← Back to sermon library

Well, you can turn with me in 
your Bibles to the book of Ephesians as we work our way through Paul's 
letter to the church in Ephesus. We're in chapter five, and our 
focus tonight will be verses 22 to 24, but I do want to read 
the larger section beginning in verse 15. So the apostle Paul 
tells us we're to walk as new men and women in Christ Jesus, 
and then he gives concrete illustrations of that. In chapter 5, verse 
1, we're to walk in love. Chapter 5, verse 8, we're to 
walk in light. And then chapter 5, verse 15, 
we're to walk in wisdom. And so that's our context. So 
I'll pick up reading in chapter 5 at verse 15. See then that 
you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming 
the time because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be unwise, 
but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be 
drunk with wine, in which is dissipation, but be filled with 
the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual 
songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving 
thanks always for all things to God the Father, in the name 
of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of 
God. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for 
the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the 
church, and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just 
as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their 
own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just 
as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that 
he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water 
by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, 
not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she 
should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their 
own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes 
it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of 
his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this reason, a 
man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 
and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, 
but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, 
let each one of you, in particular, so love his own wife as himself, 
and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Amen. Well, 
let us pray. Our gracious God and Holy Father, 
we thank you for the Lord's Day. We thank you for the privilege 
to gather together in your house and to worship you in spirit 
and in truth. We pray now that you would guide 
us by the Holy Spirit, lead us into an understanding of your 
truth, and help us, by your grace, to put it into practice. And 
do forgive us for all sin, all remaining corruption, and God, 
reach down in mercy and grace to any and all who are dead in 
their trespasses and sins, and awaken them with that powerful 
voice of God Most High that is able to crush the cedars of Lebanon. May you call sinners out of darkness 
into marvelous light, confessing faith in our blessed Savior. 
And we pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Well, it is important for 
us to remember the structure in the book of Ephesians. So 
the first two chapters are doctrinal and basically answer the question, 
how is man saved? Well, the answer is very clear. 
It's by grace alone, through faith alone in Christ Jesus alone. And then chapter three is a bit 
of a transition chapter. Paul indicates his role in terms 
of God's redemptive plan. He speaks concerning the mystery, 
which is Gentile inclusion in the covenant promises of God. 
And then chapters four to six are practical in nature. In other 
words, you've been saved by God's grace through the blood of the 
cross. You've been given this alien 
righteousness received by faith alone. So in chapters four to 
six, he answers the question, how then are you supposed to 
live? How do you conduct yourself as 
saved sinners? And we mustn't forget that because 
I'm gonna preach the law tonight. We are not saved by the law. 
We are saved by grace. The law shows us our sin, the 
law shows us our need for the Lord Jesus, and as blood-bought 
children who have the Holy Spirit, the law provides that pattern 
for us on how we're to conduct ourselves. But ladies, you're 
not saved because you're an exemplary wife. You are saved because Christ 
is an exemplary Savior. It is because of him that we 
enter into heaven. And so never forget that, never 
lose sight of the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. When we deal 
with law passages, we need to remind ourselves of the gospel 
of Jesus. Well, in the particular section 
we find ourselves in, as I said, in chapter five, specifically 
at verses 15 to 17, the apostle gives a general exhortation to 
walk in wisdom. He then gives a specific prohibition 
in verse 18a, do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation, 
and then he gives a positive exhortation in verse 18b, but 
be filled with the Spirit. And those who are filled with 
the Spirit will look like what he says in the remaining section. 
They will speak to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual 
songs. They will make melody in their 
hearts and praise the Lord Jesus Christ. They will express gratitude 
to God through Jesus Christ in all things. And then they will 
submit to one another in the fear of God. So verse 21 is a 
general exhortation concerning submitting to one another in 
the fear of God. And then from verse 22, all the 
way to chapter six, verse nine, we see that fleshed out in concrete 
situations, in relationships, wives and husbands. children 
and parents, servants and masters. And so the apostle gives concrete 
illustration to what it means or what it looks like in terms 
of submitting to one another in the fear of God. Oftentimes 
these sections of scripture are referred to as a household code. 
In other words, the duties, the responsibilities, the things 
that are requisite for those who live together and relate 
to one another. So when we look at our particular 
section in verses 22 to 33, you've got first the exhortation to 
wives in verses 22 to 24, and then second the exhortation to 
husbands in verses 25 to 33. We'll just take up that first 
section tonight with reference to the wives. There was a recent 
Babylon Bee article, and it said, according to experts, reminding 
your wife what the Bible says she should submit leads to the 
happiest marriages. Now, you need to know that the 
Babylon Bee is satire. As a pastor, I can confirm that, 
brothers. Reminding your wives of her responsibility 
is probably not the best way to pursue a happy marriage. Now, ladies, this is probably 
going to be a bit Difficult to hear, but Paul, the inspired 
apostle of our blessed Savior, gives specific commands. Men 
are called upon, women are called upon. We're gonna deal with women 
under three considerations. First, the duty of submission 
in verse 22. Second, the reason for submission 
in verse 23. And then finally, the practice 
of submission in verse 24. But with reference to the duty, 
I've got four things to consider. First, the meaning of the word. 
