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We can turn with me in your Bibles
to Proverbs chapter four. Proverbs chapter four, we're
gonna look at the Christian husband and father tonight. This is material
we covered when we went through the book of Proverbs some months
ago. So hopefully it is review. Hopefully
it is repetitious because repetition brings those things to bear in
a hopefully lively way. I'll read the first nine verses
and then we'll pray and look at the material. Hear, my children,
the instruction of a father, and give attention to no understanding.
For I give you good doctrine. Do not forsake my law. When I
was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of
my mother, he also taught me and said to me, let your heart
retain my words. Keep my commands and live. Get
wisdom. Get understanding. Do not forget
nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her,
and she will preserve you. Love her, and she will keep you.
Wisdom is the principal thing. Therefore, get wisdom. And in
all you're getting, get understanding. Exalt her, and she will promote
you. She will bring you honor when you embrace her. She will
place on your head an ornament of grace, crown of glory she
will deliver to you. Amen. Well, let us pray. Father
in heaven, we ask that your Holy Spirit would be at work in our
hearts and minds as Solomon speaks concerning wisdom in this book
of Proverbs. We cry out for the same. We see
in his own experience when given opportunity to address you with
a particular petition, he asked for wisdom, and you commended
him for that, and you gave it to him profusely. And God, James,
says that if any of us lacks wisdom, Let him ask of you who
gives to all liberally and without reproach. We confess as fathers. We confess as mothers, as parents,
as children. We all need wisdom. And God,
we pray that you would grant it freely and profusely to the
people of God in this local church. Again, forgive us for our sins
and unrighteousness. Fill us now with your Holy Spirit.
And we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. Well, there is
something going on in this particular chapter. We're not going to strictly
stay in this particular portion. It's more of a topical study
tonight. But there is a blessing of what's called transgenerational
Christianity. If you notice, David taught Solomon,
and then Solomon taught his sons. That ought to be the way we function
and conduct ourselves in the context of the local church.
We as men instruct our children with the hope and the desire
that when they rise up, they in turn will instruct their children
and so on and so on and so on. It is most important and most
crucial that we pass the baton of truth to the successive generations. And as we look at this particular
theme or this particular subject, we ought to appreciate that Solomon
emphasizes this reality in terms of a Christian man, and in terms
of a Christian husband, and in terms of a Christian father.
So tonight I want to look first at the husband and then secondly
at the father and then conclude hopefully with some practical
observations. But with reference to the husband,
on Father's Day you might be wondering why in the world would
he address us relative to being husbands. I suggest that one
of the best gifts that a man can give to his children is to
value, to prize, and to delight in their mother. to take good
care of her, to give example in that particular way, and to
show that He treasures her, that He values her, and that He prizes
her. With reference to men that are
good husbands, as God describes good, in the first place, the
good husband is a godly man. He is in the first place a godly
man. We're going to survey a lot of
passages tonight, so hopefully you've got your Bibles open to
the book of Proverbs. In the first place, under he
is a godly man, he fears the Lord. Go back to Proverbs chapter
1, verse 7. The purpose of Proverbs are given
in verses 1 to 6. And then the necessary prerequisite
for receiving proverbial wisdom is verse 7. The fear of Yahweh
is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and
instruction. So a godly Christian man is one
who fears the Lord. Notice in Proverbs 2, 5. Then
you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge
of God. Chapter 3, verse 7, do not be
wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and depart from evil. Proverbs
chapter 9 and verse 10, the fear of the Lord is the beginning
of wisdom and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
Proverbs 14 at verse 26, Proverbs 14.26, in the fear of the Lord
there is strong confidence, and his children will have a place
of refuge. And then again in 15.33, the
fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom, and before honor is
humility. So a godly man in the first place
is one who fears God. The Bible makes a distinction
relative to the fear of God. There is a slavish fear and there
is a filial fear. The slavish fear is that fear
of God wherein the party who has it runs from Him, hides from
Him. Whereas that filial fear is that
fear wherein the Son of God reveres, honors, and fears God with reference
to who He is and who we are before Him. And then as well, a godly
man is one who deals with his sin. The fear of the Lord is
certainly that beginning place, but notice in Proverbs 28 at
verse 13. Proverbs 28, 13. Again, this is just the general
context for everything we're going to say from this point
on. Notice in Proverbs 28, verse 13, he who covers his sins will
not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy
or will find mercy. So a man fears God, but as well
he deals with his sin. He doesn't try to hide it. He
doesn't try to cover it up. Certainly he tries to kill it.
He tries to fight against it. But when he does sin, he understands
that he has an advocate with the Father, even Jesus Christ
the righteous. He confesses it to God. He finds
mercy from God. He confesses his sins to his
wife and his children, and hopefully he finds mercy from them as well. So the good husband is a godly
man. He fears the Lord, he deals with his sin, and then thirdly
and finally under this ad, he is committed to the Lord. Look
at Proverbs 3. Proverbs 3, a passage that I
hope is familiar to all of us and one that we ought to have
in our hearts, not only as men, but as women. Proverbs 3, verse
5, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your
own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge
him and he shall direct your paths. So the trust or the relationship
to God is to be entire. Trust in the Lord with all your
heart. It is to be exclusive and lean
not on your own understanding. And it is to be exhaustive. In
all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.
So, the man who loves his children, or the man who loves his wife
and children, is first and foremost a godly man. I'm not suggesting
that pagans don't love their wives and children. We're dealing
in a Christian context, so indulge me at that point. Now, secondly,
in terms of the husband specifically, in the first place, he sees his
wife as a gift. He sees his wife as a gift. He
doesn't see her as the old ball and chain. He doesn't see her
as a drag upon his energies. He doesn't see her as somebody
that is diametrically opposed to him, but rather he sees her
as a gift. Notice in Proverbs 12 at verse
4. And again, brethren, I suggest that one of the best gifts that
a father can give to his children is to prize and value their mother.
