A Word for Fathers

Jim Butler · 2009-06-21 · Ephesians 6:1–4 · 7,719 words · 52 min

Summary

Expository

God clothes fathers with divinely ordained authority over wife and children, and that authority carries the inseparable responsibility to lead sacrificially, disciple, nourish, and discipline without provoking to wrath — all grounded in and dependent upon the gospel of Christ's imputed righteousness.

Ephesians 6:1–4 addresses fathers and the entire domestic order within which fatherhood functions — husbands as servant-leaders of their wives, wives submitting and rendering respect, and children obeying and honoring their parents. The sermon argues that God invests fathers with real, God-given authority, and that this authority carries commensurate responsibility: to lead sacrificially, to disciple, to nourish, and to discipline without provoking to wrath. Throughout, the gospel grounds the whole: no husband, wife, or child meets these standards perfectly, and the righteousness required is found only in Christ's active and passive obedience imputed to the believer by faith.

Key quotes

The parents who reject the first commandment, you shall have no other gods before me, can expect their children to reject the fifth one. The parents who do not submit to God should not expect their children to submit to them.

When we do not discipline them, we are actually training them. We are training them for insubordination. We are training them to be disobedient. We are training them to disregard authority.

All of us have fallen short of the glory of God. It's as we look to Christ we receive forgiveness. It's as we look to the Gospel, we believe His truth, we receive that perfect righteousness. We are clothed in the pure garments that Christ has secured for Calvary.

Applications

Husbands, embrace the authority God has given you and lead your wife sacrificially and lovingly — do not abdicate this responsibility or shift it to her.
Disciple your wife: pray with her, teach her the Scriptures, and actively promote her growth in grace and knowledge of Christ.
Fathers, do not provoke your children through tyranny, neglect, arbitrary discipline, or failure to express love — be consistent and gentle, as God is toward us.
Teach your children the whole worldview of Scripture diligently: when you sit, walk, lie down, and rise up — so that they learn to think God's thoughts after Him in every area of life.
Children, do not settle for mere external compliance — obey and honor your parents from the heart, and if you find you cannot, go first to the cross and believe the gospel, for Christ supplies the grace to obey.

Questions this sermon answers

Does Ephesians 5 teach that husbands have authority over their wives?

Yes — the sermon treats Ephesians 5:23 not as a command but as a statement of created reality: the husband is head of the wife just as Christ is head of the church, grounded in Adam being made first and Eve as his helper.

How should a father discipline his children without provoking them to anger?

The sermon draws from Ephesians 6:4 and Proverbs to argue that fathers must avoid tyranny, arbitrary discipline, neglect, and humiliation, and instead combine consistent corporal discipline with verbal instruction and expressed love.

What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband?

The speaker defines submission as lining oneself up under another's authority — subordinating one's own will — modeled on Christ's own submission to His Father and to governing authorities, not as coerced compliance but as a God-honoring act.

How does the gospel relate to family duties like husbanding and fathering?

The sermon insists that no one earns salvation by performing these roles well; justification rests on Christ's active obedience in fulfilling the law and His passive obedience at the cross, received by faith alone.

Why is disobedience to parents treated so seriously in Scripture?

The sermon argues that disobedience to parents, as catalogued in Romans 1, is symptomatic of a deeper problem — failure to honor God — so a child's rebellion against parental authority ultimately reflects enmity against God Himself.

Ephesians chapter 5. We'll just pick up reading in Ephesians 5 at verse 22, and we'll read through chapter 6, verse 4. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body.

Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, So let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Nevertheless, let each one of you, in particular, so love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Let us pray.

Opening Prayer

Father, we just pray to You now and ask that Your Spirit would be upon each and every one of us, that You would guide our thoughts and our minds as we investigate Holy Scripture. We just pray, God, for the forgiveness for all of our sins. We pray for cleansing afresh in the blood of the Lamb. And we pray that all that we do this day would be for Your glory and for Your honor and for Your praise.

