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Well, please turn with me in 
your Bibles to Matthew chapter 18. Matthew chapter 18, we've come 
to the section dealing with church discipline. Last week, we just 
gave some introductory thoughts or comments or matters concerning 
church discipline, which I will review briefly after we read 
the scripture and pray. And then our focus this morning 
will be on the first step in this procedure, specifically 
that spoken of in verse 15. when it is individual with individual 
prior to the involvement of witnesses or the entirety of the church. 
I do want to read the section beginning in Matthew 18 at verse 
15. We'll read to verse 20. Moreover, if your brother sins 
against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him 
alone. If he hears you, you have gained 
your brother. But if he will not hear, take 
with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three 
witnesses every word may be established. And if he refuses to hear them, 
tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear 
the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. 
Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound 
in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 
Again, I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning 
anything that they ask, it will be done for them by my Father 
in heaven. For where two or three are gathered 
together in my name, I am there in the midst of them. Amen. Well, 
let us pray. Our Father, we thank you for 
your word and we thank you for this opportunity to gather together 
in the house of the living God. We ask that you would fill us 
each with your Holy Spirit. We know apart from Christ we 
can do nothing. And certainly the apprehension 
of Holy Truth is a work of the Spirit of the Living God. So 
we pray that you would supply Him, that He would illumine our 
minds and our hearts, that you would humble us under your mighty 
hand and help us to receive the things that you have for us. 
We are unworthy of these blessings, God. We know that You are high 
and lofty, that You inhabit eternity, that You are the God who made 
this world and all things in it. You are the God who demands 
obedience from His creatures, and we have turned away from 
You. We have sinned against You. Thank you that you sent your 
Son, we thank you for redemption through his blood, and we thank 
you for sanctification by the Spirit of truth. We ask that 
you would forgive us for all unrighteousness and all sin, 
that you would cleanse us in the blood of the Lamb, and that 
you would supply to us that which we stand in need of, the Spirit 
and the truth. And we ask that you would help 
us to take these things to heart, and may our practice reflect 
the commandment of God. And may our conduct be worthy 
of the gospel as individuals and as a gospel church. And for 
any and all who have come here outside of the Lord Jesus, we 
pray that today would be the day of salvation. We pray that 
your Holy Spirit would bring conviction for sin and show sinners 
that the only hope is in the one who saves to the uttermost, 
even our Lord Jesus Christ. We thank you for the gospel. 
We thank you for your grace. We thank you for your mercy, 
and we pray through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. Well, just to 
give you a bit of a reminder by way of an overview of the 
section, what we're dealing with in chapter 18, specifically in 
verses 15 to 20, is community relationships. How the Church 
of Christ is to function. specifically toward one another. 
And what we have in 15 to 20 is first the procedure for the 
church's discipline, verses 15 to 17. Secondly, the possession 
of the church's authority in verse 18. And then the presence 
of the church's Lord in verses 19 to 20. So that's sort of the 
structure as a whole of this particular section. Last week 
we introduced church discipline. I gave you a couple of preliminary 
matters. First, the definition of it. 
There is a formative discipline that goes on constantly as people, 
the people of God, come under the Word of God. As we hear Scripture, 
as we read Scripture, as we gather together as the Church of Christ, 
we are being formed, we are being formatively disciplined to be 
unto or like the Lord Jesus. But there is also a corrective 
discipline. That's when others step in and 
others seek to deal with us and help us, and that is precisely 
what 18.15-17 deals with. We also saw the necessity of 
church discipline. It is a matter of obedience to 
Christ. This is not optional. Matthew 
18, 15 is not a suggestion in your Bible. It's not a help for 
a happier Christian life. It is a demand for the Christian 
life as you deal with one another. And certainly while it speaks 
to church discipline, you could extrapolate these principles 
and apply them in your home, certainly as husbands and wives 
and parents and children. What should we do if they sin 
against us? Do we stew? Do we brood? Are 
we sullen? Are we downcast? Or do we deal 
with them in a manner that is consistent with God's holy word? It is a necessity. We considered, 
secondly, some presuppositions. First, the directions here assume 
application in the local church. Matthew 16 is a passage that 
speaks to the universal church. There, the church, there is given 
the keys of the kingdom. They are to bind and to loose 
with the preaching of the gospel. Here, with reference to discipline, 
it is local churches that are in view. They bind and loose 
with church discipline. As well, another presupposition 
is the directions here assume a defined membership in the local 
church. We gave five reasons why persons, 
why believers, why Christians ought to be members of local 
churches. Now, it doesn't necessarily say 
of this local church, church membership is commanded activity, 
but the church that you are joining or are a member of, that is obviously 
voluntary. We cannot impose that anybody 
ever join our church. No, join a church, because this 
is the sort of thing that Christ would have for his people. And 
then the directions here assume remaining corruption on the part 
of the people of God. If we just sort of fluttered 
our wings on the way to heaven and were attended by bluebirds 
and never had issues or difficulties, there'd be no rules given with 
reference to church discipline. Thirdly, the practice considered, 
we thought, or we considered the fact that it is not unloving 
toward other believers. To exercise discipline cannot 
be unloving. The Lord Jesus doesn't contradict 
in the space of a few verses what he says in verse 10. Take 
heed that you do not despise one of these little ones. It 
seems odd that he would then go on to give a rule that does 
have as its end the despising of others. It is an evidence 
or a manifestation or expression of love to our brethren. As well 
we saw, it is not a violation of Matthew 7, verses 1 to 5, 
where the Lord prohibits us from judging lest we be judged. That is a specific context, dealing 
with fault finding that was symptomatic and typical of a Pharisaic approach 
to religion. Again, Jesus does not undo on 
the one hand what he does on the other hand. And so that prohibition 
does not invalidate the necessity for the people of God to deal 
faithfully with one another. As well, it is not a contradiction 
of Matthew 13. The parable of the wheat and 
tares. Jesus says to leave the tares alone. Well, does that 
mean we ought not to employ Matthew 18, 15 to 17? No, it doesn't 
mean that at all. Again, the whole idea with the 
tares is that we don't know the person's heart. If they have 
an external compliance, we don't weed them out, but rather we 
allow them to grow alongside of the wheat. But when we see 
obvious sin, when we see breaches of God's holy law, when we see 
transgression or a lack of conformity unto it, then this passage demands 
that we deal with one another faithfully. And then the fourth 
introductory matter was the purpose stated. Why do we do what we 
do? in this particular injunction. The first is the reconciliation 
and restoration of the offender. That is obvious in the passage. 
