We can turn with me in your Bibles to Proverbs chapter four. Proverbs chapter four, we're gonna look at the Christian husband and father tonight. This is material we covered when we went through the book of Proverbs some months ago. So hopefully it is review.

Hopefully it is repetitious because repetition brings those things to bear in a hopefully lively way. I'll read the first nine verses and then we'll pray and look at the material. Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, and give attention to no understanding. For I give you good doctrine.

Do not forsake my law. When I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, he also taught me and said to me, let your heart retain my words. Keep my commands and live. Get wisdom.

Get understanding. Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you. Love her, and she will keep you.

Wisdom is the principal thing. Therefore, get wisdom. And in all you're getting, get understanding. Exalt her, and she will promote you.

She will bring you honor when you embrace her. She will place on your head an ornament of grace, crown of glory she will deliver to you. Amen. Well, let us pray.

Opening Prayer

Father in heaven, we ask that your Holy Spirit would be at work in our hearts and minds as Solomon speaks concerning wisdom in this book of Proverbs. We cry out for the same. We see in his own experience when given opportunity to address you with a particular petition, he asked for wisdom, and you commended him for that, and you gave it to him profusely. And God, James, says that if any of us lacks wisdom, Let him ask of you who gives to all liberally and without reproach.

We confess as fathers. We confess as mothers, as parents, as children. We all need wisdom. And God, we pray that you would grant it freely and profusely to the people of God in this local church.

Again, forgive us for our sins and unrighteousness. Fill us now with your Holy Spirit. And we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Introduction

Well, there is something going on in this particular chapter. We're not going to strictly stay in this particular portion. It's more of a topical study tonight. But there is a blessing of what's called transgenerational Christianity.

If you notice, David taught Solomon, and then Solomon taught his sons. That ought to be the way we function and conduct ourselves in the context of the local church. We as men instruct our children with the hope and the desire that when they rise up, they in turn will instruct their children and so on and so on and so on. It is most important and most crucial that we pass the baton of truth to the successive generations.

And as we look at this particular theme or this particular subject, we ought to appreciate that Solomon emphasizes this reality in terms of a Christian man, and in terms of a Christian husband, and in terms of a Christian father. So tonight I want to look first at the husband and then secondly at the father and then conclude hopefully with some practical observations. But with reference to the husband, on Father's Day you might be wondering why in the world would he address us relative to being husbands. I suggest that one of the best gifts that a man can give to his children is to value, to prize, and to delight in their mother. to take good care of her, to give example in that particular way, and to show that He treasures her, that He values her, and that He prizes her.

The Christian Husband

With reference to men that are good husbands, as God describes good, in the first place, the good husband is a godly man. He is in the first place a godly man. We're going to survey a lot of passages tonight, so hopefully you've got your Bibles open to the book of Proverbs. In the first place, under he is a godly man,

The Godly Man: Fearing the Lord

he fears the Lord. Go back to Proverbs chapter 1, verse 7. The purpose of Proverbs are given in verses 1 to 6. And then the necessary prerequisite for receiving proverbial wisdom is verse 7.

The fear of Yahweh is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. So a godly Christian man is one who fears the Lord. Notice in Proverbs 2, 5. Then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

Chapter 3, verse 7, do not be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and depart from evil. Proverbs chapter 9 and verse 10, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 14 at verse 26, Proverbs 14.26, in the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and his children will have a place of refuge. And then again in 15.33, the fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom, and before honor is humility.

So a godly man in the first place is one who fears God. The Bible makes a distinction relative to the fear of God. There is a slavish fear and there is a filial fear. The slavish fear is that fear of God wherein the party who has it runs from Him, hides from Him.

Whereas that filial fear is that fear wherein the Son of God reveres, honors, and fears God with reference to who He is and who we are before Him. And then as well, a godly man is one who deals with his sin. The fear of the Lord is certainly that beginning place, but notice in Proverbs 28 at verse 13. Proverbs 28, 13.

Again, this is just the general context for everything we're going to say from this point on. Notice in Proverbs 28, verse 13, he who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy or will find mercy. So a man fears God, but as well he deals with his sin. He doesn't try to hide it.

He doesn't try to cover it up. Certainly he tries to kill it. He tries to fight against it. But when he does sin, he understands that he has an advocate with the Father, even Jesus Christ the righteous.

He confesses it to God. He finds mercy from God. He confesses his sins to his wife and his children, and hopefully he finds mercy from them as well. So the good husband is a godly man.

He fears the Lord, he deals with his sin, and then thirdly and finally under this ad, he is committed to the Lord. Look at Proverbs 3. Proverbs 3, a passage that I hope is familiar to all of us and one that we ought to have in our hearts, not only as men, but as women. Proverbs 3, verse 5, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths. So the trust or the relationship to God is to be entire. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. It is to be exclusive and lean not on your own understanding.

And it is to be exhaustive. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. So, the man who loves his children, or the man who loves his wife and children, is first and foremost a godly man. I'm not suggesting that pagans don't love their wives and children.

We're dealing in a Christian context, so indulge me at that point. Now, secondly,

The Husband's Love for His Wife

in terms of the husband specifically, in the first place, he sees his wife as a gift. He sees his wife as a gift. He doesn't see her as the old ball and chain. He doesn't see her as a drag upon his energies.