And help us with the psalms to bless the Lord, to call upon you, Father, and to praise and to worship you for your wondrous works, for your wondrous mercy, for your grace displayed preeminently at the cross at Calvary. How we thank you for the Lord Jesus Christ. How we thank you for the imputation of Christ's righteousness. How we thank you that you made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

We give you praise and glory for this wondrous gift. We ask now that you would just be pleased to strengthen, to encourage us, and to build us up in our most holy faith. We pray through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Introduction

I thought it being Father's Day we would take occasion to review some of the responsibilities, some of the particular roles and duties that men bear, men who have been saved by God's grace. Some of this will be repetitive or repeat the things that we've looked at in our Wednesday night Bible study. from Titus chapter 1, where it speaks of the elder and the qualifications that he must have. We noted there that it's not just the elder that should manifest faithfulness in these areas. All of us as men ought to be the husband of one wife.

All of us as men ought to govern our children, and discipline them, and love them, and care for them, and rear them as unto the Lord. So it will be a bit of a repetition from some of that material, but I think it's that kind of stuff that we need to be reminded of. It's that kind of stuff that we need to be encouraged with and to be built up so that we may take seriously this particular aspect of our role as father. Now, we aren't fathers apart from being husbands.

We're going to look at all of the domestic relationship, the husband to the wife, the wife to the husband, father to child, and children toward their fathers. That will be the bulk of our study this morning.

The Authority of the Father

The first thing that we need to see is the authority of the father. God clothes fathers with a great deal of authority, and of course this is grounded in, it is rooted in, biblical law. At Sinai, God gave ten words, and the fifth commandment very specifically says, honor your father and your mother. that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. This is repeated in Deuteronomy chapter 5 verse 16, where the law is stated again to that generation that would enter into the promised land.

That's what the word Deuteronomy means. It means second law, the second giving of the law on the plains of Moab. This is absolutely crucial for us to recognize that the Father bears authority. given to him by God Most High. We see this repeated elsewhere in the Old Testament.

Leviticus chapter 19. Leviticus 19.3. Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father and keep my Sabbaths. I am the Lord your God.

And then throughout the book of Proverbs, we see the authority of the father assumed everywhere in the fact that children are told to obey, to give heed, to listen, and to truly take in the word of their father. In Proverbs 1.8, my son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother. In Proverbs 4.1, hear, my children, the instruction of a father, and give attention to no understanding, for I give you good doctrine, do not forsake my law. Proverbs 19, Proverbs chapter 19 at verse 18, chasten your son while there is hope and do not set your heart on his destruction.

The father is clothed with authority in so much as he is able to discipline his son, to chasten him and to inflict corporal punishment and positive encouragement for their betterment. Proverbs 19 and verse 26, he who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach. It is simply unacceptable in the biblical world to ever disrespect or to engage in the sorts of insubordination that is commonplace in society and in family today. It is absolutely unacceptable in God's world for a child to exert his own will or independence against his father or his mother.

You are given very specific instruction to honor and to obey them. Proverbs 20 in verse 20. 20 in verse 20. Whoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in deep darkness. Proverbs 22 in verse 15.

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive it far from him. That doesn't mean there's some rod of correction just sort of floating out there. The idea is that the father as the authority has the right, has the prerogative, yea, has the duty by God to use that rod, to employ it, to drive that correction far from his child.

Proverbs 23 and verse 13, Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod he will not die, you shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23, 22, Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old. And we could go on in the book of Proverbs to see that when Paul comes to Ephesians chapter 6 and addresses children, he comes with the entirety of God's weight, the entirety of the weight of God's law to bear upon these children here in Ephesus. And it's very interesting for our purpose this morning that the Fifth Commandment is restated to a Gentile audience.

It's not as if the Ten Commandments had applicability only to Israel. No, they are universal in nature. Pagan children, the people in Ephesus, primarily Gentiles. And yet Paul comes, assumes the abiding validity of the fifth commandment, and presses it upon the children in that local body.

So God has given authority to fathers to carry out their role, and of course to mothers as well. If you're a child here, don't leave here saying, well I only have to respect my father, I don't have to care what my mom says. No, your father is given authority and the wife shares that along with him, though he is ultimately the head.

The Responsibility of the Father

And that brings us to the responsibility of the father.

