Please turn with me in your Bibles to the book of Proverbs, Proverbs chapter four. Proverbs chapter four.

Scripture Reading: Proverbs 4:1–9

I'll read verses one to nine. Proverbs 4, beginning in verse 1, hear my children the instruction of a father and give attention to no understanding. For I give you good doctrine. Do not forsake my law.

When I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, he also taught me and said to me, let your heart retain my words. Keep my commands and live. Get wisdom, get understanding. Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.

Do not forsake her and she will preserve you. Love her and she will keep you. Wisdom is the principal thing. Therefore, get wisdom.

And in all you're getting, get understanding. Exalt her and she will promote you. She will bring you honor when you embrace her. She will place on your head an ornament of grace, a crown of glory she will deliver to you.

Amen. Well, let us pray.

Opening Prayer

Father, we thank you for your word. We thank you now for the ministry of the Holy Spirit to take these things and apply them to our hearts. Thank you for the men in this church that are fathers. I pray for your blessing upon them.

Pray for all of us that we would be faithful in light of our callings in scripture, that you would cause us to know the presence and the power of the Spirit, and to know the joy of being found in Jesus Christ, that gospel of our salvation. We thank you for all of your provision to us. We thank you that you keep us, that you protect us, that you guard us and defend us, and that you have promised that you who have began this good work in us will bring it to completion on that day of Christ. And we rejoice in that, Lord God.

Forgive us now again for all of our sins and unrighteousness, and we pray through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. Well,

Introduction

I want to address the Christian husband and father tonight. It won't be just from here in Proverbs chapter 4, but you do see something interesting here in Proverbs chapter 4 in terms of the blessing of transgenerational Christianity. It's not a transgenerational Christianity just because someone is born to a Christian man. they're going to necessarily be saved. But in this particular instance, that's what happens.

David was a godly man. David was theologically oriented. David feared the Lord. He didn't commit idolatry.

He fought the wars of the Lord. He was faithful in all of his days. And he passes down wisdom to Solomon, And then Solomon in the book of Proverbs does the same thing with reference to his own children. So according to verses 3 and 4, David taught Solomon, and then Solomon taught his children.

The primary emphasis is on wisdom, and that shouldn't shock us because that was Solomon's request when Yahweh comes to him and asks him what is it that he desires. He doesn't ask for riches, he doesn't ask for houses, he doesn't ask for wives, but rather he asks for wisdom. He understands that to administer the kingdom of heaven on earth as it was, typologically, he would require a great deal of wisdom and commitment to the truth of God's word. So the primary emphasis is on wisdom, and it is God's Word and Spirit that produce that wisdom or promote that wisdom in the hearts of God's people.

So I want to do two things tonight. First, look at the Christian husband, and then secondly, the Christian father. And if asked why the husband first, well, I think that one of the best things that a man can pass on to his children is a true love and a devotion to his wife. not in a sinful, sick, sort of adorational way, but to be a good, godly husband to one's wife is a great gift to the children that witness such things. For the young men, it causes them to rise up and to want to have that type of a marriage.

For a young woman, it causes her to want to find that kind of man. that loves and is devoted to her. So it's a great gift, or one of the better gifts, that a man can pass on to his wife, or to his children rather, and that is the love of his wife.

The Christian Husband

So first, the good husband is a godly man. The good husband is a godly man. There's three things here that I want to deal with.

He Fears the Lord

First, he fears the Lord. If you go back to Proverbs chapter 1, you see that emphasis early on in the book of Proverbs. Essentially, you have the purpose of the Proverbs in verses 1 to 6, and then the necessary prerequisite for the study of Proverbs in verse 7. And that is, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Notice in chapter 2 at verse 5, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. Chapter 3 in verse 7, do not be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and depart from evil. To the degree that we fear God is the degree to which we will depart from evil. If we're not departing from evil, then chances are we're not fearing God.

And so the godly man fears the Lord. Notice in 9.10, similar to what we saw in 1.7, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 14 and verse 26, in the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence and his children will have a place of refuge. And then again in 1533, the fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom and before honor is humility.

So a godly man, a godly husband is a man who fears God. and that means he's rightly connected to God by grace through faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. The fear of the Lord oftentimes in the Old Testament is simple theological shorthand for rightly related to God by grace through faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. It's not the sort of fear that runs from God, it's the sort of fear that runs to God and finds a refuge because of what God has done in and through his son, the Lord Jesus Christ.

He Deals With His Sin

Secondly, not only does he fear the Lord, but he deals with his sin. Proverbs chapter 28. Proverbs chapter 28. The good husband is a godly man.

He fears the Lord. Secondly, he deals with his sin. Proverbs 28, 13. A text that ought not to ever be overlooked or underlooked or neglected or ignored.

