May I turn in your Bibles to Colossians chapter 3 as we continue to survey what Paul says concerning new men, new women in Christ Jesus. Remember the specific admonition or command in verses 1 and 2. In chapter 3, if then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above where Christ is sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things of the earth.
And as the blood-bought children of God, those redeemed by sovereign grace through faith in Christ Jesus, we focus upon the Lord. We think upon Jesus Christ. Our minds are driven to Him. Our minds are rooted upon Him.
And as we do so, we are better fit and enabled to live life. in this present world. Orthodoxy, having sound doctrine, must lead to orthopaxy, living in a consistent manner. So, he says, to set our mind on things above, and then he highlights the necessity for us to put off sin. Chapter 3, verses 5 to 11, he deals specifically with the sins of the flesh and the sins of the tongue.
New men in Christ Jesus aren't those given to sexual immorality. New men in Christ Jesus aren't those given to speaking ill with their mouths. New men in Christ Jesus put off vice. They put off sin.
They take seriously the admonition of Romans 13 to put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh to fulfill its lust. So not only will we put off vice, we will put on virtue. That's what he indicates in chapter 3, beginning in verse 12. Those virtues that ought to characterize the people of God.
Tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering, bearing with one another, forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. We are to put on the bond of love, that primary obligation. that supreme duty of the people of God. Above all, he says, these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And then as we do so, we're fit for corporate interaction.
In other words, our church life is affected by the reality that in Christ Jesus, we are new men. We are to let the peace of God rule in our hearts, verse 15, to which also you were called, in one body. We're to let the word of Christ dwell in us richly. We're to teach and admonish others.
We're to sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. We are to do whatever we do, in word or deed, all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. So as we focus upon the things of the Lord, as individuals, we are putting to death sin, we are putting on righteousness. As the body of Christ, as the church corporate, we are conducting ourselves toward one another in a manner consistent with new men in Christ Jesus.
But it doesn't just stop at the church, we also see how when we have been saved, It has effect upon our home life, upon the domestic sphere. Last week we considered the marriage relationship, husbands and wives. This morning we're going to take up the parent-child relationship, verses 20 and 21. So the new man, the new woman in Christ Jesus ought to live as such within the domestic sphere.
Our homes ought to be characterized by Christian ethic. Our homes ought to be characterized in a manner that is consistent with God's holy will. So I'll just pick up reading in verse 18. We'll read the chapter 4, verse 6.
Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye service as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, hearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men. knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of your inheritance, or of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ. But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality. Masters, give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you also have a master in heaven.
Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving. Meanwhile, praying also for us that God would open to us a door for the word to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in chains, that I may make it manifest as I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
Amen. Well, let us pray again. Father, thank you for this, your Word. We pray for the mind of Christ now.
We pray that we would take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. I pray for the children. I pray for the young people, that they would receive your Word, that they would have ears to hear and hearts to receive the truth of God Almighty. Pray for us as fathers, as mothers, that we would receive instruction from this passage, that we would see the high calling that we have in this area of stewardship to rear children as unto the Lord.
We ask God in heaven that truly our homes would be characterized by Christian ethics, that our homes truly would be saturated in the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, that we would be a people that are marked by the things we find in this chapter. Do forgive us of our sin. Forgive us that we fall short. Thank you for the Lord Jesus.
Thank you that he stands in the gap. Thank you that we have his blood and his righteousness. And it's in his name that we pray. Amen.
Introduction
The Bible has a lot to say to children, and here specifically children are addressed as being assumed to being a part of or being within the life of the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ. Perhaps some of you children, certainly you adults, have all heard the maxim, children are better seen than heard. Now, Paul here speaks specifically to the children. So, while some may marginalize children, while some may say they're unimportant, God in the Scripture speaks specifically to children.
In fact, there's a commandment that I believe undergirds this statement here in chapter 3, verse 20. It is the fifth commandment where children in Israel were addressed specifically with their responsibility to father and mother. Now, as Reformed Christians, we believe that law given to Israel is simply the codification or the summary of the moral law written on the heart of man at creation. So this is hardwired.
God has built us in such a manner that we respond well, that we should understand this admonition for children to obey their parents. This is right in the sight of God. This is a no-brainer. So if anything, this is a reminder for the children here at the Free Grace Baptist Church.
So we'll take up the instruction to children under several considerations, and then we'll move our attention to some instruction to fathers. And again, several considerations.
Children: The Party Addressed
But notice, first of all, as I've already mentioned, the party address. The party addressed children. Paul assumed, Paul presupposed, Paul realized and knew that children would be in the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ. We don't need a doctrine of paedo-baptism to mandate this instruction.