Husband to Wife: Lead and Love

Notice, first of all, the husband to the wife. And in Ephesians 5 at verse 23, you need to see something here. The husband is head of the wife. There are a lot of commands in the Bible. what people call imperative.

Imperative is simply another word for command. This isn't a command. You need to get this. Ephesians 5.23 is not a command.

It is a statement of fact. It is a statement of reality. He says, For the husband is head of the wife. This is the way God made it.

This is the way God instituted things. He made Adam first, and then he made Eve to be his helpmate. Adam was given the task, the dominion mandate, and in that task, he was given a wife to help him to realize this. Much to the chagrin of feminism, this is why women take the man's name.

She has come under his authority. She is now a worker with him to carry out his particular task and his particular role. So the first aspect a husband must have toward his wife is to be a leader. He must be a leader.

That means he must be active in this. He must embrace this authority given by God. He can't say, well, I'm no good at it, so I want you to do it. He can't say, well, can we have a vote on this?

No, it is the way it is. He's either good at it, or he's bad at it. But he doesn't have the right, or the prerogative under God, to throw that authority off. So a husband, first of all, to his wife, must lead her.

Sacrificial Love and Discipleship

Secondly, he must love his wife sacrificially. Notice in Ephesians 5.25, Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. That's what he's supposed to do. His leadership is not supposed to be devoid of love.

It is to be loving, sacrificial leadership. In fact, Paul sets forth the standard that husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church. This helps avoid domestic tyranny. It also helps avoid what I think we're prone to today, the abdication of responsibility.

There's two abuses men make in the history of the world. We either take our authorities so seriously that we rule from our easy chairs with an iron fist. That certainly happens, and it happens today. But there's also a temptation for us to be passive, and to abdicate that authority and that rule, and to not engage it.

You've all said it. She wears the pants in that family. No, I think you're not thinking of particular people and saying, oh yeah, in that home she wears the pants. But it's a common saying.

What's it mean? Well, it's a joke. way we joke, but it's actually an anti-scriptural position. A woman's not supposed to wear the pants. The man is.

He is to lead his family. He is not to abdicate this authority. He is not to shift it. He is not to look for someone else to carry the load.

He's not to burden his wife with that ultimate position because she's not fit for it. God made Adam as the one to go for it, and he made Eve to help. That's the same way it is in your home, your garden of Eden, your little realm of domestic bliss. You are to lead your wife, and you are to do it the way God says, lovingly and sacrificially.

The husband is to disciple his wife, according to Ephesians 5.26. Ephesians 5.26, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word. is to disciple her, is to teach her the Bible, is to pray with her, is to encourage her, is to promote her sanctification, her holiness, her growth and grace. She ought to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, not in spite of your lead, but because of your lead. She ought to grow in the grace and in the knowledge of the Lord God Most High, because you're a helper to her.

Now, she's the helper to you in the domestic realm, but you need to help her in terms of growing in the grace and knowledge of Christ. That's what Paul says. This is what Jesus does. This is what a godly husband does.

He goes on to say the husband is to nourish his wife, according to Ephesians 5, 29. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. Again, that standard is Christ. The way Christ deals with His church.

The way He loves her. The way He nourishes. The way He cherishes. That is our marching order.

That is the way we are to operate. That is the role that God has given us and called us to. The idea of nourish means the whole process leading to an attained goal. Cherishing means to show tender affection and love to her.

I submit this is a very high calling. Women often get caught up in verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husband, ask to the Lord. They murmur and they complain and they whine.

That's not fair. What does he mean, he's submissive to my own husband? You don't know my husband. You say, wow, what a hard thing to bear.

What a hard cost to carry. Well, first of all, this is a way you imitate Jesus. He was submissive. He was subject to his own parents.

So don't tell me I can't be submissive because he's not perfect. Jesus was submissive to Mary and Joseph, and they weren't perfect. Jesus was submissive to the Roman government, and they weren't perfect. Jesus ultimately was submissive to his father.

So women get hung up on this. They say, oh, Paul. And a lot of people outside the church say, oh, Paul, what a male chauvinist pig. What a wretch.

No, Paul was a liberator of women. Paul was a lover of women, not in a bad sense. Paul called things to operate according to God's revealed will. That's where blessing lies, brethren.

