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Please turn with me in your Bibles 
to Colossians, chapter three. Colossians, chapter three, as 
we continue in this portion of Scripture, God willing, returning 
to Matthew in a few weeks. Our studies in the Gospel of 
Matthew, just taking a bit of a break from there, looking at 
the ethics of the new man in Christ Jesus. Remember the specific 
context. The apostle tells the disciple 
of Christ to set his mind on things above, not on things on 
the earth, to focus on Jesus Christ, verses 1 to 4. Because 
of that, based on that reality, the truth of the gospel, our 
focus upon Jesus, it ought to affect the way that we live in 
this world. He deals with those things we 
are to put off, those vices or sins that are inconsistent with 
the new man. He indicates those in chapter 
3, verses 5 to 11. He then highlights certain virtues that the new 
man is to put on in verses 12 to 17, and then he calls us to 
be subject to one another in chapter 3, verses 18 to 41. And that's the section we find 
ourselves in this morning. We're going to take up specifically 
the marriage relationship, the duties for wives or instruction 
for wives and instruction for husbands in verses 18 and 19. I think that a lot of this will 
be repetitive to you. I would encourage all of us to 
take heed as we consider these things, probably not new information 
that we need in the Christian life, but it is reminders and 
repentance based on those things that we already know. So that's 
where we're heading this morning. I'll just pick up reading in 
verse 12, though, to put us back in the context. Therefore, as 
the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, 
humility, meekness, long-suffering, bearing with one another and 
forgiving one another. If anyone has a complaint against 
another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things, put 
on love. which is the bond of perfection, and let the peace 
of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in 
one body, and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell 
in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one 
another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with 
grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or 
deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to 
God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your own husbands 
as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and 
do not be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in 
all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not 
provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Bond servants, 
obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with 
eye service as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing 
God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, 
as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you 
will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the 
Lord Christ. But he who does wrong will be 
repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality. Masters, 
give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you 
also have a master in heaven. Continue earnestly in prayer, 
being vigilant in it with thanksgiving. Meanwhile, praying also for us, 
that God would open to us a door for the Word, to speak the mystery 
of Christ, for which I am also in chains, that I may make it 
manifest as I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward those who 
are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with 
grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to 
answer each one. Amen. Well, let us pray. Our 
Father, we thank you for the Holy Scriptures. We thank you 
for the Holy Spirit. And we pray that even now he 
would come and guide us and direct us and lead us into all truth. We pray that as husbands and 
wives, we would receive this instruction that you would fortify 
and strengthen us. Help us, Lord God, to internalize 
these truths and to put them into practice. For the single 
brothers and sisters among us, we pray that they would receive 
good things as well, that you would bless this local church 
and cause us to have strong families and to truly reflect new men 
and new women in Christ Jesus functioning in their homes. We 
ask as well that you would forgive us for all of our sins and our 
transgression. God, we confess whenever we come 
to duty, whenever we come to command, whenever we come to 
responsibility in the Holy Scripture, We are mindful of how far short 
we fall. How we thank you that you are 
merciful. How we thank you that there is forgiveness with you. 
How we pray that even now you would cleanse us and wash us 
in the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Give us ears to hear 
and give us hearts to receive your word. And we pray through 
Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. Again, as we have seen 
here, there is a portrait of a godly man drawn in a scripture 
pencil, a portrait of a man as he is supposed to function in 
this lower world, man and woman, those who are in Christ, those 
who by God's grace have believed on the Lord Jesus, who have looked 
to the gospel, who have lived by grace alone, through faith 
alone, in Christ alone. What we find here is the fruit. What we find here is the effect. 
What we find here are the consequences of God's having graciously accepted 
us in the Beloved. Remember, we are not saved because 
we put off these virtues. We are not put off these vices. 
We're not saved because we put on these things. Rather, we're 
saved in order to put off and to put on. We're saved in order 
that we might be holy and blameless in the Lord God Most High. Well, 
as we consider this instruction this morning, we'll take up first 
the instruction for wives in verse 18. There'll be four considerations. And then secondly, the instruction 
for husbands. And again, four considerations. I think Martin Luther has well 
captured domestic responsibility in a very pithy saying. He says, let the wife make the 
husband glad to come home. He's envisioning the husband 
going off to work. And he says, let the wife make 
the husband glad to come home. He ought not to want to extend 
his workday. He ought not to want to visit 
Home Depot for hours on end on his way home. He certainly ought 
not to want to stop off at the bar to get a little coping mechanism 
before he arrives at the domestic sphere. No, what Luther says, 
I think, encapsulates all that the Bible says concerning this 
idea. Let her make the husband glad 
to come home. But as well, he continues and 
says, and let him, the husband, make her sorry to see him leave. So in the morning, it ought not 
to be, are you still here? Can't you leave already? Go! 
What part of leave don't you get? Doesn't this summarize domestic 
responsibility well? Let her make the husband glad 
to come home. and let him make her sorry to 
see him leave. I think that summarizes Paul's 
intent in verses 18 and 19 with reference to this domestic sphere 
wherein new men and new women find themselves. We've already 
traced the argument. We've already seen the separate 
places that men and women do find themselves. After highlighting 
the virtues, Paul then indicates how the man is to function corporately 
within the context of the local church. Verse 15, let the peace 
of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in 
one body. Sing and make melody in psalms 
and hymns and spiritual songs, in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing 
one another. So the new man in Christ functions 
in a particular way in his corporate life, in his church life. And 
as well, the new man functions in a particular way in his home, 
in his family, in the domestic realm, with reference to his 
wife, with reference to her husband, with reference to the children. 