He doesn't see her as somebody that is diametrically opposed to him, but rather he sees her as a gift. Notice in Proverbs 12 at verse 4. And again, brethren, I suggest that one of the best gifts that a father can give to his children is to prize and value their mother. A two-parent home is absolutely crucial, and that is the best benefit, the most privilege any child could ever get, is when father and mother are present to rear them.

It doesn't mean all the problems or there'll never be any problems, but it's certainly a definite good place to be. In Proverbs 12, 4, it says, an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 18 at verse 22. Proverbs 18 at verse 22, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

It's a gift, it's a blessing, it's a good thing, and the man of God treats his wife accordingly. Proverbs 19, 14, houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. So certainly you benefit from those above you, but with reference to a wife, that is a direct gift from God Almighty. Luther said, the greatest gift of God is a pious, amiable spouse who fears God, loves his house, and with whom one can live in perfect confidence.

That's a beautiful statement. And Martin Luther, if you ever read about his life, had a very excellent relationship with his beloved Katie. So that is a good example for us as Christian men in the 21st century. So a godly husband loves his wife and sees her as a gift.

Secondly, he provides for her needs. Look at Proverbs chapter 27. Proverbs chapter 27 at verse 23. Be diligent to know the state of your flocks and attend to your herds.

Now, this is obviously agrarian, but whatever your particular profession or your particular niche in life happens to be, you need to be diligent. Be diligent to know the state of your flocks and attend to your herds. For riches are not forever, nor does a crown endure to all generations. When the hay is removed and the tender grass shows itself, and the herbs of the mountains are gathered in, the lambs will provide your clothing and the goats the price of a field.

You shall have enough goat's milk for your food, for the food of your household and the nourishment of your maidservant." So obviously, if your maidservants are eating, your wife is eating and your children are eating. We know that place in 1 Timothy chapter 5, where Paul comes to deal with the church with reference to the provision for widows. And in the first sense, he says that the family is responsible to take care of widows. He makes that statement in 1 Timothy chapter 5.

If a man does not provide for his own, he's worse than an infidel. He's worse than an unbeliever. It is simply unacceptable to not be gainfully employed and not providing for those people that are under your charge. Scripture is clear on that point, and this is a manifestation or a demonstration of a man's love for his wife.

He sees her as a gift. He provides for her needs. Thirdly, he protects her. Look at Proverbs chapter 6.

He protects her. Proverbs chapter 6. Specifically at verse 34. Well, verse 30.

We'll look at the context here. A prohibition against adultery. do not engage in this violation of the seventh commandment. It is absolutely, positively transgression against the living God. And then he gives this concrete illustration to sort of buttress what he has said in terms of a precept relative to not engaging in this activity.

Verse 30, he says, people do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is starving. Yet when he is found, he must restore sevenfold. He may have to give up all the substance of his house. Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding.

He who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away. For jealousy is a husband's fury, therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will accept no recompense, nor will he be appeased, though you give many gifts.

Notice in verse 33, wounds and dishonor he will get. Oh, there's going to be recompense. There's going to be punishment. Unrepentant adulterers will go to the lake of fire.

But he's talking about this age. He's talking about right now. You go into a man's wife, that man's going to come to your house and he's going to dot your I. because he's jealous for his bride, he loves her, he cares for her, and you violated their covenant, he is going to punch you out. Solomon assumes that.

He doesn't say it's okay, vigilanteism, go out and get, you know, guns and go tear down the guy's house and burn it and salt the earth so that he'll never ever arise again. But it is a truism. When something like this happens, it arouses a man so that he wants to protect his wife, and Solomon recognizes this and uses it as an argument such that his sons will not go and violate other men's wives. Proverbs 14 at verse 11.

Proverbs 14, I'm sorry, yes, Proverbs 14 at verse 11. The house of the wicked will be overthrown, but the tent of the upright will flourish. Now, it doesn't say husbands protecting their wives, but there is a sense where this calmness, where this stability and security is wrought out by the man in the family and he protects his wife. Fourthly, he communicates well with her.

Now, that doesn't mean he communicates, you know, as well as she might want, but he does communicate well with her. If I ask any couple, do you have great communication with one another? Typically, you say, well, you know, we could work on some things here or there. But certainly, as a man, he seeks to communicate well with his wife.

Proverbs 15.1, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh Word stirs up anger. Proverbs 16, verse 24. Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. Proverbs 31.

Proverbs 31, that description of the godly woman. How does the godly man respond to his godly wife? Proverbs 31 at verse 28, her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her. Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.

So he communicates well with her. He understands that he's not talking to his buddies at work, but he is talking to the bride of his youth. He is talking to the one who is one flesh with him. And then the final aspect in terms of a good husband's love for his wife, and there are others to be sure this is suggestive, is that he is sexually faithful to her.

We talked about this briefly this morning in our study in the Confession, chapter 24 of marriage, or chapter 25, rather, of marriage. But in this passage, the book of Proverbs turned to chapter 5. I gave the main heads this morning. I want to show it in further detail right now.

Proverbs chapter 5, verses 8 to 20.

Sexual Faithfulness: Remove, Rejoice, Remember

I call this the three R's of sexual purity. Remove, rejoice, and remember. Remove, rejoice, and remember. Verse 8, well verse 7, Therefore hear me now, my children, and do not depart from the words of my mouth.

Remove your way far from her. He's talking about the strange woman. He's talking about the woman who's not your wife. He's talking about somebody you should stay away from, and his command is very conspicuous.