He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy. Now, the principle is obvious. If you try to cover your sin, you're not gonna prosper. What does that mean?

Well, don't cover it before God, but don't cover it before your wife. Don't cover it before your children. A good godly man demonstrates that reality in the lives of the people in his home. He sins.

He needs forgiveness. He needs to invoke the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ. He comes to you with that humility that is requisite, a safe sinner, and he seeks to deal with his sin biblically and righteously and faithfully. So the godly man deals with his sin.

And then thirdly,

He Is Committed to the Lord

the husband is a godly man. He is committed to the Lord. You can turn to Proverbs 3. Proverbs chapter 3.

Specifically at verses 5 and 6, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." Now, none of this should be a surprise. None of this should be a shock. No one should say, wow, this is absolutely amazing. It's just basic biblical Christianity.

But notice specifically, it's to be an entire commitment. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. It's supposed to be an exclusive commitment and lean not on your own understanding. And it must be an exhaustive commitment in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths.

That's the type of man that functions well as a husband to his wife. So the good husband is a godly man. And then secondly, by way of a larger observation,

The Good Husband Loves His Wife

the good husband loves his wife. If it is one of the better gifts for a man to pass on to his children a good relationship with his wife, one that they can see, one that is quantifiable, one that is demonstrable, then it must be worked out in the life of the home. And I would suggest first here that the man sees her as a gift. He sees her as a gift.

He doesn't see her as an albatross around his neck. He doesn't see her as the curse upon him. He doesn't see her as drudgery. He doesn't see her as a chore, but rather he sees her as a gift.

Notice in Proverbs 12 at verse four, an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. So an excellent wife is the crown of her husband. That's a gift. Notice in Proverbs 18.22.

Proverbs 18.22. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. It's a blessed thing. It's a gift God gave to that particular man.

And here specifically, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. And then again in Proverbs 19 at verse 14, houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. Brothers, everyone in your house knows when you're not operating according to this fundamental presupposition. Everybody knows when you see your wife as an albatross rather than as a gift.

Everyone knows when you hold her in contempt or with bitterness or with an anger, everybody sees it. You may think you're the mystery man. You may think you're getting away with it, but you're not. It is evident.

It is obvious. And your wife and your children, they see it. They witness it. They see the difference between contempt and they see the difference between love and kindness and an appreciation for a good wife.

Luther said, the greatest gift of God is a pious, amiable spouse who fears God, loves his house, and with whom one can live in perfect confidence. Now, it shouldn't go without saying that ladies function as gifts. Don't function as an albatross around his neck. Don't function as the one that would rather make him live out in the wilderness or live on a rooftop.

Next, he provides for her needs. Proverbs 27. Proverbs 27. This is picked up by Paul in 1 Timothy chapter 5 at verse 8.

If a man does not provide for his own, he's worse than an infidel. He is worse than an unbeliever. But in Proverbs 27, specifically at verse 23, be diligent to know the state of your flocks and attend to your herds. For riches are not forever, nor does a crown endure to all generations.

When the hay is removed and the tender grass shows itself and the herbs of the mountains are gathered in, the lambs will provide your clothing and the goats the price of a field. You shall have enough goat's milk for your food, for the food of your household and the nourishment of your maidservants. There's that bit in the book of Exodus when a man takes on an additional wife, and I don't want to get into all the ethics involved in that, but if a man does take on an additional wife, he is not to neglect the cupboards, the closet, or the marriage bed of wife number one. It's not to pour his energies and efforts into wife number two to the neglect of wife number one.

If he does take on wife number two, and again, there's ethics involved, there's a context involved, but the prohibition against that is that he doesn't neglect wife number one when it comes to those basic needs. Her cupboards need to be filled. She's got to have food. Her closets have to be filled.

She's got to have clothes. And her marriage bed needs to be occupied with her husband. She has sexual needs that that man is to meet. Thirdly, the man protects her.

The man protects her. Proverbs chapter 6, he protects his wife. Proverbs chapter 6, and we'll look at this in a bit more detail a little later on, but here for the specific purpose, notice in verse 34, for jealousy is a husband's fury, therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. And essentially what's happening is that a man commits adultery, and when the man commits adultery, the husband of the wife is the one spoken of here.

For jealousy is a husband's fury, therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He protects his wife. Jealousy answers to love. If there is no love, there is no jealousy.

Now, jealousy can be obnoxious. Jealousy can be overarching. Jealousy can be too comprehensive. Jealousy can be a bad thing.

But God is a jealous God. Why is that? Because of the way that he loves his children, by the way that he loves his people. He will truck or brook no competitors in terms of that relationship between him and them.

They go a-whoring after Baal or after Asherah or after the gods of our particular age. The Lord our God is a jealous God. He does not brook rivals. And that is true in a marriage relationship.

