to Colossians chapter 3. Colossians chapter 3, our focus is on verses 20 and 21, but I do want to read beginning in Colossians 3 at verse 1. If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth, fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them.

But now you yourselves are to put off all these anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created Him, where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, Put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection, and let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body.

And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye service, as men pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God.

And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ. But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality. Masters, give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you also have a master in heaven. Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving.

Meanwhile, praying also for us that God would open to us a door for the word, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in chains, that I may make it manifest as I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. Well let us pray.

Father we thank you for the written word and we pray now for the ministry of the Holy Spirit who gave the word. We ask God that you would encourage our hearts and strengthen us in the inner man. Cause us to pursue those things that are pleasing in your sight. Those things so clearly laid out in a passage like this.

May God help us to pursue these things in light of the first few verses, to focus upon our Lord Jesus, to seek Him, to set our minds upon Him, to derive power for the Christian life from the blessed enthronement of our Lord Jesus Christ at the right hand of the Father. God in heaven, may we indeed operate according to your word. And may we indeed obey the commandments of God for your glory, for your honor, and for your praise. And may we always be mindful that we don't obey as a condition for our salvation, but a consequence of you having saved us by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone.

And we pray these things through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

Introduction: Colossians 3 in Context

Well, this particular section of Scripture, the apostle in chapter 3, beginning in… or the section in verses 1 to 4, he calls the people of God to consider Christ. If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above. In other words, the people of God are to be heavenly-minded. The people of God are to set their minds on things above, not on things on the earth.

And he gives us the rationale, verse 3, for you died, your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. The apostle has set forth the glorious truth of the gospel in chapters 1 and 2. In fact, look back for just a moment at chapter 1.

Notice, in verses 15 to 20, He calls us to reflect upon the supremacy of Jesus Christ. He sets forth Christ in His glory as the Creator. He sets forth Christ in His glory as the one sovereign in providence. And He sets forth Christ in His glory as sovereign in redemption.

And then notice, very specifically, beginning in verse 19, "...it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross." He gets real applicable to the situation of these Christians in Colossae. He says in verse 21, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled." So you see, we have moved from this place of alienation toward God to reconciliation with God, and it comes as a result of the gospel. Notice, verse 22, "...in the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and blameless and above reproach in his sight, if indeed you continue in the faith, grounded and steadfast, and are not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which you heard, which was preached to every creature under heaven, of which I, Paul, became a minister." Notice in chapter 2, beginning in verse 11. In Him, you were also circumcised with the circumcision made without hands by putting off the body of the sins of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ, buried with Him in baptism, in which you also were raised with Him through faith in the working of God who raised Him from the dead.

And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made a life together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us, and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross, having disarmed principalities and powers. He made a public spectacle of them. triumphing over them in it. So that's the foundation. It's our salvation by grace through faith in Christ.

Our salvation is tied to the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. So chapter 3 is the consequence. In other words, you've been saved by grace. Now here is how you ought to live.

Chapter 3 ought not to be interpreted this way. I need to put off vice, I need to put on virtue, I need to be kind to the people in my church, I need to be kind to the people in my family, and if I fulfill all those requirements, then the Lord will save me. That's not the way Colossians 3 is to be read. These people, or Paul, addresses them as those who have been saved.

This is a prescription for the Christian life, for those who have been conquered by the grace of God through the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. And before we get to the very particular commands and duties and responsibilities, Paul wants us to focus upon Christ. Power in the Christian life does not come from you. Power in the Christian life does not come from you pulling up your bootstraps or knuckling under.

Now, certainly you need to be disciplined. You need to be consistent. You need to be faithful. A fruit of the Holy Spirit is, in fact, self-control.

But we are always to live in light of the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ, and that's the emphasis in verses 1 to 3. I'm sorry, 1 to 4, and then after that he does tell us we need to put off vice, verses 5 to 11. You've been saved by the grace of God through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, therefore you need to put these things off. You're not supposed to be characterized like you were prior to your conversion.

He then goes on in verses 12 to 17 to say we are to put on virtue. In other words, as believers in Christ Jesus, we are to pursue those things that are pleasing in God's sight. There's a corporate dimension. In other words, how we are to function toward one another within the context and in the life of the church of the Lord Jesus Christ.

And then this last section, beginning in chapter 3 at verse 18 and continuing to chapter 4, verse 1, is sort of a household code. It's the way you're supposed to conduct yourself in your home. It's the way you're supposed to conduct yourself in your several relations, husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and servants. There is a code of conduct for the people of God, and that is what is set forth here by the apostle Paul.

So, in other words, we might suggest that what we find in terms of this heavenly-mindedness enjoined upon us in chapter 3, verses 1 to 4, does not translate into asceticism. Now asceticism is this idea where we do not touch, we do not taste, we withdraw ourselves from the world. The ascetics were the kinds of people that would go live in the wilderness. They would build these great big poles and live on top of these big poles.

Asceticism is a withdrawal. But when we see Paul's emphasis on engaging our minds toward Christ, it is not with a view to withdrawing from life. But rather, heavenly-mindedness ought to produce the most consistent earthly conduct. That's the emphasis by the apostle.