And then we see it extends into the workplace also, as we will 
see, God willing, in a few weeks. But let's look first at this 
instruction for wives. The first point is to consider 
the doctrine of submission. This is what Paul says in verse 
20. Submit. Submit. It's a word that does bristle 
against us. That's a word that's almost like 
the proverbial fingernail on the chalkboard. It's an interesting 
thing. We can't even use that illustration 
anymore without having to try and educate people as to what 
it means. Kids, before you had the whiteboard 
with those nice felt pens, there used to be this thing called 
a chalkboard. And there was chalk that you would write on. And 
if you were brought up like I was and you went to a Catholic school, 
the priests or the brothers would throw the erasers at your head 
or the chamois at your head if you got out of line in class. 
But if you took your fingernails and you ran them on that chalkboard, 
it made this sound that made you want to just run away. It 
was a terrible sound, a screeching sound, a sound that just made 
you kind of overcome with irritation. Well, that's kind of the way 
this word submit works today. The word submission simply means 
to be in subjection, to subject oneself. One lexicon says that 
submission for Paul is a voluntary submission based on one's recognition 
of God's order. It means to line oneself under. It's used in a military context 
with reference to soldiers submitting to their superior or slaves submitting 
to their masters. It is submission in this context, 
wives submit to your own husbands, submission in the sense of voluntary 
yielding in love. It's important as we consider 
these social relationships, we do not divorce ourselves from 
the context. In other words, wives submit 
to your own husbands. It is a submission that looks 
like those things that we've already seen in verses 12 and 
13. A submissive wife will have tender 
mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering. She 
will bear with one another and forgive one another. We mustn't 
separate from the context the specific domestic duties indicated 
in chapter 3. Now, submission in the Bible 
is looked at as a good thing. As I said, it's the chalkboard 
and the fingernails on the chalkboard today. But in the Scripture, 
submission is good. Submission isn't bad. Submission 
isn't sinful. Submission isn't a horrific thing. In fact, every man, every boy, 
every woman, every girl, everywhere has to submit in one form or 
another. The Church, of course, submits 
to Jesus Christ her head. Individual Christians submit 
themselves to God Almighty. The Christian, whether he's a 
man or a woman, must submit to the governing authorities, according 
to Romans 13, 1 to 4. The first epistle of Peter deals 
with submission in chapter 2, verse 13, all the way to chapter 
3, verse 12. The context is submission to 
God-ordained, God-instituted human authority. We are to submit 
to the government. There is to be submission between 
servants to their masters. within marriage and all of life. Submission is a good thing. The 
Lord Jesus Christ was subject to His Father. Not only His heavenly 
Father, but He was subject to His earthly parents, according 
to Luke chapter 2. Remember, He continued in subjection 
to them after they found Him at the temple. They brought him 
back and he continued in that state. So we see there that submission 
is absolutely crucial, even when the authority being submitted 
to is not perfect. You see, Jesus couldn't say, 
well, I'm not going to submit to Joseph and Mary because they're 
wretched. They're in Adam. They're sinners. 
No, he continued in subjection to them, even though they were, 
in fact, sinners. Jesus himself submitted to the 
governing authority when it came to paying taxes. He said to go 
and give to Caesar what is Caesar. He didn't say, well, Caesar's 
a wretch and he uses that money for ungodly things, so therefore 
don't pay him. No, Jesus advocates paying the 
taxes even to a wretched authority. So submission in and of itself 
is a most wonderful and excellent thing. Notice, secondly, the 
specific instruction for the wives. Wives, submit to your 
own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Later on in Titus chapter 
2, it says to be sure that women are to love their men. Women 
are certainly to love their men. I think the way Paul is addressing 
the specific and the primary responsibilities or duties here 
are in reference to those things that we will potentially struggle 
with. You see, a woman is naturally 
led in love toward her husband. What she needs to always work 
on is this idea of submission. Husbands are going to lead their 
wives. That's the way God made them. Notice the particular instruction 
for husbands. It's not lead them. That's the 
natural direction. That's the natural drift and 
tendency. So based on that reality, the 
apostle Paul highlights for us that in that leadership, we need 
to remember love. In that love that a woman naturally 
displays and has for her man, she needs to remember this idea 
of submission. She needs to remember this idea 
of honoring him. This idea of fearing him. Not 
in a servile, wretched way where she's hiding in the closet because 
she's afraid he's going to beat her up. But she has that reverence 
and esteem for him. She is directly commanded in 
this instance to submit to him. Charles Hodge says, this relationship, 
this one of husbands leading and wives submitting, this relationship 
cannot be denied or disregarded without destroying society. Listen to what the brother says. 
You know, today, marriage is being marginalized. It's being 
redefined. We are told that two men can 
get married. We are told that two women can 
get married. The old brothers, reflecting 
accurately biblical information and data, tell us that when we 
renege, when we turn our backs upon and we rebel against the 
way God instituted things, there is destruction that follows in 
its path. Destruction will result in the 
wake of those who reject God and His order. Back to Hodge, 
this relationship cannot be denied or disregarded without destroying 
society and degrading both men and women. Notice what he says, 
making the one effeminate and the other masculine. You see, 
we destroy it. We make women be manly and we 
make men be womanly. That is to try and make birds 
swim and to try and make fish fly. It is to invert God's created 
order, and His design, and His purpose. It is far better, and 
it is the norm, and it ought to be the case that for new men 
and new women in Christ Jesus, we receive what the Lord has 
for us, we embrace it heartily, and we do what He calls us to 
do, by His Word, by the Spirit. Other passages in Holy Scripture 
tell us this. Genesis 1 and 2, God made Adam 
first. He made the woman to be a helpmate 
unto him. Ephesians 5, the parallel passage 
to this particular text, 1 Peter chapter 3. This is God's plan 
and purpose for you, dear ladies. This is a way you can image Christ 
in a very special way. Christ submitted himself to his 
own father. This is the whole argument of 
the Apostle Paul in First Corinthians, chapter 11, when he's arguing 
for male leadership in the church. Do you know where Paul points? 