A two-parent home is absolutely crucial, and that is the best
benefit, the most privilege any child could ever get, is when
father and mother are present to rear them. It doesn't mean
all the problems or there'll never be any problems, but it's
certainly a definite good place to be. In Proverbs 12, 4, it
says, an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she
who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 18 at
verse 22. Proverbs 18 at verse 22, he who
finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
It's a gift, it's a blessing, it's a good thing, and the man
of God treats his wife accordingly. Proverbs 19, 14, houses and riches
are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the
Lord. So certainly you benefit from
those above you, but with reference to a wife, that is a direct gift
from God Almighty. Luther said, the greatest gift
of God is a pious, amiable spouse who fears God, loves his house,
and with whom one can live in perfect confidence. That's a
beautiful statement. And Martin Luther, if you ever
read about his life, had a very excellent relationship with his
beloved Katie. So that is a good example for
us as Christian men in the 21st century. So a godly husband loves
his wife and sees her as a gift. Secondly, he provides for her
needs. Look at Proverbs chapter 27. Proverbs chapter 27 at verse
23. Be diligent to know the state
of your flocks and attend to your herds. Now, this is obviously
agrarian, but whatever your particular profession or your particular
niche in life happens to be, you need to be diligent. Be diligent
to know the state of your flocks and attend to your herds. For
riches are not forever, nor does a crown endure to all generations.
When the hay is removed and the tender grass shows itself, and
the herbs of the mountains are gathered in, the lambs will provide
your clothing and the goats the price of a field. You shall have
enough goat's milk for your food, for the food of your household
and the nourishment of your maidservant." So obviously, if your maidservants
are eating, your wife is eating and your children are eating.
We know that place in 1 Timothy chapter 5, where Paul comes to
deal with the church with reference to the provision for widows.
And in the first sense, he says that the family is responsible
to take care of widows. He makes that statement in 1
Timothy chapter 5. If a man does not provide for
his own, he's worse than an infidel. He's worse than an unbeliever.
It is simply unacceptable to not be gainfully employed and
not providing for those people that are under your charge. Scripture
is clear on that point, and this is a manifestation or a demonstration
of a man's love for his wife. He sees her as a gift. He provides
for her needs. Thirdly, he protects her. Look
at Proverbs chapter 6. He protects her. Proverbs chapter
6. Specifically at verse 34. Well,
verse 30. We'll look at the context here.
A prohibition against adultery. do not engage in this violation
of the seventh commandment. It is absolutely, positively
transgression against the living God. And then he gives this concrete
illustration to sort of buttress what he has said in terms of
a precept relative to not engaging in this activity. Verse 30, he
says, people do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself
when he is starving. Yet when he is found, he must
restore sevenfold. He may have to give up all the
substance of his house. Whoever commits adultery with
a woman lacks understanding. He who does so destroys his own
soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will
not be wiped away. For jealousy is a husband's fury,
therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will
accept no recompense, nor will he be appeased, though you give
many gifts. Notice in verse 33, wounds and
dishonor he will get. Oh, there's going to be recompense.
There's going to be punishment. Unrepentant adulterers will go
to the lake of fire. But he's talking about this age.
He's talking about right now. You go into a man's wife, that
man's going to come to your house and he's going to dot your I.
because he's jealous for his bride, he loves her, he cares
for her, and you violated their covenant, he is going to punch
you out. Solomon assumes that. He doesn't
say it's okay, vigilanteism, go out and get, you know, guns
and go tear down the guy's house and burn it and salt the earth
so that he'll never ever arise again. But it is a truism. When
something like this happens, it arouses a man so that he wants
to protect his wife, and Solomon recognizes this and uses it as
an argument such that his sons will not go and violate other
men's wives. Proverbs 14 at verse 11. Proverbs
14, I'm sorry, yes, Proverbs 14 at verse 11. The house of
the wicked will be overthrown, but the tent of the upright will
flourish. Now, it doesn't say husbands
protecting their wives, but there is a sense where this calmness,
where this stability and security is wrought out by the man in
the family and he protects his wife. Fourthly, he communicates
well with her. Now, that doesn't mean he communicates,
you know, as well as she might want, but he does communicate
well with her. If I ask any couple, do you have
great communication with one another? Typically, you say,
well, you know, we could work on some things here or there.
But certainly, as a man, he seeks to communicate well with his
wife. Proverbs 15.1, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh
Word stirs up anger. Proverbs 16, verse 24. Pleasant
words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the
bones. Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31, that
description of the godly woman. How does the godly man respond
to his godly wife? Proverbs 31 at verse 28, her
children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and
he praises her. Many daughters have done well,
but you excel them all. So he communicates well with
her. He understands that he's not talking to his buddies at
work, but he is talking to the bride of his youth. He is talking
to the one who is one flesh with him. And then the final aspect
in terms of a good husband's love for his wife, and there
are others to be sure this is suggestive, is that he is sexually
faithful to her. We talked about this briefly
this morning in our study in the Confession, chapter 24 of
marriage, or chapter 25, rather, of marriage. But in this passage,
the book of Proverbs turned to chapter 5. I gave the main heads
this morning. I want to show it in further
detail right now. Proverbs chapter 5, verses 8
to 20. I call this the three R's of
sexual purity. Remove, rejoice, and remember. Remove, rejoice, and remember.