Instruction to Children (v. 20)

So as I said, we're going to take up two of the specifics this evening in verses 20 and 21. I hope it's an encouragement to my brothers who are fathering children. I don't want to be too vicious or hard or mean this time around, but I hope that you will derive some encouragement. And I think the best encouragement, perhaps, fathers, is that I do address the children in verse 20.

So we're going to look at the instruction to children in verse 20 and the instruction to fathers. I know what it's like to be a father and give your child instruction, and you keep doing it, and you keep doing it, and you keep doing it, and it seems like they never hear you. Well, tonight you're going to have someone else yell at them for you. Actually, I'm not going to yell at them.

That's your job. but I want to remind you children what your relationship is toward your parents. Note, the instruction to children, verse 20, the party addressed children. You know, there's an old adage that children are better seen than heard. Children are better seen than heard, but here specifically Paul, writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, addresses children.

It is very important. The fifth commandment specifically addresses children. Honor your father and your mother. So, children, you are being addressed by the apostle in Colossians 3.20.

If you compare it to a parallel passage in Ephesians 6, you would see a similar thing.

Duty: Obey in All Things

Note, secondly, the duty. You are to obey your parents in all things. I mean, when all is said and done, your job description is very short. Obey your parents.

It's pretty easy, isn't it? In terms of what we're supposed to do. Now because of Adam and because of sin and because of transgression and rebellion, that complicates the execution of this obedience. But in terms of your job, in terms of your calling, in terms of your purpose on earth, Paul's words are crystal clear and do not bear any misinterpretation.

Obey your parents in all things. Now I believe that Paul would indeed qualify this or affirm the qualification that I'm about to make. If your parents want you to sin, don't obey them. If your parents want you to engage in some sort of ungodly activity, obviously don't obey them.

It's similar to the wife's injunction to submit to her husband in all things. Well, Paul doesn't mean in sinful things. Paul doesn't mean in wicked things. Paul doesn't mean in things contrary to the word or law of God.

So the mandate is that you submit in all lawful things. Obey your parents. And then notice the scope of the command is all things. You don't get to pick and choose.

You don't get to say, well, I like 7 out of your 10 rules, or I like 17 out of your 20 rules, but these last three are just not going to do it for me. No, children, you are to obey in all things. And then

Motivation: Well-Pleasing to the Lord

note the Christocentric motivation. That means the Christ-centered motivation. He says, obey in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Now, based on creation, you should obey your parents.

Based on creation, you ought to do what your parents say. But Paul adds this further dimension in terms of redemptive privilege, in terms of redemptive privilege, a benefit. Obey your parents, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. And then, of course, Paul's command here has its foundation in the fifth commandment.

The fifth commandment tells children to obey their parents. Now, the command to obey deals specifically with action. When you are told to honor them, that deals with attitude. You see, it's not consistent to do it externally, to comply with a particular command while your face looks like Nebuchadnezzar's.

Did you see that in the reading? His expression changed. I think the Hebrew is that his nostrils flared. Isn't that intriguing?

Nebuchadnezzar was so bent out of shape over what was happening under his watch that his nostrils flared. Well, we know what that means when somebody's nostrils flare. I mean, think of a bull. When its nostrils flare, what should you do?

Run like the dickens. But when a person's nostrils flare, it's typical of the reality that they are angry. They are upset. So if your parents gives you a particular command, and you comply, you do it, you pick up the object and you take it from point A to point B in compliance with your parents' instructions, but your nostrils are flared, or your eyes are rolling, or your eyebrows are doing awkward things, or you've got some other visible demonstration of resistance, you are not honoring them.

You may engage in the outward obedience to the command, but your heart is far from them. You see, God's not gonna say, well, you did well, 50% is absolutely okay with me. No, the command of God, most high, is to be obeyed. You're to obey the parents, external compliance with the law, but you are also to do so with an attitude of honor toward them.

Now, children, if you are tracking, you will see that this is difficult, isn't it? You don't have to actually nod your heads, I'm just going to say yes for you. The Heidelberg Catechism asks the question, how do we know our sin and misery? From the law of God.

So if you have questions about who Jesus is and why should I fly to Jesus, ponder the law of God. Ponder that fifth commandment. Ask yourself, do I comply? Do I obey my parents in all things the way God says?

Do I honor my parents in all things the way God says? I am absolutely 100% convinced the answer is going to be a big, fat no. And so the law of God in that instance shows you Why you need Jesus Christ? The law of God in that instance functions as a tutor, as a helper, as what?

That points you to the Savior King. So it is good for us to meditate upon the law of God. It is good for us to consider the ramifications of children. Obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing in the Lord.

If you find that you are not compliant, if you find that your hearts are far from your parents, if you find that you have rebellion in your soul, then flee to the Savior. And once you have gone to the Savior, then, by God's grace, you put these things into practice.

Law as Tutor, Driving to Christ

The law of God is absolutely crucial to demonstrate to us our sin and misery. Once we see that sin and misery, we run to the Savior. Once we run to the Savior, we believe the gospel, we are received by Him, we are forgiven of our sins, even fifth commandment violations, we receive His righteousness imputed to us, received by faith alone, then the Savior is going to point us back to that fifth word. The Savior is going to point us back to Colossians 3.20.