There are three steps given. On all three of those steps, 
have a view of the restoration of the offender. William Ames 
made this excellent comment. He says, the proper end of reproof 
is not excommunication. although by chance that sometimes 
may happen, but the prevention of it, so that the sinner by 
timely repentance may be kept in the church. The goal is not 
to just tell it to the church with a view to excommunicating. The goal is the restoration and 
the reconciliation of the brother for whom Jesus died. So with 
reference to the purpose, it is reconciliation and restoration 
of the offender. Secondly, the purity of Christ's 
Church for the glory of God. Now this isn't a specific order, 
because I would put that first. Why do we exercise discipline? 
Because Christ's glory is at stake. Christ's honor, Christ's 
excellence. When the church is undisciplined, 
when the church continues in patterns of sin, when the church 
looks like the world, who gets the blame for that? The head 
of the church. Just like when Nathan reproved 
David, and he says, by this, by this act of adultery and murder, 
you have given cause to the enemies of God to blaspheme his name. So we ought to pursue purity 
in the church for the glory and the honor of God. And then the 
third purpose is the protection for the people of God. Undealt 
with sin will spread like gangrene. Undealt with sin will affect 
others. And in doing so, it leaves them 
in harm's way and we want to guard against that. So those, 
again, a lengthy introduction. I just wanted to remind you what 
we considered last week, this morning, verse 15 specifically. The private confrontation. The private confrontation. The 
next two steps include the necessity for witnesses and then thirdly, 
the involvement of the church as a whole. So we're just dealing 
with this first stage or first step called the private confrontation 
under three considerations. First, the situation. the command 
and the outcome. Now, the reason why I am being 
detailed in this is because I think, along with many of the reformers, 
that the proclamation of the word, that the administration 
of the sacraments, and the exercise of church discipline are in fact 
the marks of the church. These things are not suggestive. Health, unity, blessing, joy, 
togetherness, communion, camaraderie, fellowship, all those things 
are built upon the foundation of a right preaching of the truth. 
the right administration of the sacraments, and the exercise 
of discipline. If we don't deal with sin in 
the camp, what happens? Remember that instance in Joshua, 
when they went to sack Ai. They thought they had the battle 
in the bag. They thought, coming out of Jericho, 
that Ai would be a walk in the park. What happens? They go to 
Ai and they're decimated. They are crushed, and Joshua 
cries out to the Lord God, essentially saying, what's happened? I mean, 
we marched around Jericho, and it falls. We go to Ai, a much 
smaller city, and we fall. What's going on? And God the 
Lord says, get up. There is sin in the camp. There 
is a troubler in Israel, and you need to exclude him. You 
need to remove him from the camp, so that the blessing of God can 
rest upon the people of God. It is a crucial matter that I 
hope we'll all think consistently concerning. Let's look first 
at the situation. Notice. Moreover, if your brother 
sins against you. It's a bit of a translation difference. If you have the NIV or the NASB, 
it doesn't have against you. But the remainder of the verse 
argues for its inclusion. Because notice, he says, go and 
tell him his fault between you and him alone. So the idea is 
not a generic, if your brother sins, go do this. But if your 
brother sins against you, go to him privately and tell him 
his fault between you and him alone. So the context then indicates 
that in fact this is to be there. Notice as well, if your brother 
sins against you, it's dealing believer to believer. Now certainly 
if you're wronged in the world, you have the liberty and the 
right to pursue reconciliation with that one in the world who 
wronged you. But you're going to have a busy 
life, aren't you? You're going to have to go to 
Walmart every day. You're going to have to go to 
the superstore every day. You're going to have to go to 
the gas station every day because people always wrong you. People 
offend you. You're going to stand outside 
your neighbor's house. As soon as you see the lights 
come on, you knock the door and say, you know, yesterday you 
did this. It's dealing with believer to 
believer. If your brother sins against 
you. It is the covenant community 
of God's people. It is the church of the living 
God. It is the church of our Lord Jesus Christ. Paul indicates 
this in 1 Corinthians 5.12 when he says, For what have I to do 
with judging those also who are outside? The context of 1 Corinthians 
chapter 5, they are not to associate with anyone who calls himself 
a brother. It's not the wicked in the world, 
because what does Paul conclude? You'd have to leave the world. 