A man protects his wife. Notice in Proverbs 14. Proverbs 14, specifically at verse 11. The house of the wicked will be overthrown, but the tent of the upright will flourish.

Now part of the flourishing of a tent depends in large part upon the protection of the tent. Your house, your life, your goods, your property, your people, they're not going to prosper unless there's a large degree of protection involved. I would suggest, fourthly, he communicates well with her. He communicates well with her.

And there are much more clever preachers that could do a whole series of sermons on communication and marriage. That's not me. But notice in Proverbs 15.1, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. If that is the default response in your home is a harsh word, you're not loving your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

Notice as well, Proverbs 16 and verse 24. Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. You don't cut her down. You don't mock her.

You don't rip her apart in front of the children. That is a horrific way to deal with your wife. And then Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31, a text we saw when we looked at the Christian mother.

Proverbs 31, look at how this man speaks to his bride. Proverbs 31, 28, her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praises her. Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.

He's not afraid to praise her. He's not afraid to commend her. He's not afraid to tell her that she's doing a good job. He's not afraid to do that because he knows that encouragement is absolutely necessary and it's absolutely consistent.

If you've got a good thing God has given you, then you ought to appreciate that and you ought to be faithful in your commendation.

He Is Sexually Faithful

And then the final thing is that he is sexually faithful to her. Notice in Proverbs chapter five. Proverbs chapter 5. Again, a theme picked up by the Apostle in 1 Timothy 3.

The elder must be a one-woman man. He must be sexually faithful. He must exercise fidelity in that basic covenantal arrangement. If a man is not faithful in that basic covenantal arrangement, then how is he going to take care of the Church of God?

How is he going to function as a gospel minister? Or by extension, how is a Christian man going to be proven or entrusted with much when he doesn't handle the little that God has given him? If he's not faithful to that one he is closest to, then he is going to be compromised. Notice in Proverbs 5 at verse 8, or verse 7, Therefore hear me now, my children, and do not depart from the words of my mouth.

Remove your way far from her. He's talking about the strange woman. He's talking about that woman you need to avoid, that woman that would disrupt, that woman that does entice, that woman that wants to lay with you. He says, remove your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the cruel one.

Lest aliens be filled with your wealth and your labors go to the house of a foreigner. And you mourn at last when your flesh and your body are consumed and say, how I have hated instruction and my heart despised correction. I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me. I was on the verge of total ruin in the midst of the assembly and congregation.

Now, just by way of parenthetical observation, if your father was profligate, if your father was an infidel, if your father was compromised in this, that's the kind of lessons that he's gonna pass on to the children in his home. Notice the positive encouragement. Drink water from your own cistern and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets, let them be only your own and not for strangers with you.

Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving dear and a graceful doe, let her breast satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman and be embraced in the arms of a seductress? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths.

His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin. He shall die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray." I don't think I have to tell you, brothers, this is a great threat to many marriages today. The actual act of adultery, pornography, the internet, those things that are often frequented by men, professing Christian men. We need to guard our hearts and minds.

We need to make a covenant with our eyes, the way Job says in Job 31. We need to remove our way far from her and not go near the door of her house. That's not authorization to click. That's not authorization to look.

That's not authorization to text. That's not authorization to set up a meeting. That is a prohibition against any sort of thing. So godly husband loves his wife.

He sees her as a gift. He provides for her needs. He protects her. He communicates well with her.

And he is sexually faithful to her. Again, look at Proverbs 6. Proverbs 6. Notice in verse, we'll just pick it up at verse 25.

We could start at verse 20, but for the sake of time, we'll pick up at verse 25. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot, a man is reduced to a crust of bread and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life. Can a man take fire to his bosom and his clothes not be burned?

Can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes into his neighbor's wife, Whoever touches her shall not be innocent." Notice, this is adultery. This isn't prostitution. I'm not suggesting that prostitution is okay, but what's in view here specifically is adultery.

The man is committing adultery. And he goes on to amplify in verse 30, people do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is starving. Yet when he is found, he must restore sevenfold. He may have to give up all the substance of his house.

Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding. He who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away. Why?

We already read it. For jealousy is a husband's fury, therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. In other words, that wounds and dishonor the adulterer gets in verse 33 is from the fury and the rage coming from the jealousy of the husband whose wife was violated. It's going to punch him in the nose.

He's going to inflict upon him wounds and dishonor. He's got a jealous love for his wife. He wants to protect her. He wants to support her.

He wants to provide for her. And here, this man has broached that covenant relationship, and he has done a very foolish thing. And I love the intuitiveness of, or intuitiveness, there it is, in verse 30. People don't despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is starving.

We get that. Right? We get that. We don't condone it.

We don't encourage it. And if he is caught, he must restore sevenfold. But whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding. Why?