Verse 8, well verse 7, Therefore hear me now, my children, and
do not depart from the words of my mouth. Remove your way
far from her. He's talking about the strange
woman. He's talking about the woman who's not your wife. He's
talking about somebody you should stay away from, and his command
is very conspicuous. Remove your way far from her,
and do not go near the door of her house. He doesn't say don't
go near her bed. He says don't go near her door.
Cut a large swath around it. If there is a temptation there,
do not even go near it. Remove your way far from her.
Solomon knows the heart of man. He realizes it's deceitful above
all things and desperately wicked. Therefore, take a different course
or a path if you have to. The second R is found in verse
18. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of
your youth, not the wife of somebody else's youth, but your own wife. Be sexually faithful to the person
that God has given you. And then remember verse 21, for
the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders
all his paths. God watches. He knows the eyes
of the Lord, according to Proverbs 15, are in every place, beholding
the good, and the evil. He is sexually faithful to her. Back to chapter 6, notice in
verse 24. He says, to keep you, this is
the reason for God's law, to keep you from the evil woman,
from the flattering tongue of a seductress, Do not lust after
her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids.
For by means of a harlot, a man is reduced to a crust of bread,
and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life." This isn't
a prostitute. This isn't some woman on the
corner. This is a married woman that is making these overchores
toward another married man. Can a man take fire to his bosom
and his clothes not be burned? Of course not. You see how Solomon
attacks this particular theme. Can one walk on hot coals and
his feet not be seared? Of course not. So is he who goes
into his neighbor's wife. Whoever touches her shall not
be innocent. So men, brothers, godly men,
they fear the Lord, they deal with sin, they're committed to
the Lord. With reference to men and their wives, they see them
as gifts, they provide for their needs, they protect them, they
seek to communicate well with them, and they are sexually faithful
to them. Now, as we move on to the Christian
father, all of the things that I've already said is true with
reference to fatherhood as well. In the first place, he's a godly
man. In the second place, the good
father loves his children. Remember in Titus chapter 2,
the older women were to instruct the younger women that they be
lovers of their husbands, lovers of their children. Well, fathers
need to be lovers of their children as well. And you see that recurring
emphasis in the book of Proverbs from Solomon. Solomon, in several
instances and places, speaks to my son, my son, my son, my
son. The whole gist of Proverbs is
to educate his sons relative to their potential kingship.
Remember, it was dynastic. It should have been the case
that, well, it was the case after Solomon. his son Rehoboam ascends
to the throne, and so on, the line of David in terms of the
southern kingdom of Judah. So he shows that love by teaching
them the word and the law of the living and true God. So in
1, 8 to 10, 2, 1, 3, 1, 3, 11, 4, 1, 410, 420, 51, 57, 61, 620,
71, and 724. He continues to speak
and he continues to pour out his soul to my son. There is
love there. There is affection there. And
men, if you are not showing that kind of love, you say, well,
I'm not that sort of way. And my father wasn't that sort
of way. You should try to become that
sort of way so that you can shower affection upon your sons and
your daughters because they desperately stand in need of that sort of
thing. He as well provides for his children. When he loves his children, he
not only tells them, I love you, but he also demonstrates that
love in concrete ways. God so loved the world, according
to John 3, 16, that He gave His only begotten Son. We can say,
I love you, I love you, I love you, but there are tangible expressions
or manifestations of that love that we have for our children.
Notice the temporal provision in Proverbs 13. Proverbs 13 speaks
concerning temporal provision to the children. Proverbs 13,
22, a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but
the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous. Verse 22a,
a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. We
already looked at Proverbs 27, know the state of your flocks.
Make sure you keep your house in order. Make sure you tend
to your business. Make sure you tend to your vocation
so that your household can eat. They are dependent on that reality.
If you are not gainfully employed, get gainful employment so that
you can feed those under your charge. That is absolutely crucial. Now, with reference to Proverbs
13, 22, it's getting increasingly more difficult to leave an inheritance
to our children, let alone our grandchildren. And so there is
a spiritual aspect at play also, as far as we're able to be diligent
and to be saving and to be investing or whatever it is that we're
going to do to try to pass on some sort of tangible legacy
to our children. We may be poor and not able to
do that, but there is a spiritual provision, there is a spiritual
inheritance that we ought to pass on to them. Notice, a good
man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. Let
it be the case that we are leaving an inheritance of godliness. We're leaving an inheritance
of the family altar. We're leaving an inheritance
on emphasizing the importance of being in a good church. That's
the sort of inheritance that if we're dirt poor and broke
with reference to money, with reference to the spiritual well-being,
we ought to be able to pass that down and pass that along to our
children and to our children's children. Bridges comments here,
he says, and if there is no earthly substance to leave, yet a church
in the house, a family altar, the record of holy example and
instruction, and above all, a store of believing prayer laid up for
accomplishment, when we shall be silent in the grave, will
be an inheritance to our children of inestimable value. That is
a blessed statement and one that I hope we take to heart. We have
a responsibility to our children, but to their children as well,
in terms of passing on the baton of biblical truth. So a good
father loves his children. Thirdly, he's a godly man, he
loves his children. Thirdly, the good father instructs
his children. Go back to Deuteronomy chapter
6. It's most likely the book of Deuteronomy, the law of Moses,
which is the foundation of the book of Proverbs. In other words,
Solomon is expounding, Solomon is illustrating, Solomon is applying
and explaining the law of Moses. And this in verse 4 is what's
called the Shema. And Shema is simply the Hebrew
word for listen or hear. And that's how we understand
it. Notice in verse 4. Here, O Israel,
the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord
your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with
all your strength. Now, with reference to the Word
of God, you were in Israel, in the Old Covenant people, you
were to emphasize that word individually, familially, and societally. In other words, the theocracy
of Israel, directly ruled by God, they had an earthly monarch,
but it was an interesting earthly monarch, because ultimately God
ruled the people directly, but there was this individual, familial,
and societal emphasis upon the law of God. So after the Shema
and the response to God that we are supposed to have in verse
5, notice in verse 6. And these words which I command
you today shall be in your heart. That's the individual. We need
to have the word in our heart if we're ever going to pass it
along to our children and our children's children. Verse 7,
you shall teach them these laws diligently to your children and
talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by
the way, when you lie down and when you rise up. There ought
to be times of formal instruction. There ought to be times when
you sit them down and you teach them the Word of God. You teach
them good theology. You teach them the hypostatic
union. You teach them justification by faith. You teach them the
Trinity. You have those formal settings,
those formal sessions, the family altar is most excellent for that,
to instruct them. But it's not just formal, it's
informal. You're walking at the zoo and
you look at the marvel of God's creation and you bring that to
bear upon your little ones. We're supposed to take every
thought captive to the obedience of Christ and pass that on to
our children. Verse 8, "...you shall bind them
as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between
your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house
and on your gates." There's the societal application. It was
the Word of God that was supposed to govern Old Covenant Israel. So a good and godly man. in terms
of his children, instructs them. Again, the my son sayings in
the book of Proverbs. And then there's several Proverbs
that highlight the foolishness of a child that rejects his or
her parents' teaching. You see that in Proverbs 10.1,
Proverbs 15.5, Proverbs 15.20, 17.21, 19.13, 19.26, and 20.20. The idea being that if your parents
are passing this information on to you, you are a fool to
harden your neck and to resist that, which is good. They are
giving you a blessed gift. You need to receive that blessed
gift. And of course, the New Testament example is Ephesians
chapter 6. Ephesians chapter 6, where the
Apostle Paul highlights the particular roles of persons in the family
unit. And in Proverbs 6, 1, he says,
children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment
with promise, that it may be well with you and you may live
long on the earth. Verse 4, he says, and you fathers, do not
provoke your children to wrath. They're not supposed to be prey
in your house. They're not supposed to be victim
to your abuse, whether physical or emotional. Do not provoke
your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition
of the Lord. Training means child rearing,
training, discipline. It focuses on act, and then the
admonition focuses on word. So it's not only word, but it's
also act, and we see that as well in the book of Proverbs.
Now, with reference to the instruction of children, again, you don't
have to be C.H. Spurgeon to teach your five-year-old.
You don't have to be John Calvin to teach your five-year-old.
You don't even have to read John Calvin to your five-year-old.
Okay, kids, let's sit down for family worship. I'm gonna read
an 18-page Puritan sermon. It's gonna take us about an hour
and a half, so just sort of hang on and enjoy this and receive
it and then go apply it. Brothers, if you do that, you're
missing the point. I mean, you speak to them at
their level. You bring biblical truth to the ears of those. You explain it in ways that hopefully
they'll be able to understand. You need to be conscientious
with reference to this aspect of your upbringing your children. If you have hour-and-a-half,
two-, three-hour devotionals, you are probably moving into
the sphere of provoking your children to wrath. Now, I wish
it wasn't that way. I wish they were all good model
little Puritans, that they were all little John Owens, and that
they could hungrily sit and enjoy a two and a half hour discourse
by one of our forefathers. But most likely, at least none
of the kids I've raised and none of the kids I've met sort of
show that kind of ability at this particular point. But nevertheless,
there needs to be an emphasis not only on word, but as well
on act. So the good father is a godly
man. Good father loves his children. The good father instructs his
children. And then fourthly and finally, the good father disciplines
his children. You might ask the question, why
would we need to do this? May I just direct your attention
to major cities in the US? Direct your attention to Toronto?
Direct your attention to the places where there is great civil
unrest? I would suggest that a lot of
those persons weren't disciplined when they were children. In other
words, we are reaping what we've sown. We have basically taught
people to hate their country, to hate their God, to hate everything
that is good and right and ought to be in play. And yet, we wonder,
whatever happened? Well, I can tell you whatever
happened, we haven't done what God's called us to do. There
are two elements involved relative to discipline. The discipline
of children involves word. Word. If you look at the emphasis
in the book of Proverbs, there is more of an emphasis on word,
more of an emphasis on instruction, more of an emphasis on command. In other words, we don't do this
silently. We discipline our children by
teaching them. We often hear about the discipline
of the church, and we think excommunication. No, discipline in the church
happens every time we come to the Word of God. We are being
disciplined, we are being regulated, we are being controlled, hopefully,
by the Spirit through the Word, and that has a good effect upon
us. And that is how we are supposed
to proceed in the context of our homes. We're supposed to
speak and teach our children in a manner that disciplines
them. And then as well, the discipline
of children involves act. And Proverbs does speak to that,
and I would encourage you, brothers and sisters, and especially the
younger families in our midst, things are different than they
used to be. You need to be sensitive and
aware of this, and you need to be conscientious relative to
the application of this aspect of God's Word in this current
situation. I'm not suggesting disobedience
of God's Word. I am suggesting discretion with
reference to the application of God's Word. And what I mean
by that is you do not want some officer, federal agent, appearing
at your home and taking your kids away from you because you
sought, by the grace of God, according to the Spirit of God,
to do what God commands. We talk about this sort of thing.