You would have to charter the space shuttle. If you are going 
to be consistent, you have to depart from planet Earth, because 
you live in a world that is filled with sin, and you live in a world 
that is filled with sinners. And the point that Paul brings 
out in 1 Corinthians 5 is, what have I to do with judging those 
also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are 
inside? That's the emphasis in our Lord's 
words. If your brother sins against 
you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. Notice 
in the third place, it's addressed to all believers. All believers. Notice that Jesus does not say, 
okay, I just want the pastors or the elders to listen to this. 
I just want the deacons to listen. I just want to have the church 
discipline committee listen to this. This is all believers. Brethren, if you come to me or 
you come to Pastor Cam and you say, I need to tell you something 
that happened to me with reference to another brother, more likely 
than not, Pastor Cam and I will say, did you go to that? Well, no, because I need wisdom. 
No, you need to obey God. I need to pray about it. You 
need to obey God prayerfully. You know how many times we put 
things off under the guise of piety that is just rebellion? If your brother sins against 
you, what does Jesus say? Go buy a book on conflict resolution? Go join an anger management class? 
Or better yet, invite him to join the anger management class? 
Go to him! You've heard that said with reference 
to the Great Commission. What part of go don't we get 
when Jesus says, go therefore and make disciples of all the 
nations? What part of go do we stumble with? Probably the same 
part of go we stumble with when our brother sins against us and 
instead of manning up and doing what Jesus commands, we pray 
about it. Again, I'm not suggesting we 
ought not to pray about it. That can be a guise, brethren, 
for disobedience. We're going to go talk to the 
elders. No, go talk to the man. Go talk to the woman. It is believer 
to believer. Just like in Jude 3. Who's supposed 
to defend the faith? James White alone? Is that it? He's the only apologist? James 
White and Alpha Omega Ministries? They're the contenders for the 
faith? My beloved, Jude writes. To all believers, contend earnestly 
for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints. 
You don't have certain committees in your church just so you don't 
have to do anything. Well, we'll let the elders deal 
with that. We'll let the deacons deal with that. We'll let the 
whoever deal with that. You know, that may work when 
it comes to vomit on the floor, but it certainly doesn't work 
when it comes to the application of God's commandments for your 
well-being and the brother's well-being. You see, there's 
no committee for that. The addressee specifically is 
all believers. Notice with reference to the 
situation as well, the problem. He sins against you. Notice what 
the text conspicuously says. If your brother sins against 
Not if your brother has a different preference than you, not if your 
brother has a different idea of liberty than you, not if your 
brother does something a bit not to your liking, or if your 
brother hurts your feelings, or your brother doesn't give 
you the attention that you feel is due to you. It's sin, brethren. This is where often we falter 
as well. We get our noses bent out of 
shape, we get hurt, we withdraw from persons over stuff that 
wasn't even sin. I've had this happen personally, 
not with anybody here, so don't start trying to work out the 
dots, but somebody was mad at me for something I never even 
did to them. And I don't think I'm alone. 
You all are married, aren't you? This happens, doesn't it? This happens. You hurt my feelings. Now, we certainly ought not to 
hurt each other's feelings. And insofar as we're able, we 
ought to try and not do that. But if your brother sins against 
you, go to him. Westminster Shorter Catechism 
14 describes it this way, what is sin? Sin is any want of conformity 
unto or transgression of the law of God. That means we sin 
by omission, we don't do what God says, and we sin by commission, 
we do what God says not to do. This is a good rule and a good 
guide for you as you ponder the implications of Matthew 18, 15. 
Do I go to that person? Did they sin against you? Did 
they violate one of the Ten Commandments? That's a good grid. That's a 
good rule. That's a good guide for you to 
use. Did they murder you? Were they insubordinate to you 
if you have lawful authority over them? Did they commit adultery 
against you? Did they steal from you? Did 
they slander you? Did they gossip about you? Did 
they misrepresent you? Did they covet? Covet would probably 
be a bit more difficult to pursue, but you get the drift. Moreover, 
if your brother sins against you, How many times do we get 
affected? And how many times does our thoughts 
toward others change over non-sin issues? They didn't say hi to 
me today. That crushes me. It shouldn't 
crush you. You know, in your life and in 
your history, you haven't consistently and perfectly said hi to everybody 
else as well. Please, brethren, do not hyper-spiritualize 
God's requirements and hold people to a standard they can never 
meet. In a husband and wife relationship, 
same thing. Don't have these unwritten rules. 