It is a no-brainer that people who have been saved by grace through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, whether they be paedo-baptists or credo-baptists, are going to bring their children to church. Baptists want their children to hear the gospel and sit under the instruction of God's holy word just like any paedo-baptist does. That does not need to be in place, that we have a view of infant sprinkling that necessitates this idea that children being in the church. They're going to be there by virtue of God's created order.
We want to indoctrinate We want to instruct, we want to rear our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. It certainly stands to reason that on the Sabbath day, when the redeemed of the Lord go to the house of God, they certainly bring their children to the house of God as well. The Lord God Almighty, in this particular verse, addresses children. It's a beautiful thing.
The Lord leaves no stone unturned. He speaks to every matter of faith and practice. The Lord God does not disregard children. The Lord God, as we have seen in our studies in Malachi, wants a godly offspring.
One of the functions, one of the reasons why the Lord operates the way He does. is when He redeems us, He calls us to bring up our children in a manner consistent with His Word, so that more and more people will be converted in that sphere of natural affection, in that sphere of natural domestic tranquility. It is a great place for the people of God to instruct their offspring In the truth of God, O'Brien says, the children are addressed as responsible persons within the congregation. So that means children and young people, when you come here. It's not a matter of, well, I've just got to occupy time in my head until the preaching is over.
I've just got to try to keep myself busy in my head until Pastor Butler says, Amen, or closes. Children, you are being addressed here as responsible persons. within the context and the confines of the local church of Jesus Christ our Lord. You are responsible not only to pay attention, but you are responsible to heed the word of the living and true God. You can't say, but I'm just a little guy or I'm just a little girl.
None of this has effect upon me. No, God the Lord speaks to you as a rational creature, as one who has a mind, as one who is capable of thought, as one who can receive instruction.
Children: The Duty to Obey
God the Lord commands you in a specific task, in a specific responsibility, and that causes us to consider, secondly, what you are to do. Obey your parents in all things. Not argue with your parents in all things. Not disobey your parents in all things.
Not be a lawyer toward your parents. I'm sure some of you people have this idea that your child is going to be an attorney. They have all these arguments, and all these reasons, and all these abilities to put together statements, and to rationalize, and to try and explain, and to try and get you thinking that you're the one who's nuts. that they're just perfectly consistent, responsible, and doing what they're supposed to do every step of the way, and it's you, mom or dad, that don't have a clue. Notice that Paul's mandate here is very clear.
Obey your parents. Obey, I want to teach you Greek here, means obey. Pretty simple, isn't it? We don't need lexicons.
We don't need that back wall of my study that has the sort of great definition. It's very simple. Obey. That means do what you're told.
That means do it when you're told. That means don't ask why. That means don't scratch your melon. That means do what you're supposed to do when your parents tell you to do it.
Now again, we make the necessary qualification as we did with wives. Be submissive to your own husbands as to the Lord in all things except sin. If your father or your mother wants to harm you or do wicked things to you, you don't obey in that particular situation. You must obey God rather than men.
And it's an unfortunate reality, but we have to put out this qualification, because we live in a godless age, in a wicked age, in a profligate age, when men who ought to protect their children are violating them. May God in heaven keep any man or woman in this congregation from ever engaging in such abominable activities. That's the qualification. As far as your parents are telling you right things, obey them.
Do what they say. Do when they say it. Do how they say it. And work on the attitude while you're at it.
Because just going through the motions isn't exactly what the Lord God is looking for. Obedience is what He calls us to do. Edie says, the love of the child's heart naturally leads it to obedience. Only an unnatural child can be a domestic rebel.
Generally speaking, children want to please and obey their parents. I understand sin. I understand remaining sin. I understand that bent in our hearts.
I understand that darkness. I understand that depravity. But all things being equal, generally speaking, children want to obey their parents. Remember, the contrary is an abomination to the Lord God Most High.
As you children think about this admonition, this command, children, obey your parents. Think about how God despises the contrary. Think about how God hates, God loathes, God abhors, God can't when children disobey their parents.
God's Judgment on Disobedience
If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, it's important for us in biblical ethics to understand that here in Deuteronomy 21 we're dealing with an adult son. We're not dealing with a two-year-old who's got a bit of a temper tantrum. We don't deliver him over in his diapers and his runny nose to the elders of the city and call for his execution. We're dealing with an adult son who's a rebel, who's a drunkard, who's a glutton.
He's had time to mature into the wretched specimen of a human being that he is. But I just want to underscore God's mind, God's heart, God's will toward the incorrigible son, the rebel son who doesn't obey. the rebel son who will not obey, the rebel son who refuses to obey, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them. Then his father and his mother shall take all of him and bring him out to the elders of the city to the gate of the city. And they shall say to the elders of the city, this son of ours is stubborn and rebellious.