Remove your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house. He doesn't say don't go near her bed. He says don't go near her door. Cut a large swath around it.

If there is a temptation there, do not even go near it. Remove your way far from her. Solomon knows the heart of man. He realizes it's deceitful above all things and desperately wicked.

Therefore, take a different course or a path if you have to. The second R is found in verse 18. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth, not the wife of somebody else's youth, but your own wife. Be sexually faithful to the person that God has given you.

And then remember verse 21, for the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths. God watches. He knows the eyes of the Lord, according to Proverbs 15, are in every place, beholding the good, and the evil. He is sexually faithful to her.

Back to chapter 6, notice in verse 24. He says, to keep you, this is the reason for God's law, to keep you from the evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a seductress, Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot, a man is reduced to a crust of bread, and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life." This isn't a prostitute. This isn't some woman on the corner.

This is a married woman that is making these overchores toward another married man. Can a man take fire to his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Of course not. You see how Solomon attacks this particular theme.

Can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be seared? Of course not. So is he who goes into his neighbor's wife. Whoever touches her shall not be innocent.

So men, brothers, godly men, they fear the Lord, they deal with sin, they're committed to the Lord. With reference to men and their wives, they see them as gifts, they provide for their needs, they protect them, they seek to communicate well with them, and they are sexually faithful to them.

The Christian Father

Now, as we move on to the Christian father, all of the things that I've already said is true with reference to fatherhood as well.

The Father's Love for His Children

In the first place, he's a godly man. In the second place, the good father loves his children. Remember in Titus chapter 2, the older women were to instruct the younger women that they be lovers of their husbands, lovers of their children. Well, fathers need to be lovers of their children as well.

And you see that recurring emphasis in the book of Proverbs from Solomon. Solomon, in several instances and places, speaks to my son, my son, my son, my son. The whole gist of Proverbs is to educate his sons relative to their potential kingship. Remember, it was dynastic.

It should have been the case that, well, it was the case after Solomon. his son Rehoboam ascends to the throne, and so on, the line of David in terms of the southern kingdom of Judah. So he shows that love by teaching them the word and the law of the living and true God. So in 1, 8 to 10, 2, 1, 3, 1, 3, 11, 4, 1, 410, 420, 51, 57, 61, 620, 71, and 724. He continues to speak and he continues to pour out his soul to my son.

There is love there. There is affection there. And men, if you are not showing that kind of love, you say, well, I'm not that sort of way. And my father wasn't that sort of way.

You should try to become that sort of way so that you can shower affection upon your sons and your daughters because they desperately stand in need of that sort of thing. He as well provides for his children. When he loves his children, he not only tells them, I love you, but he also demonstrates that love in concrete ways. God so loved the world, according to John 3, 16, that He gave His only begotten Son.

We can say, I love you, I love you, I love you, but there are tangible expressions or manifestations of that love that we have for our children. Notice the temporal provision in Proverbs 13. Proverbs 13 speaks concerning temporal provision to the children. Proverbs 13, 22, a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.

Verse 22a, a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. We already looked at Proverbs 27, know the state of your flocks. Make sure you keep your house in order. Make sure you tend to your business.

Make sure you tend to your vocation so that your household can eat. They are dependent on that reality. If you are not gainfully employed, get gainful employment so that you can feed those under your charge. That is absolutely crucial.

Now, with reference to Proverbs 13, 22, it's getting increasingly more difficult to leave an inheritance to our children, let alone our grandchildren. And so there is a spiritual aspect at play also, as far as we're able to be diligent and to be saving and to be investing or whatever it is that we're going to do to try to pass on some sort of tangible legacy to our children. We may be poor and not able to do that, but there is a spiritual provision, there is a spiritual inheritance that we ought to pass on to them. Notice, a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children.

Let it be the case that we are leaving an inheritance of godliness. We're leaving an inheritance of the family altar. We're leaving an inheritance on emphasizing the importance of being in a good church. That's the sort of inheritance that if we're dirt poor and broke with reference to money, with reference to the spiritual well-being, we ought to be able to pass that down and pass that along to our children and to our children's children.

Bridges comments here, he says, and if there is no earthly substance to leave, yet a church in the house, a family altar, the record of holy example and instruction, and above all, a store of believing prayer laid up for accomplishment, when we shall be silent in the grave, will be an inheritance to our children of inestimable value. That is a blessed statement and one that I hope we take to heart. We have a responsibility to our children, but to their children as well, in terms of passing on the baton of biblical truth. So a good father loves his children.

Thirdly, he's a godly man, he loves his children.

The Father's Instruction of His Children

Thirdly, the good father instructs his children. Go back to Deuteronomy chapter 6. It's most likely the book of Deuteronomy, the law of Moses, which is the foundation of the book of Proverbs. In other words, Solomon is expounding, Solomon is illustrating, Solomon is applying and explaining the law of Moses.

And this in verse 4 is what's called the Shema. And Shema is simply the Hebrew word for listen or hear. And that's how we understand it. Notice in verse 4.

Here, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Now, with reference to the Word of God, you were in Israel, in the Old Covenant people, you were to emphasize that word individually, familially, and societally. In other words, the theocracy of Israel, directly ruled by God, they had an earthly monarch, but it was an interesting earthly monarch, because ultimately God ruled the people directly, but there was this individual, familial, and societal emphasis upon the law of God.