If he brings me flowers today, then I'll know that he loves 
me. He comes bouncing in, couldn't think twice about flowers. That's 
no indication he doesn't love you. Don't get hurt. He violates God's law. He goes 
out and commits adultery. He smacks you around. Those are 
violations of the law. Moreover, if your brother sins 
against you, preferences and ideas and feelings and emotions, 
we've got to guard them. We've got to regulate them by 
the law and the prophets. And then notice, not stated here, 
but the rest of Scripture tells us there's another option. Moreover, 
if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault 
between you and him alone. You can either A, go and tell 
him his fault between you and him alone, or B, exercise 1 Peter 
4a. In 1 Peter 4a, the apostle there 
cites Proverbs chapter 10. Love does cover a multitude of 
sins. Right? I suspect that every time 
your husband doesn't pick up his socks, you employ 1 Peter 
4.8. I suspect that every time your 
wife burns the casserole, you employ 1 Peter 4.8. I suspect 
every time that your sons or daughters don't put the cap back 
on the toothpaste. See, that's a preference. All 
these are preferences. In the matter of sin, love does 
cover a multitude of sins. Now be wary here, because what 
happens? I'm going to let love cover this, 
maybe a reason or maybe an argument for our non-participation in 
obedience to God. In other words, it's easier to 
say, I'm going to let love cover a multitude of sins and not go 
to that brother. But what happens sometimes? Maybe 
this isn't true of you, but you decide to let love cover this 
multitude of sins and your affections for that person change. You're 
rankled in your spirit towards them. They now bug you, or they 
annoy you, or they irritate you because you've not dealt with 
things properly. You said, I'm going to let love 
cover this, but you haven't. You're still bitter in your heart. 
You still strive to emotionally punish them. You still struggle 
with that animosity that you at least had professed was gone, 
because if love covers a multitude of sins, it really does cover 
it. When the blood of Jesus Christ, 
His Son, covers all our sins, do they keep popping up? Do they 
keep presenting themselves before us? No, they're covered. It's 
the whole idea of atonement. It's a covering. It's the whole 
idea behind Yahweh saying, I will blot out your transgressions. Brethren, if you adopt the 1 
Peter 4.8 or the Proverbs 10 mentality, and you say that I'm 
going to let love cover it, let love cover it. Don't avoid them. Don't walk a broad way around 
them. Don't not have affection for 
them. Don't harbor bitterness in your heart, you see. Maybe 
this isn't something you're peculiarly prone to. There are some who 
have struggles with this whole idea of going to a brother. And 
if there's a way out, hey, we're going to use it. But if that 
way over it, you're sullen, you're 
bitter, you're unkind. Are you happy and thriving and 
flourishing? No, but typically when you deal 
with the sin, when you put it on the table, when you give the 
other person the opportunity to own it, to confess it, to 
forsake it, what happens? There's blessed peace. There's 
unity. This is why this passage is so 
important for the church. If we don't deal with sin, sin 
will destroy us. If we don't root it out, it will 
root us out. If we don't deal faithfully and 
honestly one with another, Jesus Christ will take the lampstand 
from us. I personally don't want to see 
that happen. It is much better to deal biblically, 
to deal righteously, to deal in obedience to our blessed Head 
who has given this rule for peace and unity and joy in His churches. The verb that's employed here 
means to lay open, to expose, to uncover, to reveal, to demonstrate 
the mistake or guilt of another. You see, when you go to that 
brother, you ought to be able to go as it were with chapter 
and verse. This is what you've done, this 
is how it was illustrated, and this is what you need to do. 
Again, we've got to get past the whole feeling stage. We've 
got to get past the whole emotionally driven stage. I'm not suggesting 
that feelings and emotions won't be involved, but they need to 
be disciplined. They need to be governed. They 
need to be regulated by God's propositional revelation. These men go on to say, it's 
applied to the guilty person or and applied to the guilty 
person. It means to convince him of his 
objective mistake by ferning evidence of his culpability. 
You gotta put up when it's time to put this into practice, you 
see. This isn't something you do just fall haphazardly into. 
By all means, pray. God, give me the courage, give 
me the grace, give me the wisdom, give me the strength to go to 
this brother in love, to go to this brother with my feelings 
and my emotions governed and regulated by the word, and give 
me the desire to see his restoration and reconciliation. And as well, 
God, help me to be able to show him, not by shouting, not by 
screaming, not by yelling, but by the truth of Holy Scripture 
that he has, in fact, sinned against a brother. Now, note 
the specific directions as we open these up. Go, tell him his 
fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained 
your brother. First, the offended is to go to the offender. The 
offended here is the one sinned against. The offender is the 
one sinning against him. You go to him. I've already dealt 
with this, but because it unfortunately happens far too often, it bears 
saying again, not to the elders, not to another brother, not on 
Facebook, not on Twitter. How about a Facebook post? Brethren, 
pray for me. There's this knucklehead in my 
church I gotta talk to, and I really need your intercession. Don't 
do that. Go to the brother. Why is it 
that this is so difficult for us? Why is it that as the blood-bought 
children of God, it is so hard for us to comply with this instruction? Probably because it doesn't always 
go well. People are very defensive and 
people stiffen their neck, but that does not militate against 
the application of the text. Just because someone responds 
in a bad way doesn't mean you aren't supposed to go. Well, 
I just know they're not going to receive it. I just know they're 
going to struggle with this. I just know they're going to 
have a difficulty with this. Don't you just know that God 
is sovereign? Don't you just know that the 
power of the Holy Spirit is sovereign? Don't you just know that that 
person's heart is in the hand of the living God? And if he 
can turn pagan kings' hearts like he turns the waters, hopefully 
he can turn the heart of a spirit-filled Christian. You see, Spurgeon said it this way, the 
offended is to seek the offender. We must not let the trespass 
rankle in our bosom by maintaining a sullen silence, nor may we 
go and publish the matter abroad. We must seek out the offender 
and tell him his fault as if he were not aware of it, as perhaps 
he may not be. I a hundredfold applaud Spurgeon 
with this particular statement. And notice as well, with reference 
to the direction, the offended is to privately tell his brother 
what he has done. The matter must be kept private. Now, I want to qualify this. 
