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You can turn with me in your 
Bibles to the book of Ephesians as we work our way through Paul's 
letter to the church in Ephesus. We're in Ephesians chapter 5, 
considering the responsibilities of husbands toward their wives. 
Our focus will be verses 28 to 33, but I do want to begin reading 
in chapter 5 at verse 15. Ephesians 5, beginning in verse 
15, And do not be drunk with wine, 
in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking 
to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing 
and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always 
for all things to God the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus 
Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit 
to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head 
of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and He is 
the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church 
is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands 
in everything. Husbands, love your wives just 
as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that 
he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water 
by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, 
not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she 
should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their 
own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes 
it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of 
his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason, a 
man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 
and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, 
but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, 
let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, 
and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Amen. Well, 
let us pray. Father in heaven, we thank you 
for this Lord's Day. We thank you for the privilege 
to gather again in your house and to come to you. We thank 
you for your mercy, your grace, your loving kindness. We thank 
you for the redeeming work of our Lord Jesus on our behalf, 
and for this great salvation that we enjoy, by your grace. 
We ask that you would bless our time now, that you would instruct 
us from Holy Scripture, that your Spirit would guide and direct 
us, that as men, as husbands, in our local body, we would receive 
this teaching, that by your grace and the According to the power 
of the Spirit, we would put it into practice, and that You would 
bless our families, cause us to truly reflect what it is for 
a wife and a husband to function in a manner like the Church and 
her Lord. Forgive us now for all of our sins and unrighteousness. 
Cleanse us in that precious blood of the Lamb. And again, sustain 
us and give us an ability to carry out these things, not so 
that we may be saved, but because by grace we are saved. And this 
is a reasonable service unto our holy God. And we ask your 
blessing in Jesus' holy name. Amen. Well, remember, we're in 
the practical part of Paul's letter to the Ephesians. And 
specifically, Paul wants us to walk in particular ways. He gives 
a general sort of admonition in chapter four at verse one, 
walk according to the calling with which you've been called. 
And then he prohibits us from walking as the Gentiles in chapter 
four at verse 17. And then in chapter five, there's 
emphases on three things. First, we're to walk in love, 
five, two. We're to walk in light, five, 
eight. And here we're supposed to walk 
in wisdom according to chapter five and verse 15. He gives a 
general admonition or exhortation concerning that. And then in 
verse 18, he tells us, he exhorts us specifically to be filled 
with the spirit. And then he indicates or underscores 
what it looks like to be filled with the Holy Spirit. We will 
speak to one another in Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. We 
will sing and make melody in our hearts to the Lord. We will 
be thankful to God for all things through our Lord. And then we 
will submit to one another in the fear of God. So verse 21 
is sort of a general overarching concern. And then in verses 22 
to chapter six and verse nine, he gives specific concrete applications. And in our section, wives and 
husbands, in the next section, children and parents, and then 
in the final section, in this section, he deals with servants 
and masters. So as I said, we find ourselves 
in the argument now concerning wives and husbands. Remember, 
the wives are to submit to their own husbands as to the Lord. 
He points to the situation or rather the relationship between 
Christ and his church. Verse 23, for the husband is 
head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church and he 
is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church 
is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands 
in everything. And then he directs his attention, 
most of his attention, here in this section, to the husbands. 
About three-fourths more in this section is directly affecting 
the man, the husband in the relationship. In verses 25 to 27, he looks 
at redemption in particular. Husbands are to love their wives 
just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. 
In the section we're considering tonight in verses 28 to 33, he 
looks at creation. So we've got the category of 
redemption, what happens in terms of special revelation and special 
grace, and then he turns his attention to what I'll call the 
one-flesh argument. And that is what his concern 
is in verses 28 to 33. Remember that he speaks realistically. He speaks to husbands who have 
rule or government or leadership in the home. He speaks to them 
to temper that government with love. He speaks to wives, as 
we saw this morning, if you take that interpretation in Genesis 
chapter 3, her desire will be to usurp authority. And so she 
needs to be reminded to be submissive to her own husband as unto the 
Lord. He speaks particularly, this 
isn't women to men in general, but it's wives to their own husbands, 
and it's husbands to their own wives. As well, he speaks authoritatively. As Christ's apostle, what he 
says here is non-negotiable. You can't come to this passage 
and say, well, I think my wife has far better gifts than I do, 
so she's going to be the head of our family. She's gonna wear 
the pants in our family. No, that is an ungodly, unbiblical 
sort of assumption or imposition. You are to take the word of God, 
you are to take the authoritative word of the apostle Paul, and 
you're to appropriate it in your life. And then last week, I mentioned 
that he speaks consistently. And by consistently, I mean in 
reference to the book of Genesis. In other words, God's intention 
with the created order. With that Old Testament background 
in view, that's how he deals with this particular argument. 
Remember, the husband's leadership role is not argued for, it is 
rather assumed. Again, notice in verse 23, for 
the husband is head of the wife. He doesn't deliberate, he doesn't 
set forth the parameters, if he's gifted, if he's solid, if 
he's able. No, the husband is. He's either 
a good one or he is a bad one. I guess there is a continuum. 