So after the Shema and the response to God that we are supposed to have in verse 5, notice in verse 6. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. That's the individual. We need to have the word in our heart if we're ever going to pass it along to our children and our children's children.

Verse 7, you shall teach them these laws diligently to your children and talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up. There ought to be times of formal instruction. There ought to be times when you sit them down and you teach them the Word of God. You teach them good theology.

You teach them the hypostatic union. You teach them justification by faith. You teach them the Trinity. You have those formal settings, those formal sessions, the family altar is most excellent for that, to instruct them.

But it's not just formal, it's informal. You're walking at the zoo and you look at the marvel of God's creation and you bring that to bear upon your little ones. We're supposed to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and pass that on to our children. Verse 8, "...you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." There's the societal application. It was the Word of God that was supposed to govern Old Covenant Israel. So a good and godly man. in terms of his children, instructs them. Again, the my son sayings in the book of Proverbs.

And then there's several Proverbs that highlight the foolishness of a child that rejects his or her parents' teaching. You see that in Proverbs 10.1, Proverbs 15.5, Proverbs 15.20, 17.21, 19.13, 19.26, and 20.20. The idea being that if your parents are passing this information on to you, you are a fool to harden your neck and to resist that, which is good. They are giving you a blessed gift.

You need to receive that blessed gift. And of course, the New Testament example is Ephesians chapter 6. Ephesians chapter 6, where the Apostle Paul highlights the particular roles of persons in the family unit. And in Proverbs 6, 1, he says, children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right.

Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. Verse 4, he says, and you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath. They're not supposed to be prey in your house. They're not supposed to be victim to your abuse, whether physical or emotional.

Do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Training means child rearing, training, discipline. It focuses on act, and then the admonition focuses on word. So it's not only word, but it's also act, and we see that as well in the book of Proverbs.

Now, with reference to the instruction of children, again, you don't have to be C.H. Spurgeon to teach your five-year-old. You don't have to be John Calvin to teach your five-year-old. You don't even have to read John Calvin to your five-year-old.

Okay, kids, let's sit down for family worship. I'm gonna read an 18-page Puritan sermon. It's gonna take us about an hour and a half, so just sort of hang on and enjoy this and receive it and then go apply it. Brothers, if you do that, you're missing the point.

I mean, you speak to them at their level. You bring biblical truth to the ears of those. You explain it in ways that hopefully they'll be able to understand. You need to be conscientious with reference to this aspect of your upbringing your children.

If you have hour-and-a-half, two-, three-hour devotionals, you are probably moving into the sphere of provoking your children to wrath. Now, I wish it wasn't that way. I wish they were all good model little Puritans, that they were all little John Owens, and that they could hungrily sit and enjoy a two and a half hour discourse by one of our forefathers. But most likely, at least none of the kids I've raised and none of the kids I've met sort of show that kind of ability at this particular point.

But nevertheless, there needs to be an emphasis not only on word, but as well on act. So the good father is a godly man. Good father loves his children. The good father instructs his children.

And then

The Father's Discipline of His Children

fourthly and finally, the good father disciplines his children. You might ask the question, why would we need to do this? May I just direct your attention to major cities in the US? Direct your attention to Toronto?

Direct your attention to the places where there is great civil unrest? I would suggest that a lot of those persons weren't disciplined when they were children. In other words, we are reaping what we've sown. We have basically taught people to hate their country, to hate their God, to hate everything that is good and right and ought to be in play.

And yet, we wonder, whatever happened? Well, I can tell you whatever happened, we haven't done what God's called us to do. There are two elements involved relative to discipline. The discipline of children involves word.

Word. If you look at the emphasis in the book of Proverbs, there is more of an emphasis on word, more of an emphasis on instruction, more of an emphasis on command. In other words, we don't do this silently. We discipline our children by teaching them.

We often hear about the discipline of the church, and we think excommunication. No, discipline in the church happens every time we come to the Word of God. We are being disciplined, we are being regulated, we are being controlled, hopefully, by the Spirit through the Word, and that has a good effect upon us. And that is how we are supposed to proceed in the context of our homes.

We're supposed to speak and teach our children in a manner that disciplines them. And then as well, the discipline of children involves act. And Proverbs does speak to that, and I would encourage you, brothers and sisters, and especially the younger families in our midst, things are different than they used to be. You need to be sensitive and aware of this, and you need to be conscientious relative to the application of this aspect of God's Word in this current situation.

I'm not suggesting disobedience of God's Word. I am suggesting discretion with reference to the application of God's Word. And what I mean by that is you do not want some officer, federal agent, appearing at your home and taking your kids away from you because you sought, by the grace of God, according to the Spirit of God, to do what God commands. We talk about this sort of thing.

Well, they're not persecuting us. Anything the civil state does to get between us and our God relative to obedience is persecution. Now, there are gradations of persecution. It's not China.

It's not that kind of persecution. But the threat of civil authority taking our children away because we apply God's word. That is a reality that you need to be aware of. and sensitive to, and conscientious of, because Scripture does tell us that this is absolutely crucial. We see these two elements combined in Proverbs 29, 15.

Proverbs chapter 29 and verse 15. You can turn back there. The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. That statement alone is controversial.

Any emphasis in the book of Proverbs on the rod relative to child training is controversial. If you do not understand that, you need to understand that. You need to realize that there is great antipathy against God's Word at this point. Again, I am not instructing whatsoever disobedience in terms of the Word of God.