Somebody suggested last week, and it was a good observation, 
that if somebody had been visiting our church, they might have got 
the idea that we're some secret society, can't let anybody out 
there ever know what goes on in here. That's not what I am 
saying. The church is not a secret society, 
but every Christian, just as well as every citizen in a body 
politic, have a legitimate expectation of privacy and confidentiality. Right? And in this instance, 
it is mandated. If your brother sins against 
you, you go to him alone and tell it to him privately. Now, 
you cannot swear confidentiality. You need to understand that as 
well. That office, if you ever come to visit me, there is no 
attorney-client privilege there. There is no doctor-patient privilege 
there. I will keep your matter private. 
I will keep it to myself, unless it becomes necessary to take 
it to the next level, you see. You cannot swear an oath to maintain 
quiet on a particular issue in light of Matthew 18. What happens 
if you have to call two or three witnesses? Come and witness this, 
but I can't tell you what's going on. What happens if you have 
to tell the church? We've got to discipline this 
person, but I can't tell you what's going on. What if the 
person's getting railroaded? What if the person is getting 
ruined? What if the person is being hung out to dry? The facts 
of the case must be known. So while the church is not a 
secret society, while it is not a cult, while it is not esoteric, 
all persons within the church have a degree of expectation 
of privacy and confidentiality. As well, if it's a criminal offense, 
we will notify the civil authorities. If a man is found out abusing 
his children or his wife. If a man is found out engaged 
in some other criminal activity. If a woman is found out engaged 
in some criminal activity. There's no attorney-client privilege 
there. There is a phone and there is 
the knowledge of the emergency number at the police department. 
You see, this is to protect Christ's sheep, but it is not to put them 
in a category where they can't be touched. It's always on the 
open. It's always to deal. It's always 
out there for the way that God has ordained. The offended as 
well must demonstrate the validity of the charge. Perhaps some of 
you older people remember a radio program way back when. It's called 
Dragnet. And it had Sergeant Joe Friday. 
And I typically do not like to illustrate with anything media 
related. But if you remember Joe Friday, 
his motto, just the facts. He was a detective in Los Angeles 
Police Department. Just the facts, ma'am. Just the 
facts. Not all your feelings. Not all 
your emotions. Again, a little bit of illustration 
on how their sin affected you is helpful. But you need to present 
the case. You need to win your brother. 
That's the goal. That's the view. It's not to 
inflict maximal pain on him. You see, that's the purpose. 
Restoration and reconciliation. Not the infliction of maximal 
pain. You hurt me this way, and you 
hurt me this way, and you hurt me this way. You know, summarize 
it. Tell him his fault, let him know 
what he did, and seek to restore and reconcile him. How many times 
do we want to get our digs in? How many times do we want to 
make it hurt? How many times do we want to stick the knife 
in and just crank it a few turns because they really need to feel 
their sin? Same sort of people say that with David. He really 
needed to feel his sin. David felt his sin. David confessed 
his sin and David was atoned for by the grace of God Most 
High. What do you want? David to go 
stop being king? David to roll around in the trenches? 
David to cry and moan and whine? He does those things and he expresses 
his sin against Yahweh. And what does Yahweh do? He forgives 
him. Brethren, we don't have to make everybody feel terrible 
for everything they always do. We don't have to make everyone 
always feel terrible for everything they do. God doesn't deal with 
us that way, does he? Isn't it beautiful when we come 
to Christ and he washes us in his blood? As a father pities 
his children, Psalm 103, so the Lord pities those who fear him. When you go to the throne of 
grace in private and you say, Lord God, please forgive me, 
does a divine knife come out of heaven and plunge itself into 
your body and twist and twist and twist until you feel terrible? Brethren, if the person is a 
believer and they see your argument rationally, it will affect them. They will repent. They will forsake. You have to inflict maximal damage 
upon them Praise God, He doesn't deal with 
us in that way. And the offended, the person 
going to the offender, must be open to the possibility that 
there's been a misunderstanding. Right? Typically, we do not always have 
the bird's eye view into everything. Do we? Can we claim omniscience? Every time we think somebody 
sinned against us, they have. No, not necessarily. You need 
to be open to the possibility. Something like, you know, brother, 
I could be wrong here, and I hope and pray that I am. But you know, 
when you did this, that, or the other, it seemed like you meant 
this, that, or the other. Well, if he's able to explain 
that it wasn't this, that, or the other, and there's a perfectly 
rational explanation, you need to be willing to drop it. You 
didn't bring me flowers. You must not love me. I do love 
you. Honey, I bought you a car. It's sitting out in the driveway. 