Well, they're not persecuting us. Anything the civil state
does to get between us and our God relative to obedience is
persecution. Now, there are gradations of
persecution. It's not China. It's not that
kind of persecution. But the threat of civil authority
taking our children away because we apply God's word. That is
a reality that you need to be aware of. and sensitive to, and
conscientious of, because Scripture does tell us that this is absolutely
crucial. We see these two elements combined
in Proverbs 29, 15. Proverbs chapter 29 and verse
15. You can turn back there. The rod and rebuke give wisdom,
but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. That statement
alone is controversial. Any emphasis in the book of Proverbs
on the rod relative to child training is controversial. If
you do not understand that, you need to understand that. You
need to realize that there is great antipathy against God's
Word at this point. Again, I am not instructing whatsoever
disobedience in terms of the Word of God. I am exhorting as
best I can to be discreet in the application of the Word of
God so that you don't end up in jail and so that your kids
don't end up in foster care. That is the reality that we face
in this situation. And so, brethren, be aware of
that. But we cannot militate against
the things that God has said because of the prevailing wind
of whatever it is in our generation. We as the people of God need
to maintain faithfulness, we need to persevere, and we need
to obey, no matter what situation we face in terms of the civil
state. Bridges speaking concerning Proverbs
22, 13, and 14, specifically on not only using the rod. In other words, not only the
rod, but as well rebuke, verbal instruction. He says, yet let
it not be used at all times. Let remonstrance be first tried. Our Heavenly Father never stirs
the rod with His children if His gentle voice of instruction
prevails. It's not like, okay, I spoke
to you and you have responded favorably. Okay, now it's time
for... No, if they responded favorably, that's good. If your
brother sins against you, go to him. If he hears you, you've
won your brother. Why would we tell it to the church?
Why would we escalate it? Why would we bring additional
witnesses? If the first level yields good fruit, there is no
place or no need to introduce the second and the third and
fourth level with reference to church discipline. In fact, that
is always a bad thing when persons, you know, say in a casual conversation,
yeah, so-and-so sinned against me, and I called them out, and
they repented. So why are you saying it to me?
Why are you telling me? If it's been dealt with, there's
no need for further dealing with it. If your child responds to
verbal command and does what he or she is supposed to, praise
God, from whom all blessings flow. There's no need, as Bridges
says, if that first tier, that first level works. He goes on
to say, continual finding fault, applying correction to every
slip of childish trifling or troublesome thoughtlessness would
soon bring a callous deadness to all sense of shame. Let it
be reserved, at least in its more serious forms, for willfulness. It is medicine. not food, the
remedy for the occasional diseases of the Constitution, not the
daily regimen for life and nourishment, and to convert medicine into
daily food gradually destroys its remedial qualities." That
is such a beautifully balanced statement. With reference to
discipline and the upbringing of children, it's medicine Not
food. You don't live on medicine, you
live on food. You need occasional medicine
to set things right, but the fact is, is that we live on the
verbal reproof for the most part. But as he says, that rebel heart,
that unwillingness, or that willfulness, that must be met with in the
manner prescribed by God. Now, in terms of a few governing
presuppositions relative to discipline, the home is the basic unit for
passing on values, or it's supposed to be. The parents are committed
to the law of God and the reality that folly is bound up in the
child's heart and that more than just words are necessary to root
it out at times. You have to understand that,
and that's why the Bible emphasizes this, because God knows what
is in the child. Turn back for just a moment to
the book of Deuteronomy. Deuteronomy chapter 21. Deuteronomy 21, verse 18, if
a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice
of his father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they
have chastened him, will not heed them, then his father and
his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the
elders of his city, to the gate of his city. And they shall say
to the elders of his city, this son of ours is stubborn and rebellious.
He will not obey our voice. He is a glutton and a drunkard.
Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with
stones, so you shall put away the evil from among you, and
all Israel shall hear in fear. Now my application here is not
write your premier and tell them that we need to start executing
these criminal offenders. you know, these rebel sons that
are incorrigible. No, that's not the point. But
there are a couple of things that we should appreciate relative to
this passage. In the first place, he's an adult
son. He's not a baby. He's not two. He's not refusing to eat his
peas. He's a glutton and a drunkard. That's not any five-year-old
I've ever seen. So you're not falling prey to,
you know, do I call the elders of the church and institute the
discipline process on my six-year-old because he just won't ingest
broccoli? No, no, no, that's not your passage. That's not
it at all. This is an adult rebel son. But
then notice as well, verse 18, if a man has a stubborn and rebellious
son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of
his mother and who, when they have chastened him, will not
heed them. These aren't derelict parents. These aren't parents
that opted out of rearing their children. They did. They chased
him. They, in the context or in the
arena of filial love for this son, tried to restrain him from
his lawlessness and rebellion. Now, if we think from the lesser
to the greater. If a man, a young man, doesn't
respond in the arena of love in a context where a father and
a mother are chastening him, where they are instructing him,
and where they're caring for him, and where they're, you know,
flooding him with love or showering him with love, he's probably
not going to do very well in the civil state as well. That's
why this mandate is in the scripture. It's because this is a rebel
who has resisted his parents. It's probably the case he's not
going to be fit for society. And I know that sounds hardcore
and it sounds so foreign to our ears, but if a rebel's son does
not respond in the context of love, there's not a lot of hope. Now, God's good. God can change
the heart to be sure, but with reference to His law, there was
an instance or a time where you brought that rebel son to the
elders of the city, they heard the case, and they ultimately
meted out that discipline or punishment. Now, with reference
to some specific texts in terms of child discipline, the training
should begin early. The training should begin early,
in utero, just kidding. Proverbs chap just wondered if