Because he's supposed to protect. He's supposed to provide. He's supposed to walk in faithfulness before God and toward his bride. He is supposed to see her as a gift and not jeopardize that covenant arrangement.

And then notice in verse 35, he will accept no recompense, nor will he be appeased, though you give many gifts. You can't buy him off on that one. You're gonna get a punch in the nose. You're gonna get a dotted eye.

You're gonna get what you've got coming to you, wounds and dishonor. Why? Because you breached that covenant boundary. So therein lies a Christian husband.

He's a godly man. He loves his wife.

The Christian Father

Now, secondly, in terms of the Christian father. I would suggest the same with reference to the good father as a godly man. He fears the Lord. He deals with his sin.

He's committed to the Lord. We won't repeat that. But then secondly, the good father loves his children.

The Good Father Loves His Children

The good father loves his children. I mean, it's supposed to be an orbit of love, a context of love. It's not mechanistic. It's not just put in the quarter and pop out the, well, it's not a quarter anymore, a dollar, two dollars, whatever it costs to buy a Coke out of a machine.

It's not formulaic. It's not algorithmic. It's a context of love. The recurring emphasis in Proverbs, the constant use of my son shows that filial relationship, shows that familiarity.

My son, one, eight to 10, two, one, three, one, three, 11, four, one, four, 10, four, 20, five, one, five, seven, six, one, six, 20, seven, one, and seven, 24. My son, it's familiar, it's loving. It expresses that love. It shows and demonstrates that love.

It speaks forth that love. There ought not to be any question whatsoever in a Christian home as to whether or not daddy loves me. That ought to be easily communicated and demonstrated in the way that we conduct ourselves. And then it will be tangibly followed up by temporal provision and spiritual provision.

How do we know he loves us? Well, he puts food in our pantry, he puts clothes in our cupboards, and he takes care of us, he protects us, he watches over us, he provides for us. That same emphasis that you see there in Proverbs 27, that man who's diligent with reference to his herds, that man who is diligent with reference to his preparations, what happens? The whole household gets to participate in those good things.

Notice in Proverbs 13, specifically at verse 22. Proverbs 13 at verse 22, a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous. A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous. Temporal provision.

Say, well, I don't have that kind of money. Well, there should be spiritual provision as well. In fact, Bridges expounds on that with reference to Proverbs 13, 22. He says, and if there is no earthly substance to leave, yet a church in the house, a family altar, the record of holy example and instruction, and above all, a store of believing prayer laid up for accomplishment when we shall be silent in the grave will be an inheritance to our children of inestimable value.

That is blessed. And as fathers, we should demonstrate that love with what he calls here a family altar, family religion. Because of the whole family integrated church thing, I think I'd probably excise the church and the house thing. But beyond that, it's perfectly wonderful material.

It's great. As well, thirdly,

The Good Father Instructs His Children

a good father instructs his children. You've probably heard pagans say this, and I think they're right. Yeah, we can use pagans even when they're right. Any man can have children, biologically.

It's not rocket science. It's not splitting the atom. It's not quantum physics. Any man can produce children.

But a Christian man loves those children, and a Christian man rears those children, and a Christian man brings them up in the training and the admonition of the Lord. You've got the emphasis on that in the Shema. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. What do you do with that information?

Well, you love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. And what do you do with that information? You pass it on to your children when you rise up, when you walk by the way, and when you lie down at night. You need to pass on this instruction, the Proverbs, the my son sayings, and the indictment of those who reject instruction over and over again in the book of Proverbs.

And of course, the New Testament emphasis in instructing children. Paul says, you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. He doesn't just think that, oh, everything's going to work itself out in the context of a Christian home. No, he's specific, and he tells fathers not to provoke their children.

He tells fathers not to bring them to a state of wrath, but rather bring them up in the training and the admonition of the Lord. So the good father is a godly man. The good father loves his children. The good father instructs his children.

And finally, the good father disciplines his children.

The Good Father Disciplines His Children

The good father disciplines his children. We're going to spend a little bit of time here. Two elements are involved. Disciplining children involves word instruction, commands, reproof, exhortations, rebukes, and the discipline of children involves act.

And we'll call that corporal punishment with reference to the body. I know it sounds pretty severe. But scripture is full of it. Be, as I've said many times, wise and prudent.

When you exercise these things, make sure that you don't jeopardize your place in society and end up in prison. I'm not saying don't do it, I'm saying do it wisely. But with reference to this, Proverbs 29.15 lays emphasis on both of these aspects in terms of training children. Proverbs 29, specifically at verse 15.

The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. The rod and rebuke gives wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. I think Bridges makes a helpful observation on sort of the ratio involved. Word and act.