If you're a woman that struggles with submission, repent. If you're a man that struggles with leadership, repent. All of us struggle with these things. We need to repent.

He goes on to tell the wife, as we've already noted, the wife is to be submissive to her own husband. He said, well, how does this relate to fathers and their children? Huge. How do you think your children are going to learn how to be fathers and mothers?

Because they read all the books you give them? Because they're diligent students of scripture, which I hope, and they will study Ephesians 5, they will internalize these things, they will make conscious decisions to follow the Lord. Do you know how they're going to learn? They're going to learn by the way you and your husband or you and your wife deal with each other.

How does this relate to fathers and their children? Your children are watching you, father, how you deal with your wife. Your children are watching you, mother, how you deal with your husband. And he says to be submissive, ask to the Lord.

The word is to line oneself up under, to submit. Used in a military sense, a soldier submitting to their superior or slaves submitting to their masters. The word has primarily the idea of giving up one's own right or will to subordinate oneself. Good definition.

That's what a wife is called to do. Notice, the wife is to be submissive to her own husband in everything, just as the church is to be submissive to Christ, Ephesians 5.24. So let the wives be to their own husbands in everything, subject to Him. Now, just as we go through this, I hope you'll see how important the gospel is.

What do I mean by that? We fail miserably. You're not going to go to heaven, man, because you have lovingly, sacrificially led your wife in your marriage. Ladies, you're not going to go to heaven because you've been submissive to your own husbands in everything, as the church is to the Lord.

We go to heaven because Jesus came and fulfilled the law of God. We go to heaven because of the active obedience of Christ in fulfilling the requirements of God's law, and because of his passive obedience, his offering up himself at the cross as a substitute and sacrifice for our sins. Whenever we come to these things, we ought to remember we're saved by grace through faith in Jesus. We're not saved based on how well we perform as husbands or wives.

If that's the case, if that's the way it is, then Paul has a word in Galatians 2.21 for us. If righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain. Wise you are to be submissive in everything. The wife, notice, according to Ephesians 5.33, is to respect her own husband.

Nevertheless, verse 33, let each one of you, in particular, so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Literally, see that she fears her husband. Phobetai. You've heard the word phobia before.

Some people have a phobia of spiders. Some people have a phobia of heights. It's where we get the word, it's the word fear, comes from the Greek phobos. Well, that doesn't mean the wife is to walk around like this because her husband's going to slap her.

We've seen this before with reference to fearing God. There is that right fear of God where we realize that He is high, holy, lofty. There is that right fear of God according to Matthew 10 when Jesus says, do not fear Him who can kill the body, but rather fear Him who kills both body and soul in hell. I submit, partially, the fear of God entails realizing that He can deal with us very severely.

That fear of God as well relates to reverence and awe and respect for God. Paul is speaking to two particulars that men and women need. Men need respect. You say, well, that's not right.

Well, that's what Paul is addressing. Men need respect. Women need love. Not that men don't need love and women don't need respect, but the primary stress of the passage is simply this, that in the domestic realm, those things that come most difficult for you, you're to work harder at.

Husband, it is not normal for you to sacrificially love anyone, because you're about yourself. We all love ourselves. We want to promote ourselves. We want to spend our money and our time on ourselves.

Paul says, no. Lovingly leave your wife and sacrifice for her. And the same is true of the woman. She doesn't want to submit.

So that's Paul's instruction. Peace and mercy. She struggles with respecting her husband. What's Paul say?

Respecting. Why? Because this honors God. This honors the Lord.

This is how he built the structure. This is how he ordained it to carry out. She is to respect her husband, according to verse 33. The wife, according to Titus 2.4, is to love her husband.

Don't read Ephesians 5 and conclude as a woman, as long as I'm submissive, as long as I'm respectful, I don't have to love that guy. Well, Titus 2.4 says she is to be a lover of her husband, and a lover of her children, and a manager of the home, the street, and chaste, and homemakers, and good, and obedient to their own husbands. And what's in view in Titus chapter 2? That the Word of God be not blasphemed.

When a woman doesn't carry out her role, the Word of God is blasphemed.