He will not obey our voice. He is a glutton and a drunkard. Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall put away the evil from among you and all Israel shall hear and fear again.
I'm not suggesting you take your two-year-old who won't take his bottle or he won't clean his room and deliver him up to Pastor Cam and I and say, this son is a rebel. He's a glutton. He's a drunkard. And we want to execute him.
That's not what I'm suggesting. I want you kids to see how God takes seriously parental authority, domestic tranquility, and your responsibility to obey your parents. Proverbs chapter 30 and verse 17. The eye that mocks his father and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out and the young eagles will eat it.
The terrifying picture, isn't it? Kids, if you're disobedient, you refuse to honor your parents, you refuse to obey them, you happen to walk out some day and there's a bunch of ravens and eagles sitting in your tree, may I suggest you run back inside and repent? May I suggest that you cover your eyes, run inside, get on your knees before your parents and say, please forgive me? It's a horrific picture, isn't it?
The ravens will pluck your eyes out. This is God's mind with reference to disobedient, incorrigible, wretched children.
Disobedience in Romans and 2 Timothy
Romans chapter one. Romans chapter 1, we are most mindful of Romans chapter 1 as Christians when we launch our attack on homosexuality. Because Paul speaks in that chapter about homosexuality. It is not a legitimate lifestyle.
It is not an alternate lifestyle. I'm not advocating we hate homosexuals. Not saying that at all, but because we love them and we fear God, we ought to preach the truth that God abominates this particular sin. But it's not the only sin that He abominates.
Now, certainly here He calls it against nature. It is against the created order. But it's very interesting to me that as Paul highlights this vice list, After speaking about men with men and women exchanging the natural use for what is against nature, he then goes on in verse 28 to say, and even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind to do those things which are not fitting, being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness. They are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents.
Do you think a man just ends up in a horrible place because he always obeyed in his youth? Do you think he always did what his parents told him? He always submitted to authority? I've got to tell you kids something very, very important.
If you have a problem with authority in the home, it's probably going to carry outside of the home. I'm not a prophet, I'm not the son of a prophet, but if you have a problem with the authority whom God has placed over you, who exercises that authority in the orbit of love, in the orbit of compassion, in the orbit of kindness. No, it's not perfection. Fathers and mothers mess up, to be sure.
But by and large, they are seeking to do what is right before God and before you. If you have a problem with that natural affection authority, what's it going to be like when you have a boss who can't stand you? When you have a policeman who doesn't care one whit about you? When you have people in your life who have no affection for you whatsoever, do you think you're going to just gravitate toward them in an obedient and submissive fashion?
If you have problems in the home with authority, nine times out of ten it will carry outside the home and you'll be that guy. You see, God is angry within subordination. God abominates those who are disobedient to parents. A description of the character of the last days includes this particular sin.
I believe we're living in the last days. I believe that the last days is that period of time between the first and the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ. Paul writes about that period in 2 Timothy 3. Know this, that in the last days, again, it is a theological identifier. for the time frame between the first and the second coming of Jesus.
We're not waiting for the last days. We're not looking to the last days. We're in the last days because Paul can describe these things and tell Timothy, avoid such men as these, which highlights the fact that Timothy was in the last days. It is a theological identifier of a particular time frame.
But notice, kids, what he says. In the last days, perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents. You take the career criminal, nine times out of ten, you trace back to his infant days.
You trace back to his toddlership. You trace back to his teenage years. He wasn't the obedient child. There are patterns established.
There is a disposition confirmed. There is a hardness that ensues. Disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power, and from such people, Timothy, such people that punctuate the last days, turn away from them. You see, God despises this.
The Scope of Obedience
Back to Colossians 3, the duty is clear. Obey your parents in all things. That is the scope. The all things, of course, does not include criminal activity, does not include abuse, does not include other violations of God's law.
But the all things is comprehensive. Your parents tell you to do something, do it. When did we ever get to this point where we let children dictate? Where we let children define the terms.
We let children call the shots. We let children actually say, you know, that just doesn't work for me. Oh, really? That just doesn't work for you?
Well, tell me what works for you, son, daughter, because we're a you-focused life, or we're a you-focused family. So you call the shots, and we'll do whatever you say. I'm sorry, kids, but you don't know what's best. No, I'm not even sorry.
I don't know what's best. None of us knows what's best. Best is following God's will, God's mind, God's word. You do not know what's best for you.
When your parents say, I don't want you to go there. Don't go there. I don't want you to do that. Don't do that.
