You can turn with me in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians as we work our way through Paul's letter to the church in Ephesus. We're in Ephesians chapter 5, considering the responsibilities of husbands toward their wives. Our focus will be verses 28 to 33, but I do want to begin reading in chapter 5 at verse 15. Ephesians 5, beginning in verse 15,
Scripture Reading: Ephesians 5:15–33
And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Return to the Marital Union
Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Amen. Well, let us pray.
Opening Prayer
Father in heaven, we thank you for this Lord's Day. We thank you for the privilege to gather again in your house and to come to you. We thank you for your mercy, your grace, your loving kindness. We thank you for the redeeming work of our Lord Jesus on our behalf, and for this great salvation that we enjoy, by your grace.
We ask that you would bless our time now, that you would instruct us from Holy Scripture, that your Spirit would guide and direct us, that as men, as husbands, in our local body, we would receive this teaching, that by your grace and the According to the power of the Spirit, we would put it into practice, and that You would bless our families, cause us to truly reflect what it is for a wife and a husband to function in a manner like the Church and her Lord. Forgive us now for all of our sins and unrighteousness. Cleanse us in that precious blood of the Lamb. And again, sustain us and give us an ability to carry out these things, not so that we may be saved, but because by grace we are saved.
And this is a reasonable service unto our holy God. And we ask your blessing in Jesus' holy name. Amen.
Introduction
Well, remember, we're in the practical part of Paul's letter to the Ephesians. And specifically, Paul wants us to walk in particular ways. He gives a general sort of admonition in chapter four at verse one, walk according to the calling with which you've been called. And then he prohibits us from walking as the Gentiles in chapter four at verse 17.
And then in chapter five, there's emphases on three things. First, we're to walk in love, five, two. We're to walk in light, five, eight. And here we're supposed to walk in wisdom according to chapter five and verse 15.
He gives a general admonition or exhortation concerning that. And then in verse 18, he tells us, he exhorts us specifically to be filled with the spirit. And then he indicates or underscores what it looks like to be filled with the Holy Spirit. We will speak to one another in Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.
We will sing and make melody in our hearts to the Lord. We will be thankful to God for all things through our Lord. And then we will submit to one another in the fear of God. So verse 21 is sort of a general overarching concern.
And then in verses 22 to chapter six and verse nine, he gives specific concrete applications. And in our section, wives and husbands, in the next section, children and parents, and then in the final section, in this section, he deals with servants and masters. So as I said, we find ourselves in the argument now concerning wives and husbands. Remember, the wives are to submit to their own husbands as to the Lord.
He points to the situation or rather the relationship between Christ and his church. Verse 23, for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. And then he directs his attention, most of his attention, here in this section, to the husbands.
About three-fourths more in this section is directly affecting the man, the husband in the relationship. In verses 25 to 27, he looks at redemption in particular. Husbands are to love their wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. In the section we're considering tonight in verses 28 to 33, he looks at creation.
So we've got the category of redemption, what happens in terms of special revelation and special grace, and then he turns his attention to what I'll call the one-flesh argument. And that is what his concern is in verses 28 to 33. Remember that he speaks realistically. He speaks to husbands who have rule or government or leadership in the home.
He speaks to them to temper that government with love. He speaks to wives, as we saw this morning, if you take that interpretation in Genesis chapter 3, her desire will be to usurp authority. And so she needs to be reminded to be submissive to her own husband as unto the Lord. He speaks particularly, this isn't women to men in general, but it's wives to their own husbands, and it's husbands to their own wives.
As well, he speaks authoritatively. As Christ's apostle, what he says here is non-negotiable. You can't come to this passage and say, well, I think my wife has far better gifts than I do, so she's going to be the head of our family. She's gonna wear the pants in our family.
No, that is an ungodly, unbiblical sort of assumption or imposition. You are to take the word of God, you are to take the authoritative word of the apostle Paul, and you're to appropriate it in your life. And then last week, I mentioned that he speaks consistently. And by consistently, I mean in reference to the book of Genesis.
In other words, God's intention with the created order. With that Old Testament background in view, that's how he deals with this particular argument. Remember, the husband's leadership role is not argued for, it is rather assumed. Again, notice in verse 23, for the husband is head of the wife.
He doesn't deliberate, he doesn't set forth the parameters, if he's gifted, if he's solid, if he's able. No, the husband is. He's either a good one or he is a bad one. I guess there is a continuum.
He might be an okay one. But the bottom line is, is he is the leader, he is the head in his home. And so
The One-Flesh Argument: Overview
as we approach specifically verses 28 to 33, I wanna look, as I said, at the argument from creation. And I've got four things I wanna consider. First, the explanation of the one flesh argument in verse 28. Secondly, the implication of the one-flesh argument in verses 29 to 30.