So the word, speaking, reproving, exhorting, rebuking, and then the act of, parental disciplining of the child. He says, yet, and he's talking about the rod, yet let not it be used at all times. Let remonstrance be first tried. Our heavenly father never stirs the rod with his children if his gentle voice of instruction prevail.

Continual finding fault, applying correction to every slip of childish trifling or troublesome thoughtlessness, would soon bring a callous deadness to all sense of shame. Let it be reserved, at least in its more serious forms, for willfulness. It is medicine, not food, the remedy for the occasional diseases of the Constitution, not the daily regimen for life and nourishment. And to convert medicine into daily food gradually destroys its remedial qualities." I think that's very helpful.

It's a good corrective. You should be speaking a lot more than you're doing that. I would suggest there are, secondly, some governing presuppositions when it comes to this whole idea of disciplining children. The home, please hear me and understand, the home is the basic fundamental unit for the bringing up of children.

The church serves a function. The church preaches to the children. The church preaches to the parents so that the parents then can do what they're supposed to do with reference to the children. The state's job isn't to bring up your children.

It's your job. It's my job. Parents, parents bring up your children in the training and admonition of the Lord. That's not something you farm out.

That's not something you say, well, the church is gonna do a great job raising my kids. Don't hang that on the church. Please don't ever say the state's gonna do a great job raising my kids. Yeah, if you want them to be communists and transsexual, they'll do a fine job.

They'll do a bang up job. It's the task of the parents. The home is the basic unit for passing on values. The parents are to be committed to the law and gospel.

They're to be committed to the entirety of God's word. And the reality that folly is bound up in the heart, in the child's heart, and that more than just words at times is necessary to root it out. Notice in Proverbs 22, Proverbs 22, specifically at verse 15. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.

The rod of correction will drive it far from him. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive it far from him. Now you might be wondering, why are we doing this?

Well, it's Father's Day. I don't want to clobber. I don't want to coddle, but I want to encourage. Because fathers and mothers, what you're doing in your home has a great impact on the future.

You either do it well, and it has a great impact for good, or you do it unwell, and it has a great impact for bad. You're raising future spouses. You're raising future employees. You're raising future leaders.

Or you're raising future bums. You're raising children to go out into this world to function as adults. And it's our job as the adults in the room, to use a common saying, to bring them up in the way that they should go. To bring them up with a mind that one day as fathers, we're going to give our little baby girls away to another man.

Are we handing him an albatross of our own making? Or as parents, we're sending our boys out into the world to find women. Are they going to be an albatross? Are they going to be a tyrant?

Are they going to be abusive? Are they going to be sexually profligate? What we do in terms of our home and parental discipline and training of our children makes an impact on the future. You cannot just leave a child to himself and hope that everything turns out all right.

It's kind of like taking the newborn baby that's, you know, a little bit, got a few months on him and he's able to roll. You know, he's kind of getting that place where he can kind of roll. We all like that. We like movement.

We like to see him do things. It's great. Look at it. He did this.

But imagine putting him in the middle of your bed and it happens to be, you know, that high. Well, I'm going to see if he rolls off. That would be ghoulish. That would be fiendish.

I'm gonna just see if he rolls off without, you know, intervening to catch him. I like those videos where dads, you know, for the win, catch the kid that's falling. It's just pretty amazing. Fathers have that built-in protective sort of desire.

You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't put your baby in harm's way just kind of to see what happens. And we do that with children all the time. We're gonna just let them make their own decisions.

No, we're not. What are you crazy? They'll always choose for that which is evil. They'll choose that which is contrary to Jesus Christ.

They'll choose that which is consistent with their Adamic nature. They'll choose that which is consistent with their deadness in Adam. Of course we're supposed to bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Of course we're supposed to try to shape them.

Of course we're supposed to try to mold them. Of course we're supposed to, dare I say it, indoctrinate them with the truth of God's holy word and good biblical theology. We don't just let them do their own thing. The way of a man seems right, but its end is destruction.

Are we gonna foster that mindset? Now, in terms of some specific texts in view with reference to child training or parental instruction and discipline, I would suggest first the implementation of parental discipline must start early. It must start early. 4.3, Proverbs 4.3, when I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, he also taught me and said to me, let your heart retain my words, keep my commands and live. Notice in Proverbs 19, specifically at verse 18.

Proverbs 19 verse 18. Chasten your son while there is hope and do not set your heart on his destruction. Proverbs 20 and verse 11. Even a child is known by his deeds whether what he does is pure and right.

And then of course, Proverbs 22.6, one that we all, I hope, know, train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Listen to Bridget's, Satan begins with the infant in arms. The cry of passion is his first stir of the native corruption. Do we begin as early?

Every vice commences in the nursery. The great secret is to establish authority in the dawn of life, to bend the tender twig before the naughty oak is beyond our power. It's just the way it was back then. His brothers saw the importance of starting early with reference to child rearing and child training and discipline.