He points to God. He says the father is the head 
of Christ. Not in terms of deity and ontology 
and triunity, but in terms of function, in terms of the economy 
of salvation. God the Father sends the Son. And in that regard, the Father 
is the head of the Son. So they are equal. They're the 
same in substance. They're the same in being and 
power. But with reference to function, they have differing 
roles. It's the same with husbands and 
wives. This is what Paul illustrates 
in 1 Corinthians 11. In terms of being, in terms of 
ontology, which simply means the doctrine of being, we're 
the same. It's not like the stuff men are 
made of is somehow more valuable than the stuff women are made 
of. Not as if there's some intrinsic 
worth in the blood, and the skin, and the sinews, and the bones, 
and all of the items that go into a man is somehow superior 
to it. No, we're the same. of ontological 
equality. We are the same in being. The same in substance. We're 
equal in power and glory. Those sorts of things. But within 
the family, within the church, God has ordained specific roles. This is not bad. It's not wicked. It's not wrong. Ladies, you may 
have more on the ball than your husband. You may be a bit sharper 
in certain areas. But your calling unto God is 
to submit to Him. It is to line up under his authority. It is to line up under his role. 
It is to embrace this as God's will for your life. It is to 
receive it gladly and happily, instead of trying to usurp it, 
instead of trying to throw it off or shirk your responsibilities. Rather, sisters, embrace this 
as being something that God has said is good. Now, as far as 
thirdly, the particular characteristics. Notice the lawful target in verse 
18. Why submit to your own husbands? 
Why do you have to submit to me? You certainly don't have 
to submit to your next door neighbor. You see, Paul is a protector 
of women. Paul is the champion of women's 
rights. Some have said that he was the 
greatest chauvinist of all times. He was the greatest advocate 
of women under God being all that they were made to be. Submit 
to your own husband. You have one man. that you need 
to carry this out. Now, of course, submit to the 
cock if he pulls you over. Submit to the governing authorities, 
all those areas of submission that are enjoined upon you to 
be sure. But Paul limits the submission 
in view here. Submit yourselves to your own 
husbands. Notice the language here. He 
says, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. I 
believe the implication is submit in everything. He doesn't say 
that explicitly here. He does say it explicitly in 
Ephesians 5 and verse 24. Submit to them. Notice what it doesn't say. Submit 
to them if you feel like it. We're governed by feelings often, 
aren't we? Well, I don't feel like it. I don't feel like going 
to the dentist. I don't feel like eating my broccoli. 
I don't feel like running. I don't feel like doing that. 
Are we governed by emotions as new men in Christ Jesus? Or are 
we governed by the Spirit through the Word of God? He does not 
say, ladies on Sunday, submit to your own husbands. Ladies 
on Tuesday, submit to your own husbands. Ladies on date night, 
submit to your own husbands. No, ladies, submit to your own 
husbands in everything. The command does not depend upon 
how fit the husband is. provided he's a godly, righteous, 
perfect man. No, we've already seen that. 
We've already established that. Jesus continued in subjection 
to his earthly parents, who were not perfect. Jesus continued 
in subjection to the governing authority, though it was not 
perfect. You see, you can never escape 
your biblical duty and responsibility by blaming other people. Now, 
as I'm going to argue throughout the course of the message this 
morning, we should try to help each other. I mean, if your wife 
is called to submit, don't be a jerk. The temptation in a sermon like 
this is, oh, thank you, Lord, my wife needs to hear this. Shame on us. How come the message 
is always for someone else? I think, men, that if you understand 
the implication of your wife's beauty and your wife's responsibility, 
you'll say, God, forgive me for making it such a chore. Conversely, ladies, when you 
are told or you hear that your husband has to love you as Christ 
loved the church, it ought not to be, good, he needs to hear 
this because he's really bad in this. God, help me to be lovelier. Remember Luther's Madison. Create 
an environment where the guy actually wants to come home. 
Create an environment where she doesn't want you to have to leave 
for that 8, 10, 12 or 14 hours because she's going to miss you 
so much. Submit to your own husbands. It is not conditional. In fact, 
the command does not depend upon the husbands being converted, 
according to 1 Peter 3. You can never argue, well my 
husband this or my husband that. According to Peter, even if he 
is not converted, you need to submit to him. And you need to 
do so without a word. I'm doing this for Jesus. I'm 
doing this because of God. Just do what you're called to 
do and let the Lord God Most High sort out the rest of it. Even without a word, you may 
win those, he says. The command ultimately is not 
open for debate. You see, Paul was not saying 
to the Colossians here, why don't we have a roundtable discussion, 
try to figure out the strengths and the weaknesses that are going 
on among you, and let's let the best and the strongest lead. 
No. It's a default position. Husbands 
lead. Wives submit. You may struggle with that default. 
You may not like that default, but you need to repent because 
that's God's default. It's interesting, the grammar 
that Paul uses in Ephesians chapter five, he says, the husband not 
ought to be, not should be, not strives to be, but the husband 
is the head of the wife. That's an indicative. It's not 
an imperative. It's not a command. It's not 
a go thou and do this. It is rather what is true. He 
may be a terrible head. He may be a passive head, he 
may be an advocating head, he may be a milquetoast head, he 
may be a bad head, but he is nevertheless the head of the 
way. You see, that's God's design. We have to build in the qualification 
of courts. If your husband comes home and 
says, honey, I figured out a way to deal with our financial needs. 
We'll get Tommy guts. And we'll assault the HSBC. We'll gun down everybody in sight 
and we'll take the loot and run. We'll be a modern day Bonnie 
and Clyde. No, you must obey God rather 
than men. If hubby tells you to sin, you 
must obey God rather than men. So you submit in everything. 
But of course, the necessary qualification is built in based 
on the rest of the Bible. If he commands sin, You must 
obey God rather than him. You do that lovingly, graciously, 
but firmly. And then notice, fourthly and 
finally, with reference to this particular command, wives, submit 
to your own husbands. Note the motivation involved, 
as is fitting in the Lord. Remember the context. Your mind 
is set upon things above. Your mind is firmly entrenched 
upon Jesus. You have been saved by grace. 