The Savior is going to say, now I want you to walk in obedience to this particular command. But lo and behold, as believers, you have a resource you didn't previously have, namely the Holy Spirit, who enables compliance with the command, who enables you by the grace of God to pursue those things that are indeed pleasing to the Lord. So children, very simply, verse 20, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing in the Lord.

Instruction to Fathers (v. 21)

Now, notice secondly, with reference to the fathers. The father is addressed. He is the party addressed in the first place. He is the head of the household.

He is the primary responsible agent. Now, this was true, obviously, in the Roman Empire, but it's certainly true in the larger context of biblical revelation. It's not the case that a mother is an afterthought. It's not the case that a mother is a less important human being.

In fact, the injunction in verse 20 is, obey your parents. plural, we see that as well in the fifth word, honor your father and your mother. So we see that mothers are definitely included. We already dealt with mothers when we looked at Mother's Day or on Mother's Day, but the specific emphasis in the text here before us is fathers. You are indeed the party addressed.

John Eady makes this observation, the training of the children or the training of children is the father's special function. For the duty is devolved upon him to select and put into operation the best means and methods for the culture of his offspring. So you see, fathers, we're not to be passive in the home. We're not to be lazy in the home.

We're not to be apathetic in the home. We're not to be lethargic in the home. We're not to be absentee in the home. But rather, fathers are addressed as the responsible agents And I don't think it's an understatement to say, as the father goes, so often goes the home.

If the father is not faithful, if the father is not consistent, if the father shirks his responsibility and rejects the admonition of the Apostle Paul, then his wife and children are going to be miserable. It's going to be the contrary to what we see there in Psalm 128. The man who fears the Lord, what's his table look like? children around the table like olive branches and vines. His wife is happy and well-adjusted.

Fathers, it is absolutely crucial that we take to heart the Apostle's word here. Now notice, secondly,

Prohibition: Do Not Provoke

there is a prohibition, a prohibition. Paul tells us not to do something. Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Fathers, do not provoke your children.

The verb simply means, do not provoke them. It means to excite them, to provoke them or to irritate them. Certainly, you can excite them by telling them, hey, we're going to get ice cream today. All right, that's the kind of excitement that's acceptable and legit and righteous.

But the provocation in view here is wrong. You are not to provoke your children, according to the apostle Paul. John Eady again says, fathers are spoken to since training is their duty. And because this peculiar sin, which the apostle condemns, is one to which they, and not mothers, are particularly liable.

It doesn't mean that a mother doesn't have it in her, but it means that of the two, father and mother, the father is probably more likely the candidate to provoke his children. Douglas Moo in his commentary makes a very excellent or perceptive observation with reference to some background. He says, the text most relevant to Colossians 3.21, however, and one that Paul may well have had in mind is Deuteronomy 21.20. I'm expecting everybody to remember what Deuteronomy 21.20 is.

Deuteronomy 21.20 or that section is the incorrigible son, the son whom the father and the mother has borne long with, the son who is a rebel, the son who rejects the parental authority after their involvement in seeking to bring him up. It's not a two-year-old, it's not a five-year-old, it's an adult rebel son. He's a drunkard and he's a glutton. He is ultimately delivered over to the elders in the city, and then that boy or that son, rather, is put to death.

So the text most relevant to Colossians 3.21, and one that Paul may have well had in mind, is Deuteronomy 21.20, where parents are charged with bringing a disobedient son before the elders and proclaiming, this son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. It's the same sort of root word there, this rebellious and this provocation. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard.

So Moose says Paul, in effect, is exhorting fathers to raise their children in such a way that they do their utmost to avoid provoking this kind of rebellious attitude in them. You see, if we're not careful in the exercise of discipline, we may actually be provoking our children to a place of more grievous rebellion against our authority. Now, note what Paul says in terms of the result. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouragement.

Now, the discouragement in view means to be without courage or spirit, to lose heart, or to become spiritless. Certainly, we ought to discourage them when they want to sin. Certainly, we will discourage them when we say, no, we can't get ice cream today. I checked the coffers and there's not enough dough.

That's going to bring some discouragement. That's not what Paul's talking about. This provocation in the upbringing of your children to the point where they are spiritless to the point where they are empty shells, to the point where they are in some sense dehumanized because you've continually exasperated them or provoked them, to use the verb, and brought them to this place of abject discouragement. Paul says don't do that.

Now, brothers who have children, I want to encourage you by way of a reminder that fathering children is one of the greatest responsibilities that any man will ever have. There are a lot of things we can mess up, and I'm not suggesting go out and mess them up, but there are a lot of things that we can mess up, and there are not eternal ramifications. But if we are bad fathers, if we are lazy, and apathetic, and passive, and we do not involve ourselves in the upbringing of our children, we abdicate our authority, or we're abusive, or we're tyrannical, or we're wretched in some other way, We are going to blow it huge. Now, praise God for His grace, praise God for forgiving children, praise God for all of the mercy that we see demonstrated in and through His Word, but we need to take seriously this responsibility with reference to our children.