Oh, good. Right? What does the righteous do? He 
studies how to answer according to Proverbs 15. But the mouth 
of the wicked does what? It pours forth evil. What do 
you think one of the functions of the witnesses are? When you 
bring those two or three witnesses, they can also adjudicate the 
reality of the charge. If I, as the offender, say that 
the offended did such and such, but the offender... I'm sorry, 
I'm the offended, and I say offender did something, but offender didn't? 
We trust that those witnesses will be able to vet that. They'll 
be able to apply Proverbs 18, 17, the first to plead his cause. Seems right until his neighbor 
comes and examines him. Yeah, all the evidence looked 
like you were guilty. How many times has that happened to you? 
You've heard one side of a story and you have condemned somebody 
and then you hear the other side and you go, oh, wait a minute. 
How many times have we ever repented for condemning somebody on one 
side? You see, we're not supposed to 
do that. Just because we do it, as a matter 
of course, does not justify it. He who answers a matter before 
he hears it, again in Proverbs 18, it is folly and shame. People come and say, what do 
you think about this? Well, I want to hear the other 
side. I am not omniscient. I'm not sitting on a cloud. I 
didn't see what was going on. I do not know the mitigating 
circumstances. Certainly what you're saying 
and what you're suggesting, if it is true, is a heinous thing. 
It's a bad thing. But I would be remiss, according 
to Proverbs 18, not to hear the other side. You see, this is 
basic Bible. This isn't rocket science. We 
have made it rocket science because we fail to deal biblically. Now notice the outcome in verse 
15. The outcome. If he hears you, 
you have gained your brother. Isn't that beautiful? You have 
won him. It's literally. You have won 
him. This is an economic term. You've 
gained. You've won. You've got a prize. The offender 
hears and the implication is that he obeys and he repents. He receives what you've said. 
He says, oh my, I see that I've sinned against you. I see that 
I've sinned against God. Please forgive me, Father. Please 
forgive me, offended one. And what happens? You've won 
your brother. How many times can this be multiplied 
in the life of the churches? How many times can this be multiplied 
in the lives of our families? We've gone to that person, we've 
stated our case, they've received it, they've acted upon it, and 
we've won them! We have restored fellowship. 
We have joy. We have harmony. We have peace. 
Because we took Moses seriously in Leviticus 19. Instead of hating 
him in our hearts, we rebuked him. And by God's grace, he received 
that rebuke, and we've closed it off. We've heeded Jesus' words 
in Matthew 18, 15. Our brothers sinned against us, 
and instead of being sullen, where as Spurgeon says, having 
a wrinkle in our spirits, we've gone to him. We've presented 
our case. He hears us, and he repents. 
A parallel in Luke 17, 3. If your brother sins against 
you, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. 16 and 17 deal with 
the situation of non-repentance. You're like a flow chart. You 
go to your brother, he hears you, he repents, you've won him. 
He doesn't hear you, then you operate on this level. And then 
if he doesn't hear that, you operate on that level. I don't 
know if that was a good depiction of a flow chart. Maybe it was 
more of a diagrammatical analysis chart. But you get the point. 
There's a procedure here. There is a methodology here. 
Christ calls for order and discipline in His church. This isn't a free-for-all. We don't come into God's house 
and just do what we want. What does Paul tell Timothy? These things I write to you, 
so that you may know how you ought to conduct yourself in 
the house of God, which is the church of God, the pillar and 
the ground of the truth. Church is not a free-for-all. 
Church isn't anything you want it to be. Church isn't according 
to the whims of the masses. Church is regulated by God, from 
its worship, from its preaching, from its discipline. This is 
His house. And in His house, His rules apply. We don't like His rules, we've 
got problems and need to repent. Chamberlain makes this comment 
concerning winning the brother. He says, if someone in the church 
can cause a little one to fall into sin, there can also be influence 
in the opposite direction. Right? That's the context. Do 
not cause one of these little ones to sin. He says, if that 
is a potential, the opposite direction is potential also. 
We not only not cause them to sin, but we win them. We gain 
them. He says, when the sinner responds 
as here described, the little one who goes to him has become, 
precisely in his lowliness, an instrument of God's power. His 
recompense is to gain his brother. It's a beautiful concept. And then a final observation 
before we move to some practical application. The situation is 
herein resolved. Don't tell others. If it is resolved, don't tell 
your elders what this person did last year. Because your elders 
are going to say, did they repent? Well, yes. Did you forgive them? 
Well, yes. So why are you telling me? Why 
are you going to sully my mind with that person's information 
that is not under edification if the issue has been resolved? If you settle it together, you 
don't have to Facebook it, you don't have to Twitter it, you 
don't have to include the entirety of the church. Boy, this guy 
did a heinous thing last week, but I forgave him. Keep it between yourselves. Not because we're a secret society, 
not because we're cultists, not because we're esoteric, not because 
of this, but because everybody has a legitimate right to privacy 
and confidentiality within the confines of God's holy law. And 
Jesus' emphasis is certainly on the privacy of the matter. 