Father to Child

And that brings us thirdly, father to child. Very specifically, how is a father to deal with his child? First off, he is not to provoke his children. Ephesians 6 verse 4, And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath.

Do not provoke them. Do not exasperate them. The idea here is to Anger, to provoke to anger, it involves avoiding attitudes, words, and actions which would drive a child to angry, exasperation, or resentment. A man must avoid tyranny, harsh demands, constant nagging, and humiliation.

God doesn't deal with us that way. In fact, God, according to James 1.5, what is one of James' arguments for why we should seek wisdom? He says, for God gives to all liberally and without reproach. For, as the King James says, he upgreateth not.

What does that mean, he upgreateth not? He just doesn't make fun of us. He doesn't nag us. We come and ask for wisdom, he doesn't say, again?

I gave you ten increments of wisdom last week. What are you doing with me again? He upgreateth not. If any one of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach.

He upbraideth not. He doesn't provoke. He doesn't exasperate. I submit that men can also exasperate their children by being passive in the upbringing of his children.

See, it's not just the positive making fun of the child, provoking the child, taking a stick and poking the child. It is the neglect of the child. The neglect of the child. I've read accounts of men in prison, or in a prisoner of war camps in Vietnam.

They welcomed the beatings because it was some social interaction. Imagine that. You've been left alone for so long, just to see someone, even if they're beating you, is a good thing. Now, I'm not suggesting, then, that this is the role in which you commune with your child only, is by beating them.

We're social creatures. Neglecting a child is going to exasperate him or provoke him. Men provoke to anger by not employing discipline. Proverbs 13.24, he who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

Children know this. If you don't discipline them, if you don't put structures around them, if you don't put up parameters or hedges, they know you don't care. That's what Proverbs 13.24 says. Also consider, when we neglect discipline, we are actually training them for insubordination.

Let me just say that again, because I don't think we feel the weight or pressure of that. When we do not discipline them, we are actually training them. We are training them for insubordination. We are training them to be disobedient.

We are training them to disregard authority. Why not discipline them? Men provoke to anger by disciplining arbitrarily. Kid does something one day, he gets the lot.

He does something the next day, he gets an award. You can't be arbitrary. This is probably one of the most challenging aspects of rearing children, is to be consistent. To be consistent.

Not to be tossed to and fro by every feeling or emotion. Men provoke to anger by not showing love to their children, by not saying they love them. God demonstrates and models for us biblical fatherhood, doesn't he? He not only tells us he loves us, God so loved the world, but he demonstrates that love in that he gave his only begotten son.

You say, well, I was brought up and we never said I love you. Well, it might be time to change and communicate love to your children. Men provoke to anger by belittling their children, by teasing their children, by tyranny, harsh demands, constant nagging, humiliation. All of these things work against a proper biblical execution of fatherhood.

Training and Admonition

The father is to bring them up in the training of the Lord. Notice in Ephesians 6, verse 4. There's a negative and then a positive. You fathers, do not provoke your children to rap. but bring them up in the training of the Lord.

The training of the Lord. This means to nourish or to provide for with tender care, and this has to do primarily with action. The actions that we engage in as fathers toward our children. And then he speaks about the Word at the end of verse 4, bring them up in the training, and then he says, and admonition of the Lord.

The father is to educate, to train his child, to discipline them. This has to do with words. In fact, I read a lot of Proverbs, and a lot of them speak of the rod, but a lot of them speak of reproof as well. It's not just the physical means of corporal punishment, though that is included.

It is verbal reproof. It is verbal instruction. It is verbal correction. You must use your tongue a lot as a father.

Teaching God's Word in the Home

Deuteronomy 6 is probably one of the best illustrations of this mindset. Deuteronomy 6, 4. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

This is the central confession of Jewish religion. This is what a good Jew would say when he woke up in the morning. It's called the Shema. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.

And now notice what he goes on to say in verse 6. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." Do you see what's in view there? Active participation. I shared with the Bible study on the Wednesday night some commentaries that I've read. One of the customs in old covenant Israel, or in Jewish religion, was to ask the son, or ask the boy, for the law of God.

What are the Ten Commandments? He didn't get it, his father got in trouble. His father got in trouble. The rabbis would say, teach a man a trade, he would teach him how to steal.