You're a believer in the gospel. You have been freed from the 
curse of the law and the condemnation of sin. You are heaven bound. 
You are glory bound. You are going to reign with Jesus 
forever and ever and ever. World without end. Amen. Because 
of that reality, put off the sins of the flesh, put off the 
sins of the tongue. Because of that reality, put 
on these things that God says are true and indicative of Christ's 
people. And as a result, submit to your 
own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. That's the motivation. That's what Paul says. Some have taken this as is fitting 
and compared the apostle to Stoicism or pagan philosophers. Do things 
because they're right. Well, do this because it's right 
in a distinctly Christian sphere. It is fitting in the Lord. It is fitting in Jesus. So you 
see the apostles argument here. Wives, submit to your own husbands 
because they'll really be happy. Because society will be stronger. Because the church will be more 
holy. All those things are corollaries. 
All those things are true. All those sidelines might be 
achieved. But you submit to your own husband 
because the Lord says. You see, it's Christian. It's 
not Mormon. It's not Jehovah's Witness. It's 
not Muslim. It's not atheistic. We have found this a better way 
to coexist. It's fitting in the Lord. This 
pleases Jesus. This is what Christ's about. 
He saved you. He bled for you. He died for 
you. He forgave you. He's given you 
a righteousness so that you ladies can express something of gospel 
truth in the way that you relate to your man. Isn't it beautiful? We need to retrain our minds. 
Don't come to 318, ladies, and go, man, this is that silver 
bullet I've got to swallow. This is that big pill I've got 
to take. No, this is my blessed privilege. 
This is my joy. My Lord has saved me to function 
and blossom and bloom in this particular reality. He hasn't 
saved you to be an Amy Carmichael. He saved Amy Carmichael to be 
an Amy Carmichael. Not everybody's a Rebecca Hamilton. Not everybody's going to go out 
and single-handedly cure leprosy or do all these things. For most 
of you, dear sisters, the effects of Christ's redeeming power, 
the effects of Christ's redeeming work, His blood, His agony, His 
shame, His resurrection, His glory, His victory, His majesty, 
most of that is going to be played out in the four walls of your 
house. There's dignity here. There's 
majesty here. There's excellence here. You 
know, we hear the lie of the world that the really achieved 
woman, you know, is the multi-billionaire or the corporate riser, the star. No, it's the godly woman who 
submits herself to her husband and who functions accordingly 
in her home. That's what Christianity more 
than often is about. It's the humdrum. It's the ordinary. Ladies, you may never go out 
and do the sorts of things that the biographers record. But if 
you're faithful to your Lord, you're submissive to your husband, 
you rear your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord, 
God's going to say to you on that great day, well done, good 
and faithful servant. How many times have you read 
that text? Well done, good and faithful servant. Thought, wait 
a minute, I haven't done great things. I haven't gone out and 
cured cancer. I haven't raised 15 to 20 children, 
and they've all grown up to be preachers. I'm not the mother 
of the Bonar boys. One's writing hymns, one's writing 
commentaries. I've just been a pretty homegrown, 
ordinary lady. That God is going to say, well 
done, good and faithful servant. Beautiful, blessed, holy. It's righteous. The new man, 
the new woman functions the way God calls them to, by the Spirit, 
according to the Word, for the reasons indicated. It is fitted 
to the Lord. You are not to submit to your 
own husband simply because of the good of the state, the good 
of society, the good of your husband, the good of your children, 
or your self-realization. It makes me realize and actualize 
myself. You do it for Christ. Is that 
it? Is that what we live for? Is 
that what we've been redeemed for? Whatever your hand finds 
to do, do it with your might, because Jesus bought you to do 
it. We have this mindset, the romantic 
and the ordinary. For most of us, the ordinary 
is far outweighing the romantic. It really is. Wipe noses, wipe 
your hands, change diapers, cook dinner, kiss your man, make him 
happy to come home and do that for the next 80 years. That's fitting. That's good. That's awesome. I just had that 
realization in prayer. Unless I contract some serious 
disease or get hit by a car, I've probably got 40 years left. Most of you are probably in the 
same boat, give or take a few decades either side. There's 
that temptation at times in the Christian life to say, it is 
hard, isn't it? Maybe I'm the only one that finds 
this hard at times, but indulge me for a moment. It's tough. Get up. Do what you're supposed 
to do. Try to resist the things God says to resist. Sinning along 
the way. Asking for forgiveness. Seeking 
fresh mercy. Seeking fresh grace. Trying to 
repair the breaches with people that you sin against. Trying 
to deal with people in a way that God says to. You get through 
a day and you say, wow, this is tough. This is tough. A day. You chalk up a few years. You 
say, man, this is hard. It doesn't seem to be getting 
any easier. You know, as you're going up 
that hill, notice it doesn't go like that. It just keeps going 
up. And then you get this realization, 
I'm probably going to do this for another 40 years. What does 
this do, I hope? It casts new men and women back 
upon the mercy of God in Christ. Never forget this statement. As is fitting in the Lord. It's 
for Jesus that you submit. It's for Jesus you stand by your 
man. It's for Jesus you try and create a home, an environment 
where your husband wants to actually come home. It's for Christ the 
Lord that you take this word submission and you put it into 
practice. It is distinctly Christian. It 
is in the orbit of Christian ethics. It has its tap roots 
in the gospel of free and sovereign grace. Dear sisters, submit to 
your own husbands as is fitting to the Lord. Secondly, husbands, 
may I speak for all of us? Let's repent. It's tough to submit 
to us, isn't it? I hope we don't go home today and 
at lunch say, honey, I'm glad you heard that sermon because 
she really needed some of those things. You really need to grow. I say this wholly. I say this 
out of genuine concern for your well-being and your spiritual 
state. I only want you to thrive, baby. But you really need to 
repent. Hopefully, as we're choking down 
that macaroni and cheese or whatever it may be that the Lord has meat 
for us today, we say, Honey, forgive me that I've made it 
such a monumental task. Submit to me. Forgive me for 
the way that I am. You see, if we genuinely appreciate 
not only our specific role, but what our spouses are called to 
engage in, hopefully we will try and facilitate the whole 
process. We will hopefully try to be a 
worker with one another for each other's joy. First of all, with 
reference to husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward 
them. After a command given to wives 
to submit, we might naturally expect the command for husbands 
to lead. But as I've already said, that's 
built in. It's hardwired. It's the way. It is. Now, I know there are 
issues, there are challenges, there are struggles to be sure. 