He might be an okay one. But the bottom line is, is he 
is the leader, he is the head in his home. And so as we approach 
specifically verses 28 to 33, I wanna look, as I said, at the 
argument from creation. And I've got four things I wanna 
consider. First, the explanation of the one flesh argument in 
verse 28. Secondly, the implication of 
the one-flesh argument in verses 29 to 30. Third, the affirmation 
of the one-flesh argument in verse 31. He goes back to the 
book of Genesis. And then the application of the 
one-flesh argument in verses 32 and 33. But let's take up 
first the explanation of the one-flesh argument there from 
verse 28. Notice he says, so husbands ought 
to love their own wives as their own bodies. They are the head, 
they are the governor, they are the ruler, not in some dictatorial, 
tyrannical way. If you read Paul rightly, you'll 
notice that that is not the conclusion. Rule from your easy chair, pound 
the arm, and tell your wife what she is supposed to do. No, that 
leadership is to be regulated by love. As John Eady says, husbands 
are not to be domestic tyrants, but their dominion is to be a 
reign of love. That's the apostles' emphasis. 
So in verse 28, so husbands ought to love their own wives, notice, 
as their own bodies. Now, specifically, last week, 
I just tried to sketch the nature of that love, and I'll run through 
it quickly. First, the definition of love 
in a general sense. 1 Corinthians 13, the great love 
chapter. That should govern our conduct 
relative to every creature, but in particular, a husband to his 
wife. As well, the characteristics 
of love in the marriage union, as far as the husband is concerned, 
with reference to his wife. He is to be faithfully monogamous. is to be consistently self-sacrificing, 
and he is to be joyfully committed to her wellbeing. Now, in terms 
of the practical day in, day out, how does that look? He prays 
for her. That means he tends to her spiritually. 
Not only prays for her, but reads scripture with her, prays with 
her, brings her to church, makes sure that she's being cherished 
and nourished and all the things that we see stipulated in this 
particular passage. He provides for her. He's not 
a deadbeat. He's not, you know, honey, I 
want you to go out on the streets today and beg for our dinner. 
No, he's to provide for her. Paul says in 1 Timothy 5, if 
a man does not provide for his own, he's worse than an infidel. 
He's denied the faith. He's a defector. He is not one 
that is walking consistently with his confession. And then he protects his wife. 
I mentioned jail. Sturdy girl, had the ability 
with the tent peg. Still, you're not to send her 
downstairs if an intruder comes. It's your job to protect your 
wife. It's your job to care for her. 
It's your job to tend to her. Now, as he makes this statement, 
he says, so husbands ought to love their own wives, and then 
notice, as their own bodies. And then he goes on to say, he 
who loves his wife loves himself. And again, brethren, he's going 
to confirm that special revelation speaks the same thing, but this 
is what we would call a light of nature thing. This is something 
that is true and available to man as man. This isn't something 
unique only to Christianity. We bear God's image. There's 
a sense where we can look at the world around us and glean 
certain truths that God has built in to the world's structure. 
And as we move through the passage, we'll notice there's no war against 
nature and grace. There's no disharmony between 
special revelation and general revelation. What the book of 
nature teaches us, the book of God confirms. And so Paul appeals 
to this and he says, so husbands ought to love their own wives 
as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. So the principle is in nature. Remember that in the Genesis 
account, what we have in terms of God making Eve and bringing 
Eve to Adam is paradigmatic, or it is a pattern not just for 
believers, but it's for all creatures everywhere. So it's not the case 
that a man who's a pagan and a wife who's a pagan can say, 
well, I can go ahead and rebel against God and do whatever it 
is I want. No. This is God's instruction for creature as creature. And Paul appeals to this as something 
that is innate, something that you know, something that is built 
in you because you are an image bearer of the living God. Notice 
the argument, husbands ought to love their own wives as their 
own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 
We don't question that. We don't say, well, that seems 
so odd. Now that's not just because we're Christians, but again, 
outside of Christianity, within heathen dim, heathendom, within 
paganism, I know there's a lot of abuse, there's unfortunately 
abuse within Christianity as well, there is nevertheless this 
principle, there is nevertheless this lesson taught in the book 
of nature that a man is to love his wife, a man is to care for 
his wife, a man is to tend to his wife, a man is to provide 
for his wife. But that principle is not only 
stated in the light of nature, it's a principle according to 
Scripture. And again, note the harmony between special and general 
revelation. Leviticus 19.18. In Leviticus 
19, I would call that the great love chapter in the Old Covenant. 
It is something akin to 1 Corinthians chapter 13 in the New Covenant. 
But in Leviticus 19.18 we read, You shall not take vengeance 
nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but 
you shall love your neighbor as yourself. When Jesus is quizzed 
on the greatest commandment in the law, he rattles off first 
that duty toward God. You shall love the Lord your 
God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, And then 
he invokes this principle from Leviticus 19. The second is like 
it, love your neighbor as yourself. James chapter two at verse eight, 
he says, if you really fulfill the royal law according to the 
scripture, you shall love your neighbor as yourself, you do 
well. So the principle is taught in 
nature or in creation. The principle is taught in scripture. Thirdly, the principle does not 
condone narcissism. Narcissism is self-love, and 
if we read that passage, we might conclude that, if we're not thinking 
biblically. We might say, man loves himself. You think of the narcissist. 
In Greek mythology, narcissist was a hunter, and narcissist 
was a beautiful, beautiful man. I don't like to use beautiful 
and man together. It feels odd and weird, but a 
little bit of research I did, that's how it described him. 