We get one kick at the can. You don't ever get them back at two years old. You don't ever get them back at four years old. You don't ever get them back at six years old.

You mess up those years, you don't get a mulligan. You know what mulligans are in golf? If you slice one off into the woods, you get to call it a mulligan and take another shot. I don't know why that popped into my head, having golfed since high school, just a bizarre thought there, but that's what a mulligan is.

You don't get do-overs in this thing called fatherhood. As well, the discouragement in view promotes anger in the child. It excites their bad passions and is an evil influence on the child rather than a good one. Now, we might ask the question,

Ways Fathers Provoke Their Children

how does a father do this? Not so that we can do it, but how does a father do this so that we can avoid it? Fathers do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. In the first place, the exhibition of unrighteous anger. the exhibition of unrighteous anger.

If you're the kind of guy that flies off the handle over everything, that is going to provoke your children. I think a good course to pursue, man, is to be faithful, to be consistent, to be a man who exercises self-control so you're not like this. It's hard to track with somebody that's like this, isn't it? One day we're on top of the mountain and everything's wonderful.

The next day we're down here and everything's miserable. Just be faithful, be consistent, exercise that fruit of the Spirit which is indeed self-control. The exhibition of unrighteous anger and as well the application of unbiblical discipline. The Bible authorizes reproof and the rod.

Again, as I said with reference to our Mother's Day sermon, with reference to the rod, we live in an increasingly hostile society towards the Bible. Do not advertise the types of things that you do. I'm not saying be covert and sinful and wicked and all that sort of thing. But brethren, be wise, be prudent in this current situation.

The Bible does authorize such things, and if the Bible authorizes such things and we refuse to use such things, then that is going to exasperate or provoke a child. A child needs discipline. Kids are going to say, don't pursue this thought. You know you need discipline.

You know you need discipline. I think engraved on all our hearts is Proverbs 13, 24. He who spares the rod hates his son, but whoever loves him disciplines him promptly. You children know that if your fathers or your mothers do not discipline you, it's the absence of love or a desire for your well-being.

I mean, there were times when I was growing up, I thought I should have really gotten it good. But I didn't get it good, and it made me conclude that perhaps my father wasn't as vested in my well-being as he should have been. I knew Proverbs 13, 24 as a child, or as a teenager, without ever having read Proverbs 13, 24. I saw it in my own experience.

My father was a man who provoked me in broad discouragement. Not because he was heavy-handed, not because he was tyrannical, not because he was abusive, but because he was passive, because he didn't discipline, because he didn't demonstrate the love that discipline demonstrates. Isn't this Paul's point in Hebrews chapter 12? Before we conclude that this whole concept of a father disciplining his child, that's just barbaric, it's a throwback to a terrible age.

Brethren, Hebrews 12, the Apostle Paul tells us that God's discipline of His children is the proof that He loves His children. You are illegitimate. You're a bastard, to use the King James Version. if you are not disciplined by God the Father. It is an evidence, it is a manifestation of, it is a proof that the Father loves you when He takes you to the woodshed and He gives you discipline.

The same is the case in the home. Certainly the abdication or the lack of application of biblical discipline does provoke a child and bring discouragement to them, but so does exercising it in an ungodly manner, exercising it as a tyrant, exercising it as an abuser. John Eady again says, the paternal reign is not to be one of terror and stern authority, but of love. Your children ought to know that you're disciplining them out of the context of love.

Not because you want to ruin their lives, or not because you've got this cosmic killjoy attitude that doesn't want them to thrive and flourish and be the sorts of people. No, they ought to know. And how are they going to know that? Because that's the context in which you live.

That's the atmosphere, that's the aroma, that's the sort of way your home is already set up. Albert N. Martin, in his series on how not to foul up the training of your children, uses a very good analogy. He says when you walk into somebody's house, you often know something about the condition of the house by the smell.

Now, it could be a bad smell or it could be a good aroma, right? He says that we as parents need to create an aroma, not physically, not in terms of, you know, people ought to smell, but we ought to be about creating an aroma in our home that is characterized by the sorts of things that we see here in Colossians 3, that we see in Galatians 5, that we see as fruits of the Holy Spirit. So that when we get to that point of disciplining our children, there's no question that we're doing it because we love them. They know that.

We don't even have to tell them, I'm going to do this because I love you. They should already know that, men. You should create an environment in your home where your children know they're secure, they're stable, they're comfortable in the love of a father toward them. So Eady says, the rod may be employed but in reason and moderation and never from momentary impulse and anger.

Children are not to be moved to wrath by harsh and unreasonable treatment or by undue partiality and favoritism. Charles Bridges in his excellent commentary on Proverbs, and I think the excellence of his commentary on Proverbs is seen in those comments on child-rearing texts. Bridges says, the rod without affection is revolting tyranny. Let that sink in.

The rod without affection is revolting tyranny. You may go through the motions, you may engage in the sorts of things that Paul admonishes here, but if you don't have love in your heart, it's revolting tyranny. But back to the whole idea of abdicating or not engaging in reproof and rot or not engaging in discipline, listen to what Bridges says. He says, Satan begins with the infant in arms.