Second, other spheres of submission. Third, the limitation with reference 
to submission. And then fourth, the nature of 
submission. But first of all, we ask the 
question, what does the word mean? I mean, it's a very simple 
word. Wives submit to your own husband. There's something that 
probably rubs us a little raw when we read that. If we have 
been schooled in the modern era, we are heavy doses of feminism, 
heavy doses of attacks on the family, heavy doses of you can 
be whatever it is you want, and you don't need to be held down 
by anybody. So we come to these words at 
times, and we're already bristling a little bit. Well, let's just 
define the word. According to a Greek dictionary, 
BDAG, it means to subject oneself, be subjected or subordinated, 
obey, of submission involving recognition of an ordered structure. Now, the old Webster's Dictionary 
of 1828 defines it this way, to yield, resign, or surrender 
to the power, will, or authority of another. Now, when it comes 
to this particular verb that is utilized, it's actually picked 
up from verse 21. It's in what's called the middle 
voice. So that means that the subject of that verb willingly 
engages in this activity. This is not a case of compulsion. 
This is not a case of coercion. She does not have a gun to her 
head. Rather, she willingly engages 
in this act of submission. And remember that the woman agreed 
to marry her husband. Now, we're not in sort of a situation, 
at least here in North America, where we have arranged marriages. 
You picked your bride, and you picked your bridegroom, and you 
stood up before God and men, and you covenanted, ladies, to 
honor and obey your husband. So there is that willingness 
involved in the particular activity. There is the willingness involved 
in this function, in terms of submission. Now, secondly, other 
spheres of submission. It's not just women or wives 
that are called upon to submit to their husbands. We see submission 
all over the place. Verse 21, submitting to one another 
in the fear of God. You've got the family relationship. 
Wives submit to their husbands. Children obey their parents and 
honor their parents. All of us have responsibility 
in the civil sphere to submit to the governing authorities, 
for there is no authority except from God, and those which exist 
are established by God. As well in the church, in ecclesiastical 
settings, there is this mandate in Hebrews 13.7 and Hebrews 13.17 
to submit to the ruler. Not the ruler in terms of the 
ecclesiastical realm, but in terms of a leader with reference 
to that church setting. And there is an interesting and 
curious illustration that we should look at in Luke's gospel. In Luke chapter 2, We need to 
understand that this submission is not predicated upon the perfection 
of the entity being submitted unto. In other words, we can't 
say, well, the government's terrible, so therefore I'm not going to 
submit. My husband's terrible, so therefore I'm not going to 
submit. My pastor's terrible, so therefore I'm not going to 
submit. Now, there might be reasons why you should find another pastor, 
another church, there might be reasons why you should move to 
Costa Rica, there might be reasons why you might take a different 
course, but you can't just say because this person is imperfect. 
Notice in Luke's gospel, specifically at chapter 2, in verse 51, Then 
he, this is Jesus, went down with them and came to Nazareth, 
and was subject to them. But his mother kept all these 
things in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom 
and stature and in favor with God and men." Remember the hypostatic 
union of our Lord, one person, two natures. There is the divinity 
and there is the humanity. Certainly his divinity, he doesn't 
submit to his earthly parents, but according to his humanity, 
he does. And these were imperfect people. Joseph and Mary were 
not wholly harmless and undefiled. They were not without spot or 
blemish. They were not without sin. They were not in a position 
to never be wrong, to never ever give a command or never ever 
give an instruction that would be wrong. And yet Jesus Christ, 
according to his humanity, submits willingly to that. So with reference 
to submission, it's not simply confined to a wife, to her husband. We all have this responsibility 
to one degree or other. Now thirdly, the limitation. It's right there in the text. 
Verse 22. First, wives. He's not speaking 
to women and men. He's not saying all women must 
be submissive to all men. That's not the point. He is speaking 
to wives and he is telling them that their responsibility or 
their duty is to submit to their own husband. Not to every other 
husband out there. Not to every man out there. Again, 
Paul's not a Muslim. Paul is not embracing Islam. 