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault. between you and him alone. If 
he hears you, you have gained your brother. So if you have 
gained your brother, why would you want to ruin his reputation? 
By telling people what he did. If you've gained him, if restoration 
and reconciliation is the end game and you've achieved it, 
spike the ball and be done. You don't have to repeat the 
man's offenses. This happens with husbands and 
wives. Well, you did this last year. How do you repent it? You 
forgave me. Yeah, but... Yeah, but what? God doesn't deal with us this 
way. You know why Micah Butler has 
his name? Because of Micah 7. I've been reading Micah at the 
time of his birth, and I was just amazed at the prophet Micah. What does God do with our sins? He casts them into the depths 
of the sea. As Spurgeon says, they're not 
in the shallow parts where they keep popping up to present themselves 
to us. God goes deep sea fishing with 
our sins. He casts them to where the cod 
are. He casts them to where the halibut are. He casts them to 
the depths of the sea so that they don't keep bobbing up in 
front of our eyes. And should God's people continue 
to cause those sins to bob up in front of their eyes? Now, 
I'm assuming repentance here. Somebody says they have repented. 
If somebody has sought forgiveness, forgiveness has been granted, 
and then they establish a pattern of non-repentance. Again, those 
are some crucial pieces of element of information that need to be 
included. But if he hears you and he repents and you forgive 
him, don't tell anyone else. You shouldn't do that. Do you 
want them to tell you, tell what you've done? A little golden 
rule here, brethren. If you don't want to be hung 
out to dry, don't hang others out to dry. Sometimes it can 
sound so pious. I mean, he was a terrible sinner, 
but he didn't repent. And I struggled, but I forgave 
him. You shouldn't be talking about 
it. Because as far as I'm concerned, now you're sinning, and you need 
to be reproved. Because you didn't follow Matthew 
18, 15 in the very simple way that Jesus spoke it. You keep 
it to yourself. Well, brethren, in conclusion, 
we see first the necessity of church discipline, the recovery 
of brethren, the purity of the church, and the protection of 
the church. Again, that's not necessarily the priority. This 
is the way it comes in 15 to 17. The particular emphasis of 
our Lord in this Matthew 18 complex of verses is on the recovery 
of a sinning brother. In the verses prior, it is the 
finding of a straying brother. In this particular instance, 
it's upon the rebuke of a sinning brother with a view to winning 
him. Again, those three steps. And remember that in the third 
step, it's not like you tell the church and then the church 
immediately brands them as a heathen or a tax collector. The implication 
that comes from the passage is simple. The brother goes alone 
to the person. The two or three witnesses go 
to the person with the same view, calling them to repentance. So 
when the church is told, they collectively call him to repentance. It's when he proves himself obstinate. that he's then excommunicated, 
that he's then separated from the body. He's added obstinacy 
to sin. If he's penitent, he forsakes, 
he is kept in the life of the church. But if he hardens his 
neck, he refuses the first, he refuses the two or three witnesses, 
and he refuses the pressure of the church. And again, that may 
go on for some time. It's not like the church is told 
and everybody stands up and in unison says, repent. Could be 
that people are texting him, or people are calling him, or 
people are emailing him. And I'm saying him, collectively. This doesn't just happen to men, 
it happens to women as well. But the church is exercising 
this collective pressure upon the person, not so they can excommunicate 
him, but so they can win him, and grab him, and keep him, and 
hold him, and bring him back into the confines of Christ's 
people. Ames again says, discipline consists 
not only or even chiefly in the thunderbolt of excommunication 
and anathema, but primarily in Christian correction. You say 
discipline to somebody, excommunication. That's not how the text reads. There are several things that 
happen prior to the point where the church has to call someone 
a heathen and a tax collector. Secondly, what ought our disposition 
to be as the offended? These are just some helps, some 
things that as I thought through this passage, as I've reflected 
on years of pastoral ministry and years of marriage and years 
of my own dealings and my own failings and my own sinnings 
and my own issues, these are just some suggested helps. There's 
not a book, there's not a, you know, chapter 29 of the book 
of Matthew. But these are some things I think 
you ought to keep in your mind as the offended. Somebody sinned 
against you. Now you must go to them. You've 
got to think through some things. First, you need to desire to 
obey the Lord Christ. I think we've established that. 
Matthew 18, 15 to 17. It's not a suggestion. It's not optional. It's not just 
recommended behavior for Christians. It is commanded by the head of 
the church. Secondly, you need to have a 
love for brethren that manifests itself through a desire for reconciliation 
and restoration. If your desire is to inflict 
maximal pain, you need to check your heart. Right? I can't wait to go to this person 
and just let them have it because they hurt me. Some of you, as 
you get older, your older kids will say, what was it like? You 
always said it was tough to spank us. You said things like, this 
hurts me more than it hurts you. And for the most part, that's 
true. But I think all of us would confess there was a time or two 
it probably hurt them more than it hurt us. And they deserved 
it. There is that vindicatory justice 
element in us. We image God. We want to see 
men visited with their just desserts. But if we follow the procedure 
properly and check our hearts and desire his restoration and 
reconciliation, this will temper our approach to him. Which brings 
us, thirdly, to an attitude of humility and gentleness. How 
does the chapter start? Who then is the greatest in the 
kingdom of heaven? That ought not to be your concern. 