The cry of passion is his first stir of the native corruption. Do we begin as early? Now, I don't think he means go and spank the infant. The idea being is that we need to appreciate the validity, the truthfulness, the reality of Psalm 58.3.

The wicked go estranged from the womb, speaking lies as soon as they are born. Right? You look at these beautiful little good-smelling things, but they're in Adam. They are in Adam.

To use a sprolism, they are vipers, no actually it was Gerstner. They are vipers in diapers. I realize that won't win many accolades in the modern climate, but I think Gerstner was right. He says, do we begin as early?

Every vice commences in the nursery. The great secret is to establish authority in the dawn of life, to bend the tender twig before the knotty oak is beyond our power. That's a great statement, man. You've got to take it to heart.

You've got to realize your job is to train those children. And that includes discipline. It must mean that you employ it as it is necessary, you employ it in the orbit of love, you employ it as a means by which you're demonstrating heartfelt affection for the child. It's not an impulse, it's not the last result, it's not everything's over now, this is it.

No, that is not the way to operate because you're going to provoke your children and you're going to make them discouraged. And as well, the placing of unbiblical demands coupled with inconsistency or wrong motives or imbalance. If you need help on how to parent your children, read the Bible, right? Proverbs especially gives us so many tips and so many helpful principles on how to rear these children.

But at the same time, it's not rocket science. Show them love, show them affection, show them your kindness, but as well, show them those things they need by way of corrective discipline. You're going to do them a favor. You look around us today and you see the sorts of things that are going on today and you see the lawlessness and the rebelliousness and the just abject wickedness of young people all over the world, what are you led to conclude?

They weren't disciplined in their home. I mean, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? When you see people carrying on like fools, you could probably trace it back to bad parenting. And I know that doesn't sound nice either.

We want to blame the government or blame the community or blame everything else. Ultimately, it's the child. We ought to blame them. But as parents, let us not help them on their way to hell by refusing to discipline them as God commands.

So that's the prohibition.

Positive Exhortation: Ephesians 6:4

We ought to thirdly look at the positive exhortation. This is found in the parallel in Ephesians 6. There's not only a prohibition, do not provoke them lest they be discouraged or become discouraged, but there is a positive exhortation in Ephesians 6. Specifically verse 4, you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. You see the contraries there. Do not provoke them to wrath, but rather bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." You need to couple both things in your parenting. You need to be faithful with your children in this particular way.

Now, the language employed, this in the training, highlights the actions involved, and that probably includes education, child training, and discipline. The admonition, in view, includes words. It's how you speak. It's what you instruct them.

It's the kinds of things that you say. It's preaching to them law and gospel. It is highlighting to them the word of the living God. You see, there is this positive admonition.

You cannot successfully claim that you are a good father as long as you're not only not provoking your children to wrath or discouragement. You need to positively bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. That takes time, it takes effort, it takes energy, it takes a whole lot in terms of commitment, not only to God, but to your wife and to your children, and you need to step up to the plate. Brethren, we need to think through these things with reference to, who am I going to marry?

You know, young ladies, young men. Think in terms of Bible before you get married. You know, ask yourself, as a young woman, is this guy I've set my affections on going to be able to do Ephesians 6-4? Is this guy that I have a yearning to be united to going to be an Ephesians 6-4 man?

Same with young men. The woman that I'm going to marry, is she going to be the kind of woman that can function properly with reference to her children? Why don't we ever think through these things as young people? I'll tell you why, because we're 18, 19, 20, and for young men, our testosterone is revved up, Young women, we are romantic and we want to get married.

I get all that, but be principled. Think through it. Don't just jump into something and say, man, we're making a mess out of things. Think about it on the front end so that the back end is good and blessed of God.

So you see, it's not only negative, do not provoke your children to wrath, but it's positive, bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Now,

Examples of Faithful and Faithless Fathers

fourthly, I want to look at a couple examples and then we'll conclude. Positively, Abraham in Genesis chapter 18. I hope and trust that you are all familiar with these. We'll just run through them quickly.

But these are good examples of good fathers. Something that, unfortunately, is lacking to some degree today. I hope and pray within the context of the church we see good examples in terms of fatherhood, but in society as a whole, it's not always the case that we see such examples. It's good for us to reflect upon the written word to see God's men.

Abraham: Fear God, Command Your Household

Notice the example of Abraham in Genesis 18, 19. It's on the eve of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Verse 18, since Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him, for I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has spoken to him. And I think the first thing we ought to appreciate with reference to Abraham is his disposition toward God in the first place.

In other words, men, you're going to be best for your children when you fear God. You're going to be best for your children when you are walking with God. There's a man by the name of Klaus Bockmuehl, and he made this observation. The parents who reject the first commandment can expect their children to reject the fifth one.

The parents who do not submit to God should not expect their children to submit to them. Makes sense, doesn't it? If you're not fearing God, walking before the Lord in obedience, with reverence, with a holy awe, then you are not fit to father your children. Now, that's a very, very harsh statement, but brethren, if we follow the vibe of Scripture, it is valid.