I would suggest, secondly, the neglect of parental discipline is ungodly. Look at Proverbs 13. The neglect of parental discipline is ungodly. Now, I get it.

Inconsistencies abound. The tension is tough. The ability to be faithful and steadfast and persevering every step of the way, it's hard. So let me always remind you, we have an advocate with the Father, even Jesus Christ the righteous.

And to remind you that you're not gonna go to heaven because of your exemplary parenting skills. You're gonna go to heaven because of the work of the Lord Jesus Christ. Never forget those things. I hope I said that when I was not coddling or clobbering the ladies.

Never forget, ladies, you're not going to enter in because of your exemplary mothering skills, but by grace through faith in Jesus. Same with husbands and fathers. You don't enter into heaven because you're father of the year, or you got the husband of the year coffee cup from your wife. That's not why, it's by God's grace through faith in Jesus.

Now that said and that qualified, we need to take seriously as blood-bought children of God who are now indwelt by the Holy Spirit, whose conduct is to be regulated by the scriptures of both the Old and the New Testaments, we need to understand that to neglect something as foundational as this, it's not just, I mean, we've looked at a lot of Proverbs tonight and we've only scratched the surface. Do you think Solomon has a theme, or one of the themes that Solomon has is to encourage his sons? He's a king, his sons are kings to be. What does he want from them?

Yes, to function well as sons, to function well in the home, but to function well when they take the throne, to function well when they take wives, to function well when they take or have children. He wants that. He demands that by the spirit. So notice in Proverbs 13, 24, he who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

And if you were raised in a home without discipline, that may have resonated with you at a time or two. Why would my parents let me do this? Why would my parents let me get away with this? Why would my parents allow such conduct?

Intuitively, children at times know that their parents are being foolish in the way that they're bringing them up. Gil says, the sin of old Eli in 1 Samuel 2 and 3, and both he and his son suffered for it. You remember that? Sons of Eli did not know the Lord.

How was that expressed? Well, they lay with temple prostitutes and they stole sacrifice. Some poor slob would come as a worshiper and bring his meat to the tabernacle, and these sons of Eli would steal it. They would take it.

They would take above and beyond what was apportioned to them. It was a wretched thing. And God doesn't say, well, you know, that's okay, Eli. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

If you doubt the importance of this, may I encourage you to read 1 Samuel 2 and 3 sometime. This was huge. This was big. On the plains of Moab, when God says in Deuteronomy 4, 9 and 10, teach your children and grandchildren, that's not a suggestion.

That's not just kind of a, well, if you feel like it, if you've got some time after endless hours of paw patrol, then maybe you can give them some teaching. No, Samuel rebuked Eli. Eli was judged by God. Why?

Because he did not restrain his sons. It's that important. Listen to Waltke. Loving parents seek to correct the faults of their children because, as the preceding units showed, their children's lives, favor, protection, healing, dignity, and prosperity are at stake.

That's it? Listen, he's right. They're to seek to correct the faults of their children because as the preceding units showed, that doesn't apply necessarily, their children's lives, favor, protection, healing, dignity, and prosperity are at stake. So I say, you're raising future spouses.

You're raising future employees. You're raising future employers. You're raising, you know, hopefully future brain surgeons or rocket scientists. Do it well.

Listen to what Waltke continues. He says, unloving parents turn their backs on them and hand them over to death, social ruin, public exposure, calamity, and shameful poverty. Proverbs 13, 14 to 18. He says the failure of the apostate Western world to continue the biblical practice has left its civilization in moral chaos.

Really? Yeah. How do you explain where we're at civilizationally? Well, there's probably a lot of factors, but has to be top five, top three, terrible parenting.

It's just rotten parenting. You know, when kids are losing their minds at Walmart and parents are begging them to be quiet if I buy you a candy bar, I don't think it was ever meant to be that way, brethren. That's not the way I read Proverbs. Bribe your kids in the Walmart shopping center, and then you will lead them to the paths of righteousness.

Buy them Hershey bars to shut them up so that they're not an offense to all the people there in Walmart. No, that's a poor reading of the book of Proverbs. Civilization, that's huge, big word, but I don't think he's out of line. The failure of the apostate Western world to continue the biblical practice has left its civilization in moral chaos.

I would suggest thirdly, the context of parental discipline is love. Proverbs 3. We saw this a bit this morning in our studies in the Confession, with reference to God's chastening of his children. We see that emphasis in Hebrews 12, and the author of Hebrews cites Proverbs 3, 11 and 12.

My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest his correction. For whom the Lord loves, he corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights. This is an expression of love. It's not an expression of hate.