Beautiful man, a handsome man, a stunning man. Well, he refused 
all the advances that were made at him. The only one that was 
intriguing to him was himself. When he looked in the water and 
it reflected his beauty, he became enamored. He became in love with 
that reflection. Well, obviously, that never goes 
well, but that's where we get the word narcissism. It means 
self-love, self-adoration, this cherishing and nourishing that 
goes far and above and beyond what the Apostle is speaking 
here or what Moses is speaking in the Law of God. It is a legitimate 
desire for self-preservation. It is a legitimate desire for 
self-preservation and self-promotion. Not, I want to be the best that 
I can possibly be, but I'm not going to ingest arsenic. I'm 
not going to stand on a train track. I'm not going to jump 
off high buildings. I'm going to try and preserve 
myself because at some level I love myself and I don't want 
me to die. That's what the Apostle is talking about. And then the 
principle applies to all horizontal relationships, but especially 
a husband toward his wife. If we are, generally speaking, 
supposed to love our neighbor or our brother as ourself, how 
much more are we to love that one with whom we are one flesh? And that's the trajectory of 
the Apostle's argument. We are to love that woman that 
God has given to us because God has fused us together and made 
us one flesh. John Calvin says, every man by 
his very nature loves himself, but no man can love himself without 
loving his wife. Therefore, the man who does not 
love his wife is a monster, and he's absolutely positively correct. If the man does not love his 
bride, if he does not cherish her, if he does not nourish her, 
we have the right to conclude that the man is a monster. He's 
a beast with a man's head. He's not functioning properly. 
He is not only contrary to the written law of God, but he's 
contrary to nature. It's an absurdity. It's something 
that shouldn't obtain. It is an anomaly. It is something 
that is so wretched and so vicious and so vile. What do we think 
of the wife beater? Well, that man is criminal. That 
man deserves punishment. That man deserves sanction. He's 
supposed to provide for her, and he's supposed to protect 
her. But instead of doing that, he beats her, he hurts her, he 
emotionally abuses her. That is absolutely godless and 
absurd. And so the apostle invokes this 
particular principle, and then notice the implication of this 
one-flesh argument in verses 29 to 30. First, he explains 
it. Look at what he says in verse 
29. This for is explanatory. He gives the proposition in verse 
28. So husbands ought to love their 
own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 
And now he further amplifies that with implication. For no 
one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it just as the 
Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, 
of his flesh and of his bones. So notice that the text assumes 
something. It assumes that we don't hate 
ourselves. Again, there's people out there 
that do. There are people out there that 
engage in self-harm. There are people out there that 
engage in suicide. But they're not the rule. They 
are the exception. You've heard that statement before. 
The exceptions prove the rule. Well, that certainly holds true 
here. Most of us don't ingest arsenic. Most of us don't stand on railroad 
tracks. Most of us don't jump off of 
high buildings. Most of us seek a healthy degree 
of self-preservation. Most of us seek a healthy degree 
of nurturing our flesh so that we don't die. And that's the 
Apostle's implication. No one ever hated his own flesh. Again, the emphasis is not narcissism, 
but preservation. Matthew Poole says, no man, and 
then he goes on to say, none in his right senses. When you 
see the man that's about to jump off the building or dance on 
the railroad tracks, you understand that he's not in his right mind. 
There's something off. There's something not properly 
functioning there. There is a lawlessness about 
him that betrays the natural order. Thomas says, just as man 
sins against nature in hating himself, so does he who hates 
his wife. Again, he's not dealing in the 
realm of redemptive reality. He's dealing with creation. He's 
dealing with natural order. He's dealing with what obtains, 
what's innate to every man who's come from the hand of God Almighty, 
created in His image, knowing certain things. In other words, 
we're hardwired. If you go down to Best Buy, WIM's 
probably going to discourage that, there's probably better 
places online, and you buy a computer and you bring it home and you 
flip the power switch on, something happens. Why? There's an operating 
system already in place. Well, we come from the hand of 
God with an operating system already in place. We bear His 
image. There's certain things, certain 
truths that resonate with us, even apart from special revelation. 
But again, special and general revelation are in perfect harmony. What God does in creation, God 
affirms in redemption. with reference to the parallel 
in the law. So go back to the verse. Notice 
in verse 29, for no one ever hated his own flesh. The sixth 
commandment. The sixth commandment says you 
shall not murder. The best interpretation of the 
commandments of God, the 10 commandments, is in the Reformed tradition. 
I would encourage you to look at Westminster Larger Catechism. 
It gives a whole set of sort of hermeneutics or principles 
on how to approach the 10 commandments. And they make this obvious observation. I mean, it may be obvious to 
me because I've read their explanation, but it should be obvious to all 
of us. If the text specifically says, do not murder, then implicitly 
it means do what you can to promote life. Right? If the text says 
do not commit adultery, then by implication it suggests or 
confirms or affirms your duty to be a one-woman man or a one-man 
woman. If the text says do not steal, 
and you see Paul do this in Ephesians chapter 4, let him who stole 
steal no longer, but rather go get a job. Make enough money 
so that you can be charitable to other people. Paul does that. Westminster divines are simply 
following the Apostle Paul and his use of the law. So with reference 
to the Sixth Commandment, Westminster Shorter Catechism number 68, 
what is required in the Sixth Commandment? It has what is forbidden 
in the sixth commandment. Obviously, poking somebody in 
the heart with a knife falls prey to that. Shooting somebody 
in the head with a 38 special, all those things are certainly 
prohibited, but what can we say positively? What is required 
in the sixth commandment? It says the sixth commandment 
requires all lawful endeavors to preserve our own life and 
the life of others. Makes sense, right? So back to 
the text, verse 29, for no one ever hated his own flesh. And 
then notice this next implication, but nourishes and cherishes it 
just as the Lord does the church. So this idea of nourishing, the 
word simply means to provide food. It means to, get this, 
nourish, right? It means to sustain something 
with something so that that something can continue on. So he nourishes 
his own flesh, right? You probably all ate today unless 
you're fasting. You'll probably eat tomorrow 
unless you're fasting. Why? Because you want to nourish 
your flesh. You don't wanna die. You don't 
wanna perish. You don't wanna starve to death. 