I want you to do this. Do this. Not to say your parents are perfect. Remember, we considered the Lord Jesus.
He continued in subjection to Mary and Joseph. They weren't perfect. They weren't sinless. They weren't perfect people.
And yet our Lord Jesus continued in subjection to them. That was at the age of 12. He starts His public ministry at the age of 30. People always wonder, what did He do in those mysterious years?
Why doesn't the Bible record that? Because it was uneventful. You would read and it would say He got up. He had some food, he went to work, he came home, he had some food, he went to bed.
Next day, he got up, he ate some food, he went to work, came home, ate some food and went to bed. You want 20 years of that? Everybody wants to know about those mysterious years between 12 and 30. It's pretty simple.
Is this not the carpenter's son? They all knew who he was. They all saw him swinging the hammer every day. They all saw him planing wood or doing whatever it is that wood needs done to it.
The carpenter brothers are going, dude, come on. It was uneventful, but it was marked by subjection to lawful authority in his life. The fifth commandment was vital. You see, if Jesus at the age of 20 carried on like any 20-year-old today, we would all die in our sins.
You see, he had to obey perfectly. He had to follow exactly the Fifth Amendment. He had to fulfill all righteousness. So from ages 12 to 30, what was characteristic and typical of the life of our Lord was hard work, basic human society, subjection to his parents.
That's it. Obey in all things. Again, John Eady says the principle involved in the admonition is that children are not the judges of what they should or should not obey in parental precepts. They're not the judges.
This is the way it's going to be, mom or dad. What? What world are you living in? Because this isn't God's world.
Who actually gave you the idea that you're the judge and the arbiter? Kids, the best thing you can do is embrace God's work, to embrace God's will, and to obey your parents.
Christ-Centered Motivation for Obedience
And then notice the Christocentric motivation. That means Christ-centered motivation. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. That's another thing.
People not only want to know what was going on between ages 12 and 30. They're always wondering, what is the will of the Lord for me? What is the will of the Lord for me? I've got to find out the will of the Lord for me.
You know the will of the Lord. I guarantee you know the will of the Lord. Just do it. Am I going to be a lawyer?
Am I going to be a doctor? Am I going to be a college professor? What am I? Obey your parents.
That's the will of the Lord. This is pleasing to the Lord. This makes the Lord look down from heaven, enthroned on high, and smile. You see, sometimes Christians get this zany idea that we can only serve the Lord doing the great.
We can only serve the Lord by looking after orphans in China. We can only serve the Lord by being the Apostle Paul. We can only serve the Lord by being a pioneer missionary. Ten-year-old child, when you obey your parents, according to Paul, and I take his authority, this is pleasing to the Lord.
Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that dignity to all of life? There is dignity, there is sanctity, there is blessedness in the most mundane thing. Kid, go in and clean your room.
I don't know that most of us parents speak that way, but permit me for the moment. And the kid goes in and cleans his room. What does Paul say? This is pleasing to the Lord.
Get that in your mind and heart. Why submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord? The Lord looks down from heaven, and when He sees new men and new women and new boys and new girls in Christ Jesus, functioning the way He designed us to function, it's pleasing to Him. It's something He delights in.
It's something He likes. It's a Christocentric motivation here for obedience to the parent.
Moral Law Foundation: Fifth Commandment
And then notice, specifically, The old covenant, I don't even want to say that, the moral law foundation of this. Children, obey your parents in all things. In the parallel, in Ephesians, the apostle Paul says, obey, and then he says, honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise. So the moral law, it's hardwired in, it is foundational to life in God's world, is this fifth commandment, where we are called to honor, where we are called to obey, where we are called to render up the attitude that is consistent with the authority over us.
The child is to count as valuable. We are to value, we are to honor, we are to revere our parents. We are to consider them as weighty, as heavy, The idea there, this honor, something is honorable because it's heavy, it's weighty, it's solid, it's worth value. That's what we're told.
The confession or the catechism says, what is required in the fifth commandment? The fifth commandment requires the preserving the honor and performing the duties belonging to everyone in their several places and relations as superiors, inferiors, or equal. The new humanity described in Colossians 3 is not an antinomian society. They are not a people who are to throw off the law, but by the power of the Holy Spirit, they are to walk according to the law, which is pleasing to the Lord, and this brings Him glory and honor.
That's Paul's point here. That's Paul's intention. That is Paul's thrust. And then notice specifically there is a promise.
I've already mentioned the parallel that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. The blessing of God is upon those who obey. Now I realize sometimes people obey and traumatic things happen to them. Sometimes people obey and they end up persecuted for their faith.
