, to employ it, to drive 
that correction far from his child. Proverbs 23 and verse 
13, Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat 
him with a rod he will not die, you shall beat him with a rod 
and deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23, 22, Listen to your 
father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when 
she is old. And we could go on in the book 
of Proverbs to see that when Paul comes to Ephesians chapter 
6 and addresses children, he comes with the entirety of God's 
weight, the entirety of the weight of God's law to bear upon these 
children here in Ephesus. And it's very interesting for 
our purpose this morning that the Fifth Commandment is restated 
to a Gentile audience. It's not as if the Ten Commandments 
had applicability only to Israel. No, they are universal in nature. Pagan children, the people in 
Ephesus, primarily Gentiles. And yet Paul comes, assumes the 
abiding validity of the fifth commandment, and presses it upon 
the children in that local body. So God has given authority to 
fathers to carry out their role, and of course to mothers as well. If you're a child here, don't 
leave here saying, well I only have to respect my father, I 
don't have to care what my mom says. No, your father is given 
authority and the wife shares that along with him, though he 
is ultimately the head. And that brings us to the responsibility 
of the father. Notice, first of all, the husband 
to the wife. And in Ephesians 5 at verse 23, 
you need to see something here. The husband is head of the wife. There are a lot of commands in 
the Bible. what people call imperative. 
Imperative is simply another word for command. This isn't 
a command. You need to get this. Ephesians 
5.23 is not a command. It is a statement of fact. It 
is a statement of reality. He says, For the husband is head 
of the wife. This is the way God made it. This is the way God instituted 
things. He made Adam first, and then 
he made Eve to be his helpmate. Adam was given the task, the 
dominion mandate, and in that task, he was given a wife to 
help him to realize this. Much to the chagrin of feminism, 
this is why women take the man's name. She has come under his 
authority. She is now a worker with him 
to carry out his particular task and his particular role. So the 
first aspect a husband must have toward his wife is to be a leader. He must be a leader. That means 
he must be active in this. He must embrace this authority 
given by God. He can't say, well, I'm no good 
at it, so I want you to do it. He can't say, well, can we have 
a vote on this? No, it is the way it is. He's 
either good at it, or he's bad at it. But he doesn't have the 
right, or the prerogative under God, to throw that authority 
off. So a husband, first of all, to 
his wife, must lead her. Secondly, he must love his wife 
sacrificially. Notice in Ephesians 5.25, Husbands, 
love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave 
himself for her. That's what he's supposed to 
do. His leadership is not supposed to be devoid of love. It is to 
be loving, sacrificial leadership. In fact, Paul sets forth the 
standard that husbands are to love their wives just as Christ 
loved the church. This helps avoid domestic tyranny. It also helps avoid what I think 
we're prone to today, the abdication of responsibility. There's two 
abuses men make in the history of the world. We either take 
our authorities so seriously that we rule from our easy chairs 
with an iron fist. That certainly happens, and it 
happens today. But there's also a temptation 
for us to be passive, and to abdicate that authority and that 
rule, and to not engage it. You've all said it. She wears 
the pants in that family. No, I think you're not thinking 
of particular people and saying, oh yeah, in that home she wears 
the pants. But it's a common saying. What's 
it mean? Well, it's a joke. way we joke, 
but it's actually an anti-scriptural position. A woman's not supposed 
to wear the pants. The man is. He is to lead his 
family. He is not to abdicate this authority. He is not to shift it. He is 
not to look for someone else to carry the load. He's not to 
burden his wife with that ultimate position because she's not fit 
for it. God made Adam as the one to go 
for it, and he made Eve to help. That's the same way it is in 
your home, your garden of Eden, your little realm of domestic 
bliss. You are to lead your wife, and 
you are to do it the way God says, lovingly and sacrificially. The husband is to disciple his 
wife, according to Ephesians 5.26. Ephesians 5.26, that he 
might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by 
the Word. is to disciple her, is to teach 
her the Bible, is to pray with her, is to encourage her, is 
to promote her sanctification, her holiness, her growth and 
grace. She ought to grow in the grace 
and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, not in spite 
of your lead, but because of your lead. She ought to grow 
in the grace and in the knowledge of the Lord God Most High, because 
you're a helper to her. Now, she's the helper to you 
in the domestic realm, but you need to help her in terms of 
growing in the grace and knowledge of Christ. That's what Paul says. This is what Jesus does. This 
is what a godly husband does. He goes on to say the husband 
is to nourish his wife, according to Ephesians 5, 29. For no one 
ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just 
as the Lord does the church. Again, that standard is Christ. The way Christ deals with His 
church. The way He loves her. The way He nourishes. The way 
He cherishes. That is our marching order. That 
is the way we are to operate. That is the role that God has 
given us and called us to. The idea of nourish means the 
whole process leading to an attained goal. Cherishing means to show 
tender affection and love to her. I submit this is a very 
high calling. Women often get caught up in 
verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husband, 
ask to the Lord. They murmur and they complain 
and they whine. That's not fair. What does he 
mean, he's submissive to my own husband? You don't know my husband. 