Your concern ought to be like this little child who is not 
desirous for position and status, but who is a humble one. Paul 
in Galatians 6 tells us how we are to check or regulate our 
hearts when it comes to this whole issue. Brethren, if a man 
is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore 
such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Not a spirit of viciousness, 
not a spirit of one-upmanship. Well, I can't believe you'd ever 
do that because I never would, but I want to tell you your fault. 
It's disingenuous and does not evidence a love for your brother's 
soul. And what's the point with Paul in Galatians 6.1, considering 
yourself, lest you also be tempted? You go with the wrong attitude. 
What does Solomon tell us? Pride goes before what? A fall. If you go to your brother with 
the attitude of viciousness and unkindness, and I'm going to 
destroy this one because he ever thought to wrong me, you're going 
to put yourself up for a fall. You ought to go forthly with 
a manner that is calculated to promote reconciliation and restoration. Typically leading off with, I 
can't believe that you are so wicked, is not going to get the 
job done. I mean, it works on some of us 
because we're thick-headed and hard-hearted and we need somebody 
to bulldoze us down. But brothers, if you go to your 
wife in that way, I can't believe Notice I got the arm motions 
down because I've had some experience in this one. What does Solomon tell us? A 
soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. A fifth thing that may help us, 
again, just to temper our attitude as we approach this, is to realize 
that we also offend in many ways. We are not the holy, harmless, 
and undefiled One. There is One, and He sits enthroned 
at the right hand of the Majesty on high. We are sinners too. To say, I can't believe, is not 
to understand your Bible in your own heart. Parents do this with 
children. I can't believe you did that. 
Often thought, if a child was thinking biblically, he'd say, 
how can you not believe that? I'm in Adam. In Adam I'll die. I've inherited original sin from 
my father Adam. And as a result of that, all 
manner of wickedness flows from my being. What do you mean you 
can't understand? Brethren, go with the recognition 
that we also offend in many ways. Turn to Ecclesiastes 8 for just 
a moment. Actually, I'm sorry, 7. 7, 21, and 22. Also, do not take 
to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing 
you. That's a good rule, too. Didn't have that one in the list, 
but go ahead and throw that in there. Do not take to heart everything 
people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Why? For many times also, your 
own heart has known that even you have cursed others. You have the propensity in you 
to do the selfsame things. You probably have done the selfsame 
things. And sixthly, A commitment, this 
probably goes along with one, but a commitment to dealing with 
sin biblically. If you opt for 1 Peter 4.8, let 
love cover it. Do not be bitter, do not be sullen, 
do not seek to emotionally punish them, but actually let love cover 
it. If you adopt Matthew 18.15, you've 
got to go, you've got to deal, you've got to rebuke, and do 
it righteously. Do it between you and him. If 
he repents, you've won your brother. Restore reconciliation, love, 
affection. Do not treat them at arm's distance. Now, what if we are the offender? How ought we to be? Don't tell 
me anything because you don't know. First, a realization that 
your brother loves you. Why would anybody want to do 
this if he didn't love you? Why? Again, there's the vindictive, 
callous, I want to let you have it sort of a mindset. But if 
the brother actually looks like what we have in Matthew 18.15, 
he is doing it because he loves you. Proverbs 27.6, faithful 
are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. 
You can all testify, faithful are the wounds of a friend. What 
would you rather have? Paul withstanding Peter to his 
face? or Judas's kiss on the Savior's cheek. I hope you'd 
rather have Paul withstanding you to your face than a Judas 
kissing you on the cheek. That's Proverbs 27. Secondly, 
realize that this is difficult for the one who is coming to 
you. If it is a Matthew 18.15 scenario and the guy or girl 
is legit, it's not easy. They've probably got butterflies. 
They're probably hurt. They're probably wanting to do 
anything else in this world. They'd probably be rather, you 
know, cutting themselves with paper and pouring lemon juice 
in it rather than confronting somebody with a sin. Carson makes 
this statement. He says, if it is hard to accept 
a rebuke, even a private one, it is harder still to administer 
one in loving humility. Thirdly, realize, if you are 
the offender, that this is a mercy from God to stop you from a self-destructive 
tendency. It is a mercy from God to stop 
you. God loves you. So he dispatches 
a brother, and he says, go, tell him his fault. When that brother 
comes, and he's shaking, and he's scared, and he's got butterflies, 
and he tells you, you know, brother, you did so-and-so, that's an 
evidence that God loves you. It's an evidence that God wants 
to stop you. It's evidence that God wants 
to correct you and keep you in the fold and not drive you from 
it. Fourth. Now, I'm assuming guilt 
here. Obviously, if you're not guilty, 
you need to deal with the witnesses, you need to work this stuff out, 
you need to make sure there's closure. I'm assuming here that 
the offender is guilty. A realization that defensiveness 
and or blaming the other person is sinful and childish. You go 
to somebody, what about you? Just own it. If they've got problems, 
deal with that another time. Nothing more difficult than to 
try and reprove somebody and have them say to you, well what 
about you? We've got the rest of the world, 
the rest