He's not teaching this sort of subjection on the part of women 
to all men that are out there. This is a limiting thing. This 
is a blessed thing. Wives submit to your own husbands. Now, with reference, then, finally, 
under this head, the duty of submission, notice the nature 
of it. It's that last bit in verse 22 
that says, as to the Lord. And I think this describes the 
motive and the manner. The motive and the manner. With 
reference to submission in the home, it is a religious duty. In fact, Matthew Poole makes 
the observation, as unto the Lord, for the Lord's sake who 
hath commanded it. so that you cannot be subject 
to him without being subject to them. In other words, if you 
are not subject to your own husband and you profess faith in our 
Lord Jesus Christ, you are not being subject to the Lord Jesus 
Christ. It's a very simple and a very 
clear situation. And so there is this religious 
obligation in terms of motivation. Turn over to the book of Titus 
as well. to see the religious nature of submission on the part 
of a Christian woman to her own husband. Notice in Titus chapter 
2, specifically at verse 5, several and varied instructions given 
to various people groups in the church. First, older men, verse 
2, older women, verse 3, and then the younger women in verses 
4 and 5. So notice the older women are to instruct the younger 
women, according to verse four, that they admonish the young 
women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be 
discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands. Now notice the stakes, that the 
word of God may not be blaspheme. In other words, the religious 
nature of this is seen in the reality that if a woman does 
not embrace her function, if she does not embrace her role, 
if she does not embrace this command to submit to her own 
husband as to the Lord, she is in danger of promoting blasphemy 
against the very word of God most high. So that's the motive. But in terms of the manner, when 
we go back to verse 22, wives submit to your own husbands as 
to the Lord. I've already mentioned this submission 
is willing. This isn't coercion. This isn't 
compulsion. You have not been forced into 
this. There was no shotgun behind your 
back or behind your man's back. You went into this willingly. 
Now, may I just say as a sideline note to our single people here, 
that you really pay attention to this passage of Scripture. 
that you really ponder the implications involved in marriage, that you 
don't rush to the altar because you've got to get married. No, 
you've got to make sure that you honor God. You've got to 
make sure that you're the kind of guy that Paul commands you 
to be, and you're the kind of woman that Paul commands you 
to be. So there is a gravity involved. 
I think if there was more pondering, more contemplation, more examination 
on the front end, I would bet there would be less divorce on 
the back end. Because if you don't consider 
the situation, if you don't count the cost, if you do not take 
this seriously, you're going to have problems. Now again, 
I'm not God, I'm not infallible, I am wrong a lot, but this much 
I think I can speak to. If you don't do the work on the 
front end, you're going to have problems on the back end. So 
the submission is willing, but the submission is also joyful. How are we supposed to submit 
to our blessed Savior? Okay, I'll do what you say, but 
I really don't want to. Okay, I'll do what you say, but 
you know, in my heart, I'm just not happy about this. As parents, 
when you give an exhortation to your child to comply with 
a particular instruction, what do you do if they have that kind 
of an attitude? You check them on it, don't you? You call them out. You say, well, 
it's not enough for you just to pick up your thoughts, but 
you need to do it at least with a degree of joyfulness. I mean, 
it's not a happy task to be sure, but you can't show your displeasure. You cannot reveal that sort of 
thing. If that is in your heart, you 
need to subdue that. So our service to the Lord or 
our submission to the Lord, it's not supposed to be grudging. 
It's not supposed to be upset. It is not supposed to be, well, 
you know, I'm going to do it, but I just don't really want 
to do it. No, there's a willingness, there's a joyfulness, but then 
there's a comprehensiveness, and we'll see that specifically 
at the end of verse 24. In everything, according to verse 
24. We'll offer a qualification there 
in everything that is lawful. If your husband commands you 
to engage in sin, you must obey God rather than men. So all human 
observance to other human beings has a qualification. It has a 
built-in limitation. If somebody commands you to sin, 
you are free to invoke the principle in Acts 5.29, we must obey God 
rather than men. Now, in terms of a bit of a summary 
statement with reference to what's involved in submission, listen 
to John Gill. He says, they should think well 
of their husbands, just giving a bit of a dimension in terms 
of how this looks. They should speak becomingly 
to them and respectfully of them. The wife should take care of 
the family and family affairs according to the husband's will, 
should imitate him in what is good and bear with that which 
is not so agreeable. She should not curiously inquire 
into his business, but leave the management of it to him. 
It's a bit of an odd one, but you know, hey, that's Gil in 
his time. Some of us like to talk to our 
wives about stuff, and that's okay too. He goes on to say, 
she should help and assist in caring and providing for the 
family, and should abide with him in prosperity and adversity, 
and do nothing without his will and consent. Again, if we are 
conditioned by feminism in our generation, we're going to balk 
at this. We're going to bristle at that. 
You're not the boss of me. You don't have that authority 
over me. Again, brethren, the Apostle 
Paul says that a man does. You can't evade that. You may 
not like it at some level, it might cause you to bristle at 
some level, but again, think about this before you say, I 
do. Because when you say, I do, and 
you enter into those vows, and you covenant and promise to be 
an obedient and faithful and honoring wife, You're in it, 
you have to do it. As well, Matthew Henry makes 
the observation, whatever there is of uneasiness in this, it 
is an effect of sin coming into the world. In that original condition 
of innocence, when God makes Adam, plants him in the garden, 
brings Eve to him, she's the helper to Adam. There would have 
been no bristling there. There would have been no, ah, 
you're not the boss of me, Adam. There would have been none of 
that. She would have faithfully, lovingly, willingly, and joyfully 
complied with his instructions, because that's how God designed 
it. Again, you can see why feminism. You can see why transgenderism. You can see why homosexuality. You can see why all of these 
things that are perverse, because they want to destroy the God-designed 
nature the good God-designed nature of creation. They want 
to invert it. They want to turn it on its head. 