You say, wow, what a hard thing to bear. What a hard cost to 
carry. Well, first of all, this is a 
way you imitate Jesus. He was submissive. He was subject 
to his own parents. So don't tell me I can't be submissive 
because he's not perfect. Jesus was submissive to Mary 
and Joseph, and they weren't perfect. Jesus was submissive 
to the Roman government, and they weren't perfect. Jesus ultimately 
was submissive to his father. So women get hung up on this. They say, oh, Paul. And a lot 
of people outside the church say, oh, Paul, what a male chauvinist 
pig. What a wretch. No, Paul was a 
liberator of women. Paul was a lover of women, not 
in a bad sense. Paul called things to operate 
according to God's revealed will. That's where blessing lies, brethren. If you're a woman that struggles 
with submission, repent. If you're a man that struggles 
with leadership, repent. All of us struggle with these 
things. We need to repent. He goes on 
to tell the wife, as we've already noted, the wife is to be submissive 
to her own husband. He said, well, how does this 
relate to fathers and their children? Huge. How do you think your children 
are going to learn how to be fathers and mothers? Because 
they read all the books you give them? Because they're diligent 
students of scripture, which I hope, and they will study Ephesians 
5, they will internalize these things, they will make conscious 
decisions to follow the Lord. Do you know how they're going 
to learn? They're going to learn by the way you and your husband 
or you and your wife deal with each other. How does this relate 
to fathers and their children? Your children are watching you, 
father, how you deal with your wife. Your children are watching 
you, mother, how you deal with your husband. And he says to 
be submissive, ask to the Lord. The word is to line oneself up 
under, to submit. Used in a military sense, a soldier 
submitting to their superior or slaves submitting to their 
masters. The word has primarily the idea 
of giving up one's own right or will to subordinate oneself. Good definition. That's what 
a wife is called to do. Notice, the wife is to be submissive 
to her own husband in everything, just as the church is to be submissive 
to Christ, Ephesians 5.24. So let the wives be to their 
own husbands in everything, subject to Him. Now, just as we go through 
this, I hope you'll see how important the gospel is. What do I mean 
by that? We fail miserably. You're not going to go to heaven, 
man, because you have lovingly, sacrificially led your wife in 
your marriage. Ladies, you're not going to go 
to heaven because you've been submissive to your own husbands 
in everything, as the church is to the Lord. We go to heaven 
because Jesus came and fulfilled the law of God. We go to heaven 
because of the active obedience of Christ in fulfilling the requirements 
of God's law, and because of his passive obedience, his offering 
up himself at the cross as a substitute and sacrifice for our sins. Whenever we come to these things, 
we ought to remember we're saved by grace through faith in Jesus. 
We're not saved based on how well we perform as husbands or 
wives. If that's the case, if that's 
the way it is, then Paul has a word in Galatians 2.21 for 
us. If righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in 
vain. Wise you are to be submissive in everything. The wife, notice, 
according to Ephesians 5.33, is to respect her own husband. Nevertheless, verse 33, let each 
one of you, in particular, so love his own wife as himself, 
and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Literally, 
see that she fears her husband. Phobetai. You've heard the word 
phobia before. Some people have a phobia of 
spiders. Some people have a phobia of 
heights. It's where we get the word, it's 
the word fear, comes from the Greek phobos. Well, that doesn't 
mean the wife is to walk around like this because her husband's 
going to slap her. We've seen this before with reference 
to fearing God. There is that right fear of God 
where we realize that He is high, holy, lofty. There is that right 
fear of God according to Matthew 10 when Jesus says, do not fear 
Him who can kill the body, but rather fear Him who kills both 
body and soul in hell. I submit, partially, the fear 
of God entails realizing that He can deal with us very severely. That fear of God as well relates 
to reverence and awe and respect for God. Paul is speaking to 
two particulars that men and women need. Men need respect. You say, well, that's not right. 