anybody's paying attention. You yell at your kid when he's
in the womb and you're on the right track there. Proverbs 4,
verse 3, when I was my father's son, tender and the only one
in the sight of my mother. Brethren, the children do not
come out as a tabula rasa. That means a blank slate. Children
are estranged from the womb, according to Psalm 58, speaking
lies as soon as they are born. I realize that's not a popular
conception. Babies smell good, they look
good, they're cuddly, and all that sort of thing. But God tells
us what's actually going on in their hearts. They go estranged
from the womb, speaking lies as soon as they are born. It's
an unfortunate reality. We inherit the sin of Adam. In
Adam, all die. It's the doctrine of original
sin. It's from that vantage point
that our actual transgressions proceed. So the child training
must begin when they are young. Notice in Proverbs 19. Proverbs
19 at verse 18. Chasten your son while there
is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction." Now,
we might think, that sounds pretty epic, Solomon. That sounds pretty,
you know, monument. It is, brethren. Do you realize
that there's probably no bigger thing you and I will ever do
than raise human beings? I mean, that's either for good
or ill. You know, the Bible says that children are a blessing
from the Lord. They're a blessing if they're
cultivated, and a blessing if they are disciplined, and a blessing
if they are loved, and a blessing if they are cared for. But a
child left to his own devices is going to be, in many respects,
the opposite of a blessing at times. And we need to understand
it is epic and it is monumental. And as parents, and I encourage
you young parents, when you have babies, you need to think through
this. It's not just the reality that
we can produce, but we have to produce well. I mean, anybody
biologically can have children, but a godly man has children
and rears them for the glory of God. So it's not just biology
that is necessary in raising up good children, it's also theology,
and we need to be committed to that and committed to passing
that on. Proverbs chapter 20 and verse
11, even a child is known by his deeds whether what he does
is pure and right. Again, you've seen this go to
Walmart. Brethren, you know the types of children that probably
haven't been disciplined. You know the types of children
that probably haven't had that sort of context of love and rebuke
and the occasional rod when they need it. Proverbs 22.6, a very
familiar passage, train up a child in the way he should go and when
he is old, he will not depart from it. Again, Bridges in his
commentary on Proverbs, which by the way, fathers buy that
commentary on Proverbs and read Bridges on every statement concerning
child training because it's a very helpful resource in terms of
rearing children. He says, Satan begins with the
infant in arms. The cry of passion is his first
stir of the native corruption. Do we begin as early? Every vice
commences in the nursery. The great secret is to establish
authority in the dawn of life, to bend the tender twig before
the knotty oak is beyond our power. Again, we may not see
it that way, but we need to see it that way. We need to understand
that there is great emphasis on seeking, by the grace of God,
to shape, to direct, to instruct, and to discipline the children
whom the Lord has given to us. Scripture, Proverbs specifically,
speaks of neglecting discipline as being something ungodly. You're
all familiar with the case of Eli. Eli's sons did not know
the Lord. They were priests serving in
the tabernacle, and persons would come with their sacrifice, and
Eli's sons would steal the meats. Eli's sons would lay with temple
prostitutes. They were not good men. And it
was the case because Eli is indicted for not having restrained them. That is precisely what we read
there in 1 Samuel. Look at Proverbs 13 and verse
24. Proverbs 13 and verse 24. He who spares his rod hates his
son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. That's converse
to what we hear today. How in the world could you ever
discipline your child? What an exhibition of your cruelty! What an exhibition of your lovelessness! No, God says just the opposite. He who spares his rod hates his
son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Gill says the sin
of old Eli and both he and his sons suffered for it. A modern
commentator on 1324, Bruce Waltke, says loving parents seek to correct
the faults of their children because as the preceding unit
showed, their children's lives Favor, protection, healing, dignity,
and prosperity are at stake. It's not just we want to rain
on your parade, we want to make your life miserable. No, we're
actually a bit brighter than you. And understand that if you
give vent to these passions, if you give vent to this lawlessness,
if you give vent to this rebellion, we know because Solomon has told
us the way of the transgressor is hard. Your life is going to
be fundamentally more difficult if we don't discipline you. So
it's an act of love, and if it's not engaged in, then it's an
act of betrayal. Waltke goes on to say, unloving
parents turn their backs on them and hand them over to death,
social ruin, public exposure, calamity, and shameful poverty. The failure of the apostate Western
world to continue the biblical practice has left its civilization
in moral chaos. Again, we may be seeing that
a little bit more perceptively than we have up until the last
month or so. The signs of societal decay are
all around us. Again, why is everything happening
this way? Romans 1 is a great place to
start. When we neither honor God as God nor are our hearts
thankful to God, He gives us over to a reprobate mind. He
gives us the kind of leaders that are actually like babies
and little children, according to Isaiah the prophet in chapter
3, verses 4 and 5. We do reap what we sow, and if
we do not sow children unto the Lord God Almighty insofar as
we're able, We can't change their hearts, but we can indeed apply
those things God has said. If we don't do that, it will
inevitably be the case that they go contrary to the way they ought. And then as well, look at Proverbs
chapter 22. Proverbs chapter 22, just a couple
of passages and then we'll close with reference to child discipline,
just to hopefully captivate your conscience so you know and you
can see. And you can, in discretion, use
this means that God has given in a way that glorifies Him and
is ultimately beneficial for the child. I mean, come on, face
it, we all know that, right? Kids don't always know everything.
Why do I need my, you know, I used to say broccoli. Why do I need
this big piece of meat? Because you need protein and
fat. If you don't have protein and fat, life isn't going to
be good for you. But I don't want it, but you need to have
it, because protein and fat makes you healthy and strong and good.
Okay. We know better than them. We
don't let them dictate their diet, do we? Who here? Raise your hand, parents. Do
you let your kids pick dinner? No, no, you don't. They pick
cakes or cookies or they just ingest sugar and white flour
and things contrary to good protein and fat. And that's not the way
we operate. That's not the way you grow up
to be healthy and strong. We actually know more than you.