Third, the affirmation of the one-flesh argument in verse 31. He goes back to the book of Genesis. And then the application of the one-flesh argument in verses 32 and 33. But
Explanation of the One-Flesh Argument
let's take up first the explanation of the one-flesh argument there from verse 28. Notice he says, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. They are the head, they are the governor, they are the ruler, not in some dictatorial, tyrannical way. If you read Paul rightly, you'll notice that that is not the conclusion.
Rule from your easy chair, pound the arm, and tell your wife what she is supposed to do. No, that leadership is to be regulated by love. As John Eady says, husbands are not to be domestic tyrants, but their dominion is to be a reign of love. That's the apostles' emphasis.
So in verse 28, so husbands ought to love their own wives, notice, as their own bodies. Now, specifically, last week, I just tried to sketch the nature of that love, and I'll run through it quickly. First, the definition of love in a general sense. 1 Corinthians 13, the great love chapter. That should govern our conduct relative to every creature, but in particular, a husband to his wife.
As well, the characteristics of love in the marriage union, as far as the husband is concerned, with reference to his wife. He is to be faithfully monogamous. is to be consistently self-sacrificing, and he is to be joyfully committed to her wellbeing. Now, in terms of the practical day in, day out, how does that look? He prays for her.
That means he tends to her spiritually. Not only prays for her, but reads scripture with her, prays with her, brings her to church, makes sure that she's being cherished and nourished and all the things that we see stipulated in this particular passage. He provides for her. He's not a deadbeat.
He's not, you know, honey, I want you to go out on the streets today and beg for our dinner. No, he's to provide for her. Paul says in 1 Timothy 5, if a man does not provide for his own, he's worse than an infidel. He's denied the faith.
He's a defector. He is not one that is walking consistently with his confession. And then he protects his wife. I mentioned jail.
Sturdy girl, had the ability with the tent peg. Still, you're not to send her downstairs if an intruder comes. It's your job to protect your wife. It's your job to care for her.
It's your job to tend to her. Now, as he makes this statement, he says, so husbands ought to love their own wives, and then notice, as their own bodies. And then he goes on to say, he who loves his wife loves himself. And again, brethren, he's going to confirm that special revelation speaks the same thing, but this is what we would call a light of nature thing.
This is something that is true and available to man as man. This isn't something unique only to Christianity. We bear God's image. There's a sense where we can look at the world around us and glean certain truths that God has built in to the world's structure.
And as we move through the passage, we'll notice there's no war against nature and grace. There's no disharmony between special revelation and general revelation. What the book of nature teaches us, the book of God confirms. And so Paul appeals to this and he says, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. So the principle is in nature. Remember that in the Genesis account, what we have in terms of God making Eve and bringing Eve to Adam is paradigmatic, or it is a pattern not just for believers, but it's for all creatures everywhere. So it's not the case that a man who's a pagan and a wife who's a pagan can say, well, I can go ahead and rebel against God and do whatever it is I want.
No. This is God's instruction for creature as creature. And Paul appeals to this as something that is innate, something that you know, something that is built in you because you are an image bearer of the living God. Notice the argument, husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. We don't question that. We don't say, well, that seems so odd. Now that's not just because we're Christians, but again, outside of Christianity, within heathen dim, heathendom, within paganism, I know there's a lot of abuse, there's unfortunately abuse within Christianity as well, there is nevertheless this principle, there is nevertheless this lesson taught in the book of nature that a man is to love his wife, a man is to care for his wife, a man is to tend to his wife, a man is to provide for his wife.
But that principle is not only stated in the light of nature, it's a principle according to Scripture. And again, note the harmony between special and general revelation. Leviticus 19.18. In Leviticus 19, I would call that the great love chapter in the Old Covenant.
It is something akin to 1 Corinthians chapter 13 in the New Covenant. But in Leviticus 19.18 we read, You shall not take vengeance nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. When Jesus is quizzed on the greatest commandment in the law, he rattles off first that duty toward God. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, And then he invokes this principle from Leviticus 19.
The second is like it, love your neighbor as yourself. James chapter two at verse eight, he says, if you really fulfill the royal law according to the scripture, you shall love your neighbor as yourself, you do well. So the principle is taught in nature or in creation. The principle is taught in scripture.
Thirdly,
Self-Preservation, Not Narcissism
the principle does not condone narcissism. Narcissism is self-love, and if we read that passage, we might conclude that, if we're not thinking biblically. We might say, man loves himself. You think of the narcissist.