Stephen was an obedient man who came to a violent end. The general principle, the general outworking in God's moral universe is such that if you do what the Lord God calls you to, there can be this confident hope, this confident, dare I say, expectation and faith that things will go well with you. You can pretty much guarantee that if you're disobedient, that if you rebel against authority, if you do not care whatsoever about God's created order, it's probably not going to go well with you. Again, Hodge says this is the usual course of God's providence.
Ede again, it is a principle of the divine administration and the usual course of providence. Obey your parents and the Lord. Honor your father and your mother that you may live long on the earth. It's an interesting thing as well.
Fifth commandment given to Israel, that it may go well with you in the land, universalized by the Apostle Paul, applicable to Gentile Christians in Ephesians 6, that it may go well with you in the earth that the Lord your God is giving to you. Children, obey. Parents, when you go home, say, you should listen to that sermon. Doesn't it facilitate the domestic sphere?
Kids, can I just tell you, it's really hard when you don't do what you're supposed to do. Just speaking practically here. It throws a real fly in the ointment. Puts a real burr under the saddle.
This kind of messes everything up. It's not a good way for you to live, disobedient to your parents. Eventually you'll be disobedient to the cops, disobedient to lawful authority, disobedient in every sphere. Obedience.
It's better to obey than to sacrifice. It's not God's will, God's mind, God's heart for us. Obey Him.
Instruction for Fathers
Some instruction for the fathers. Notice in verse 21, fathers do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. The fathers here are addressed specifically as heads of the household, both in the Christian sphere and in the empire. It's not a neglect of the mother.
What is envisioned here is father and mother, but the father is addressed as the head of his particular home. Again, Edy says the training of children is the father's special function. For the duty is devolved upon him to select and put into operation the best means and methods for the culture of his offspring. Father is charged with this particular task.
Again, he will use the resources of a godly wife. Mother is involved, to be sure. But the buck stops with the father. The father is the authority, the father is the head of the household, and so fathers are hereby instructed and addressed primarily.
Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. We'll unpack that in just a moment, but
Godly Examples of Fatherhood
consider a couple of good godly examples of fatherhood. I know that many of you have heard sermons like this from this pulpit. You know that I'm thinking of Abraham. God says that he was a man who walked in the fear of God.
He promoted godliness in his household, in his family. He had allegiance, first and foremost, to God. You see, that's one of the mistakes, I think, that Christian parents can unwittingly fall into. We put the children first.
Now hear me, brothers and sisters. God always comes first. The best gift you can give to your wife is to fear God. The best gift you can give to your husband is to fear God.
The best gift you can give to your parents is to fear God. The best gift you can give to your children is to fear God. Klaus Bachmuel. Says the parents who reject the first commandment can expect their children to reject the fifth one.
You don't seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. You neglect the first commandment. You neglect the first table of the law. Don't scratch your head and look puzzled when your kids don't have any concern whatsoever for the fifth commandment.
This is what Bat Muel said. He says the parents who do not submit to God should not expect their children to submit to them. Abraham commanded his children and his servants to keep the way of Yahweh, to do righteousness and justice. Joshua, that covenant ratification ceremony at Shechem says, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Now, did Joshua make that statement so that centuries later people could make these little door knockers with that phrase on it so that we can adorn our front door with our holy commitments to the Lord? Were there Christian marketers there at Shechem? That was a good word, Joshua. Let's go build.
Let's go make plaques. Let's emboss that on a plate. Let's make bumper stickers. Certainly in North America, the Christian community would go hog wild for that.
Some people call them holy horseshoes or whatever it is. We purchased that Get the thrust of the message in your heart. What is Joshua doing in that covenant ratification ceremony at Shattuck? He's throwing down the gauntlet.
We've come into a new land. We're surrounded by pagan deities. We're surrounded by all sorts of competitor gods. What are you going to do?
Are you going to follow Moloch? Are you going to follow Baal? Are you going to follow Asherah? He says, as for me and my house, we're going to serve the Lord.
We're going to side with Yahweh. As the leader of the community, Joshua is putting his money where his mouth is. I love what he says. We are to fear Yahweh.
We're to serve Yahweh. We're to put away idols. Matthew Henry says Joshua was a ruler, a judge in Israel, yet he did not make his necessary application to public affairs an excuse for the neglect of family religion. He doesn't say, I'm so busy leading Israel, I don't have time for you.
No, he says, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Negative Examples of Fatherhood
Negative examples. You can already know who I'm going to say. Eli and his sons. His sons were priests in the service of the temple of God Most High.
Well, at that time it was the tabernacle. They stole sacrifices. They lay with women. The theological foundation upon which these vices flowed was that they did not know Yahweh.
Well, they knew Him patechinically. They knew who God was. They didn't know him experientially. Now, I know that Eli could not control that.