You need to pay attention. And then someday, you may not
ever hear it because something may happen. You may die before
that day. But someday, your kids will actually rise up and say,
you know, thank you for disciplining me. Thank you for taking seriously
the Word of God. Thank you for actually applying
Scripture in the rearing of your children. It is a most blessed
thing to hear when they rise up. Proverbs 22, 15, foolishness
is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive
it far from him. Bridges again. It is not the
sheet of pure white paper, not the innocent or even the tractable
creature, easily guided by proper means that we have before us,
but a little heart full of sin, containing all the seeds of future
evil, multiplying to a fruitful harvest. Again, people say, well,
that's horrible. How could you ever suggest that
about little children? God knows the heart, brethren.
God knows us better than we know ourselves. And any of us who
have ever had children thinking through these passages have to
say, you know what? God is right. There is a foolishness
bound up there. There is an incorrigibility there. There is a hardness and a proneness
to engage in lawlessness. Proverbs 23, 13, and 14, do not
withhold correction from a child. For if you beat him with a rod,
he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his
soul from hell. Again, the language there, again, is somewhat shocking
in our current situation. Beating doesn't mean abuse. Child
discipline doesn't mean hurting in a permanent way. It means
delivering a swift and concise blow to deal with the particular
issue, pray, and then move on. Child abuse is not sanctioned
by the Bible. The Word of God does not give
that authority or that license to parents, and any man, any
woman who beats their children ought to repent immediately,
for the Lord God Most High will not hold them guiltless. And
then Proverbs 29, 15 and 17. Proverbs 29, 15. The rod and
rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame
to his mother. Proverbs 29, 17. Correct your
son and he will give you rest. Yes, he will give delight to
your soul. So the commitment to biblical
child-rearing is not abuse, nor should it be carried out as if
it is abuse. John Eady commenting on Ephesians
6, he says, the paternal reign is not to be one of terror and
stern authority, but of love. And some of you may have been
raised that way. Terror and stern authority break that horrible
pattern. Mine was just the opposite. Indulgence. Proverbs 13, 24 was a reality. My father did not discipline
me and I concluded there must not be the presence of love.
Again, this is not a psychoanalysis session. I'm going to lay down
and cry and say that's the reason why I'm all whacked out. No,
no. But I'm just illustrating the point. Fathers rear their
children in particular ways. There are those who instill terror
and sternness and authority in this iron hand. Brethren, if
you're not playing with your kids and throwing the ball with
your kids and rolling around on the floor and hugging your
kids, You're not relating properly to them. That is something you
might say, well, I don't have the time for it. Make the time
for it. We always sort of prioritize
a day. And isn't capturing the hearts
of our children a priority? Shouldn't that be something that
we're after? Shouldn't that be one of the
top three on the list? Wives and kids. That's what's
at the top. So he says, the paternal reign
is not to be one of terror and stern authority, but of love.
The rod may be employed, but in reason and moderation, and
never from momentary impulse and anger. One more personal
autobiographical sketch. My mother, she just died about
seven years ago, and the anniversary was this past Wednesday. So my
siblings and I were texting and talking about certain things.
And I have this vivid memory of my mother. I know some of
you have heard this. or her running around the house with a yardstick
chasing my siblings. Now, she was not a vicious woman
at all, and she never connected with that yardstick, but it would
get to the point where she'd get so frustrated that that's
how she would respond. That's not biblical discipline.
As much as I love my mother, I esteem her. She did a wonderful
job, great human being. That's not biblical discipline.
Flipping out, running to the pantry, grab, I don't think the
pantry had the yardstick, wherever the yardstick was, and then running
around like a banshee, sweating this thing for the fences. That's
not what God envisions with reference to discipline. It's not supposed
to be that. You're not supposed to lose your
cool. Listen to John Eady, the rod
may be employed but in reason and moderation and never from
momentary impulse and anger. Children are not to be moved
to wrath by harsh and unreasonable treatment or by undue partiality
and favoritism. That's another problem. We ought
not to do that undue partiality and favoritism. One wonders in
the Joseph narratives if Jacob hadn't favored Joseph the way
that he obviously did. Again, humanly speaking, we know
God's sovereign. It was according to the decree.
But that certainly had to exasperate the brothers of Joseph when they
saw such undue partiality and favoritism. Edi finishes, if
they be uniformly confronted with paternal frown and menace,
then their spirit is broken and the most powerful motive to obedience,
the desire to please, is taken from them. So if all you ever
do is frown and stern and anger and authority, you're not disciplining
your children biblically. So don't think for a moment that
you're somehow towing God's line when you're a monster to your
children and you're provoking them to wrath. Well, in conclusion,
with reference to some specific exhortations to men with wives
and children, not that you haven't already received a few, the book
of Proverbs, along with the New Testament and the entirety of
God's Word, provides the content for your role as husband and
father. In other words, you need to be
a student of God's Word if you're married and you have children.
You need to be a student of God's Word if you're not married and
you don't have children, but you really need to with reference
to your role as leader in the home. Secondly, the grace of
God and wisdom from God are necessary to comply with this material.
Again, it's not just the bare reading of Scripture. Cry out
to God for wisdom to put these things into practice. Cry out
to God for the Holy Spirit to put these things into practice.
Thirdly, the applicability of 28.13 stands. Those who cover
their transgression will not prosper. If you sin against your
wife or children, it is very powerful to them, and right before
God, to confess your sin. Can you say, oh yeah, please
forgive me, I've sinned. That's one of the things that
bugs me about our government. I think they were wrong when
it came to the response with COVID. Just admit you're wrong. We're not going to hate you.