They want to obliterate it and abolish it. They want to decimate 
it. Well, the church must stand fast. The church must stand faithful. The church must persevere with 
reference to those things that are commanded for both men and 
women, for both husband and wife. So that's the duty. Secondly, 
notice the reason for submission in verse 23. And he gives two 
reasons. First, the creation of man, and 
then the comparison with Christ. Notice in verse 23, for the husband 
is head of the wife. Now, in terms of the grammar 
in this text, notice that this is what's called the indicative. 
And the indicative is the mood of reality. There's another mood 
in Greek and in English called the imperative. An imperative 
is a command. Notice that Paul does not say 
to married couples in Ephesus, okay, on your wedding night, 
sit down at your kitchen table and figure out who has the best 
ability to lead. Figure out who's better suited 
to be the head in this relationship. And whichever one has the strengths, 
has the abilities, has the wherewithal, then that one from then on will 
be the head. That's not what he says. The 
husband is. That's the indicative mood. He 
doesn't say the husband is hopefully going to be. Husband's your head. Whether you're a good one or 
a bad one, you're nevertheless the head in your family. Remember 
after that plunge into sin by Adam and Eve, who does God address 
first? He goes to Adam. Why? Because 
Adam is the head of the family. Adam is the head of his bride. 
And it's Adam whose responsibility it was to protect her and to 
watch over her and to lead her and to care for her. Adam doesn't 
do that, of course, because when he's called out on the carpet, 
he first blames God, the woman whom thou hast given me. In other 
words, God, if you hadn't given her to me, we wouldn't be in 
this mess. And then he throws her under the bus in terms of 
her responsibility in this affair. But nevertheless, he is the head. 
And that's the grammar of our text. Husbands, or for the husband, 
is head of the wife. The verb is an indicative, not 
an imperative. The apostle does not command 
Christian couples to find out who's the better suited and let 
that one function in that capacity. And then notice the noun itself 
indicates a leadership role. For the husband is head. Now, 
head has been tried to, some have tried to explain it, people 
that would disagree with this sermon, as being source or origin. She comes from Adam. But that's 
not how it's used here, brethren. It's used in the way of leadership. It's used of that Christ in Ephesians 
1.22. He's the head over all things, 
for the church. Now, He is source and origin, 
to be sure, but in that context, it's talking about His exaltation. 
It's talking about His role as our head, as our leader, as our 
governor, as our sovereign Lord. So the particular text and view 
here indicates that the husband is, and what is he? He's the 
head of the wife. Listen to Charles Hodge's commentary. He says, the headship of man 
cannot be denied or disregarded without destroying society and 
degrading both men and women, making the one effeminate and 
the other masculine. One wonders if Hodge fell out 
of heaven into 21st century North America, what he might discover. He might discover that he was 
speaking prophetically in terms of what does obtain when those 
distinctions are obliterated in and by a society. Let me just 
read it again. The headship of man cannot be 
denied or disregarded without destroying society and degrading 
both men and women, making the one effeminate and the other 
masculine. Of course, some will say, but what about a woman who's 
got great strengths and gifts? We're gonna deal with that when 
we get to the men. The Bible has a word for a man 
who doesn't utilize the strengths and the value of his wife. The 
Bible calls him a fool. The Bible calls him a nabal. 
The Bible says that he's a meathead if he does not utilize the gifts 
and the strengths that his wife brings to the table. We're dealing 
with the wives right now, and the specific reason for this 
is the creation of man. Now, notice several texts that 
confirm this. Turn to 1 Corinthians 11. 1 Corinthians 
11 deals with life in the church. You've got texts that speak to 
life in the home, and you've got texts that speak to life 
in the church. Now, when it comes to life in 
the church, God insists on male leadership. God insists on men 
pastoring. God insists on men deaconing. God insists on men leading in 
the context of the local church. Now, 1 Corinthians 11 is one 
of those passages that deal with men's headship in the life of 
the church. Notice in verse 3, but I want 
you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head 
of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. And then drop 
down to verses 7 and 9. For a man indeed ought not to 
cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman 
is the glory of man. For man is not from woman, but 
woman from man, nor was man created for the woman, but woman for 
the man. And then turn over to 1 Corinthians 
chapter 14. Again, this is in the context of the church. Why 
don't you guys have women pastors? Because God says men are supposed 
to be pastors. It's really that simple. Why 
do you say that women shouldn't be pastors? Because God says 
that women shouldn't be pastors. Notice in 1 Corinthians 14, 34, 
let your women keep silent in the churches for they are not 
permitted to speak, but they are to be submissive as the law 
also says. I think law is more expansive 
there and probably includes Genesis chapters one to three. God's 
design in the created order is that Adam is the head of the 
wife. then wife Eve comes to Adam to 
function in that manner of a help me, as one that assists him, 
one that is comparable to him in the event, or for the effect 
of doing what he has been called to do in terms of tending the 
garden. So you've got the church, and 
then you've got as well, the home. We see that here in Ephesians 
chapter five, you see it in Colossians chapter three, we saw it there 
in Titus chapter two, but turn to one more passage in first 
Peter, first Peter chapter three. 1 Peter 3. Perhaps some of you 
have read the story of C.H. Spurgeon and his wife, Susanna. She referred to him as Tershatha. 