Well, that's what Paul is addressing. Men need respect. Women need 
love. Not that men don't need love 
and women don't need respect, but the primary stress of the 
passage is simply this, that in the domestic realm, those 
things that come most difficult for you, you're to work harder 
at. Husband, it is not normal for 
you to sacrificially love anyone, because you're about yourself. 
We all love ourselves. We want to promote ourselves. 
We want to spend our money and our time on ourselves. Paul says, 
no. Lovingly leave your wife and 
sacrifice for her. And the same is true of the woman. 
She doesn't want to submit. So that's Paul's instruction. Peace and mercy. She struggles 
with respecting her husband. What's Paul say? Respecting. Why? Because this honors God. This honors the Lord. This is 
how he built the structure. This is how he ordained it to 
carry out. She is to respect her husband, 
according to verse 33. The wife, according to Titus 
2.4, is to love her husband. Don't read Ephesians 5 and conclude 
as a woman, as long as I'm submissive, as long as I'm respectful, I 
don't have to love that guy. Well, Titus 2.4 says she is to 
be a lover of her husband, and a lover of her children, and 
a manager of the home, the street, and chaste, and homemakers, and 
good, and obedient to their own husbands. And what's in view 
in Titus chapter 2? That the Word of God be not blasphemed. 
When a woman doesn't carry out her role, the Word of God is 
blasphemed. And that brings us thirdly, father 
to child. Very specifically, how is a father 
to deal with his child? First off, he is not to provoke 
his children. Ephesians 6 verse 4, And you 
fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath. Do not provoke 
them. Do not exasperate them. The idea 
here is to Anger, to provoke to anger, it involves avoiding 
attitudes, words, and actions which would drive a child to 
angry, exasperation, or resentment. A man must avoid tyranny, harsh 
demands, constant nagging, and humiliation. God doesn't deal 
with us that way. In fact, God, according to James 
1.5, what is one of James' arguments for why we should seek wisdom? 
He says, for God gives to all liberally and without reproach. 
For, as the King James says, he upgreateth not. What does 
that mean, he upgreateth not? He just doesn't make fun of us. He doesn't nag us. We come and ask for wisdom, he 
doesn't say, again? I gave you ten increments of 
wisdom last week. What are you doing with me again? 
He upgreateth not. If any one of you lacks wisdom, 
let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without 
reproach. He upbraideth not. He doesn't provoke. He doesn't 
exasperate. I submit that men can also exasperate 
their children by being passive in the upbringing of his children. 
See, it's not just the positive making fun of the child, provoking 
the child, taking a stick and poking the child. It is the neglect 
of the child. The neglect of the child. I've read accounts of men in 
prison, or in a prisoner of war camps in Vietnam. They welcomed 
the beatings because it was some social interaction. Imagine that. You've been left 
alone for so long, just to see someone, even if they're beating 
you, is a good thing. Now, I'm not suggesting, then, 
that this is the role in which you commune with your child only, 
is by beating them. We're social creatures. Neglecting 
a child is going to exasperate him or provoke him. Men provoke 
to anger by not employing discipline. Proverbs 13.24, he who spares 
his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him 
promptly. Children know this. If you don't discipline them, 
if you don't put structures around them, if you don't put up parameters 
or hedges, they know you don't care. That's what Proverbs 13.24 
says. Also consider, when we neglect 
discipline, we are actually training them for insubordination. Let me just say that again, because 
I don't think we feel the weight or pressure of that. When we 
do not discipline them, we are actually training them. We are 
training them for insubordination. We are training them to be disobedient. We are training them to disregard 
authority. Why not discipline them? Men provoke to anger by disciplining 
arbitrarily. Kid does something one day, he 
gets the lot. He does something the next day, 
he gets an award. You can't be arbitrary. This is probably one 
of the most challenging aspects of rearing children, is to be 
consistent. To be consistent. Not to be tossed 
to and fro by every feeling or emotion. Men provoke to anger 
by not showing love to their children, by not saying they 
love them. God demonstrates and models for us biblical fatherhood, 
doesn't he? He not only tells us he loves 
us, God so loved the world, but he demonstrates that love in 
that he gave his only begotten son. You say, well, I was brought 
up and we never said I love you. Well, it might be time to change 
and communicate love to your children. Men provoke to anger by belittling 
their children, by teasing their children, by tyranny, harsh demands, 
constant nagging, humiliation. All of these things work against 
a proper biblical execution of fatherhood. The father is to 
bring them up in the training of the Lord. Notice in Ephesians 
6, verse 4. There's a negative and then a 
positive. You fathers, do not provoke your children to rap. 