In Greek mythology, narcissist was a hunter, and narcissist was a beautiful, beautiful man. I don't like to use beautiful and man together. It feels odd and weird, but a little bit of research I did, that's how it described him. Beautiful man, a handsome man, a stunning man.
Well, he refused all the advances that were made at him. The only one that was intriguing to him was himself. When he looked in the water and it reflected his beauty, he became enamored. He became in love with that reflection.
Well, obviously, that never goes well, but that's where we get the word narcissism. It means self-love, self-adoration, this cherishing and nourishing that goes far and above and beyond what the Apostle is speaking here or what Moses is speaking in the Law of God. It is a legitimate desire for self-preservation. It is a legitimate desire for self-preservation and self-promotion.
Not, I want to be the best that I can possibly be, but I'm not going to ingest arsenic. I'm not going to stand on a train track. I'm not going to jump off high buildings. I'm going to try and preserve myself because at some level I love myself and I don't want me to die.
That's what the Apostle is talking about. And then the principle applies to all horizontal relationships, but especially a husband toward his wife. If we are, generally speaking, supposed to love our neighbor or our brother as ourself, how much more are we to love that one with whom we are one flesh? And that's the trajectory of the Apostle's argument.
We are to love that woman that God has given to us because God has fused us together and made us one flesh.
Calvin on the Monster Who Hates His Wife
John Calvin says, every man by his very nature loves himself, but no man can love himself without loving his wife. Therefore, the man who does not love his wife is a monster, and he's absolutely positively correct. If the man does not love his bride, if he does not cherish her, if he does not nourish her, we have the right to conclude that the man is a monster. He's a beast with a man's head.
He's not functioning properly. He is not only contrary to the written law of God, but he's contrary to nature. It's an absurdity. It's something that shouldn't obtain.
It is an anomaly. It is something that is so wretched and so vicious and so vile. What do we think of the wife beater? Well, that man is criminal.
That man deserves punishment. That man deserves sanction. He's supposed to provide for her, and he's supposed to protect her. But instead of doing that, he beats her, he hurts her, he emotionally abuses her.
That is absolutely godless and absurd. And so the apostle invokes this particular principle, and then
Implication of the One-Flesh Argument
notice the implication of this one-flesh argument in verses 29 to 30. First, he explains it. Look at what he says in verse 29. This for is explanatory.
He gives the proposition in verse 28. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. And now he further amplifies that with implication.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. So notice that the text assumes something. It assumes that we don't hate ourselves.
Again, there's people out there that do. There are people out there that engage in self-harm. There are people out there that engage in suicide. But they're not the rule.
They are the exception. You've heard that statement before. The exceptions prove the rule. Well, that certainly holds true here.
Most of us don't ingest arsenic. Most of us don't stand on railroad tracks. Most of us don't jump off of high buildings. Most of us seek a healthy degree of self-preservation.
Most of us seek a healthy degree of nurturing our flesh so that we don't die. And that's the Apostle's implication. No one ever hated his own flesh. Again, the emphasis is not narcissism, but preservation.
Matthew Poole says, no man, and then he goes on to say, none in his right senses. When you see the man that's about to jump off the building or dance on the railroad tracks, you understand that he's not in his right mind. There's something off. There's something not properly functioning there.
There is a lawlessness about him that betrays the natural order. Thomas says, just as man sins against nature in hating himself, so does he who hates his wife. Again, he's not dealing in the realm of redemptive reality. He's dealing with creation.
He's dealing with natural order. He's dealing with what obtains, what's innate to every man who's come from the hand of God Almighty, created in His image, knowing certain things. In other words, we're hardwired. If you go down to Best Buy, WIM's probably going to discourage that, there's probably better places online, and you buy a computer and you bring it home and you flip the power switch on, something happens.
Why? There's an operating system already in place. Well, we come from the hand of God with an operating system already in place. We bear His image.
There's certain things, certain truths that resonate with us, even apart from special revelation. But again, special and general revelation are in perfect harmony. What God does in creation, God affirms in redemption. with reference to the parallel in the law. So go back to the verse.
Notice in verse 29,
The Sixth Commandment and Self-Preservation
for no one ever hated his own flesh. The sixth commandment. The sixth commandment says you shall not murder. The best interpretation of the commandments of God, the 10 commandments, is in the Reformed tradition.
I would encourage you to look at Westminster Larger Catechism. It gives a whole set of sort of hermeneutics or principles on how to approach the 10 commandments. And they make this obvious observation. I mean, it may be obvious to me because I've read their explanation, but it should be obvious to all of us.