Tershatha means governor. Oh, that's pretty harsh. That's 
pretty terrible. I think it was affectionately. I doubt she did it with a gun. 
You had to call me Tershotha, baby. No, that's not how it was. She referred to him with that 
kind of respect, that kind of love, and that kind of honor. 
How did Sarah address Abraham? Look at 1 Peter 3, verse 6. Wives, 
likewise, be submissive to your own husbands. And notice, ladies, 
The command doesn't change based on the reality that your husband's 
unconverted. This is what I call the tough 
pill. Any of you young people that have come into my office 
for premarital counseling, I typically always give you the tough pill. 
I'd like to ask any of the young people that are here, do you 
remember what the tough pill is? The tough pill is that you must 
obey Ephesians 5, whether or not your spouse does. Husbands, love your wives as 
long as they're submitting to you and honoring you and are 
altogether lovely. Wives, be submissive to your 
own husbands insofar as he exemplifies the perfection of Jesus and his 
careful, compassionate, and kind leadership. No. That's why I 
also say we should try to help each other. If my task is to 
love my wife as Christ loved the church, then I'd like to 
think she wants to try to be lovable. If her task is to submit 
to me, I don't want to be a constant irritant. I don't want to be 
an ogre. I don't want to be a tyrant. I don't want to make her task 
more difficult. I have this zany notion that 
husbands and wives are workers with one another for their joy, 
to help them along to heaven, to comply with the commands of 
God with reciprocity. I love, she submits, she submits, 
I love. Now notice that Paul does not 
address the wives in Ephesians 5 to love their husbands. I think 
the reason why is that he assumes that. It's stated specifically 
there in Titus 2, 4, and 5, but I think that Paul is addressing 
us where we need addressing. I think the tendency in a woman, 
a tendency in a wife, now I'm not trying to, you know, castigate 
anybody or say anything bad, got biblical warrant for saying 
this, is that mindset of, you're not the boss over me, you're 
not the governor over me, you're not my tershatha. And what's 
a husband's proclivity? to not show the love and the 
kindness and the care for his bride that he ought to. So when 
Paul does this, when he tells wives to submit, I think he's 
doing it because that's a predilection toward them to not do. When he 
tells the husbands to love, he wants them to really love. And 
so when it comes to these particular things, we need to understand 
that the tough pill is, even if my spouse isn't perfect, I 
still need to do it, just like that Luke 2.51 thing. So back 
to 1 Peter 3, wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands, 
that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word 
may be won by the conduct of their wives. So there could be 
a situation where you're married to a man who's an unconverted 
man. Notice what Peter doesn't say. Badger him each and every 
day with the gospel. Harp on him incessantly with 
the gospel. Now, of course, tell him the 
gospel. Of course, encourage him to come to church to hear 
the gospel. But what is Peter's demand? Peter's demand is that 
you live with them in such a way that they, without a word, may 
be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your 
chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment 
be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting 
on fine apparel. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the 
heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet 
spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this 
manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God 
also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 
as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you 
are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Brothers, 
I want to remind you of the Babylon B. Don't go home tonight and 
say, honey, from here on out, I'm Tershotha. I'm governor, 
I'm lord. That's the marching orders. Please 
don't do that, or you're going to probably all be in my office 
by the end of the week. That's not going to go well. 
But with reference to this whole idea, we have the creation account 
as paradigmatic for both creation and redemption. Remember, we're 
renewed, we're made anew, we've been renewed in knowledge and 
righteousness according to Ephesians chapter 4. We're new creatures 
in Christ Jesus. Notice that Paul doesn't obliterate 
what was done in the garden. He takes what was done in the 
garden and says that that is a pattern for life in Christ, 
for redemptive ethic. And then notice this comparison 
with Christ, verse 23b, and he is the, I'm sorry, as also Christ 
is head of the church and he is the savior of the body. There's 
that same indicative. It's not like, you know, who's 
going to be the head, the church or Christ? Christ is the head 
of the church. And this reality that he is the savior of the 
body shows that he is caring, shows that he is compassionate, 
shows that he is kind, shows that he is providing protection 
and stability and things that are good. So this idea of a wife 
submitting to her own husband, that's not a bad thing. That's 
the orbit in which God blesses. That's a good thing. And if your 
husband is the kind of man that takes Ephesians 5, 25 to 33 seriously, then it's going to be a blessing 
for you to submit to Him. Christ lovingly leads His church, 
it is Her joy to submit. Christ lovingly protects Her 
church, or His church, it is therefore Her joy to submit. And the man who fulfills the 
obligation placed upon Him is a man that it is good to submit 
to. And a woman who fulfills her 
obligation is the kind of woman that you want to lovingly lead. 