I am exhorting as best I can to be discreet in the application of the Word of God so that you don't end up in jail and so that your kids don't end up in foster care. That is the reality that we face in this situation. And so, brethren, be aware of that. But we cannot militate against the things that God has said because of the prevailing wind of whatever it is in our generation.

We as the people of God need to maintain faithfulness, we need to persevere, and we need to obey, no matter what situation we face in terms of the civil state. Bridges speaking concerning Proverbs 22, 13, and 14, specifically on not only using the rod. In other words, not only the rod, but as well rebuke, verbal instruction. He says, yet let it not be used at all times.

Let remonstrance be first tried. Our Heavenly Father never stirs the rod with His children if His gentle voice of instruction prevails. It's not like, okay, I spoke to you and you have responded favorably. Okay, now it's time for...

No, if they responded favorably, that's good. If your brother sins against you, go to him. If he hears you, you've won your brother. Why would we tell it to the church?

Why would we escalate it? Why would we bring additional witnesses? If the first level yields good fruit, there is no place or no need to introduce the second and the third and fourth level with reference to church discipline. In fact, that is always a bad thing when persons, you know, say in a casual conversation, yeah, so-and-so sinned against me, and I called them out, and they repented.

So why are you saying it to me? Why are you telling me? If it's been dealt with, there's no need for further dealing with it. If your child responds to verbal command and does what he or she is supposed to, praise God, from whom all blessings flow.

There's no need, as Bridges says, if that first tier, that first level works. He goes on to say, continual finding fault, applying correction to every slip of childish trifling or troublesome thoughtlessness would soon bring a callous deadness to all sense of shame. Let it be reserved, at least in its more serious forms, for willfulness. It is medicine. not food, the remedy for the occasional diseases of the Constitution, not the daily regimen for life and nourishment, and to convert medicine into daily food gradually destroys its remedial qualities." That is such a beautifully balanced statement.

With reference to discipline and the upbringing of children, it's medicine Not food. You don't live on medicine, you live on food. You need occasional medicine to set things right, but the fact is, is that we live on the verbal reproof for the most part. But as he says, that rebel heart, that unwillingness, or that willfulness, that must be met with in the manner prescribed by God.

Now, in terms of a few governing presuppositions relative to discipline, the home is the basic unit for passing on values, or it's supposed to be. The parents are committed to the law of God and the reality that folly is bound up in the child's heart and that more than just words are necessary to root it out at times. You have to understand that, and that's why the Bible emphasizes this, because God knows what is in the child. Turn back for just a moment to the book of Deuteronomy.

Deuteronomy chapter 21. Deuteronomy 21, verse 18, if a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. And they shall say to the elders of his city, this son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey our voice.

He is a glutton and a drunkard. Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones, so you shall put away the evil from among you, and all Israel shall hear in fear. Now my application here is not write your premier and tell them that we need to start executing these criminal offenders. you know, these rebel sons that are incorrigible. No, that's not the point.

But there are a couple of things that we should appreciate relative to this passage. In the first place, he's an adult son. He's not a baby. He's not two.

He's not refusing to eat his peas. He's a glutton and a drunkard. That's not any five-year-old I've ever seen. So you're not falling prey to, you know, do I call the elders of the church and institute the discipline process on my six-year-old because he just won't ingest broccoli?

No, no, no, that's not your passage. That's not it at all. This is an adult rebel son. But then notice as well, verse 18, if a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them.

These aren't derelict parents. These aren't parents that opted out of rearing their children. They did. They chased him.

They, in the context or in the arena of filial love for this son, tried to restrain him from his lawlessness and rebellion. Now, if we think from the lesser to the greater. If a man, a young man, doesn't respond in the arena of love in a context where a father and a mother are chastening him, where they are instructing him, and where they're caring for him, and where they're, you know, flooding him with love or showering him with love, he's probably not going to do very well in the civil state as well. That's why this mandate is in the scripture.

It's because this is a rebel who has resisted his parents. It's probably the case he's not going to be fit for society. And I know that sounds hardcore and it sounds so foreign to our ears, but if a rebel's son does not respond in the context of love, there's not a lot of hope. Now, God's good.

God can change the heart to be sure, but with reference to His law, there was an instance or a time where you brought that rebel son to the elders of the city, they heard the case, and they ultimately meted out that discipline or punishment. Now,

Governing Principles of Discipline

with reference to some specific texts in terms of child discipline, the training should begin early. The training should begin early, in utero, just kidding. Proverbs chap just wondered if anybody's paying attention. You yell at your kid when he's in the womb and you're on the right track there.

Proverbs 4, verse 3, when I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother. Brethren, the children do not come out as a tabula rasa. That means a blank slate. Children are estranged from the womb, according to Psalm 58, speaking lies as soon as they are born.

I realize that's not a popular conception. Babies smell good, they look good, they're cuddly, and all that sort of thing. But God tells us what's actually going on in their hearts. They go estranged from the womb, speaking lies as soon as they are born.

It's an unfortunate reality. We inherit the sin of Adam. In Adam, all die. It's the doctrine of original sin.

It's from that vantage point that our actual transgressions proceed. So the child training must begin when they are young. Notice in Proverbs 19. Proverbs 19 at verse 18.

Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction." Now, we might think, that sounds pretty epic, Solomon. That sounds pretty, you know, monument. It is, brethren. Do you realize that there's probably no bigger thing you and I will ever do than raise human beings?