That's a good idea as well. If you could not recite the Ten Commandments, sure, it didn't bode well on your young self, but there was a bigger reason. Your father wasn't carrying out his responsibilities. He didn't take seriously the admonition.

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. You shall relate everything to God.

There is often enough to be a secular home, a humanistic home. You ought to teach them the worldview of the prophet Haggad. who saw the fact that crop failure was going on in Israel, not primarily as an economic crisis, not primarily as an agrarian failure, but as a lack of commitment to the true and living God. That's the worldview that Haggai operated in. That's the worldview that the biblical authors operated in.

You don't say, well that's too bad, son, your crops failed. First and foremost, how's your relationship with the Lord? The New Testament does this as well. 1 Peter chapter 3. You don't treat your wives as a co-heir of the Lord, a joint heir with you of the things of God.

What's Peter saying? Your prayers are going to be hindered. Oh, I'm having trouble praying and I just feel like my God's not hearing my prayers. How's your relationship with your wife, man?

Well, I'm wretched to her. Should that surprise us that God's not answering your prayers? I mean, you could look at that for yourself, 1 Peter chapter 3, so you don't think I'm taking any liberties with the text, or misapplying it, or misappropriating it. 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 7, Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. When you deal with your wife, it affects your vertical relationship with God.

The same is true with our children. We need to teach them these things. We need to instruct them in these things. Yes, teach them to memorize scripture.

Yes, teach them to understand the books of the Bible. Yes, teach them the facts of doctrine and those particulars. But also teach them how things are interrelated. Now, there really is a worldview that Christians ought to adopt and imbibe.

Schaefer was right. Christians far too long think in piecemeal terms. We think in little compartments rather than putting the whole thing together. And that's why our children need us, to interpret things for them according to the Scripture, so that they're able to think God's thoughts after Him, because that's the goal.

We're to point them to Jesus, the one in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. By our actions, by our words, we are to nurture, we are to cherish, we are to nourish, we are to train our children, we are to love them. But listen to this, not but, even in this, we are to be first and foremost about God. Isn't it the best gift you can give to your children?

To let him or her know that you love God more than them. That's not very nice. That's going to harm their psyche. What's Jesus saying in Matthew 6.33?

Let's seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all other things will be added unto you. The parents who reject the first commandment, you shall have no other gods before me, can expect their children to reject the fifth one. The parents who do not submit to God should not expect their children to submit to them. The best instruction that we can give our children is to show them a life of serving God, honoring the Lord, seeking first His Kingdom and His Consciousness, and then realizing all other things will be added unto us.

John Eady commenting on fatherly discipline of their children, he says, the paternal reign is not to be one of terror and stern authority, but of love. The rod may be employed, but in reason and moderation, and never for momentary impulse and anger. Children are not to be moved to wrath by harsh and unreasonable treatment, or by undue partiality and favoritism." Good balanced comment there on this passage in Ephesians 6.4.

Children to the Father

So the wife to the husband, the father to the child, and now children to the father. Notice in Ephesians 6.1. Children, obey your parents in the world. Pretty simple, isn't it?

Children, obey your parents in the law. That's what works. That's what you can take home with you. What did you learn at church today, that I'm supposed to obey my parents in the law?

Because this is right. That's God's word to you. Obey your parents. Do what they say.

Don't argue with them. Don't back-chat them. Don't present reasons why what they are asking you are just not legitimate or consistent with who you are in this world. Obey them.

Obey them. Now, I understand you have a sin nature. I understand that this grates against it. Christ is the one who gives aid.

For those children who have disobeyed their parents and who have not come to Christ, that's the first order of business. Believe the gospel. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved. And as you are believing on the Lord Jesus Christ, He supplies the spirit, He supplies the grace, He supplies power for you to comply with this command.

So if you're a disobedient wretch today, don't leave here saying, I just need to get better. No. You just need to believe the gospel. We need to be aware of a Christian moralism that just tells our children you need to be better, you need to obey, you better do.

That's not the gospel. The gospel concerns Jesus and what He has done. We are to direct children to the cross, to believe the gospel, in order to be saved. That's the primary responsibility, or the primary thing.