Again, the reciprocity. Love your wife and then she submits. Submit to your husband and he 
loves. It's this great circle of blessing 
and joy and happiness. Do you know what always happens? 
One or both, don't do that. One or both abandon the whole 
scheme. One or both say, well, you know, 
I'm not going to do this. Or one or both say, I mean, it 
could be both, right? I'm not going to love that woman 
the way that I'm supposed to. And I'm not going to submit to 
that man the way that I'm supposed to. Well, that's a problem. And 
again, let's go back to the front end. Think through this stuff 
before you go up before God and men and say, I do. Take some 
personal responsibility and realize that when you say, I do, it comes 
with several obligations upon you. I like the way J. Adams 
describes marriage. He calls it a covenant of companionship. And he says that one of the things 
that people do when they get married is they're looking for 
what they can get. Oh, this one will satisfy all 
my needs. This one can, you know, make 
good waffles. This one is a hard worker and 
he's got a big bank account. This one is going to do that. 
We should be looking at marriage as how we can give, how we can 
serve, how we can aid, how we can assist, how we can help. 
Get rid of the selfish orientation that says, I'm in this for me. 
When persons are in marriage for me, it never goes well, brethren. It just doesn't. The way to oil 
the wheels of progress in terms of Christian marriage is to obey 
God as he speaks to us through the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 
5 and Colossians 3. That's the way. It's tough. It's hard. We bristle. We've 
got problems. Men often abdicate instead of 
beating the head. They're passive and they don't 
engage as they ought, but hopefully they hear the word of God. They've 
blood bought by the Lord Jesus Christ. They're spirit filled 
and they say, you know what? I need to man up and I need to 
actually do what Paul commands me here. If I'm a lady, I need 
to woman up and do what Paul actually commands here. And when 
we start looking out for the interests of others, then that's 
when blessing typically flows. It's generally the case. Now, 
notice thirdly and finally the practice of submission. Looks 
like repetition in verse 24, but it's implication, it's application, 
it's parallel, it's analogy. Therefore, just as the church 
is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands 
in everything. She is subject to her head, the 
Lord Jesus Christ. Now, if you look at this particular 
section, husbands love as Christ loved the church. That's a perfect 
standard. Wives submit the way the church 
does to Christ. That's an imperfect standard, 
right? If you're in the church, you 
have to confess it's imperfect. Because you and I are here. We 
don't always submit the way we ought in terms of the church. 
So ladies, don't say, well, you know, I'm like the church. I've 
got some defects, I've got some blemishes, but that's okay. No, 
don't argue that way. Just as the church is subject 
to our blessed Savior, so wives must be subject to their own 
husbands in everything. Notice in verse 33. This is where 
he sort of summarizes the entirety of the argument. Verse 32 is 
curious. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ 
and the Church. The book of Song of Solomon. 
It's not about a love manual for newly married people. It's 
God and Israel. It's Christ and His Church. Psalm 
45, you see that bridegroom, Christ, married to the church. So what Paul is speaking of in 
terms of the husband and wife relationship is the point, but 
it's not the point. In fact, what he is saying is 
that when you as Christians enter into marriage, you are communicating 
something about Jesus and His church. You're either doing a 
good job in communicating that, or you're doing a bad job in 
communicating that. But doing a job communicating 
that? Most certainly you are. Because a husband and a wife 
who confess saving faith in our Lord Jesus Christ must function 
in an analogous relationship to Jesus and His Church. So the 
Church functions here as the standard for the wife. So therefore, 
just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be 
to their own husbands in everything. Now that's where this qualification 
is made. By me, and I think Paul, would 
affirm this. The church must not pick and 
choose. First, let's deal with that little phrase, in everything. 
Well, certainly that can't mean waffles. Yeah, it does, if he's 
not telling you to sin. I don't know that I've found 
where thou must not make waffles is in the Bible. Now, if you're 
a husband, again, don't be a nay-ball. You have to make waffles, baby. 
No, no, no. Choose your hills to die on wisely. Choose your 
hills to battle on. And I don't mean physically. 
You all understand. You're all married, or most of 
you are married. So understand. Marriage is a series of battles. 
It's a series of moving the ball down the field, trying to do 
it together to be sure. But again, one time or other, 
some of us mess up and fumble. But with reference to this, she 
must not pick and choose, as Church, to Christ. Well, we like 
six out of the Ten Commandments, or seven out of the Ten Commandments. 
There's other ones we don't like. No, it's in everything that the 
Church renders subjection to our Lord Jesus. Well, the same 
thing in a marriage. It's in everything. Everything. That's what the text says, brethren. I mean, my eyes work pretty well. 
It says that right there. So let the wives be to their 
own husbands in everything. Now, wives, understand, I'm going 
to try to hit the men in a couple of weeks and say, again, don't 
be enables. Don't be fools. Don't pressure 
love for waffles to the point where she is so upset with you, 
she would rather move out. You know, that's not wise. There's 
wisdom and judiciousness that need to go along with marriage. 