Eli could not regenerate his children. And yet Eli was held culpable and responsible for not restraining his children. See, the law can't change the heart, but it certainly restrains the heart less. And a parent who avoids the implementation of the law of God Most High is not doing his job.
And Eli was not doing his job. As men of God, we had better understand law and gospel. And we better be able to press the one and call them to the other. If we are negligent in this area, we are going to end up like Eli.
How about the man in the book of Proverbs? He who spares his rod. read the newest book on how to deal with children, and the rod only creates an environment of distrust. He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Now the Proverbs isn't all rod to the neglect of reproof.
In fact, reproof outguns rod. But nevertheless, the two aspects of training are there in the book of Proverbs. Paul alludes to this in the parallel passage in Ephesians 6. We only have the negative statement here in Colossians 3.
Do not provoke your children. But in the book of Ephesians, he gives the positive element involved in child rearing as well.
The Prohibition: Do Not Provoke
Let's just look at this prohibition here in Colossians 3. Fathers do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. The word provoke here means to excite, to provoke, to irritate. Fathers are spoken to since training is their duty and because this peculiar sin which the apostle condemns is one to which they and not mothers are particularly liable.
Mothers don't generally, because there's that niceness factor, that natural affection factor. Remember that Paul seems to be dealing with areas of particular temptation. Husbands, do not be embittered against your wives. Most husbands, at least professing Christian husbands, don't want to punch their wives, but certainly the temptation is there to be bitter against them.
Most Christian women don't want to just kill their men. But one of the difficulties and one of the temptations is that they don't want to submit to the men. Fathers, what is the particular temptation? What is the particular tendency?
What might you have a disposition towards? Provoking your children. Don't do that. They'll be discouraged.
I already read that text in Deuteronomy 21 about the incorrigible son. Douglas Moo links this passage with that passage. He says the text most relevant to Colossians 321, however, and one that Paul may well have had in mind is Deuteronomy 21, where parents are charged with bringing a disobedient son before the elders and proclaiming, this son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us.
He is a profligate and a drunkard. Paul, in effect, is exhorting fathers to raise their children in such a way to do the utmost to avoid provoking this kind of rebellious attitude in them. Don't do this. Now, this is one of those passages, this is one of those sermons where we're all guilty, right?
I am not standing up here as the guru of godly parenting. Just watch me, brethren. I'm going to write books. Colossians 321.com.
Jim Butler's School of Good Parenting. These are hard texts. These are difficult passages. What brother out there has never provoked his child?
What brother out there has never discouraged his child? What brother out there doesn't stand constantly in need of blood, the blood of another? That doesn't minimize the responsibility as new men in Christ, we are being called upon to not provoke our children lest they become discouraged. The discouragement in view means to be without courage or spirit, to lose heart, to become spiritless.
We want to neuter our children. We want to drive out their character. You know, God is at war not with our nature. He's at war with our sin.
As fathers, we ought to be at war with the sinful bent, with the bad and the dark disposition, but not our children. They're our children. We should just love them, care for them. As we engage in the various elements of upbringing, we do so with love, with affection.
We care for them. They know that we care for them. We want to be with them.
Ways Fathers Provoke Children
Some examples. Unrighteous anger. You need to guard against that. I mean, just because you read a biography that says John Calvin struggled with anger doesn't mean it's OK to be angry at your kids.
Does it? I read a clip recently that John Gill, I want to verify this, but I saw this, not that it was on the internet, so therefore, John Gill was up at first light in the winter, and he was up about six o'clock in the summer, or maybe it was vice versa. Six o'clock in the winter, first light, summer. And he had chocolate for breakfast in his study every morning.
Now does that mean hot chocolate? Does it mean Hershey bars? What does that mean? Let's just say it was Hershey bars.
That doesn't mean I can have Hershey bars in my study every day. See, well, John Gill did it. He was godly. He was a Hebrew scholar.
He knew the rabbis, man. He knew his Bible. He ate chocolate. Unrighteous anger provokes our children and discourages them.
Unrighteous anger. We need to be men of control, self-control. We can't control ourselves. How can we preach self-control to our children?
You punch holes in the wall. You yell. You scream. You throw things at mom.
You're going to tell me I need to have self-control? Unbiblical discipline. The Bible authorizes reproof and rod. Neglecting discipline is a reality.
Eli didn't restrain his sons. Eli knew what they were doing. They're the priests of God Most High and they're prostituting temple sacrifice and they're actually lying with temple prostitutes. Remove them from the premises.