There's a tendency of passivity in men. There's a tendency to 
abdicate leadership and authority. There is a tendency to want to 
run and hide and let your wife sort of rule and reign and do 
all those things. But the general drift of God's world is that 
men will gravitate toward this leadership role in the home. 
That's good. That's the way it ought to be. 
When you're parenting little boys and little girls, you ought 
to see some fundamental differences between the boys and the girls. Little boys want to carry purses 
and look at antiques and learn how to cook. You might want to 
give them a rock or a hammer or tinker toys or a play gun. Now, some of you may disagree 
with that. I'm an American. Grant me that. Give them a ball. Give them a 
glove. There are fundamental differences. That's okay. The world is trying 
desperately to equalize everyone. God says no. Men are supposed 
to be men. Women are supposed to be women. 
Not vice versa. In the church, men are to lead. 
In the home, men are to lead. It's the way it is. It's good. It's fine. It's right. It's of 
God. So we might naturally suspect 
to get the command, lead your wives. But again, it's love them. The commands are born out in 
the wisdom of God. Men will inherently lead. They need to be tempered with 
love. Women will naturally, inherently love. They need to temper it 
with submission. You see, God is infinitely wise. He speaks to us as we need to 
be spoken to. He's addressing us where we live. If I were to ask you ladies, 
what do you struggle with? Loving your man or submitting 
to your man? You'd probably say submitting 
to him. If I said to you men, what are 
you naturally inclined to? Leading your husband or loving 
your wife? Oh, you know, I lead. It's just 
my thing. I go out and work. I provide. I want things to be 
conducted well and all. I need to remember to love her, 
though. Give her a hug once in a while. I need to say charm 
is deceitful and beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord, 
she shall be greatly praised. I want to praise you, honey. 
I love you. I esteem you. I thank you for 
what you're doing. You see, God speaks to us specifically as 
we need Him. John Eady said, husbands are 
not to be domestic tyrants, but their dominion is to be a reign 
of love. Not domestic tyrants. Here's 
the leadership model that I've imbibed. The macho man pounding 
his chair saying, get me, get me, get me, get me, do this, 
do that. That's not leadership. Remember, it was in the context 
of leadership and submission and exaltation how you are not 
to function with one another, to the disciples that Jesus said, 
just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, 
to give His life a ransom for many. It's in the context of 
look at how the Gentiles lead. Look at how the Gentiles function. Look at how the Gentiles want 
to be the top of the pyramid and everybody underneath them 
submitting themselves. Not so with you. If you want 
to be great in the kingdom, you first of all be the least. If 
you want to be first in the kingdom, you be the last. Greatness in 
the kingdom does not look like pounding your fist, telling your 
woman to submit. Paul's not a caveman. Paul is 
not suggesting this sort of an attitude or disposition that 
is promulgated today. The sort of barbaric man beating 
his chest and has his wife in tow. That's not leadership. It's 
not godly. It just looks foolish. It's an 
amazing thing when a man thinks he looks manly, beating his chair. Go out and exercise dominion 
in the world, love your wife the way Christ loved the church, 
and then we'll talk about leadership. Right? We have all these ideas 
of what the man looks like. The biblical standard for this, 
again, it is context sensitive. Husbands, love your wives. It 
ought to look like what Paul's already stated. You're loving 
your wife, you're putting to death your members which are 
on the earth. You're not engaged in sexual 
porneia. You're not engaged in immorality. 
You're not engaged in lust or adultery or vileness or wickedness. You're loving your wife relative 
to what he's already stipulated is true of the new man in Christ 
Jesus. Love your wives means put to 
death the lusts of the flesh. Love your wives means put to 
death the sins of the tongue. Don't abuse your wife with your 
tongue. Don't abuse your wife with your language, with your 
words. This is the new man, remember? Love your wives. The manner that 
is consistent with what we find here in Colossians 3. As a new 
man in Christ Jesus, you're elect, you're holy, you're beloved. 
Function in that manner in the home. You see, it's not the case 
where we ought to come to church and, you know, we wear our nice 
clothes and we sing our hymns and our psalms and our spiritual 
songs and in the back of the church we're teaching and admonishing 
one another because we spent time with Owen in the week or 
we spent time with Manton or we spent time with, you know, 
whoever. Not to be the case that we function that way in the church 
and then we go home and we live like the devil. You see, Paul 
is consistent. Love your wives. That must mean 
put on tender mercies. If I need to put on tender mercies 
for my brothers and sisters at the church. Doesn't that mean I should do 
that for my wife? How is it that sometimes we're 
nicer to people that we're not married to? How is it that we can be respectful 
to everybody in this world, except the wife of our youth? We're 
to be kind. There is to be a humility displayed 
in the home. There is to be meekness. There 
is to be long suffering. There is to be a bearing with 
one another. Your wife is not as accomplished 
as you. She's not as solid. She can't 
juggle all her duties as effectively as you can. That's admitted. 