but bring them up in the training of the Lord. The training of 
the Lord. This means to nourish or to provide 
for with tender care, and this has to do primarily with action. The actions that we engage in 
as fathers toward our children. And then he speaks about the 
Word at the end of verse 4, bring them up in the training, and 
then he says, and admonition of the Lord. The father is to 
educate, to train his child, to discipline them. This has 
to do with words. In fact, I read a lot of Proverbs, 
and a lot of them speak of the rod, but a lot of them speak 
of reproof as well. It's not just the physical means 
of corporal punishment, though that is included. It is verbal 
reproof. It is verbal instruction. It 
is verbal correction. You must use your tongue a lot 
as a father. Deuteronomy 6 is probably one 
of the best illustrations of this mindset. Deuteronomy 6, 
4. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our 
God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your 
God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your 
strength. This is the central confession 
of Jewish religion. This is what a good Jew would 
say when he woke up in the morning. It's called the Shema. Hear, 
O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. And now notice what 
he goes on to say in verse 6. And these words which I command 
you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently 
to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your 
house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you 
rise up. You shall bind them as a sign 
on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your 
eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and 
on your gates." Do you see what's in view there? Active participation. I shared 
with the Bible study on the Wednesday night some commentaries that 
I've read. One of the customs in old covenant 
Israel, or in Jewish religion, was to ask the son, or ask the 
boy, for the law of God. What are the Ten Commandments? 
He didn't get it, his father got in trouble. His father got in trouble. The rabbis would say, teach a 
man a trade, he would teach him how to steal. That's a good idea 
as well. If you could not recite the Ten 
Commandments, sure, it didn't bode well on your young self, 
but there was a bigger reason. Your father wasn't carrying out 
his responsibilities. He didn't take seriously the 
admonition. You shall teach them diligently to your children, 
and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk 
by the way, when you lie down, when you rise up. You shall bind 
them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets 
between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts 
of your house and on your gates. You shall relate everything to 
God. There is often enough to be a 
secular home, a humanistic home. You ought to teach them the worldview 
of the prophet Haggad. who saw the fact that crop failure 
was going on in Israel, not primarily as an economic crisis, not primarily 
as an agrarian failure, but as a lack of commitment to the true 
and living God. That's the worldview that Haggai 
operated in. That's the worldview that the 
biblical authors operated in. You don't say, well that's too 
bad, son, your crops failed. First and foremost, how's your 
relationship with the Lord? The New Testament does this as 
well. 1 Peter chapter 3. You don't treat your wives as 
a co-heir of the Lord, a joint heir with you of the things of 
God. What's Peter saying? Your prayers 
are going to be hindered. Oh, I'm having trouble praying 
and I just feel like my God's not hearing my prayers. How's 
your relationship with your wife, man? Well, I'm wretched to her. Should 
that surprise us that God's not answering your prayers? I mean, 
you could look at that for yourself, 1 Peter chapter 3, so you don't 
think I'm taking any liberties with the text, or misapplying 
it, or misappropriating it. 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 7, Husbands, 
likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to 
the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of 
the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. 
When you deal with your wife, it affects your vertical relationship 
with God. The same is true with our children. 