Don't let that go on. The paternal reign is not to be one of terror and stern authority, but of love. The rod may be employed, but in reason and moderation and never for momentary impulse, and anger I've shared before. My remembrance of my mother giving us the rod was chasing us through the house, wielding a yardstick through the air, screaming, hollering, us running as fast as...
That's not biblical discipline. Thankfully, she never connected, which a yardstick really isn't that strong anyway. Listen to what the brother says. The rod may be employed, but in reason and moderation and never from momentary impulse and anger.
Children are not to be moved to wrath by harsh and unreasonable treatment or by undue partiality and favoritism. Another thing, you've got five kids, but it's obvious who the one you really love. I suspect all kids will suspect that someone is, you know, head and shoulders above the rest. Don't give any credence to them.
Don't exasperate. Don't camp on the one with the rod and the other you treat like they're the angelic one. They fell out of heaven. Sometimes parents are tempted to say, why aren't you like your brother?
He fell out of heaven. He only ever does what we tell him. The only thing we ought to do for him is help him clean the back of his wings from time to time. Why can't you be more like that?
The only family where that could have ever worked is in the family of the Lord Jesus Christ. Magic being his earthly brother. Why aren't you more like Jesus? That's the only time it would have fit.
Joseph and Mary were the only ones who could have done that. And I suspect if they were godly people, they didn't do that. Kids are different. They're unique.
This one's not that one. Strengths, weaknesses, disposition, all that goes into the mix. We need to be careful. Bridges says the rod without affection is revolting tyranny.
Bridges again says Satan begins with the infant in arms. The cry of passion is his first stir of the native corruption. Do we begin as early? Every vice commences in the nursery.
The great secret is to establish authority in the dawn of life. To bend the tender twig before the naughty oak is beyond our power. Christian parents have lost something of this. Depravity starts young.
And the positive, well, there's some other examples, unrighteous anger, unbiblical discipline, unbiblical demands. Ungodly inconsistency, ungodly motives, ungodly imbalance. If it's all law and no gospel, guess what? You're going to provoke your children.
If it's all gospel and no law, you're not going to discipline, and that will provoke your children. You need to understand command and demand and imperative, and you need to understand there is a fountain open for sin and uncleanness.
Positive Duties: Presence and Instruction
The positive exhortation found in Ephesians 6, again, we just have the negative prohibition here in Colossians 3. Do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Positively bring them up. Nourish, provide with tender care, cultivate, educate, train, discipline, love, act in the training of the Lord, admonition with encouragement and reproof in the orientation of the Lord.
You see, there's a positive admonition. There's a negative prohibition. And as fathers, we need to take these things seriously. We need to pray them in.
We need to understand the great responsibility that is ours. And we need to go into this situation with fear and trembling and with absolute dependence upon God the Lord. Parenting is tough. Parenting is tough.
Kids, you may think it's hard living underneath your parents. You don't know what it's like. trying to govern, trying to rule, trying to do so in the fear of God. I mean, if you're ungodly or wretched, you don't care, there's no standards, there's no thought whatsoever of accountability or responsibility. Yeah, I guess, you know, those people exist.
Within the Church of Jesus Christ, any Christian, any man or woman who is a parent realizes that this is a high and a difficult calling. And it should cast us in mercy and in dependence upon the Lord God Almighty. Children, I want to remind you, obey your parents in all things. You hear us talk a lot about Spurgeon in this church.
C.H. Spurgeon, Charles Haddon Spurgeon. You've probably heard this quote before. He says, fathers and mothers are the most natural agents for God to use in the salvation of their children.
You know, of all the arguments that are pro-pedo-baptism, I think that's one of the ones that's most offensive. You baptists just, you don't care. You treat your kids like heathen. They're not covenant children.
You somehow don't have that affection that Pato Sprinkler has. That's offensive, man. We Baptists want our children to hear the truth. We Baptists want to catechize our children.
We Baptists want them to know the truth of God. And we Baptists by and large believe that oftentimes in God's redemptive plan, he uses the family. He uses the home. He uses that context where Christian instruction goes on on a daily basis. cause that great change to take place.
Not always, but oftentimes within the context of a family where there is faithful doctrine, faithful living, God causes children to pass from darkness to life. It's beautiful. It's wonderful. They don't all need a dramatic conversion.
They don't all have to go out and desire the food that pigs are eating and then come back broken and cast themselves upon sovereign mercy. Very often the change can be imperceptible. Spurgeon alludes to this. Fathers and mothers are the most natural agents for God to use in the salvation of their children.
I am sure that in my early youth no teaching ever made such an impression upon my mind as the instruction of my mother. Neither can I conceive that to any child there can be one who will have such influence over the young heart as the mother who has so tenderly cared for her offspring. A man with a soul so dead as not to be moved by the sacred name of mother is creation's blot. Never could it be possible for any man to estimate what he owes to a godly mother, and of course, a godly father.