If you're a blockhead, you're gonna have problems. The way 
of the transgressor is hard, according to Solomon in Proverbs 
13, 15. It's just, it is. The way of the treacherous, the 
way of the transgressor, the way of the unfaithful, it's just 
hard. You don't smooth out a marriage 
relationship by being a blockhead. It just doesn't work. And ladies, 
it doesn't work for you by being a shrew, by being that sort of 
person that, you know, you're not the boss of me. Again, why 
did you say I do? Why did you covenant to honor 
and obey? Are these just empty, meaningless 
words? It's just what we do, it's tradition. We have to stand before God, 
we have to stand before man, and we have to wring out these 
useless words. Oh yeah, I'm gonna honor and 
obey. Well, you need to ponder the implications of honor and 
obey. But again, look at verse 33. 
Nevertheless, let each one of you, in particular, so love his 
own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects 
her husband. She respects her husband. Dare 
I tell you what the Greek word is here? It's fear. Now, that's not, he's gonna whack 
me, so I better do what I'm supposed to. It's fear like the way Christians 
are to fear God. There's a reverence, there's 
a respect, there's an esteem. That's what biblical fear is. Now, there is a running from 
God because he's gonna judge you sort of a fear, but the fear 
of God that leads to life is that reverential awe before our 
blessed God. So Paul, as he encapsulates or 
as he summarizes, he says to the wife that she respects her 
husband. That means you're not rolling 
her eyes every time he talks. That means you're not saying, 
no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm just, no, you're not the boss 
of me. These sorts of things, it's just not right. And then 
the qualification and everything lawful. The principle of Acts 
chapter 5 verse 29 applies here. In verses 27 to 29 we read, And 
when they had brought them, they set them before the council, 
and the high priest asked them, saying, Did we not strictly command 
you not to teach in this name? And, look, you have filled Jerusalem 
with your doctrine and intend to bring this man's blood on 
us. But Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to 
obey God rather than men. If your husband commands you 
to engage in sexual immorality, you obey God rather than men. 
If your husband commands you to commit abortion or murder, 
you obey God rather than men. If your husband commands you 
to lie and deceive so that you can protect him and his sinfulness, 
you need to obey God rather than men. Your husband says, you can't 
do this, and it's contrary to the word of God, you must obey 
God rather than men. So this isn't a blanket statement 
that your little automatons and whatever he says, you know, he 
says jump and you just say, how high? No, that's not it, brethren. That's not it at all. It is in 
everything, but it's in everything that is lawful. Now, in conclusion, 
just a couple of thoughts and then we'll go. First, encouragement 
to the wives. You're probably thinking, I don't 
feel very encouraged right now. Hopefully you do. You are blood-bought 
and spirit-filled and therefore enabled by God in his grace to 
comply with this. That's my encouragement. Whatever 
God calls us to do as believers in Jesus Christ, he gives us 
the grace requisite so that we can comply. You say, well, I 
just can't do that. Well, you're going to have to 
repent. I just won't do that. You're gonna have to repent. 
I just, I don't have a heart for that. You're gonna have to 
repent. Sorry. I'm saying that as encouragingly 
as I possibly can, but you need to hear it. Now to the husbands, 
you are called to lovingly lead your wife. If we had to summarize 
the emphasis of the apostle, that's it, love and lead. Now, 
when you do that, do so in a biblical way so that submission to you 
is pleasant. It's not a chore. It's not a 
heartache. It's not a heart, a challenge. Oh, this guy, he's just such 
a wretch. He's horrible. He's a monster. 
I can't do it. I won't do it. I'll never be 
able to do it. No, brethren, be faithful, love your wives, 
so that she will happily comply with her particular responsibility. 
Now, to married couples, as I've already said, I already gave 
you the tough bill, just remember it. Your obedience is not predicated 
on hers, or your obedience is not predicated on hers. Well, 
when she's really lovely, then I'll love her as Christ loved 
the church. When he's really godly, then I'll submit to him 
as to the Lord. No. What's Matthew 7, 12 tell 
us in the golden rule? Let me just rehearse it for you. 
Matthew 7, 12, therefore whatever... These two words kind of change 
the orientation of the command. Therefore, whatever you want 
men to do to you, do also to them. For this is the law in 
the prophets. Do to them as you want them to 
do to you, not as they actually are doing to you. See the difference? Well, I'm not gonna treat that 
person with the respect and dignity they deserve because they don't 
treat me that way. But you want them to, don't you? Well, yeah, 
I want them. Well, that's the golden rule. 
Same with this whole emphasis here on submission and on loving 
leadership. You can't say, well, he's not 
worthy of it or she's not worthy of it. Brethren, you need to 
do what God calls you to do. And then encouragement to the 
single people, the people that want to get married. If you're 
single and you don't want to get married, you can tune out. 