Abraham feared God. As a result of his fearing God, he would be well-equipped to instruct his children, very specifically that they keep the way of Yahweh, that they do righteousness and justice.

Joshua: As for Me and My House

Notice Joshua, Joshua chapter 24, a covenant ceremony at Shechem. Joshua 24, covenant ceremony at Shechem. This is basically a covenant renewal ceremony where the children of Israel swear fidelity to the God of Israel, and it's on the heels of this exhortation by Joshua. It's a blessed, wonderful exhortation on the part of this man.

But we all know the text, we all know the emphasis, but let's just look at verse 14. Now, therefore, fear the Lord. Serve Him in sincerity and in truth, and put away the gods which your father served on the other side of the river and in Egypt. Serve the Lord, and if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. whether the gods which your father served that were on the other side of the river or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell." Now, realize that Joshua imbibes the attitude of Elijah the prophet here.

He's not actually entertaining the thought or encouraging these people to go follow the Canaanite deities. to lay down a challenge. It is similar to 1 Kings 18, where the prophet Elijah says, if Baal is God, then serve him. If Yahweh is God, then serve him. How long will you limp between two options or two opinions?

That's the spirit in which we ought to interpret this. Joshua's not actually saying, you know, there's some options on the other side of the river. Why don't you go pursue? No, he's laying down a challenge, calling them to an exclusive commitment to Yahweh.

Notice, in whose land you dwell, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. You see, man, that's the way we need to operate. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Now, when we say that and when we state that, that carries a lot of implications.

Our service to the Lord includes us being men, being husbands, being fathers, being workers, being citizens, all of that. It's not we will serve the Lord in these particular things. It is a comprehensive, universal application of oneself to serve and fear the living and true God. Specifically in the context, they are to fear Yahweh, they are to serve Yahweh, and they are to put away idols.

Matthew Henry's comment here is just beautiful. He says, Joshua was a ruler, a judge in Israel, yet he did not make his necessary application to public affairs an excuse for the neglect of family religion. You hear this sometimes, especially in our day and age when we've got so many things to help us with time. I just don't have time to do this with my kids.

You don't have to preach an hour-long sermon. Just open the Bible and read a few verses and pray with your kids. That could take, what, five minutes? You don't have five minutes?

Your car hasn't enabled you to free up five minutes in a day? Your phone hasn't enabled you to free up five minutes in a day? We're talking about little kids here. They don't need five-point sermons.

They need five minutes of your time. Now, if you can give more, and I think you can, then give more. But Joshua was a busy man, wasn't he? Have any of you ever been called to go in and conquer the land of Canaan?

Have any of you ever been called to function as a military commander with a whole multitude of troops under your command, to marshal them up, to lead them into battle, to kill Canaanites, and to dispossess the land of its Canaanites? Have you ever been called to do that? No. We have so many helps in terms of time that for us to neglect religion, family religion, to neglect the rearing up of our children with the claim that we're too busy for that, that is absolutely unconscionable.

Now, I realize there are busy seasons in life and there are times when you may only have five minutes to give to your children. I am always amazed at the hard work that our brothers put in with reference to their earthly callings. That is a blessing. That is a good thing.

And I think that speaks multitudes of good things to kids. They ought to see dad work hard. They ought to see dad, you know, going out there and doing those sorts of things. But brethren, if you can't spare a few minutes in a day to love your children and to bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord, you got to make some changes, you got to cut some things out, maybe no more golf games and mulligans and that sort of stuff.

So, we've got those positive examples, of course we've got the negative examples and I think that

Eli: The Danger of Passive Abdication

everybody who's attended the Wednesday night studies probably has Eli pop into their heads. Eli chapter 2 in 1st Samuel. Chapter 2 in 1 Samuel, just get a glimpse of Eli's sons before we look at Eli's negligence. I mean, these two guys were certainly not the best and the brightest in Israel.

They were certainly not those men of integrity and godliness and loyalty that they ought to have been. In the first place, Eli's sons stole sacrifices brought to the temple. Chapter 2, verses 13 to 17. Now, there were allotments for the priest in terms of what they could eat with reference to sacrifice.

These guys would throw in a three-tined fork and pull out meat and just mow it down. They weren't supposed to do this. They were stealing sacrificial meat ultimately from God at the expense of the worshiper. As well, they lay with women, according to chapter 2, verse 22.

Not their wives in a lawful, conjugal sort of way, but most likely temple prostitutes. Now Eli was very old, and he heard everything his sons did to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who assembled at the door of the tabernacle of meeting." You see, these men were terrible. Now, these were symptoms, these were the manifestations of, these were the evidences of the fact that they did not know Yahweh. Notice in chapter 2, verse 12, here is the origin or the fountain or the very hub of their problem.

Verse 12, now the sons of Eli were corrupt. They did not know Yahweh. You see, it's in that context we ought to understand the promise of the new covenant in Jeremiah 31. You see, Jeremiah describes the old covenant where within Israel you had those who knew Yahweh and those who did not know Yahweh.

With reference to the new covenant, all will know Yahweh. It means by way of grace, salvation through faith. Eli's sons were covenant members in Israel. They were priests within the covenant community of Israel.