I mean, because you're you, right? Don't we as men at times think 
we can do it better? Seriously. If we had a men's 
conference, you'd probably all say, I'm sure I could. I don't 
know how she doesn't get everything done just right. We could do 
our job and hers, too. That's not the disposition we're 
supposed to convey in the name of Jesus to our wives. Is it? Forbearance. Forgiveness. You see, the biblical standard, 
love your wives, is the sort of love that Jesus displays. F.F. Bruce says it this way, 
a husband's legal authority over his wife was such, this is in 
the first century context that Paul is writing in. He says, 
a husband's legal authority over his wife was such that she had 
little hope of regress at law for harsh or unfeeling conduct 
on his part. You see, in the empire at this 
particular juncture, wives were supposed to be submissive to 
their husbands. There was a packeting order. 
There was a rule and a procedure, but she had no recourse for harsh 
treatment. He goes on to say, but such a 
situation should not arise in a Christian household. The forbearance 
and forgiveness, which are enjoined in the preceding section of the 
letter, together with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, 
and patience, forbid a Christian man to be harsh in his treatment 
of anyone, especially of his own wife. Don't treat me better 
than your wife. Don't do that. Don't treat other 
people better than your wife. Don't treat the ladies at work 
better than your wife. Treat your wife as the apple 
of your eye. Treat her as that blessed gift 
that God has given you. That's good to say that crown 
of her husband. You know, man, I dare say if 
we had a conference and we started to talk and we got open, we probably 
complain more than we praise them. We probably whine and grumble 
more than we think that it's similar with the magistrate. 
We all know how to fix the government. Do we pray for the government? We all know how to fix our wives. 
We all know how to do their jobs better. Do we ever just get on 
our knees and hold their hand and lead them to the throne of 
grace? The biblical standard is Christ. 
Love your wives. Jesus loves one church particularly 
and exclusively. He is faithful in monogamous. 
I always love that passage in the book of Ezekiel when God 
says, I'm going to take the desire of your eyes. I don't love it 
because Ezekiel was getting deprived of his wife, but I love that 
he had one desire of his eyes. Is he talking about her? Is he 
talking about him or her? Is he talking about this girl 
at the work? I'm going to take the desire of your eyes. Ezekiel 
was probably an older prophet at the time, too. He still had 
eyes for his bride. You see, Jesus is faithful. Jesus 
is monogamous. Jesus maintains intimacy with 
his church. Revelation 1, where is Christ 
to be found? I love the book of Revelation. 
We're met initially with this greeting from the triune God. 
And it locates Jesus at the right hand of the Father. And it says 
that he is the ruler over the kings of the earth. That just 
should get you fired up. How many times do people read 
Revelation and they forget that fact? They read Revelation and 
they see beast and beast. They see bad and bad. They forget 
what John tells us about Jesus being the ruler over the kings 
of the earth in chapter one. But he's ruler over the kings 
of the earth. But where is he intimately located when John 
starts to write? He's in the midst of the lampstands. He's with the church. He's ruler 
over the kings of the earth. He's intimately connected and 
he's present with his people as they gather together on the 
Lord's Day to worship God. So I think if you get Revelation 
one down, you'll wake up on Sunday morning and Psalm 122 won't be 
foreign to you. You see, I was glad when they 
said unto me, let us go to the house of the Lord, because Jesus 
is going to be there. Jesus is in the midst of his 
land stands. Jesus is present. Jesus is, by his word, by his 
spirit, dwelling in the midst of his people. That's the way 
a man is with his wife. It's intimate. He's with her. He's present. He's not ashamed 
of his church. I mean, it's an interesting statement, 
Hebrews 2.11. It says that Jesus is not ashamed to call them brethren. 
Isn't that amazing? He should be. Think about yourself. Think about me. Jesus should 
be. We're wretched. But He's not ashamed to call 
us brethren. We ought not to be ashamed of 
our wives. Many daughters have done nobly, 
but you excel them all. You're my crown. You're my good 
thing from the Lord. Ladies, don't be offended by 
that good thing language. Solomon uses that. It's legit 
for a man to say, you're my good thing. The way an ungodly man 
would say it. The way a godly man would say 
it. Jesus demonstrates His love. I bet if your wife had spotlights 
placed upon her and the threat of rubber hoses bashing her, 
she'd say, yeah, yeah, He does love me. Do you ever tell her? Well, she knows I love her. She's 
probably not going to get tired of you telling her. That's my 
guess. Maybe she's the one woman out 
there that says, you don't have to keep telling me you love me. 
I haven't met that woman yet. It's not the general report. 
Not so loved the world what? That he gave his only begotten 
son. He didn't just say it, he demonstrates 
it. Well, she knows I love her. Well, 
don't you love her? So I'm going to hurt her. She 
already knows it. I'm going to kill her. Any of you ladies think 
it's going to kill you if your husband says, I love you, sweetie? 
No, it's not going to kill me. It's going to make me feel great. This is how Christ loves the 
church. His love is sacrificial. Ephesians 
5, 25. Husbands, love your wives just 
as Christ loved the church. And he did what? He gave himself 
for her. Brothers, who masters this? Who's 
got this down? Who can say, oh, man, I'm so 
glad that Pastor Jim is hearing this from himself, because, boy, 
he needs to. I do. All of us. Self-sacrificial love. And it's not just talk is cheap. 
Jesus didn't say, I'm going to sacrifice myself for you and 
not do it. He really went to the tree. He 
really died. He really had thorns placed into 
his skull. He really bled. He really agonized. He was really forsaken by the 
Father. All those things were true and reality and show and 
demonstrate his self-sacrificing love for his bride. Now, here's that spot, ladies, 
where I would suggest and encourage you, instead of saying, man, 
he really needs to be listening. Man, I need to be lovely. I need 
to help him to love me. I need to encourage this in him. I need to make this place somewhere 
he actually wants to come home to. You see, we each have a tall 
order. But we can do it, hopefully, 
this is my zany idea, that we do it together. You know, later 
on when it says that fathers aren't to provoke their children, 
Do you think Paul means it's okay for children to provoke 
their fathers? Well, he didn't command me not to provoke you, 
Dad. No. He's speaking to particular issues 
that we're tempted to fail in. We are to help each other. Jesus' 
love is calculated to promote health and strength, which is 
called nourishment. His love is calculated to impart 
warmth, which is called cherishing. You see, it's not just this sort 
of a rigor mortis approach. I love you, honey, in some stoic 
fashion. I know this because I preach 
this sometimes. When I try to illustrate what 
love looks like, I oftentimes go to Romans 13, right? What's 
love? Well, don't murder people. Don't 
commit adultery against people. Don't covet their stuff. Don't 
steal from them. Feasibly, a man could take Pastor 
Butler's message and go home and say, honey, I'm loving you 
because I'm not going out committing adultery. I'm not stealing from 
you. I'm not embezzling your funds. Therefore, I love you. Let's 
couple it with the cherishing and the nourishing and the warmth. 