I mean, that's either for good or ill. You know, the Bible says that children are a blessing from the Lord. They're a blessing if they're cultivated, and a blessing if they are disciplined, and a blessing if they are loved, and a blessing if they are cared for. But a child left to his own devices is going to be, in many respects, the opposite of a blessing at times.

And we need to understand it is epic and it is monumental. And as parents, and I encourage you young parents, when you have babies, you need to think through this. It's not just the reality that we can produce, but we have to produce well. I mean, anybody biologically can have children, but a godly man has children and rears them for the glory of God.

So it's not just biology that is necessary in raising up good children, it's also theology, and we need to be committed to that and committed to passing that on. Proverbs chapter 20 and verse 11, even a child is known by his deeds whether what he does is pure and right. Again, you've seen this go to Walmart. Brethren, you know the types of children that probably haven't been disciplined.

You know the types of children that probably haven't had that sort of context of love and rebuke and the occasional rod when they need it. Proverbs 22.6, a very familiar passage, train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Again, Bridges in his commentary on Proverbs, which by the way, fathers buy that commentary on Proverbs and read Bridges on every statement concerning child training because it's a very helpful resource in terms of rearing children. He says, Satan begins with the infant in arms.

The cry of passion is his first stir of the native corruption. Do we begin as early? Every vice commences in the nursery. The great secret is to establish authority in the dawn of life, to bend the tender twig before the knotty oak is beyond our power.

Again, we may not see it that way, but we need to see it that way. We need to understand that there is great emphasis on seeking, by the grace of God, to shape, to direct, to instruct, and to discipline the children whom the Lord has given to us. Scripture, Proverbs specifically, speaks of neglecting discipline as being something ungodly. You're all familiar with the case of Eli.

Eli's sons did not know the Lord. They were priests serving in the tabernacle, and persons would come with their sacrifice, and Eli's sons would steal the meats. Eli's sons would lay with temple prostitutes. They were not good men.

And it was the case because Eli is indicted for not having restrained them. That is precisely what we read there in 1 Samuel. Look at Proverbs 13 and verse 24. Proverbs 13 and verse 24.

He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. That's converse to what we hear today. How in the world could you ever discipline your child? What an exhibition of your cruelty!

What an exhibition of your lovelessness! No, God says just the opposite. He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Gill says the sin of old Eli and both he and his sons suffered for it.

A modern commentator on 1324, Bruce Waltke, says loving parents seek to correct the faults of their children because as the preceding unit showed, their children's lives Favor, protection, healing, dignity, and prosperity are at stake. It's not just we want to rain on your parade, we want to make your life miserable. No, we're actually a bit brighter than you. And understand that if you give vent to these passions, if you give vent to this lawlessness, if you give vent to this rebellion, we know because Solomon has told us the way of the transgressor is hard.

Your life is going to be fundamentally more difficult if we don't discipline you. So it's an act of love, and if it's not engaged in, then it's an act of betrayal. Waltke goes on to say, unloving parents turn their backs on them and hand them over to death, social ruin, public exposure, calamity, and shameful poverty. The failure of the apostate Western world to continue the biblical practice has left its civilization in moral chaos.

Again, we may be seeing that a little bit more perceptively than we have up until the last month or so. The signs of societal decay are all around us. Again, why is everything happening this way? Romans 1 is a great place to start.

When we neither honor God as God nor are our hearts thankful to God, He gives us over to a reprobate mind. He gives us the kind of leaders that are actually like babies and little children, according to Isaiah the prophet in chapter 3, verses 4 and 5. We do reap what we sow, and if we do not sow children unto the Lord God Almighty insofar as we're able, We can't change their hearts, but we can indeed apply those things God has said. If we don't do that, it will inevitably be the case that they go contrary to the way they ought.

And then as well, look at Proverbs chapter 22. Proverbs chapter 22, just a couple of passages and then we'll close with reference to child discipline, just to hopefully captivate your conscience so you know and you can see. And you can, in discretion, use this means that God has given in a way that glorifies Him and is ultimately beneficial for the child. I mean, come on, face it, we all know that, right?

Kids don't always know everything. Why do I need my, you know, I used to say broccoli. Why do I need this big piece of meat? Because you need protein and fat.

If you don't have protein and fat, life isn't going to be good for you. But I don't want it, but you need to have it, because protein and fat makes you healthy and strong and good. Okay. We know better than them.

We don't let them dictate their diet, do we? Who here? Raise your hand, parents. Do you let your kids pick dinner?

No, no, you don't. They pick cakes or cookies or they just ingest sugar and white flour and things contrary to good protein and fat. And that's not the way we operate. That's not the way you grow up to be healthy and strong.

We actually know more than you. You need to pay attention. And then someday, you may not ever hear it because something may happen. You may die before that day.

But someday, your kids will actually rise up and say, you know, thank you for disciplining me. Thank you for taking seriously the Word of God. Thank you for actually applying Scripture in the rearing of your children. It is a most blessed thing to hear when they rise up.

Proverbs 22, 15, foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive it far from him. Bridges again. It is not the sheet of pure white paper, not the innocent or even the tractable creature, easily guided by proper means that we have before us, but a little heart full of sin, containing all the seeds of future evil, multiplying to a fruitful harvest.

Again, people say, well, that's horrible. How could you ever suggest that about little children? God knows the heart, brethren. God knows us better than we know ourselves.