The expression of hate is the man who spares the rot and allows the child to get away with murder. I would suggest, fourthly, the usefulness of corporal punishment is highlighted. 2215, we've already seen it. Again, some of these texts probably make a lot of Christians blush, but it is in the Bible. And if the apostle cites Proverbs 3, 11 and 12, and brings it as an argument in terms of embracing the parental discipline of the father, why wouldn't he bring other Proverbs?

Is it just select portions of Proverbs that are applicable in the New Testament? No. All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and it's profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, and for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God, as a father, may be thoroughly furnished unto every good work. Notice Proverbs 22, 15.

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive it far from him. bridges. It is not the sheet of pure white paper, not the innocent or even the tractable creature, easily guided by proper means that we have before us, but a little heart full of sin, containing all the seeds of future evil, multiplying to a fruitful harvest. Notice Proverbs 23, 13 and 14.

Proverbs 23, 13, and 14. I'm telling you right here, right now, this is why the child in Walmart's losing his mind. It could be a one-off. We've all had bad days.

I'm sure as parents that have tried and sought to be faithful, you had those Walmart episodes and you wish you could go hide behind the garden center and nobody would ever be able to identify you for being a a terrible and a horrible parent. I think I've shared with you before, I was a newly converted Christian, and you know, get that zeal, right? And we used to go to the laundromat to do our laundry, and I'd always see all these little wretched children there. And I thought, you know what I'm going to do?

Because I love my fellow man, and I want to serve them. I got paper, and I typed out all the text dealing with child discipline on them from Proverbs. And I happily handed it to the parent that was about to tear their own hair out when their child was losing their mind. Oh, you know, the Bible will help you with that.

I'm sure they love that. I'm sure they receive that. Oh, thank you, kind sir, for setting me straight with my incorrigible little man here. It was just offensive.

You know, I apologize to anybody that I did that to, but I think that's problematic. You don't discipline your kids in the home. When you go out of the home, they're undisciplined, and they're a nightmare. I shouldn't want to have to spank your kid.

That's your job. God gave you that job, embrace it and engage in it. Proverbs 23, 13, do not withhold correction from a child. For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.

You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell. Again, wisdom, caution, judiciousness, but scripture is scripture. Bridges says here, it is not, or is it not better that the flesh should smart than that the soul should die? Oh yeah, absolutely positively.

Proverbs 29. 15 and 17, Proverbs 29, 15, the rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Verse 17, correct your son and he will give you rest. Yes, he will give delight to your soul. I would suggest fifthly, and this from Hebrews chapter 12, the implementation of parental discipline is imperfect.

It is imperfect. We're not infallible. We're not perfect. We're not absolutely spotlessly pure and holy.

We're going to make mistakes. We're going to be inconsistent. We're going to struggle at times. So I don't want you to be discouraged to say, well, I'm not perfect at it, so therefore I'm never gonna do it.

No, seek by God's grace and by the power of His Holy Spirit to implement it in a way that is consistent with the revealed will of God. And then a final observation, a qualification concerning corporal discipline. A qualification, the commitment to biblical child rearing is not abuse, nor should it be carried out as if it is abuse. Remember the orbit and context of love.

Love is the overarching principle. Love is that by which you engage in this particular task. Again, Waltke, the cleansing rod must be applied with warmth, affection, and respect for the youth. It's important, respect for the youth.

If the criminal, according to Deuteronomy chapter 25, is to have his manhood, his dignity as one of God's creatures in view when it comes to corporal punishment of a criminal offender, then certainly your child deserves that respect and to be treated with that dignity as well. So the cleansing rod must be applied with warmth, affection, and respect for the youth. Warmth and affection, not steely discipline, characterized the father's lectures in chapter 4. Parents who brutalize their children cannot hide behind the rod doctrine of Proverbs.

There might be a fine line there. You need to make sure you navigate it very well. John Eady says, the paternal reign is not to be one of terror and stern authority, but of love. The rod may be employed, but in reason and moderation and never for momentary impulse and anger.

Children are not to be moved to wrath by harsh and unreasonable treatment or by undue partiality and favoritism. If they be uniformly confronted with paternal frown and menace, then their spirit is broken, and the most powerful motive to obedience, the desire to please, is taken from them." This is commentary on Ephesians. That's a beautiful statement. We don't want to break or crush their spirit.

Do not exasperate them. Do not provoke them to wrath. Do not hurt them, but rather love them. So in conclusion, with reference to men who have wives and children, the book of Proverbs is a most helpful instruction or gives most helpful instruction to this whole aspect of being a husband and being a father.

Application and Conclusion

The grace of God and wisdom from God are necessary to comply with this material. Right? Just like any other portion of scripture, we need God's grace, we need God's wisdom in order to understand, uncover, and apply what we find in this treasure chest. And then the applicability of 2813 always stands.