I hope that would go without saying. I love you because I 
do this. I love you, honey. You're my 
wife. I just want to gush all over you. Not in some weird way. You can get that other picture 
of the weird weepy guy too, you know. Paul's not advocating that 
necessarily. We cry together a lot. I love 
my man because he weeps with me. He likes to buy purses with 
me. That's not necessarily the direction 
we want to go. If you want to go out purse shopping 
with your wife, I won't judge you. You probably won't see me 
out pair shopping with my wife, though. Not that that's a requirement. But you see the thrust, the biblical 
standard of our love to our wives is to be tempered. It is to be 
full orb. It is to find its strength first 
and foremost in the gospel of free and sovereign grace. It 
is to be cross centered, cross oriented, Christ driven. It is 
to be that nourishing, that cherishing, that sort of thing that Paul 
calls us to in Ephesians chapter five. Some specific areas that 
a husband displays this love. He prays for her, he prays with 
her. Spirituality is a concern. He 
encourages her in her Bible reading. He encourages her in her church 
attendance. He encourages her in growth and 
grace and in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus. This is one of 
Paul's points in Ephesians 5, that the husband is to disciple 
his wife. She's to grow under his leadership. 
She's not to stagnate. She's not to die on the vine. 
She's not to decay. She's not to dry up. Rather, 
she is to blossom and to flourish and to learn more, to grow in 
the grace and in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus. Pray for her. 
Provide for her. If a man does not work, he does 
not provide for his own. He's worse than an infidel. Go 
labor. Go work. Be gainfully employed 
and serve your wife and protect her. Protect her from ungodly 
men. Protect her from ungodly influences. Protect her from ungodly doctrine. Protect your wife. Is that what 
Jesus does for the church? Jesus serves a threefold office. 
He serves as prophet, priest, and king. One of the functions 
within that kingly office is that he defends his church. He 
protects his church. He'll fight for his church. You 
protect the honor of your wife. You guard her. You value her. 
You prize her. You esteem her. Those are just 
some areas that we can fill in the blanks on what does it mean 
to love our wives. And then notice, finally, the 
prohibition here. Do not be bitter towards them. 
Again, I truly believe, and I am convinced the longer I live as 
a Christian, that Paul speaks to particular temptations for 
us. It doesn't say husbands don't 
beat your wives. Husbands, don't lock your wives 
in a closet. Husbands, don't care. No, he says, don't be embittered 
toward them. That's a tendency. That's the remaining corruption. That's the, I know I can do this 
job better than her. What do you mean? I've been gone 
all day working, you know, 14 hours. I've come home and dinner's 
not ready. I mean, we may not say it like 
that, but brethren, if my marriage is any indication, She knows 
what I'm thinking. Maybe we're just got some locked 
in thing going that no one else has, but I would suspect most 
women get that vibe. What do you mean it isn't ready? Don't be embittered toward them. Why? Because it's going to rot 
your soul. It's going to affect her. The 
kids are going to see it. Neighbors are going to see it. 
The world will witness it. But most of all, God the Lord 
who commands the prohibition of it, sees it. Do not be embittered. Don't be bitter toward them. 
They're sinners saved by grace. They've got issues. They've got 
challenges. They've got trials. They've got 
remaining sin. Don't be bitter toward them. 
Fight the temptation. Fight the tendency. Encourage 
her. Love her. Build her up. Esteem 
her. Pray for her. Pray with her. Don't just say, how come you 
can't manage the home like Sister whoever? Why don't we get good 
food like your neighbors do? I'm sorry, honey. What do you mean this? That's 
not godly. It really isn't. As much as we 
may think it is, and as much as they may need to hear it, 
it's not godly. Remember the book? on marriage 
that a man wrote. This man I no longer recommend 
as a proven guide with reference to doctrine, but he got this 
right several years ago. He said, when you come home, 
and I know those of you who have been here for a while have heard 
this quote or this paraphrase, but I think it fits. When you 
come home, man, and the dinner isn't ready, and the kids are 
running around, they got, you know, fluids streaming from their, 
you know, their nasal areas, and they look like they haven't 
seen the shower for, you know, weeks on end, and your wife is 
frazzled, and everything's messed up. Avoid the temptation to give 
her a three-part sermon on time management. You know, honey, if you got up 
three hours earlier, you know, if you ordered your day better, 
If you made sure you washed those clothes, if you made sure you 
got dinner in the oven by three. I haven't given this any thought, 
by the way. So just so you know, this is not biographical. Just 
getting lucky here. If you did all of this, then 
at 530, we'd sit down as a normal, loving, clean family to hot food. And what could be better than 
that? He says she doesn't need that three-point sermon. She 
needs a hug. Brethren, do not be bitter toward 
them. Right? Isn't that Paul's point? 
There's time for the three-point sermon. There's time for the 
tapes, or CDs, or lectures, or MP3. Honey, I put some good things 
on your iPod. You need to listen to these. 
There's time for that. There's place for that. In the 
midst of chaos, frazzle, and difficulty, she may just need 
a hug. Praise God that Jesus sometimes just gives us a hug. 