We ought to be directing our children to Calvary.

Obedience, Sin, and the Gospel

Children, obey. This ought to serve to show you your sin. See, one of the reasons God's law is there is so that we'll know sin. For by the law is the knowledge of sin.

You may think you're a pretty good kid. You may think you're doing quite well. But feel the weight of this command. Obey your parents.

Do you obey them? Really obey them? Do you do what they say, when they say? how they say and why they say. And let's just see what else Paul says.

He says you're to honor your father and your mother. So it's not just to be this naked expression of external compliance. It is to be born out of a heart of honor, a heart of respect, a desire to please. That is a constant and repetitious thing throughout the Proverbs.

Obey so that your father will be glad. So those two words, honor and obey, hopefully will expose your sin and show you the need you have for Jesus Christ. We're not here to tell you moralism. Go out and be better.

No, go to the cross and be saved. Go to the Lord Jesus Christ for forgiveness. Go to the Lord Jesus Christ for cleansing in his blood. And when we get to this particular issue of disobedience to parents, it's huge.

It's a massive thing. Romans chapter 1, where it describes all of the filthy conduct of heathen, includes disobedience to parents. Remember, though, that that is an effect or a result of a prior sin. The overarching concern of Paul in Romans chapter 1 is that they did not honor God as God, nor were they thankful.

The overarching concern is the sin of idolatry. He says they've exchanged the glory, they've worshipped and served the creature, rather than the Creator, who is overall God-blessed forever. Then what does Paul say? Therefore, God gave them up.

Disobedience to parents is indicative of a larger problem. It is indicative or it demonstrates or it shows that you have a problem with God. That's why whenever a young person or a child says, well, you just don't know what my parents are like, your problem's with God. Your problem is with the authority of authority.

It's God. It manifests itself in the way you treat your parents. It manifests itself, or it evidences itself, in the way you treat your teachers, the way you treat elders as a rule. The big concern is that you're at enmity with them.

I hope, under the Spirit of God, that he'll take that whole idea of being obedient and honoring, and if you're not, he will convict you of your sin. He will show you your sin. I don't want you to leave here today saying, well, Pastor Butler said I better be obedient and I better honor my father. Well, you should be obedient.

You should honor your father. First and foremost, you should believe the gospel. Quite frankly, there's a lot of people out there that can pay lip service and engage in external obedience and end up in hell. You need to save.

Children is to honor, to obey, honor, love. And a child is to embrace discipline. I know that's hard, hard for us as adults, because we need to embrace the discipline of the Lord. But the Bible says that our fathers and our mothers discipline us because they love us.

They're not always perfect at it. They make mistakes. They are arbitrary at times. They're inconsistent at times.

But you know what? The primary moving factor is love. Hebrews 12, 7. If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons.

For what son is there whom a father does not chasten? We're just backing up the quotes from Proverbs 3, verse 5. You have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons. My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him.

For whom the Lord loves, He chastens and discourages every son whom He receives. If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons. For what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate, not sons." You see the implication?

If you're not being chastened by the Lord, you're not a child of the Lord. It's like Proverbs 13, verse 24. You're not being chastened by your father because he really doesn't love you. Again, he does not have an evil eye, but I love him.

Well, then do what God says. That's the best expression of love. But notice what he goes on to say. Furthermore, verse 9, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect.

Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us and seemed best to them that he for our profit. Do you see how God realizes our weaknesses? The context here, obviously, is the child of God, the Christian, responding favorably to the discipline of God.

But as he's pressing this upon his audience, he appeals to that father-child relationship. And notice that God notices, or sees, or realizes our weaknesses, for they indeed, for a few days, chastened us to see best to them So the biblical author assumes the best, that fathers aren't trying. You know how hard it is to be a father of mother kids? You stiffen your neck and you harden your heart and you rebel against their authority when they're trying to discipline you, not because they've got some sick fascination with the whole idea, but because they fear God and they want the best for you.

Shame on you that you don't embrace this. Shame on you that you don't respect this, that you don't receive it. Notice, he says in verse 10, he says, but he for our profit, this is why God disciplines, that we may be partakers of his holiness. That's the goal.