If the text specifically says, do not murder, then implicitly it means do what you can to promote life. Right? If the text says do not commit adultery, then by implication it suggests or confirms or affirms your duty to be a one-woman man or a one-man woman. If the text says do not steal, and you see Paul do this in Ephesians chapter 4, let him who stole steal no longer, but rather go get a job.
Make enough money so that you can be charitable to other people. Paul does that. Westminster divines are simply following the Apostle Paul and his use of the law. So with reference to the Sixth Commandment, Westminster Shorter Catechism number 68, what is required in the Sixth Commandment?
It has what is forbidden in the sixth commandment. Obviously, poking somebody in the heart with a knife falls prey to that. Shooting somebody in the head with a 38 special, all those things are certainly prohibited, but what can we say positively? What is required in the sixth commandment?
It says the sixth commandment requires all lawful endeavors to preserve our own life and the life of others. Makes sense, right? So back to the text, verse 29, for no one ever hated his own flesh. And then notice this next implication,
Nourishing and Cherishing as Christ Does
but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. So this idea of nourishing, the word simply means to provide food. It means to, get this, nourish, right? It means to sustain something with something so that that something can continue on.
So he nourishes his own flesh, right? You probably all ate today unless you're fasting. You'll probably eat tomorrow unless you're fasting. Why?
Because you want to nourish your flesh. You don't wanna die. You don't wanna perish. You don't wanna starve to death.
And then the next statement, he says, cherish. And that simply means cherish or comfort. So look at the apostle's argument. Verse 28, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it. And now he goes back to a redemptive category. He goes back to the situation that he already presented, just as the Lord does the church. just as the Lord does the church. So he holds up Jesus once again as the standard.
And he says to us, based on this principle that we find in nature, this principle that we see advanced or spoken to in terms of redemption, he says, the Lord Jesus cares for his church this way. The Lord Jesus nourishes her, the Lord Jesus cherishes her. So the argument is, is that eat me in my flesh seeks to nourish and cherish. The argument is, is that one, This one flesh is made up of husband and wife.
So the main point here, fellas, isn't make sure you eat today and make sure you cherish yourself today. The point is nourish your wife and cherish your wife. In other words, take active measures, implement active measures to promote her good physically and spiritually. Provide for her, pray for her, protect her. love her, show her affection.
The language of nourish and cherish indicate affection. It's not stoicism. Well, honey, today I'm going to provide you food and I'm going to give you one hug because that's my call with reference to following Jesus. No, you lavish it upon her.
You care for her the way that the Lord Jesus loves the church. So the apostle is bound to encourage us to live in a manner that is consistent with God's design. And then notice at that last bit, or verse 30 rather, for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. You see where he's going with this.
The relationship between a husband and wife parallels the relationship between the Lord Jesus Christ and his church. So basically, men, stop being lazy, stop being apathetic, stop being deadbeats, stop being negligent, stop being rebel transgressors of God's holy law, both special and general revelation, and do what the Lord Jesus does relative to his church. What we have is a beautiful analogy here of the way that the Lord cares for us. John Eady glosses this way.
He says, Christ nourishes the church. He feeds it with his word. He fosters it by his spirit. He gives it the means of growth and the plenitude and variety of his gifts.
He revives and quickens it by his presence and guards it by his almighty power from harm and destruction. That's Paul's point here, brethren. So with reference to redemptive category, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. In the realm of creation, you came from the hand of God knowing this.
You came from the hand of God understanding this. So when you don't carry this out, you're not only sinning in terms of the law, that is revealed in the Old Testament and new, but you're also sinning against God in terms of nature. Paul's logic here is impeccable.
Affirmation of the One-Flesh Argument
That brings us then thirdly to the affirmation of the one flesh argument. Where do you think he goes to affirm this? He goes to the creation account. He goes to the book of Genesis.
Notice in verse 31, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Again, general revelation is in harmony with special revelation. What God does in the created order is spoken to by God in the revelatory order. And if you look at this appeal to the book of Genesis, I think we learn three things from the apostle.
Genesis as Authoritative, Accurate, and Paradigmatic
First, the creation account is authoritative. I mentioned that this morning. The God-haters say, I can't believe you'd actually believe that Genesis 3 is true. It's so mythological.
We've got talking snakes, we've got apples, we've got all these things. Again, if the God of the Bible is who the God of the Bible is, then everything else follows. But with reference to Genesis, the apostle treats it as authoritative. Again, it's not suggestive, it's not, this is a good way to think about it if you're so inclined, but it is authoritative.
I would suggest, secondly, the creation account is accurate. It's accurate. It's not mythological, but rather it is historical. Look at the times that Jesus and his apostles in the New Testament appeal to Genesis 1-11 in their ministry, in their teaching.