They were lawfully authorized to all the privileges and all the benefits associated with membership in the covenant people of Israel, but they didn't know God. The fundamental distinctive with reference to New Covenant religion is that everyone in that covenant, the New Covenant, will know the Lord. That means that within the New Covenant community, it's not a mixed bag. It's not the case that there are actually New Covenant members that are unsaved.

No, everybody in the New Covenant knows the Lord. They've been forgiven of their sins. The law of the Lord has been internalized within their hearts. They've received the Holy Spirit of God.

Those are the promises, and we see that contrast here with reference to the sons of Eli, covenant members, priests in the tabernacle, and men who did not know Yahweh. Now, just to highlight Eli's sin, notice in chapter 3 at verse 11, 1 Samuel 3, verse 11, Then Yahweh said to Samuel, Behold, I will do something in Israel, at which both ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. In that day I will perform against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house from beginning to end. For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows, because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them.

You see, there's a passive abdicating man. There is a man who did not take seriously the mandate to exercise discipline over his sons. Now, I'm not suggesting that shortcomings on your part is going to automatically result in sons who steal sacrifices and sons who lay with tabernacle prostitutes. I'm not making that connection.

But brethren, it certainly opens the door to such things. We don't want to push them in the direction of wickedness and evil because we don't have the guts, the strength, or the commitment to exercise the kind of discipline that under God will be used for their well-being. The other negative example, I already mentioned it in Proverbs 13, 24, he who spares his rod hates his son. But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

He who loves his son disciplines him promptly. That is absolutely crucial for us to get our minds wrapped around.

Application and Conclusion

Well, in conclusion, with reference to the children, I think the Bible envisions, or envisages, I think might be the more appropriate term, that you have natural affection for your parents. And, well, you should. You should love your parents. You should esteem your parents.

You should honor your parents. You should obey your parents. You say, well, my parents aren't perfect. Nevertheless, do those things.

You ever consider Jesus, that time when he's with his, you know, he has strayed from Joseph and Mary and he's at the temple and he's, you know, theologizing with the doctors of the law there, and when they come to get him, it says that he continued in subjection to them. There's a perfect example of somebody perfect submitting himself to imperfect people. So don't say, my dad and mom, they're just not perfect, so I don't need to do this. Yes, you do.

Yes, you do. Secondly, you ought to remember, be reminded of, be encouraged about the importance of salvation. If that law does anything, it should show you your waywardness. If that law does anything, yes, it should define your duty, your responsibility, the path you ought to pursue, but you'll always come up short.

You'll always come up short. And so that law should drive you to the Lord Jesus Christ as well when you, by God's grace, close with Christ through faith the necessity of obedience to the law of God. I know, kids, it may be strange to understand or hear, but there's a lot of people outside the church and people within the professing church that suggest that we have no need for God's law. That's absolutely incorrect.

Jesus said, if you love me, you will keep my commandments. The Bible tells us the commandments of God are not burdensome. The psalmist typifies for us a godly man in Psalm 119. He loves the law of God.

It's his meditation day and night. And then as well, oftentimes I think with young people, with children, they ask good questions. How do I know if I'm saved? The primary place that will be evident is in the home.

I mean, certainly on the playground if you're an idiot or mean to, sorry about that, if you're mean to other kids and you steal their toys and you do that, that's not a good sign. But remember in Malachi's prophecy in chapter 4, fulfilled in Luke chapter 1, What is John the Baptist's role? It is to turn the hearts of the fathers to the sons and the hearts of the sons to the fathers. The primary orbit in which a child's profession of faith can be measured is in the home.

I think that bears emphasis in our lives. I mean, in the first place, brethren, I can ask questions of your little one, I can pray for your little one, but who knows your little one better than you? You're the one that ought to be able to evaluate their profession of faith, because that is the primary sphere by which we will know and see if indeed God has moved their hearts. John Gill says, and the heart of the children to their fathers, or with their fathers, that is, both fathers and children.

The meaning is that John the Baptist should be an instrument of converting many of the Jews, both fathers and children, and bringing them to the knowledge and faith of the true Messiah. And then finally, with reference to the fathers, just a few encouragements. In the first place, the importance of your presence with your children. I said this to the ladies on Mother's Day.

You know, we all talk about quality time. Quality time is good, but quantity time is good too. I mean, if you're painting the fence, have your kid with you. The world might say, that's not quality time, you're not feeding them or putting ice cream down their throats and letting them throw balls.

That's what they need, quantity time, presence. Not presence here with a gift wrapped in bow, but presence, you being with your children. As well, you need to provide temporally for your children. Proverbs 13, 22, 27, 23 to 27, the New Testament passage, 1 Timothy 5, 8.

If a man does not provide for his own, guess what? He's worse than an unbeliever. You need to provide temporally for your children. That doesn't mean they need the most expensive shoes, but they do need shoes.

It doesn't mean they need the most expensive food, but they are addicted to eating, so you need to feed them. I would include, with reference to temporal provision, protection. As fathers, we are to protect our children. We're to protect our sons and daughters.

We're to seek, by God's grace, to make sure no harm befalls them. That doesn't mean we follow them in the bushes and watch every move they make, and we're there. No, but we ought to be a protective lot, with reference to our children. As well, the importance of spiritual provision for your children.