And then the next statement, he says, cherish. And that simply 
means cherish or comfort. So look at the apostle's argument. 
Verse 28, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their 
own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, 
for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes 
it. And now he goes back to a redemptive 
category. He goes back to the situation 
that he already presented, just as the Lord does the church. 
just as the Lord does the church. So he holds up Jesus once again 
as the standard. And he says to us, based on this 
principle that we find in nature, this principle that we see advanced 
or spoken to in terms of redemption, he says, the Lord Jesus cares 
for his church this way. The Lord Jesus nourishes her, 
the Lord Jesus cherishes her. So the argument is, is that eat 
me in my flesh seeks to nourish and cherish. The argument is, 
is that one, This one flesh is made up of husband and wife. 
So the main point here, fellas, isn't make sure you eat today 
and make sure you cherish yourself today. The point is nourish your 
wife and cherish your wife. In other words, take active measures, 
implement active measures to promote her good physically and 
spiritually. Provide for her, pray for her, 
protect her. love her, show her affection. The language of nourish and cherish 
indicate affection. It's not stoicism. Well, honey, 
today I'm going to provide you food and I'm going to give you 
one hug because that's my call with reference to following Jesus. 
No, you lavish it upon her. You care for her the way that 
the Lord Jesus loves the church. So the apostle is bound to encourage 
us to live in a manner that is consistent with God's design. And then notice at that last 
bit, or verse 30 rather, for we are members of his body, of 
his flesh, and of his bones. You see where he's going with 
this. The relationship between a husband and wife parallels 
the relationship between the Lord Jesus Christ and his church. 
So basically, men, stop being lazy, stop being apathetic, stop 
being deadbeats, stop being negligent, stop being rebel transgressors 
of God's holy law, both special and general revelation, and do 
what the Lord Jesus does relative to his church. What we have is 
a beautiful analogy here of the way that the Lord cares for us. 
John Eady glosses this way. He says, Christ nourishes the 
church. He feeds it with his word. He 
fosters it by his spirit. He gives it the means of growth 
and the plenitude and variety of his gifts. He revives and 
quickens it by his presence and guards it by his almighty power 
from harm and destruction. That's Paul's point here, brethren. So with reference to redemptive 
category, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and 
gave himself for her. In the realm of creation, you 
came from the hand of God knowing this. You came from the hand 
of God understanding this. So when you don't carry this 
out, you're not only sinning in terms of the law, that is 
revealed in the Old Testament and new, but you're also sinning 
against God in terms of nature. Paul's logic here is impeccable. That brings us then thirdly to 
the affirmation of the one flesh argument. Where do you think 
he goes to affirm this? He goes to the creation account. 
He goes to the book of Genesis. Notice in verse 31, for this 
reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined 
to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Again, general 
revelation is in harmony with special revelation. What God 
does in the created order is spoken to by God in the revelatory 
order. And if you look at this appeal 
to the book of Genesis, I think we learn three things from the 
apostle. First, the creation account is 
authoritative. I mentioned that this morning. 
The God-haters say, I can't believe you'd actually believe that Genesis 
3 is true. It's so mythological. We've got 
talking snakes, we've got apples, we've got all these things. Again, 
if the God of the Bible is who the God of the Bible is, then 
everything else follows. But with reference to Genesis, 
the apostle treats it as authoritative. Again, it's not suggestive, it's 
not, this is a good way to think about it if you're so inclined, 
but it is authoritative. I would suggest, secondly, the 
creation account is accurate. It's accurate. It's not mythological, 
but rather it is historical. Look at the times that Jesus 
and his apostles in the New Testament appeal to Genesis 1-11 in their 
ministry, in their teaching. It's usually Genesis 1-11 that 
is called into suspicion. It's Genesis 1-11 that can't 
be true based on materialistic and scientific principles that 
have taught us so well. I mean, we all trust science. 
It's impeccable, isn't it? I mean, put a mask on, don't 
put a mask on, put a mask on when you enter into the restaurant, 
but once you sit down at the table, then you can take the 
mask off because evil COVID won't find you. Brethren, some of us 
were suspicious, and I don't mean science, the scientific 
method. The scientific method is based on scripture. The testimony 
of two or three witnesses confirm a fact. That's how science is 
supposed to proceed. You bring up a hypothesis, you 
test it, either you A, confirm it, or you deny it and you cast 
it out. That's the scientific process. But science has been 
deified in our day. Thus saith the Lord has been 
done away with for a barbaric and antiquated people. Now it's, 
what has science said? What has science taught? So typically, 
it's Genesis 1 to 11 that is discarded by humanists, by secularists, 
and unfortunately, sometimes by professing Christians as, 
yeah, it's not accurate. It's not really scientific. It's not really speaks to the 
issues. It's fable and it's myth and 
it's story to encourage and strengthen us and teach us in our religiosity. 