We need to teach them these things. We need to instruct them in these 
things. Yes, teach them to memorize scripture. Yes, teach them to 
understand the books of the Bible. Yes, teach them the facts of 
doctrine and those particulars. But also teach them how things 
are interrelated. Now, there really is a worldview 
that Christians ought to adopt and imbibe. Schaefer was right. 
Christians far too long think in piecemeal terms. We think 
in little compartments rather than putting the whole thing 
together. And that's why our children need us, to interpret 
things for them according to the Scripture, so that they're 
able to think God's thoughts after Him, because that's the 
goal. We're to point them to Jesus, 
the one in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 
By our actions, by our words, we are to nurture, we are to 
cherish, we are to nourish, we are to train our children, we 
are to love them. But listen to this, not but, 
even in this, we are to be first and foremost about God. Isn't it the best gift you can 
give to your children? To let him or her know that you 
love God more than them. That's not very nice. That's 
going to harm their psyche. What's Jesus saying in Matthew 
6.33? Let's seek first the kingdom 
of God and His righteousness and all other things will be 
added unto you. The parents who reject the first 
commandment, you shall have no other gods before me, can expect 
their children to reject the fifth one. The parents who do 
not submit to God should not expect their children to submit 
to them. The best instruction that we 
can give our children is to show them a life of serving God, honoring 
the Lord, seeking first His Kingdom and His Consciousness, and then 
realizing all other things will be added unto us. John Eady commenting 
on fatherly discipline of their children, he says, the paternal 
reign is not to be one of terror and stern authority, but of love. 
The rod may be employed, but in reason and moderation, and 
never for momentary impulse and anger. Children are not to be 
moved to wrath by harsh and unreasonable treatment, or by undue partiality 
and favoritism." Good balanced comment there on this passage 
in Ephesians 6.4. So the wife to the husband, the 
father to the child, and now children to the father. Notice 
in Ephesians 6.1. Children, obey your parents in 
the world. Pretty simple, isn't it? Children, obey your parents 
in the law. That's what works. That's what 
you can take home with you. What did you learn at church 
today, that I'm supposed to obey my parents in the law? Because 
this is right. That's God's word to you. Obey 
your parents. Do what they say. Don't argue 
with them. Don't back-chat them. Don't present 
reasons why what they are asking you are just not legitimate or 
consistent with who you are in this world. Obey them. Obey them. Now, I understand you have a 
sin nature. I understand that this grates 
against it. Christ is the one who gives aid. For those children who have disobeyed 
their parents and who have not come to Christ, that's the first 
order of business. Believe the gospel. Believe on 
the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved. And as you are 
believing on the Lord Jesus Christ, He supplies the spirit, He supplies 
the grace, He supplies power for you to comply with this command. 
So if you're a disobedient wretch today, don't leave here saying, 
I just need to get better. No. You just need to believe 
the gospel. We need to be aware of a Christian 
moralism that just tells our children you need to be better, 
you need to obey, you better do. That's not the gospel. The gospel 
concerns Jesus and what He has done. We are to direct children 
to the cross, to believe the gospel, in order to be saved. That's the primary responsibility, 
or the primary thing. We ought to be directing our 
children to Calvary. Children, obey. This ought to 
serve to show you your sin. See, one of the reasons God's 
law is there is so that we'll know sin. For by the law is the 
knowledge of sin. You may think you're a pretty 
good kid. You may think you're doing quite 
well. But feel the weight of this command. 
Obey your parents. Do you obey them? Really obey 
them? Do you do what they say, when 
they say? how they say and why they say. 
And let's just see what else Paul says. He says you're to 
honor your father and your mother. So it's not just to be this naked 
expression of external compliance. It is to be born out of a heart 
of honor, a heart of respect, a desire to please. That is a 
constant and repetitious thing throughout the Proverbs. Obey 
so that your father will be glad. So those two words, honor and 
obey, hopefully will expose your sin and show you the need you 
have for Jesus Christ. We're not here to tell you moralism. 