And any of us who have ever had children thinking through these passages have to say, you know what? God is right. There is a foolishness bound up there. There is an incorrigibility there.

There is a hardness and a proneness to engage in lawlessness. Proverbs 23, 13, and 14, do not withhold correction from a child. For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell.

Again, the language there, again, is somewhat shocking in our current situation. Beating doesn't mean abuse. Child discipline doesn't mean hurting in a permanent way. It means delivering a swift and concise blow to deal with the particular issue, pray, and then move on.

Child abuse is not sanctioned by the Bible. The Word of God does not give that authority or that license to parents, and any man, any woman who beats their children ought to repent immediately, for the Lord God Most High will not hold them guiltless. And then Proverbs 29, 15 and 17. Proverbs 29, 15.

The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Proverbs 29, 17. Correct your son and he will give you rest. Yes, he will give delight to your soul.

So the commitment to biblical child-rearing is not abuse, nor should it be carried out as if it is abuse. John Eady commenting on Ephesians 6, he says, the paternal reign is not to be one of terror and stern authority, but of love. And some of you may have been raised that way. Terror and stern authority break that horrible pattern.

Mine was just the opposite. Indulgence. Proverbs 13, 24 was a reality. My father did not discipline me and I concluded there must not be the presence of love.

Again, this is not a psychoanalysis session. I'm going to lay down and cry and say that's the reason why I'm all whacked out. No, no. But I'm just illustrating the point.

Fathers rear their children in particular ways. There are those who instill terror and sternness and authority in this iron hand. Brethren, if you're not playing with your kids and throwing the ball with your kids and rolling around on the floor and hugging your kids, You're not relating properly to them. That is something you might say, well, I don't have the time for it.

Make the time for it. We always sort of prioritize a day. And isn't capturing the hearts of our children a priority? Shouldn't that be something that we're after?

Shouldn't that be one of the top three on the list? Wives and kids. That's what's at the top. So he says, the paternal reign is not to be one of terror and stern authority, but of love.

The rod may be employed, but in reason and moderation, and never from momentary impulse and anger. One more personal autobiographical sketch. My mother, she just died about seven years ago, and the anniversary was this past Wednesday. So my siblings and I were texting and talking about certain things.

And I have this vivid memory of my mother. I know some of you have heard this. or her running around the house with a yardstick chasing my siblings. Now, she was not a vicious woman at all, and she never connected with that yardstick, but it would get to the point where she'd get so frustrated that that's how she would respond. That's not biblical discipline.

As much as I love my mother, I esteem her. She did a wonderful job, great human being. That's not biblical discipline. Flipping out, running to the pantry, grab, I don't think the pantry had the yardstick, wherever the yardstick was, and then running around like a banshee, sweating this thing for the fences.

That's not what God envisions with reference to discipline. It's not supposed to be that. You're not supposed to lose your cool. Listen to John Eady, the rod may be employed but in reason and moderation and never from momentary impulse and anger.

Children are not to be moved to wrath by harsh and unreasonable treatment or by undue partiality and favoritism. That's another problem. We ought not to do that undue partiality and favoritism. One wonders in the Joseph narratives if Jacob hadn't favored Joseph the way that he obviously did.

Again, humanly speaking, we know God's sovereign. It was according to the decree. But that certainly had to exasperate the brothers of Joseph when they saw such undue partiality and favoritism. Edi finishes, if they be uniformly confronted with paternal frown and menace, then their spirit is broken and the most powerful motive to obedience, the desire to please, is taken from them.

So if all you ever do is frown and stern and anger and authority, you're not disciplining your children biblically. So don't think for a moment that you're somehow towing God's line when you're a monster to your children and you're provoking them to wrath.

Application

Well, in conclusion, with reference to some specific exhortations to men with wives and children, not that you haven't already received a few, the book of Proverbs, along with the New Testament and the entirety of God's Word, provides the content for your role as husband and father. In other words, you need to be a student of God's Word if you're married and you have children. You need to be a student of God's Word if you're not married and you don't have children, but you really need to with reference to your role as leader in the home. Secondly, the grace of God and wisdom from God are necessary to comply with this material.

Again, it's not just the bare reading of Scripture. Cry out to God for wisdom to put these things into practice. Cry out to God for the Holy Spirit to put these things into practice. Thirdly, the applicability of 28.13 stands.

Those who cover their transgression will not prosper. If you sin against your wife or children, it is very powerful to them, and right before God, to confess your sin. Can you say, oh yeah, please forgive me, I've sinned. That's one of the things that bugs me about our government.

I think they were wrong when it came to the response with COVID. Just admit you're wrong. We're not going to hate you. We'll like you more if you say, man, we overshot.

We thought it was going to be a lot more severe. And it just wasn't. I think personally, I would say, OK, that's good. But don't keep doubling down.

And four months in now, commanding us to wear masks, it really isn't that bad as they had anticipated. I'm not a denier. I know it's there. I know it's a reality.

We need to take precautions and all of that. But could it possibly be they did overstep? If they did, then just admit it. Nobody's perfect.

We can't assume or expect perfection from anyone. If you as a man can't humble yourself and ask your wife or your children to forgive you, you've got some problems. You're not supposed to depict perfection to your children, you're supposed to depict consistency, Bible, the reality of a Proverbs 28, 13. With reference to some specifics, you need to pray for your children, you need to provide for your children, you need to protect your children, and you need to preach to them.