Well, brethren, if you deny the first Adam, how do you affirm 
the last Adam? If you deny the historicity... 
of Genesis 1 to 11, how do you have it in Matthew, Mark, Luke, 
and John? You have to understand the apostles and Jesus appeal 
to this passage. The Lord Jesus, when he's questioned 
about divorce, where does he go to answer the question? He 
goes to this passage. He goes to Genesis. From the 
beginning, it was not so, but God created man, male and female, 
and then God brought them together in harmony as one. The Lord Jesus 
in Matthew chapter 19, When he refutes the Pharisees that come 
to him, he appeals to the book of Genesis. And then I would 
suggest as well, the creation account is paradigmatic. That 
simply means it's a pattern. When we get saved, it's not as 
if, okay, you've got to learn everything new again. Let's just 
go right back to the drawing board. No, where does the apostle 
go when he upholds role distinction in the New Testament? He goes 
to the Genesis account. 1 Corinthians 11, which forbids 
a woman praying or prophesying in public worship. How does Paul 
argue? Well, I'm just the eternal enemy 
of women. I'm a chauvinistic pig. I just don't want women 
to pray and prophesy in public worship. No. No, no. God and 
His creation established this particular order. 1 Timothy 2, 
when the Apostle says, I do not permit a woman to teach or exercise 
authority over a man. This is in public worship, in 
the church worship. Why is that? Because God made 
Adam first, and He made Eve as His helpmate. And then Eve was 
transgressed, or deceived and then transgressed. and then as 
well in Ephesians 5 and in Colossians 3. How does Paul argue? He argues from the creation account. He argues from what God had intended 
originally. So when we're remade or made 
anew in Christ Jesus with knowledge and righteousness and holiness, 
there's not a brand new set of marching orders. Now we're empowered 
by the Holy Spirit Now we're enabled by the Spirit of the 
Living God to actually love our wives the way we're supposed 
to, to actually submit to our husbands the way that we're supposed 
to. So he invokes this as proof for what he is saying in terms 
of general revelation. As he applies this, look back 
again at verse 31, for this reason a man shall leave his father 
and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become 
one flesh. You can see how it functions 
in his argument here. I would suggest first it highlights 
the blessedness of the marital union. I'm a big fan of marriage, 
brethren. When young people come into my 
office for premarital counseling, I usually like to tell them that. 
I'm a big fan. I love it. I think it's great. 
It's not good for man to be alone. I know there's some men that 
have been gifted by God for that very purpose, but for most of 
us, it's just a blessing that some woman actually wants to 
live with me. Praise God that she can cook. Praise God that 
she's, you know, pleasant to the eyes. Praise God. This is 
a win-win-win-win scenario. And I think that's what Paul 
is pointing out here. Notice, for this reason, a man 
shall leave his father and mother. He goes on to say, and be joined 
to his wife. The wife has become even more 
wondrous to the man than his own parents. Paul's not denigrating 
parents. God's not saying parents are 
bad. But what Paul is saying is that 
there is a uniqueness about the marital union that obtains in 
a way that no other relationship does. Our parents are wonderful, 
and we should love them and esteem them. But once we get to a certain 
age, we leave them, we find the woman that is willing to live 
with us forever, and we put a ring on her finger. And we love her, 
and we are thankful to God for that kind provision. Secondly, 
it demonstrates the intention of God. Notice, for this reason, 
a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his 
wife. And notice, the two shall become one flesh. So he starts 
in a creational category, moves back to redemption in verse 29, 
just as the Lord does the church, and then goes back to this creational 
argument to affirm what he's insisting upon. Love your wives 
just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. 
Love your wives because she's you. Not in some weird mesh of, 
you know, DNA or anything like that. It's metaphoric, obviously. We still remain individuals, 
but in our marital bond, we are one flesh. So it demonstrates 
the intention of God. As well, it confirms the legitimacy 
of his argument. He wants your conscience. He 
wants your obedience. He wants you men to pray for 
your wife, to provide for your wife, and to protect your wife. He wants you to do what Christ 
does with the church. You've been bought with a price. 
Therefore, glorify God with your body and soul. It belongs to 
the Lord. Therefore, when you say, I do, 
really mean it and do what God has called you to do. This is 
not only something specific to Christians in redemption, but 
it's something that is specific to all creatures who put rings 
on each other's fingers. God has this purpose. And I would suggest, finally, 
under this head, the application of the creation account, to underscore 
the absurdity of the man who does not love his wife as he 
ought. to underscore the absurdity of 
the man who does not love his wife as he ought." I mean, that 
flows from the text. For this reason, a man shall 
leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the 
two shall become one flesh. This one flesh relationship, 
based on what he said in verses 28 and 29, no one... hates himself, 
no one tries to hurt himself, no one tries to be a menace to 
himself. No, he rather nourishes himself 
and he cherishes himself. Again, not like narcissists who 
looks in the reflection and falls in love, but that self-preservation, 
that desire to take care of oneself in a responsible way. The apostle 
wants you to come away from Ephesians 5 if you're a man tonight, and 
you've been derelict in your duty to repent. to confess it 
and to forsake it and to find mercy. Honey, I haven't been 
the man that Paul tells me I'm supposed to be. I hope you do 
that, brothers, and I hope you do that, sisters. Maintain short 
accounts with God and with one another. It's not the case that 
we're not going to sin against each other. Is it? Well, you know, I do. I'll never 
sin against you, baby. I'll never sin against you, hubby. 