But to the single people that want to get married, make yourself 
marryable. Make yourself marryable. You 
know, it's times like these we hear sermons and say, Lord God, 
give me a woman that'll submit to me. You should first pray, 
God, make me the kind of man that can lovingly lead. and then 
give me a woman that can submit to me. Or if you're a woman, 
God, give me a man that will lovingly lead me. Why don't you 
first pray, God, help me to be the kind of woman that will be 
able to submit. You've got to ask that question. You've got to ponder that. You've 
got to be mariable. As well, the necessity to find 
the spouse that God has for you. Just because a man is a Christian 
and a woman is a Christian doesn't necessarily mean those two should 
get married. There's this interesting account, 
you've heard me quote it, it's in Ian Murray's biography on 
Jonathan Edwards, talking about Edwards. I think they had 9 to 
11 kids. I can't remember. They had a few, you know, mortality, 
but not all the children were as mild as Jerusha or as obedient 
as Esther. The quick temper of Sarah, the 
eldest daughter, so persisted that according to tradition, 
when her hand was asked in marriage by Elihu Parsons ten years later, 
Edwards, quote, plainly disclosed to him the unpleasant temper 
of his daughter. But she has grace, I trust, asked 
Parsons, to which Edwards replied, I hope she has, but grace can 
live where you cannot. So just because one is a Christian 
and the other is a Christian, there's still things like ability 
to communicate, ability to stand one another, you know, physical 
attraction. There's just a lot of chemistry 
involved in this. So make sure you're mindful of 
that. And then something I typically try to encourage single persons 
that want to get married with is try to be content in your 
present state. Try to be content in your present 
state. Desperation is not an attractive 
trait. And trying to cultivate that 
spirit of contentedness where God has you is crucial. Listen to Watson. Watson says, 
Satan loves to fish in the troubled waters of a discontented heart. Let me just repeat that. Satan 
loves to fish in the troubled waters of a discontented heart. That doesn't just apply to single 
persons wanting to get married, but it certainly applies to single 
persons wanting to get married. Be content with the place that 
God has you in. And if it is God's plan, purpose, 
and will to provide for you a Mr. or a Mrs. Right, then praise 
him for that. but don't get ahead of yourselves. Secondly, by way of examination, 
if the idea of submission to you is that it's antiquated and 
therefore outdated, you need to repent. If the idea that submission 
is not fair, you need to realize that it is, and you need to repent. 
And if the idea is that submission is degrading, you need to understand 
that it's not, and you need to repent. Let me just rehearse 
Charles Hodge again. We're about to close. The headship 
of man cannot be denied or disregarded without destroying society and 
degrading both men and women, making the one effeminate and 
the other masculine. I can't help but think pregnant 
man emoji in your phone has come as a result of this swap, of 
this inversion of the effeminate man and the masculine woman. There is nothing wrong with feminine 
qualities and characteristics in a woman. There's nothing wrong 
with masculine qualities and characteristics In a man, God 
made it this way and it's good. Why do we recoil against it? Why do we resist it? Why do we 
say, oh no, we're much smarter now. Women can do everything 
that a man can do. No, they can't, brethren. Peter, 
under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, calls them the weaker 
vessel. I remember, and I'm sure anybody 
who's gone to commercial gyms, men that do a little bit of bench 
pressing will warm up with what a woman does as a max. You're warming up with whatever 
that particular weight is, and if a woman gets that, it's her 
max lift. There's nothing wrong with that. 
There's nothing bad about that. The answer isn't throw testosterone 
in her so she can get more on the bench press. No, feminine 
qualities are fantastic in feminine people, in women. Sorry, I don't 
want to sound like a woke one. And masculine qualities are good 
in men. This is the way God made it. It's a blessing. The cursing 
comes when we invert it. The cursing comes when we obliterate 
it. The cursing comes with the man 
who's gonna be passive. The man who's gonna let his wife 
run the show. We use that common parlance, 
who wears the pants in the family. Brethren, it is not right. The 
man is supposed to lead because he is the head. The wife is supposed 
to submit. Why? Because that's how God designed 
it. And happiness and joy and fulfillment 
are found in that. And then as I started with, ladies, 
I will finish. The gospel of Jesus Christ is 
your hope. My hope is built on nothing less 
than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest 
frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name." You're not saved by virtue 
of the fact that you're an exemplary wife. You are saved, hopefully, 
to pursue and become an exemplary wife, but on that day of judgment, 
it's the doing and the dying and the rising of Jesus that 
is your warrant to enter into heaven. Never forget that. When 
we talk law, we need to remind ourselves of gospel. We need 
to remember there is a fountain open for sin and uncleanness 
that we as married couples need to apply to very often in the 
ebb and flow of our marriages. Well, let us pray. Our God and 
our Father, we thank you for your word. We thank you for the 
clearness, the clarity, the simplicity of what you call us to in terms 
of family. I pray that you would help us 
as men and as women to embrace these things, and by the presence 
and the power of that Holy Spirit that we are to be filled with, 
we would comply, we would obey, and we would do so with a joyfulness 
and a willingness and with a desire to bring glory and honor to you 
in our homes. I pray that you would go with 
us now, watch over us in this coming week, and God, please 
be glorified in the midst of this local church. And we ask 
in Jesus' name, amen. We'll close with a brief time 
of meditation.