Spiritual provision for your children. We would all agree with 1 Timothy 5.8, a man does not provide for his own, he's worse than an unbeliever. But brethren, how many of us are as committed to providing spiritually? giving them those things that are bringing them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Proverbs 13, 22 says, a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children.

Now, if you're like me, you might struggle with that passage and say, wow, that's a big calling. Better start saving my dough. There is a spiritual application or a spiritual reference to this as well. Here are bridges.

And if there is no earthly substance to leave, it might just be the case, children and children's children, you're not going to get dough. If there is no earthly substance to leave, yet a church in the house, a family altar, the record of holy example and instruction, and above all, a store of believing prayer laid up for accomplishment, when we shall be silent in the grave, will be an inheritance to our children of inestimable value. You may not be able to leave them your piles of money, but you ought to be able to leave them the knowledge that you love them, that you cared for them, and that you preached Christ to them. That's what's important, brethren.

That's what most matters. And then the final place, prayer and preaching. Again, I don't think you should erect a pulpit in your living room and say, okay, children, I've got three points this morning and I've got four lines of application, so we're going to be here for a while. Tell your friends you're not going to come out tonight.

No, that's not it. Make sure you bring them to church. You say, well, they don't understand everything. Hopefully they'll understand something.

They're brought up in it, and they're exposed to the terminology, and they're exposed to the concept, and they're exposed to the reality that, you know what, you just have to sit still for an hour. I mean, that just is so counter-cultural to that. You make your kids sit still in church? Yeah.

Sue us. What have people been doing throughout the history of the world? What happened in Nehemiah's day when all the assembly was gathered with their little ones? A pulpit is erected and the Levites bring it.

They're there for hours. Oh, that's child abuse. You've got to provide a playground for them. No, we've got to tell them there are seasons, there are instances, and there are times in life when you just need to sit still and be quiet.

If that shocks your delicate sensitivities, then brethren, take it to the scriptures. The reading of the law was to be done, not only to the adults in Israel, but with their children. You see, this is absolutely crucial. Bring your child to church.

Put them under the preaching of the gospel. Trust the power of the Holy Spirit to work through the preaching of the word, to bring them under conviction and bring them to the Savior. At home, teach them the truth. At home practice.

Okay, you're gonna have to sit for an hour on Sunday. You're gonna sit for 10 minutes tonight. We're gonna stretch it to 15 minutes tomorrow. There are ways that you can do these sorts of things without engaging in the sorts of things that people think are absolutely outlandish.

Introduce them to this. Teach them this. Give it to them incrementally. Teach them language in the scripture when they're really little.

Teach them. Listen for the word God. Listen for the word Jesus. Listen for the word gospel.

Jot down on your little notepad how many times... There's ways to engage. Brethren, if you're creative, if you're desirous to accomplish this, it really isn't rocket science. It takes effort, it takes energy, it takes commitment, and above all, it takes prayer. and preaching.

And I don't mean just the corporate preaching, but your preaching, your teaching, your, you know, when you rise up, when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, sort of instruction to your children. So fathers, be encouraged. You have a great responsibility. You serve a great God, and he gives great grace.

And there is no greater privilege and no greater joy. I think most of us as fathers, and I hope all of us as, you know, most of us as mothers would say, you know, the best thing I ever got to do was raise children. That was the best thing I ever got to do, was to rear children. Yeah, it was great to serve in this capacity, it was great to do this particular thing, but when all is said and done, I'm most happiest when I'm surrounded by those olive plants.

I am most happy when I am with those people that who, by the grace of God, I've had influence over for this amount of time. There is no greater joy, no greater blessing, no greater delight than to bring up children in the training and admonition of the Lord. Well, let us pray.

Closing Prayer

Father, we thank you for your word and we thank you for this prohibition to not provoke our children to wrath or discouragement, as well for this positive statement to bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Pray for all of us as fathers, as mothers, that you would grant us grace and commitment to the scriptures and help us, God, to see the great delight and the great joy and the great privilege it is to rear children unto God. Give us grace in this, give us commitment and help and strength, and give us the Holy Spirit in a powerful measure so that we may do this for your glory and for their well-being. And do smile upon the little ones in this congregation.

Bless them, God. Cause that law to stir up their consciences and to stir up their hearts and to show them their need for the Savior. And may they come to the Savior by your grace, believing on Him and knowing the joy of everlasting life. But with us now we pray through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Scripture References

• Genesis 18:18-19
• Exodus 20:12
• Deuteronomy 21:20
• Joshua 24:14-15
• 1 Samuel 2:12; 2:13-17; 2:22; 3:11
• 1 Kings 18:21
• Nehemiah 8:1-3
• Psalms 58:3; 119:1; 128:1-4
• Proverbs 13:22-27
• Jeremiah 31:31-34
• Malachi 4:6
• Luke 1:17
• John 14:15
• Galatians 5:22-23
• Ephesians 6:4
• Colossians 1:15-22; 2:11; 3:1-21
• 1 Timothy 5:8
• Hebrews 12:5-11