No, no, never. It's gonna happen. It's gonna 
happen like all the time. I'm not trying to discourage 
any would-be, you know, suitors from pursuing their dime, but 
I am suggesting that there is sin in the marriage relationship. 
What do you do with that sin? Do you harbor it? Paul speaks 
to that in Colossians 3. Husbands, love your wives and 
what? Do not be embittered against her. You know, the best way to 
not be embittered against her is to sit her down and to talk 
to her. I know that seems odd, but remember 
Leviticus 19, 18? Don't hate your neighbor in your 
heart or your brother in your heart, but rather what? Rebuke 
him? Huh, what's the connection? The connection is, is that I'll 
hate my brother in my heart if there's some breach between us. 
So let's fix the breach. Let's repair the ruins. Let's 
get at this together. See, what happens in marital 
disharmony is we're fighting with one another. We should band 
together and solve the problems that we face because we are, 
after all, one flesh. Right? That disharmony, that 
lack of manliness to say, you know, honey, what you did wasn't 
right. Or to say, you know, honey, to 
your husband, what you did wasn't right. We are husbands and wives. We're also brothers and sisters, 
not in some weird, you know, Southern state way. But we are 
brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus. And we bear relationship 
that way as well. If your brother sins against 
you, what do you do? Hate him in your heart? Continue to be 
embittered against him. Avoid him like the plague. Say 
things like, you're dead to me. No, you go to him. You tell him 
his sin. And if he hears you, you've won 
your brother. How is marriage any different 
than that? How is marriage something over 
here? Well, you know, I'm really upset 
with my wife. Have you talked to her? Well, no. Well, then 
don't talk to me. Go talk to her. I'm really upset 
with my husband. Have you talked to him? Well, 
no. Brethren, you have to be big boys and big girls. As they 
say, put on your big boy pants and your big girl pants and do 
what you're supposed to do. This is God's command. This is 
God's word. This is what God calls us to. 
And then finally, he rounds out this section with the application 
of the one flesh argument. He makes first a Christological 
application in verse 32, and then he returns to the marital 
union application in verse 33. And I think, personally, there's 
more going on in verse 32 than I know. I think there's something 
more going on there, not some esoteric, mysterious thing. I 
just am limited in terms of competence and ability. But notice the Christological 
application in verse 32. This is a great mystery, but 
I speak concerning Christ and the church. It's almost like 
that's kind of his main point. It's kind of like, that's what 
He wants you to get from all this. Look at the created order, 
look at the relationship you bear to your wife or your husband, 
but I want you to focus upon those redemptive categories vis-a-vis 
the Lord Christ and the way that He is united to His church. He's 
already told us in Ephesians 1 and Ephesians 4 that Christ 
is the head of His body. And so he brings that afresh 
in this particular argument in verse 32. This is a great mystery, 
but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Now, brethren, 
that would indicate that there is a typical significance of 
Adam and Eve in the garden, right? Adam and Eve typify or prefigure 
Christ and the church. But I don't even think that gets 
at it, because when God made Adam and Eve, He already knew 
that Jesus and the church would be related as head to body. So 
Adam and Eve are somewhat modeled after Christ and His church, 
but they also somewhat typify Christ and His church. So when 
it comes to that, this isn't new in biblical revelation. You've got the typical significance 
of Psalm 45. Psalm 45, I've preached on before, 
and I've entitled it the Royal Wedding. And I don't mean by 
that those people in England that do this every few years 
and they spend lots and lots of money. The Royal Wedding, 
Christ is described in the first half of the Psalm, and then his 
bride is described in the latter half. You've got the book called 
the Song of Solomon, which in the hands of some preachers over 
the last several years has been relegated to a technique manual 
for new lovers. That's not the purpose for the 
Song of Solomon. It's not a technique manual for 
new lovers, but rather it's about Christ and His Church. It is 
about the Lord Jesus and his church. In fact, John Owen makes 
the observation, the whole book of canticles or the song is designed 
to no other purpose, but variously to show for a shadow forth to 
insinuate and represent the mutual love of Christ and the church. 
He says, blessed is he who understands the sayings of that book and 
half the experience of them in his heart. But even beyond that, 
or in consistency with that, what was Yahweh's relation to 
Israel? Again, when I speak about them 
being married, it's not the same as our marriage. There's not 
that physical component. It's a mystical union. But Yahweh, 
with his bride, Old Covenant Israel. In fact, he divorces 
Old Covenant Israel. He tells them he's going to do 
that. Northern Kingdom, the Southern Kingdom better take heed. So 
this is not a new thing in biblical revelation, and Paul comes now 
to apply this very specifically and tells us it is a great mystery, 
but I speak concerning Christ and the church. How does Jesus 
describe himself? He describes himself as a bridegroom 
in Matthew chapter 9. He describes himself as a bridegroom 
in John chapter 3. Where are we heading in the eschatological 
future? To the great marriage supper 
of the Lamb, according to Revelation chapter 19. So while Paul is 
giving instruction on husbands and wives and how they're supposed 
to function with one another, he never ever leaves his favorite 
subject, which is Jesus Christ and Him crucified and resurrected. 