Now, I added another thing here. I typically say law and gospel. You need to teach your children the law and gospel. Can I add one more thing?

Teach them a little bit of politics as well. Communism is making its way back into the Western world. Now, brethren, I say that and it's difficult to even acknowledge or to admit, but it's a reality. Communism is antithetical to the law of God.

It is founded on the principle of theft. And the Eighth Commandment says, do not steal. There may be several different ideas concerning politics in this room. I get that.

I understand that. But there is one consistent thing the people of God as a whole should always oppose. and that's communism. It is antithetical to the truth of God's holy word. Socialism is the logical step toward communism.

Communism is essentially forced socialism. Teach your children something about this so they don't grow up to hate the kinds of societies that afford the sorts of things that we have enjoyed for a whole long time. Why would we want to give that away? For the most part, the church has been left unmolested in the Western world.

For the most part, we've been able to do our thing. Why would we want to sacrifice that? Why would we want to give that away to God-hating rebels? Brethren, teach them, thou shalt not steal, not only as an individual, but also as a governor, also as a president, also as a prime minister, also as a premier.

It is never authorized by God to steal. And when you build a society based on lawlessness and rebellion, everybody loses ultimately. That seems to be, to me, the great dream of communism. Make everybody as miserable as they can possibly be.

That sort of thing ought not to obtain in the minds of the people of God. Teach them things. Teach them their responsibility to civil authority. Teach them their responsibility to God over civil authority when civil authority tells them to disobey God.

Brethren, we have a great task to rear children unto God most high. And with reference to my encouragement to you, you're probably going, man, finally, this has not been encouraging at all. You will never go to heaven based on your superior fathering skills. It's always the blood and righteousness of Jesus.

I don't want to militate against everything that I've said, but praise God Almighty for the imputed righteousness of Jesus Christ. There is no hope without it. And for young men, I would say to you, prepare yourself. Prepare yourself.

That passage in chapter 27, 23 to 27. If you don't have herds, if you don't have flocks, get them. Because in order to provide for a wife, you can't just live on a couch somewhere. You have to actually work, and you have to actually produce, and you actually have to provide for someone.

And you need to diligently seek for a good wife. I mentioned this quote this morning. from AdWords. I got the names all wrong, but the gist was there. But with reference to this idea, prepare yourself and diligently seek for a good wife.

We're dealing with Father's Day. If it was Mother's Day, I would tell you single women to prepare yourselves and find yourself a good man. But in this instance, for the young men here that are wifeless, you need to prepare yourself and you need to diligently seek for a good wife. John, not John, but Ian Murray's biography on Edwards.

He says, quote, not all the children were as mild as Jerusha or as obedient as Esther. I think Edwards had 10 kids, and I think they were all girls, every one of them. That brother had some special grace from on high. Not that I don't love my daughters.

Daughters are great. Sons are challenging too. Children are challenging. Everything we've seen in the Bible here.

Not all the children were as mild as Jerusha or as obedient as Esther. The quick temper of Sarah, the eldest daughter, so persisted that according to tradition, when her hand was asked in marriage by Elihu Parsons 10 years later, Edwards plainly disclosed to him the unpleasant temper of his daughter. But she has grace, I trust, asked Parsons, to which Edwards replied, I hope she has grace, but grace can live where you cannot. So young men, watch, pray, and be patient.

I think it was my brother who told me something his brother said. The only thing worse than being single is wishing you were single. In other words, if you contract a difficult marriage, that is a difficult situation for persons to deal with. Well, let us pray.

Closing Prayer

Father, thank you for your Word. Thank you for its clarity on these issues concerning godliness, concerning being husbands and fathers. And Lord, we know it's difficult at the best of times to be faithful. So we ask that you would grant grace, grant wisdom, grant the presence and the power of your Spirit, that we may take seriously the Word of God, and by that grace, put the Word of God into practice in our lives.

And Lord, we do love the children that you have given to us. We love them, we treasure them, we want to value and prize them, we want to rear them in a way that is pleasing in your sight, in the training and in the admonition of the Lord. We know and confess that we can't change their hearts, we can't make them believers, but hopefully, God, we can instill in them a knowledge of the law, a knowledge of the gospel, and that, Father, in Your time and in Your pleasure, You would open their hearts to receive the truth concerning Jesus Christ, to understand the beauty of being found in Him, not having their own righteousness which is from the law, but that righteousness which is from You and received by faith alone. We thank you for this day.

We thank you for your mercies to us. We ask that you would continue with us in this week and help us to bring glory and honor and praise unto you. And we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Scripture References

• Deuteronomy 6:4-8; 21:18-21
• 1 Samuel (Eli narrative)
• Psalm 58
• Proverbs 1:7-10; 2:1; 2:5; 3:1; 3:5; 3:7; 3:11; 4:1; 4:10; 4:20; 5:1; 5:7-21; 6:1; 6:20; 6:24; 6:30-35; 7:1; 7:24; 9:10; 10:1; 12:4; 13:22; 13:24; 14:11; 14:26; 15:1; 15:3; 15:5; 15:20; 15:33; 16:24; 17:21; 18:22; 19:13-14; 19:18; 19:26; 20:11; 20:20; 22:6; 22:15; 23:13-14; 27:23-27; 28:13; 29:15; 29:17; 31:28
• Isaiah 3:4-5
• Romans 1
• John 3:16
• Ephesians 6:1-4
• Titus 2
• 1 Timothy 5