Don't cover your sin, don't pretend like you never sinned. I think children need to see repentance and forgiveness exercised in the home. They need to see that. They need to see those gospel things.

It needs to be a part of the fabric in our homes that there is mercy, there is forgiveness, there is repentance, there is expressions of faith in the living and true God. Then with reference to children, pray for them. When I type things in my notes like this, it almost hurts me. I shouldn't have to tell brothers to pray for their kids.

I really shouldn't. But God oftentimes tells us things that He has to tell us because we're thick-headed and hard-headed and forget things and we don't always prioritize. Pray for them. Provide and protect them. 1 Timothy 5.8.

If you don't provide for your own, you're worse than an infidel. Preach to them. It doesn't mean set up a pulpit in the living room and let them have it with a three-hour sermon. That's not what it means.

But teach them the law. Teach them the gospel. Teach them the gospel. Teach them the gospel.

Teach them about Christ, about forgiveness, about mercy. Teach them about the imputed righteousness of Jesus received by faith alone. Teach them about the law. Teach them the Ten Commandments.

Teach them those things that God would have for them to know, and then be present for them. You've heard that. Well, it's all about quality time. Yeah, and quantity time.

Take them out with you when you do your errands. Take them out with you when you paint the fence. Take them out with you when you cut the grass. Be with them.

There's no substitute for quantity time. Now, if you're screaming at them for the entirety of the time, then yeah, maybe that's not good, but don't do that. And then as I said, the necessary encouragement, you and I are not going to heaven because of our exemplary skills here, but because of what Christ has accomplished. And for young men, young men, prepare yourselves.

You spend a lot of time thinking about the woman you're going to marry. Spend a lot of time thinking about the man you're going to be to the woman you marry. A lot of self-preparation, a lot of self-medication, a lot of self-help relative to being prepared to marry a good and godly woman. and then be diligent to find a good and godly woman. I've shared this on many occasions.

This is John Murray's, I'm sorry, Ian Murray's biography on Jonathan Edwards. Quote, not all the children were as mild as Jerusha or as obedient as Esther. He's talking about Edwards' children. The quick temper of Sarah, the eldest daughter, so persisted that according to tradition, when her hand was asked in marriage by Elihu Parsons 10 years later, Edwards plainly disclosed to him the unpleasant temper of his daughter.

But she has grace, I trust, asked Parsons, to which Edwards replied, I hope she has, but grace can live where you cannot. So be very careful in your pursuit. It's a good thing to get married. But it's a tough thing to marry unwell.

Don't be chomping. Chomping is literally it. I always said chomping. Shane pointed out it's actually champing.

I looked it up, and it is chomping at the bit, something that horses do. But I'll still say chomping because everybody understands chomping more than champing, and it saves you from having to explain. Everybody's chomping at the bit to get married. Prepare yourself, and then find one prepared.

That should just be fundamental. Parents, you have a vested interest in your children marrying well. So help them to think clearly. Help them by teaching them.

Help them by encouraging them and praying for them. I love those stories of moms and dads who prayed for their babies that they would grow up and marry the right person. That's pretty awesome. That's the way it ought to be because it's a huge thing to give away a child as a spouse, a child as an employee, a child as an employer.

May I add, child as churchman. We want to prepare them for each of these aspects of life that they can function in a manner that is consistent with the revealed will of God. Well, let us pray.

Closing Prayer

Our Father in heaven, we thank you for your word. We thank you for its clarity at the point of raising children. Pray for the children and the young people and the babies in our church. We thank you for each one.

Again, we pray for Silas and for Janelle that you would bless and encourage them. and strengthen them at this time, Lord God. We thank you for your goodness to us. We thank you for your mercy. Thank you that you do not leave us to ourselves to try to figure out the most difficult aspects of our lives.

But the scriptures speak to it. It is full of doctrine, full of reproof, full of correction, and full of instruction in righteousness. So help us to internalize these things and bless the families, the young parents, the young children, all the families in this local church. May we seek by your grace to bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

And we pray this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Scripture References

• Deuteronomy 4:9-10; 25:1-3
• 1 Samuel 2:12-36
• Job 31:1
• Proverbs 1:1-7; 1:8-10; 2:1; 2:5; 3:1; 3:5-6; 3:7; 3:11-12; 4:1-9; 4:3-4; 4:10; 4:20; 5:1; 5:7-23; 6:1; 6:20-35; 7:1; 7:24; 9:10; 12:4; 13:14-18; 13:22; 13:24; 14:11; 14:26; 15:1; 15:33; 16:24; 18:22; 19:14; 19:18; 20:11; 22:6; 22:15; 23:13-14; 27:23-27; 28:13; 29:15-17; 31:28-29
• Ephesians 6:4
• 1 Timothy 3:2; 5:8
• Hebrews 12:5-11