Go out and be better. No, go to the cross and be saved. Go to the Lord Jesus Christ for 
forgiveness. Go to the Lord Jesus Christ for 
cleansing in his blood. And when we get to this particular 
issue of disobedience to parents, it's huge. It's a massive thing. Romans chapter 1, where it describes 
all of the filthy conduct of heathen, includes disobedience 
to parents. Remember, though, that that is 
an effect or a result of a prior sin. The overarching concern 
of Paul in Romans chapter 1 is that they did not honor God as 
God, nor were they thankful. The overarching concern is the 
sin of idolatry. He says they've exchanged the 
glory, they've worshipped and served the creature, rather than 
the Creator, who is overall God-blessed forever. Then what does Paul 
say? Therefore, God gave them up. Disobedience to parents is 
indicative of a larger problem. It is indicative or it demonstrates 
or it shows that you have a problem with God. That's why whenever 
a young person or a child says, well, you just don't know what 
my parents are like, your problem's with God. Your problem is with 
the authority of authority. It's God. It manifests itself 
in the way you treat your parents. It manifests itself, or it evidences 
itself, in the way you treat your teachers, the way you treat 
elders as a rule. The big concern is that you're 
at enmity with them. I hope, under the Spirit of God, 
that he'll take that whole idea of being obedient and honoring, 
and if you're not, he will convict you of your sin. He will show 
you your sin. I don't want you to leave here 
today saying, well, Pastor Butler said I better be obedient and I better 
honor my father. Well, you should be obedient. 
You should honor your father. First and foremost, you should 
believe the gospel. Quite frankly, there's a lot 
of people out there that can pay lip service and engage in 
external obedience and end up in hell. You need to save. Children is 
to honor, to obey, honor, love. And a child is to embrace discipline. 
I know that's hard, hard for us as adults, because we need 
to embrace the discipline of the Lord. But the Bible says 
that our fathers and our mothers discipline us because they love 
us. They're not always perfect at 
it. They make mistakes. They are arbitrary at times. 
They're inconsistent at times. But you know what? The primary 
moving factor is love. Hebrews 12, 7. If you endure 
chastening, God deals with you as with sons. For what son is 
there whom a father does not chasten? We're just backing up 
the quotes from Proverbs 3, verse 5. You have forgotten the exhortation 
which speaks to you as sons. My son, do not despise the chastening 
of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him. 
For whom the Lord loves, He chastens and discourages every son whom 
He receives. If you endure chastening, God 
deals with you as with sons. For what son is there whom a 
father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, 
of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate, not 
sons." You see the implication? If you're not being chastened 
by the Lord, you're not a child of the Lord. It's like Proverbs 
13, verse 24. You're not being chastened by 
your father because he really doesn't love you. Again, he does not have 
an evil eye, but I love him. Well, then do what God says. 
That's the best expression of love. But notice what he goes on to 
say. Furthermore, verse 9, we have had human fathers who corrected 
us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily 
be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they 
indeed for a few days chastened us and seemed best to them that 
he for our profit. Do you see how God realizes our 
weaknesses? The context here, obviously, 
is the child of God, the Christian, responding favorably to the discipline 
of God. But as he's pressing this upon 
his audience, he appeals to that father-child relationship. And notice that God notices, 
or sees, or realizes our weaknesses, for they indeed, for a few days, 
chastened us to see best to them So the biblical author assumes 
the best, that fathers aren't trying. You know how hard it 
is to be a father of mother kids? You stiffen your neck and you 
harden your heart and you rebel against their authority when 
they're trying to discipline you, not because they've got 
some sick fascination with the whole idea, but because they 
fear God and they want the best for you. Shame on you that you 
don't embrace this. Shame on you that you don't respect 
this, that you don't receive it. Notice, he says in verse 
10, he says, but he for our profit, this is why God disciplines, 
that we may be partakers of his holiness. That's the goal. That's what drives parental discipline. We want you to be a partaker. 
We want you to be born out in godliness and in righteousness. 
And then he makes this implication in verse 11. Now, no chastening 
seems to be joyful for the present, but painful. Nevertheless, afterward, 
it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who 
have been trained by it. There is an end in sight, and 
it's the peaceable fruit of righteousness. That's the reason for this, and 
you as children need to embrace this. Instead of saying, wow, 
it's not fair. Praise God my parents take the 
Bible seriously. I sometimes think about kids 
in our church, or kids coming up in Christian homes. Do you 
ever stop to think how blessed you are? Do you ever, ever stop? And with the psalmist in Psalm 
103, you say, bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within 
me. Bless his holy name. Forget not all of his benefits. 