He forgives us. He cleanses us. He washes us. He's kind and gracious to us. 
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home and let him 
make her sorry to see him leave. There's a good analogy of what 
I've been attempting to stress throughout the message, not just 
wives submit and husbands love, but wives help your husbands 
to love. Husbands, help your wives to 
submit. It's a good analogy in terms 
of apostolic ministry. Paul says to the Corinthians, 
moreover, I call God as witness against my soul, that to spare 
you I came no more to Corinth. Not that we have, get this, dominion 
over your faith. Not that we have dominion over 
your faith, Paul says to the Corinthians, but are fellow workers 
for your joy. Paul saw his role toward the 
Corinthians, not as one who had dominion over their faith, but 
as a fellow worker with them for their joy. Your ladies, help 
your husband to love you. Help your husband to do what 
he is called to do. Help your husband by making the 
home such a place that he wants to come back to. Are you the 
biblical woman who strives to submit to her own husband as 
is fitting in the Lord? Are you the woman that Paul is 
addressing here? Are you the woman again, albeit 
imperfectly, Albeit with sin, albeit with struggle, albeit 
with difficulty, are you striving by the grace of God and the power 
of His Holy Spirit to do what the Lord God Almighty has called 
you to do in this passage? I dare say if that's the case, 
then His job will be exponentially helped in terms of loving you. You see, it's a complementary 
thing. When a wife submits, the husband 
loves. When the husband loves, the wife 
submits. It's a beautiful thing. It really 
is. You don't need a social science 
degree. You don't need a Ph.D. You don't need, you know, the 
latest seminar on 15 ways to please your man. Just do what 
the Bible says. Isn't that the final analysis 
in everything? Ladies, are you being the woman 
that God has called you to be? If so, praise the Lord. God is 
pleased. God is happy. God is glorified 
in that. And your husband is helped. Husbands, 
are you loving your wife? Is her Mount Everest submitting 
to you, not because of her own remaining sin, not because she's 
got issues, but because you're a real irritating person? Again, I didn't read this in 
a book. I'm thinking in terms of my marriage. I don't make 
it easy for my wife. I remember a buddy of mine one 
time, he and I said, our wives have it really rough. They got 
it really rough. Man, I think that as we understand 
that and we appreciate that, we will try to help facilitate 
them submitting to their own husbands. We were to get your 
wife along and say, what's the most Herculean task in your day? 
Submitting to him. Now, I expect we'd hear that 
answer from every woman because that's the tendency. That's the 
difficulty. That's the rough. But let it not be because we're 
especially difficult. We're especially hard. We're 
especially irritating. Is your wife happy when you come 
home? Is your wife happy when you leave? slam the door behind 
you, and all right, 10 hours. That ought not to be the way 
it is. We ought to labor by the grace 
of God to take this new man ethic, yes, flesh it out in the corporate 
context, in the Church of Jesus Christ. There should be peace. 
There should be love. There should be unity. There should be teaching 
and admonishing. There should be the Word of Christ 
richly dwelling in us in all wisdom. There should be hymn 
singing and psalm singing and spiritual song singing. There 
should be all of this fleshed out in the body. We should be 
worshiping the Father through the Son, by the power of the 
Spirit. We should be distinctly and characteristically Trinitarian. 
In our worship on the Lord's Day Sabbath and in our homes, 
new men and new women in Christ ought to live in the manner that 
is consistent with verses 18 and 19. Wives submitting to their 
own husbands as to the Lord in everything, because it's fitting. 
And husbands loving their wives, caring for their wives, cherishing 
their wives, nourishing their wives, willing to sacrifice for 
their wives. praying for them, providing for 
them, protecting them, being for them what God in Christ has 
called them to be. If you follow the argument at 
all, you'll realize how much we stand in need of the grace 
of God in Jesus Christ. No accident, we sang a psalm 
of repentance or a hymn of repentance, the second one, God be merciful 
to me. How do we come face to face with a passage like this 
and not say, praise God for the cross? How do we come to a passage 
like this and reflect upon our own character and conduct as 
Christians and not praise God for what? How in the world could 
we come to Colossians 3, 18 and 19, if we're a woman, and not 
say, praise God for the Lord Jesus? Praise God I'm not saved 
because of my submission, I'm saved because of Jesus' submission 
to the Father. How do we come to a passage like this as men 
and say, praise God, I know I'm not saved by the way that I love 
my wife. I'm saved because of the way Jesus loved me. We need 
the gospel. You see, gospel, cross-centered 
life is what is necessary for us. as new men and new women 
in Jesus. It's as if Paul just takes the 
cross and plants it right in the midst of Colossae and says, 
your church life should surround the cross. Your family life should 
surround the cross. So we'll see later on, parents, 
children, surround the cross. Employees, employers, surround 
the cross. Everything should be focused 
upon the cross. We need the blood. We need Jesus. We need Him to cleanse us. We 
need Him to wash us. We need His self-sacrificing 
love. We need His submission to the 
Father. We need His doing. We need His dying. We need His 
rising. It is based on that reality alone 
that we have acceptance with God. It is through faith in the 
Lord Jesus Christ. And if you are here this morning 
and you do not know that Lord Jesus, believe on Him. Look to 
the cross. Look to Christ. Look to the Gospel 
by God's grace. believe, and you will be saved. 
Well, let us pray. Father, we thank you for your 
Word. We thank you for the centrality of Christ in all of life. Help us, Father, to repent. Help 
us to take these things to heart. Help us to prayerfully consider 
our conduct in light of Colossians 3 and grant us help and strength 
and faith and everything necessary so that we may indeed live as 
new men and new women in our homes. We just thank you that 
there is forgiveness with you, that you may be feared. We thank 
you that there is mercy and grace and kindness in you. We pray 
that we would go thou and do likewise, that we would demonstrate 
those virtues, those loving kindnesses to others as well. And we pray 
through Christ Jesus, our Lord. Amen.