That's what drives parental discipline. We want you to be a partaker. We want you to be born out in godliness and in righteousness. And then he makes this implication in verse 11.

Now, no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful. Nevertheless, afterward, it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. There is an end in sight, and it's the peaceable fruit of righteousness. That's the reason for this, and you as children need to embrace this.

Instead of saying, wow, it's not fair. Praise God my parents take the Bible seriously. I sometimes think about kids in our church, or kids coming up in Christian homes. Do you ever stop to think how blessed you are?

Do you ever, ever stop? And with the psalmist in Psalm 103, you say, bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me. Bless his holy name. Forget not all of his benefits.

Do you know where you could be? Do you know who you could be brought up by? Do you know what kinds of people are in this world? You're going to get bent out of shape when your mother or father disciplines you because they want the best for you?

This doesn't make sense. It's foolish. It's folly. It's ungodly.

We see there, in all of this, I like to say to my brothers, Happy Father's Day. You have authority. But as God's Word teaches throughout, authority always comes with responsibility. Husband to his wife, wife to the husband, father to the child, children for the father.

The father is ultimately where the God stops. That's where the God stops. Remember after Adam and Eve fell? Who does God address?

Adam. The fall did not change God's order. He did not bring Eve. Oh, he dealt with Eve, to be sure.

But he comes to Adam. Do you see what happened in the garden? God made man to be helped by the woman to exercise dominion over the beasts. Adam reversed the whole thing.

The serpent called the shots. The woman obeyed. And he joined along in that. It was a reversal of God's order.

And ever since that time, we are living in that reversal. We're with that reversal. We've got to fight dependency. We've got to fight against it.

We've got to seek God's grace. We've got to pray. We've got to seek the scripture. We've got to understand what the Lord requires of us. so that we're not living in that inverted, chaotic order.

The simple tendencies that are there for men are domestic tyranny or passive abdication. They're both as bad. Well, he doesn't beat his wife. Yeah, but he doesn't do anything.

Right? Is that good? Is that right? Is that?

No. creates an environment like we see in the book of Judges. What happened in the days of the Judges? There was no king in Israel. What?

Everyone did what was right in their own eyes. It was a time of autonomy, self-rule, self-law, everyone answering to himself. Well, who's going to look that way and reflect the biblical pattern? We need to avoid, by God's grace, and by the power of the Spirit, and by understanding His Word, these tendencies, as men, to engage in domestic tyranny or passive abdication.

We need to avoid the sins of laziness and inconsistency. Again, I'm not up here saying, man, just watch me. This is taught. Consistency is the key. being faithful to the means, using the means, going for the long haul, not just hearing a message or reading a book or listening to a sermon, and then for a week implementing biblical rule.

All of us can do that, but it's that faithful perseverance over the long haul. And that takes great grace and great dependence upon the Holy Spirit. We need to understand that God ultimately is the biblical model. He provides for us an illustration, an example of all of these things.

He doesn't provoke us to rap. No, when we come to Him asking for wisdom, He gives it to us. He doesn't upgrade us. He brings us up in the training of the Lord by His actions.

He demonstrates, He shows, He reveals Himself to us in the Scriptures. And of course, He instructs us by His words. He has provided a revelation. He has provided 66 books.

He has provided all things necessary, according to our confession, for faith and practice, the sufficient word of the living and true God. He has given that to us. We need to look to God as our example in terms of rearing our children as unto the Lord.

Application: Never Forget the Gospel

And then finally, never forget the Gospel. I hope you say with me, praise God Almighty for Jesus Christ, because as I look at this list, I have failed in everything here. Every single thing, as a husband, to my wife, my wife, to me, my father, my children, my children, all of us, all of us have fallen short of the glory of God. All of us who sin.

How does Isaiah the prophet put it in chapter 15, all we like sheep. It's as we look to Christ we receive forgiveness. It's as we look to the Gospel, we believe His truth, we receive that perfect righteousness. We are clothed in the pure garments that Christ has secured for Calvary.

So take value. Look to the Lord. Look to Christ. Praise God Almighty for Jesus, because He has paid the debt, and He is secure and salvage.