Do you know where you could be? Do you know who you could be 
brought up by? Do you know what kinds of people 
are in this world? You're going to get bent out 
of shape when your mother or father disciplines you because they 
want the best for you? This doesn't make sense. It's foolish. It's folly. It's 
ungodly. We see there, in all of this, 
I like to say to my brothers, Happy Father's Day. You have 
authority. But as God's Word teaches throughout, 
authority always comes with responsibility. Husband to his wife, wife to 
the husband, father to the child, children for the father. The 
father is ultimately where the God stops. That's where the God stops. Remember 
after Adam and Eve fell? Who does God address? Adam. The fall did not change God's 
order. He did not bring Eve. Oh, he 
dealt with Eve, to be sure. But he comes to Adam. Do you see what happened in the 
garden? God made man to be helped by the woman to exercise dominion 
over the beasts. Adam reversed the whole thing. The serpent called the shots. The woman obeyed. And he joined 
along in that. It was a reversal of God's order. And ever since that time, we 
are living in that reversal. We're with that reversal. We've 
got to fight dependency. We've got to fight against it. 
We've got to seek God's grace. We've got to pray. We've got 
to seek the scripture. We've got to understand what 
the Lord requires of us. so that we're not living in that 
inverted, chaotic order. The simple tendencies that are 
there for men are domestic tyranny or passive abdication. They're 
both as bad. Well, he doesn't beat his wife. 
Yeah, but he doesn't do anything. Right? Is that good? Is that 
right? Is that? No. creates an environment 
like we see in the book of Judges. What happened in the days of 
the Judges? There was no king in Israel. What? Everyone did 
what was right in their own eyes. It was a time of autonomy, self-rule, 
self-law, everyone answering to himself. Well, who's going 
to look that way and reflect the biblical pattern? We need 
to avoid, by God's grace, and by the power of the Spirit, and 
by understanding His Word, these tendencies, as men, to engage 
in domestic tyranny or passive abdication. We need to avoid 
the sins of laziness and inconsistency. Again, I'm not up here saying, 
man, just watch me. This is taught. Consistency is 
the key. being faithful to the means, 
using the means, going for the long haul, not just hearing a 
message or reading a book or listening to a sermon, and then 
for a week implementing biblical rule. All of us can do that, but it's 
that faithful perseverance over the long haul. And that takes 
great grace and great dependence upon the Holy Spirit. We need 
to understand that God ultimately is the biblical model. He provides 
for us an illustration, an example of all of these things. He doesn't 
provoke us to rap. No, when we come to Him asking 
for wisdom, He gives it to us. He doesn't upgrade us. He brings 
us up in the training of the Lord by His actions. He demonstrates, 
He shows, He reveals Himself to us in the Scriptures. And 
of course, He instructs us by His words. He has provided a 
revelation. He has provided 66 books. He has provided all things necessary, 
according to our confession, for faith and practice, the sufficient 
word of the living and true God. He has given that to us. We need 
to look to God as our example in terms of rearing our children 
as unto the Lord. And then finally, never forget 
the Gospel. I hope you say with me, praise 
God Almighty for Jesus Christ, because as I look at this list, 
I have failed in everything here. Every single thing, as a husband, 
to my wife, my wife, to me, my father, my children, my children, 
all of us, all of us have fallen short of 
the glory of God. All of us who sin. How does Isaiah 
the prophet put it in chapter 15, all we like sheep. It's as we look to Christ we 
receive forgiveness. It's as we look to the Gospel, 
we believe His truth, we receive that perfect righteousness. We 
are clothed in the pure garments that Christ has secured for Calvary. So take value. Look to the Lord. Look to Christ. Praise God Almighty 
for Jesus, because He has paid the debt, and He is secure and 
salvage. Let us pray. Father, we thank 
You for the Holy Scriptures, and we pray that You would help 
each of us to reflect upon these truths, help us to meditate upon 
these things. And God, I pray that You would 
fill each one of us now with Your Holy Spirit, and go with 
us and grant us peace and grace, and help us, God, to love You, 
help us to always be looking to Christ in faith. And we pray 
in Jesus' name, Amen.