Jesus Christ as the head of the church, Jesus Christ as our leader, 
Jesus Christ as our ruler, Jesus Christ as our governor. And then 
he rounds out the argument with another reminder in verse 33. Nevertheless, there's a little 
particle that simply signals a return to the main point. So 
getting back to what he's been saying in terms of the overarching 
principle, submitting to one another in the fear of God, verse 
21, and then the concrete application in the home between the wife 
and the husband. And he says or reminds us what 
he has already said. Nevertheless, let each one of 
you in particular so love his own wife as himself. Summarizes 
well everything that he has said. And interestingly, notice what 
he goes on to say with reference to the wife. And let the wife 
see that she respects her husband. He has said earlier to submit 
to her husband. Well, that submission isn't supposed 
to be a grin and bear it. That submission isn't supposed 
to be with a rebel heart. That submission isn't supposed 
to be stoic. That submission is to be in showing 
due respect. So the man is to lead in the 
context of love. The wife is to submit in the 
context of respect. The Greek word might scare you 
a little bit. It's fear. Now brethren, he doesn't 
mean by that, hide under the piano when the man comes home. 
That's not it. We speak of the fear of God. 
And there's two types, run and hide under the piano, because 
God's coming and he's going to get you. And then there's the, 
and that's not, that's Matthew 10. Fear him who has the power 
or ability or authority rather to kill both body and soul in 
hell. There ought to be that fear at some point in our lives. God is a consuming fire. But there's that fear of God, 
which is reverential awe. It is that respect. Now, I'm 
not suggesting, ladies, that you respect your husband the 
way, in the same manner, that you respect God or fear God. 
But the word, definitionally, simply means to have a profound 
measure of respect for, to have reverence, to have respect. Again, 
if the man must temper his leadership with love, the wife must temper 
her submission with respect. She doesn't just do it because 
she's commanded, she does it because in it there's blessing, 
because in it there's glory to God, in it there's good for her 
husband. Remember when it comes to the 
marriage relationship, we're not saying I do simply to get, 
we're saying I do more so to give. To love, to care, to nourish, 
to cherish, to show affection, to show that submission, to show 
that respect. One commentator glosses this 
way, the meaning of the verb here is not terror, but reverential 
respect based on a husband's God-given position of authority. 
Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities, for 
there is no authority except from God, and those which exist 
are established by God. We're supposed to honor the King, 
according to 1 Peter 2, and verse 17. There's responsibility for 
citizens of the body politic. Well, there's responsibilities 
within the marital union. Husbands to their wives, wives 
to their husbands. So Paul rounds out his argument 
here. In conclusion, just a few thoughts 
and then we'll go. Good way to sort of summarize 
all that we've seen in this particular section. First of all, the institution 
of marriage. Its biblical foundation is in 
Genesis chapter 2, verses 20 to 25. This wasn't the best idea 
that sinners could come up with. This is instituted by God. It 
predates civil government. It predates the church, sort 
of technically. It is a union that is not like 
other unions. I mean, it is in some ways, there's 
parallels, but the husband and wife relationship even trumps 
the parent and child relationship. You parents, as your children, 
you know, get out and get married, don't be upset that they're not 
spending time with you. they should at some point or, 
you know, hopefully they'll spend some time with you, but you want 
your sons to love their wives. You want your daughters to submit 
to and respect their husbands. You want them to embrace their 
biblical duty. So, the institution of marriage 
is god-wrought. As well, our confession, I think, 
defines it well in 2 London 25.1. Marriage is to be between one 
man and one woman. Neither is it lawful for any 
man to have more than one wife, nor for any woman to have more 
than one husband at the same time. I think that definition 
has served well throughout millennia. Unfortunately, it doesn't serve 
us too well today, because as I said this morning, we've taken 
cosmos and we've tried to make chaos out of it. We've taken 
God's gracious order and we have inverted it and perverted it. And that is unacceptable. As the people of God, let us 
model the good things that God has given in a way that's attractive 
to others. If you don't love your wife the 
way that Christ loved the church, you're giving a wrong impression. 
Ladies, if you don't submit to your husbands the way that the 
Lord or the way that the church submits to her husband or to 
her head, you're not giving the right impression. You are false 
advertising. And then in terms of the lawful 
parties, it's not just given to Christians as Christians, 
it's given to creatures as creatures. And I hope that if there's any 
unconverted here, this part of God's law would convict you, 
right? God says, husbands love your 
wives. You have this one flesh relationship with her. You don't 
hate yourself. You don't despise yourself. You 
don't starve yourself. You don't not comfort yourself. 
So if you're not doing that for your bride, then you need to 
repent. You need to forsake your sin. 
You need to come to the Lord Jesus Christ for forgiveness, 
and for that imputed righteousness that is received by faith alone, 
and then the presence and the power of the Holy Spirit, so 
you can love her properly. As well, with reference to the 
responsibilities in marriage, because we're dealing with husbands, 
I'll just repeat, wife, submit to your own husband, the way 
the church has commanded us to submit to the Lord Jesus Christ. 
And then just a few things, just to summarize what I think Paul 
is saying, the necessity to lead her with love. It's not argued 
for, it's assumed that the husband is the head of the wife. Paul's 
issue here is not that, Paul's issue is how. How are you going 
to love your wife? You're supposed to do it the 
way God commands. That means a love that is self-sacrificial, 
just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. The 
necessity to love her with the intention to promote her physical 
and spiritual well-being, nourishing and cherishing. Not despising 
and avoiding and hating. Not neglecting. Not abusing. No, you're supposed to intend 
her good, both physically and spiritually. Nourish her and 
cherish her. The necessity to love her with 
affection and kindness. If the sort of orbit in which 
the wife is to submit is to be marked by respect, the orbit 
in which a man is to lead is to be love. It is to be affection. It is to be kindness. It is to 
be gentleness. Again, 1 Corinthians 13, if it 
argues for us to relate to one another that way, you better 
be relating to your bride in that way. And then with reference 
to this, the necessity to love her with Christ as your standard. 