Read John G. Peyton and see his account of his father. His heart stirring. His father saw him off to go to the New Hebrides to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ.
To be, as I think Spurgeon referred to him as, the king of the cannibals. And what he owes to his upbringing? The godly father who prayed. The godly father who preached.
The godly father who taught him the scripture. Children, obey your parents. Fathers, in terms of some practical things, presents. By that I don't mean go to Canadian Tire and buy them things.
Presents. Be with them. I'm not advocating that you quit your job and be a stay-at-home dad. I am advocating, though, that you need to spend time with your children.
Absolutely crucial. Isn't it? It's got to be quality. This quantity.
Put in time. Be with your kids. Provision. Same rules apply as we said last week.
Husbands need to provide for their wives. Fathers need to provide for their children. Not only food. Not only shelter.
Not only clothing. Protection. Don't harm your kids. If you're not sure what biblical discipline looks like, ask somebody.
You smacking your kid till they're in tears, bleeding, dying, crying, agonizing isn't biblical discipline. If you're not sure, ask somebody. Find an older brother in the congregation. Find somebody who has children that look like they're emotionally stable and ask them, how did you discipline?
What does it mean? There's good books you can read. Proverbs, filled with the information. Protect your kids.
Pray for your kids. Being a godly father requires prayer. Bridges on Proverbs 13. He says, if there is no earthly substance to leave.
The text is, a godly man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. Listen to Bridges. If there is no earthly substance to leave, yet a church in the house, a family altar, the record of holy example and instruction, and above all, a store of believing prayer laid up for accomplishment, when we shall be silent in the grave, will be an inheritance to our children of inestimable value. You may not be able to buy their new car.
You may not be able to put them into the best schools in Canada. But if you pray for them, you instill in them the fear of the Lord, you teach them God's holy word, that's the best inheritance you can pass on to a child. And then fathers, preach to them. Preach to them.
Not necessarily, okay, everybody sit down on the couch. Daddy's got three points. First of all, second of all, we got the Greek, we got the Hebrew. No.
Teach them the truth. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. You shall diligently teach these precepts to your children when you rise up, when you walk by the way, when you lie down.
Informal instruction. Teach them about God. Make sure they're under faithful preaching. Make sure they've got a Bible.
Make sure they're knowing that there's resources, books, all those things. Teach them the truth of God. That's absolutely crucial for us as fathers. Presence, provision, protection, prayer, and preaching.
Fathers ought to be able to instruct children in the law, in the gospel, in those things most surely believed among us. If you do not know yourself, Then pick up and read, study the confession of faith. You want to be able to explain justification, read that chapter in our confession. It's pretty clear.
You don't have to be a rocket scientist. You know, the law of the Lord makes wise the simple. Many of us say, praise God for that. Your law makes me wiser than my instructors.
Praise God for that. You don't have to be the sharpest tool in the shed to teach your children that there is a fountain open for sin and uncleanness. Teach them to fly to Christ. Teach them to believe the gospel.
Teach them that Jesus is the one who saves to the uttermost all who draw nigh unto God through him. So as children, as fathers and mothers, to be sure, let us go by the grace of God, taking Colossians 3 seriously. Set our mind on Christ. Put off the sins of the flesh.
Put off the sins of the tongue. Put on those virtues that Paul enjoins. Flesh them out in the church. And flesh them out in the home.
And until such time as we believe the gospel, that can't be. So if we find ourselves here this morning, we're not in Christ, believe. Look to Christ. Look to the Savior.
Look to the one who said, all that the Father gives me will come to me. And the one who comes to me, I will certainly not cast out. Believe on him and you shall be saved.
Closing Prayer
Well, let us pray. Our Father, we thank you for your word. We thank you for its clarity and its instruction in all areas of our lives. We thank you that you've not left us as orphans in this world.
You've provided your Holy Spirit. You've provided your sure word. We pray that you would help us to receive these things. Forgive us for our sins and grant us grace to go and to put these things into practice.
I pray for all of the children. I pray for the young people. I pray that they would have ears to hear. And if they are not in Christ, may this word of law, may this command break them and show them their sin, show them their wretchedness and show them their need for the Lord Jesus Christ to cleanse them, to wash them, to purify them.
I just pray that you would do this for your glory sake, Lord God. And we ask through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen. We're actually going to close this morning service by singing hymn number seven in our hymn book. hymn number seven, and I'll ask you to stand as we sing. be glorious now.
And blessed be this glorious day to all eternity. For the whole earth let its glory fill, come and dwell there with me. The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.