We'll like you more if you say, man, we overshot. We thought
it was going to be a lot more severe. And it just wasn't. I
think personally, I would say, OK, that's good. But don't keep
doubling down. And four months in now, commanding
us to wear masks, it really isn't that bad as they had anticipated. I'm not a denier. I know it's
there. I know it's a reality. We need to take precautions and
all of that. But could it possibly be they
did overstep? If they did, then just admit
it. Nobody's perfect. We can't assume or expect perfection
from anyone. If you as a man can't humble
yourself and ask your wife or your children to forgive you,
you've got some problems. You're not supposed to depict
perfection to your children, you're supposed to depict consistency,
Bible, the reality of a Proverbs 28, 13. With reference to some
specifics, you need to pray for your children, you need to provide
for your children, you need to protect your children, and you
need to preach to them. Now, I added another thing here. I typically say law and gospel.
You need to teach your children the law and gospel. Can I add
one more thing? Teach them a little bit of politics
as well. Communism is making its way back
into the Western world. Now, brethren, I say that and
it's difficult to even acknowledge or to admit, but it's a reality. Communism is antithetical to
the law of God. It is founded on the principle
of theft. And the Eighth Commandment says,
do not steal. There may be several different
ideas concerning politics in this room. I get that. I understand
that. But there is one consistent thing
the people of God as a whole should always oppose. and that's
communism. It is antithetical to the truth
of God's holy word. Socialism is the logical step
toward communism. Communism is essentially forced
socialism. Teach your children something
about this so they don't grow up to hate the kinds of societies
that afford the sorts of things that we have enjoyed for a whole
long time. Why would we want to give that
away? For the most part, the church has been left unmolested
in the Western world. For the most part, we've been
able to do our thing. Why would we want to sacrifice
that? Why would we want to give that
away to God-hating rebels? Brethren, teach them, thou shalt
not steal, not only as an individual, but also as a governor, also
as a president, also as a prime minister, also as a premier.
It is never authorized by God to steal. And when you build
a society based on lawlessness and rebellion, everybody loses
ultimately. That seems to be, to me, the
great dream of communism. Make everybody as miserable as
they can possibly be. That sort of thing ought not
to obtain in the minds of the people of God. Teach them things. Teach them their responsibility
to civil authority. Teach them their responsibility
to God over civil authority when civil authority tells them to
disobey God. Brethren, we have a great task
to rear children unto God most high. And with reference to my
encouragement to you, you're probably going, man, finally,
this has not been encouraging at all. You will never go to
heaven based on your superior fathering skills. It's always
the blood and righteousness of Jesus. I don't want to militate
against everything that I've said, but praise God Almighty
for the imputed righteousness of Jesus Christ. There is no
hope without it. And for young men, I would say
to you, prepare yourself. Prepare yourself. That passage
in chapter 27, 23 to 27. If you don't have herds, if you
don't have flocks, get them. Because in order to provide for
a wife, you can't just live on a couch somewhere. You have to
actually work, and you have to actually produce, and you actually
have to provide for someone. And you need to diligently seek
for a good wife. I mentioned this quote this morning.
from AdWords. I got the names all wrong, but
the gist was there. But with reference to this idea,
prepare yourself and diligently seek for a good wife. We're dealing
with Father's Day. If it was Mother's Day, I would
tell you single women to prepare yourselves and find yourself
a good man. But in this instance, for the
young men here that are wifeless, you need to prepare yourself
and you need to diligently seek for a good wife. John, not John,
but Ian Murray's biography on Edwards. He says, quote, not
all the children were as mild as Jerusha or as obedient as
Esther. I think Edwards had 10 kids,
and I think they were all girls, every one of them. That brother
had some special grace from on high. Not that I don't love my
daughters. Daughters are great. Sons are
challenging too. Children are challenging. Everything
we've seen in the Bible here. Not all the children were as
mild as Jerusha or as obedient as Esther. The quick temper of
Sarah, the eldest daughter, so persisted that according to tradition,
when her hand was asked in marriage by Elihu Parsons 10 years later,
Edwards plainly disclosed to him the unpleasant temper of
his daughter. But she has grace, I trust, asked
Parsons, to which Edwards replied, I hope she has grace, but grace
can live where you cannot. So young men, watch, pray, and
be patient. I think it was my brother who
told me something his brother said. The only thing worse than
being single is wishing you were single. In other words, if you
contract a difficult marriage, that is a difficult situation
for persons to deal with. Well, let us pray. Father, thank
you for your Word. Thank you for its clarity on
these issues concerning godliness, concerning being husbands and
fathers. And Lord, we know it's difficult at the best of times
to be faithful. So we ask that you would grant
grace, grant wisdom, grant the presence and the power of your
Spirit, that we may take seriously the Word of God, and by that
grace, put the Word of God into practice in our lives. And Lord,
we do love the children that you have given to us. We love
them, we treasure them, we want to value and prize them, we want
to rear them in a way that is pleasing in your sight, in the
training and in the admonition of the Lord. We know and confess
that we can't change their hearts, we can't make them believers,
but hopefully, God, we can instill in them a knowledge of the law,
a knowledge of the gospel, and that, Father, in Your time and
in Your pleasure, You would open their hearts to receive the truth
concerning Jesus Christ, to understand the beauty of being found in
Him, not having their own righteousness which is from the law, but that
righteousness which is from You and received by faith alone.
We thank you for this day. We thank you for your mercies
to us. We ask that you would continue with us in this week
and help us to bring glory and honor and praise unto you. And
we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