That's just built into the text. And I think that if we're listening, 
we should probably all have a little bit of repentance and a little 
bit of asking for forgiveness, because we're not like Christ. 
And then thirdly, I would suggest to you brothers that have wives, 
show gratitude. Be grateful for your wife. First to God, listen to Solomon. An excellent wife is the crown 
of her husband. He who finds a wife finds a good 
thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Houses and riches are 
an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the 
Lord. Brothers, are you praying every day? Praying for your wife? 
Praying to God and thanking Him for your wife? Well, I did that, 
you know, three years ago. Well, you better visit that again, 
because as Solomon says, God has blessed you. How does Proverbs 
31, that section on the virtuous wife, start? Who can find a virtuous 
wife for her worth is far above rubies? Do you thank God for 
that which is far above rubies in your life? Luther described 
his wife this way. The greatest gift of God is a 
pious, amiable spouse who fears God, loves his house, and with 
whom one can live in perfect confidence. It's a beautiful 
statement. So thank God for the wife that 
he has given you. But may I dare suggest that you 
thank her as well. She has to live with you. She 
has to deal with you. She has to put up with you. And you say, well, I don't want 
her to get proud. I don't want to make her head 
swell. You know, again, Solomon, at 
the end of Proverbs 31, many daughters have done well. But you excel them all. Right? Do you ever just praise 
your wife? Well, you know, she's got this 
tendency to gloat. She's got this tendency to want 
worship or adulation or adoration. Probably she doesn't. She does 
want some appreciation once in a while. Again, we're ready to 
go stomp a bullet for our wives. Are you ready to thank her for 
a good meal? Are you ready to thank her that she picked up 
your socks? Are you ready to thank her that 
she puts up with you? Many daughters have done nobly. 
They've done well, but baby, you excel them all. Don't fear 
that you're going to build her up with pride and she's going 
to glow. She might actually start to radiate even a bit more. And 
then I want to end with an encouragement to the single men who want to 
be married. We've done this now three times. 
What's the first point? Be marriable. God, give me a 
woman that's going to submit. No, first pray, God, give me 
the grace to love a woman the way that I'm supposed to. Give 
me grace to do what I'm supposed to do to be marriable. to prepare, 
to make sure that I can pray for her, to make sure that I 
can provide for her, to make sure that I can protect her. 
And then, dare I say it, proceed with caution, proceed with wisdom, 
proceed carefully. Again, I invoke Solomon. But 
she who causes shame is like rottenness to his bones. This 
is the parallel thought to what I read first in the other section. An excellent wife is the crown 
of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his 
bones. Or how about this one? Better 
to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a 
contentious woman. Ladies, if your man wants to 
live on the roof, you've got to repent. Sorry, somebody had 
to say it. If he cannot wait to get away 
from you, yeah, it could be him, could be, but it could be you 
too. And as well, Proverbs 25, 24, 
it is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house 
shared with a contentious woman. And then Proverbs 27, 15 to 16. This one's always resonated with 
me, because when I was a kid, the big fear was the Chinese 
water torture. The Chinese water torture. We 
heard tales and stories, perhaps fable and myth, that, you know, 
if you got in bad with the Chinese, they'd lay you down on a table 
and, you know, just drop, drop, drop, drops of water on your 
forehead till you went nuts. So you just lost it. I mean, 
I can't imagine waterboarding would be a little bit more of 
a vicious approach, but you know, if you got time and you want 
to do the Chinese water torture, listen to what Solomon says, 
a continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman 
are alike. Whoever restrains her restrains 
the wind and grasps oil with his right hand. I think it was 
my brother over here that said that his brother had once said, 
his brother was a pastor, and he said, the only thing worse 
than being single is wishing you were single. In other words, 
proceed with wisdom. Proceed with caution. Proceed 
with prayer. Proceed in your search for a 
woman who will pick up your socks and make your waffles and lie 
in your bed. Proceed with caution. That's 
the encouragement. That's the exhortation. I guess 
I was lying, because the last point is we need to look unto 
the Lord Jesus Christ as husbands and as wives. These things are, 
I don't want to confess this, but sometimes difficult, and 
we need grace. We need help. We need the Spirit. 
We need that orientation that is heavenly minded, such that 
we can fulfill our earthly obligations. Live in light of the cross of 
our blessed Lord Jesus Christ, praying for the Holy Spirit to 
enable us and to guide us along this pilgrim way. Well, let us 
pray. Our Father in heaven, we thank 
you for your word. We thank you for Paul's clarity 
in this section of Ephesians 5. I pray for your blessing upon 
the families in this home. I pray for all of the individuals, 
all of the single people that want to be married, that you 
would provide for them grace to be what they're supposed to 
be, and provide for them a wife or a husband that is suitable, 
that is comparable, that is a helpmate. And we pray that you would just 
bless us and help us now as we go into a new week, further conform 
us onto the image of Jesus Christ and help us to be faithful in 
our various callings. And we pray through Jesus Christ, 
our Lord, amen. We'll close with a brief time 
of meditation.