It's usually Genesis 1-11 that is called into suspicion. It's Genesis 1-11 that can't be true based on materialistic and scientific principles that have taught us so well. I mean, we all trust science. It's impeccable, isn't it?
I mean, put a mask on, don't put a mask on, put a mask on when you enter into the restaurant, but once you sit down at the table, then you can take the mask off because evil COVID won't find you. Brethren, some of us were suspicious, and I don't mean science, the scientific method. The scientific method is based on scripture. The testimony of two or three witnesses confirm a fact.
That's how science is supposed to proceed. You bring up a hypothesis, you test it, either you A, confirm it, or you deny it and you cast it out. That's the scientific process. But science has been deified in our day.
Thus saith the Lord has been done away with for a barbaric and antiquated people. Now it's, what has science said? What has science taught? So typically, it's Genesis 1 to 11 that is discarded by humanists, by secularists, and unfortunately, sometimes by professing Christians as, yeah, it's not accurate.
It's not really scientific. It's not really speaks to the issues. It's fable and it's myth and it's story to encourage and strengthen us and teach us in our religiosity. Well, brethren, if you deny the first Adam, how do you affirm the last Adam?
If you deny the historicity... of Genesis 1 to 11, how do you have it in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John? You have to understand the apostles and Jesus appeal to this passage. The Lord Jesus, when he's questioned about divorce, where does he go to answer the question? He goes to this passage.
He goes to Genesis. From the beginning, it was not so, but God created man, male and female, and then God brought them together in harmony as one. The Lord Jesus in Matthew chapter 19, When he refutes the Pharisees that come to him, he appeals to the book of Genesis. And then I would suggest as well, the creation account is paradigmatic.
That simply means it's a pattern. When we get saved, it's not as if, okay, you've got to learn everything new again. Let's just go right back to the drawing board. No, where does the apostle go when he upholds role distinction in the New Testament?
He goes to the Genesis account. 1 Corinthians 11, which forbids a woman praying or prophesying in public worship. How does Paul argue? Well, I'm just the eternal enemy of women. I'm a chauvinistic pig.
I just don't want women to pray and prophesy in public worship. No. No, no. God and His creation established this particular order. 1 Timothy 2, when the Apostle says, I do not permit a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man.
This is in public worship, in the church worship. Why is that? Because God made Adam first, and He made Eve as His helpmate. And then Eve was transgressed, or deceived and then transgressed. and then as well in Ephesians 5 and in Colossians 3.
How does Paul argue? He argues from the creation account. He argues from what God had intended originally. So when we're remade or made anew in Christ Jesus with knowledge and righteousness and holiness, there's not a brand new set of marching orders.
Now we're empowered by the Holy Spirit Now we're enabled by the Spirit of the Living God to actually love our wives the way we're supposed to, to actually submit to our husbands the way that we're supposed to. So he invokes this as proof for what he is saying in terms of general revelation. As he applies this, look back again at verse 31, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. You can see how it functions in his argument here.
The Blessedness and Intention of Marriage
I would suggest first it highlights the blessedness of the marital union. I'm a big fan of marriage, brethren. When young people come into my office for premarital counseling, I usually like to tell them that. I'm a big fan.
I love it. I think it's great. It's not good for man to be alone. I know there's some men that have been gifted by God for that very purpose, but for most of us, it's just a blessing that some woman actually wants to live with me.
Praise God that she can cook. Praise God that she's, you know, pleasant to the eyes. Praise God. This is a win-win-win-win scenario.
And I think that's what Paul is pointing out here. Notice, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother. He goes on to say, and be joined to his wife. The wife has become even more wondrous to the man than his own parents.
Paul's not denigrating parents. God's not saying parents are bad. But what Paul is saying is that there is a uniqueness about the marital union that obtains in a way that no other relationship does. Our parents are wonderful, and we should love them and esteem them.
But once we get to a certain age, we leave them, we find the woman that is willing to live with us forever, and we put a ring on her finger. And we love her, and we are thankful to God for that kind provision. Secondly, it demonstrates the intention of God. Notice, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.
And notice, the two shall become one flesh. So he starts in a creational category, moves back to redemption in verse 29, just as the Lord does the church, and then goes back to this creational argument to affirm what he's insisting upon. Love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. Love your wives because she's you.
Not in some weird mesh of, you know, DNA or anything like that. It's metaphoric, obviously. We still remain individuals, but in our marital bond, we are one flesh. So it demonstrates the intention of God.
As well, it confirms the legitimacy of his argument. He wants your conscience. He wants your obedience. He wants you men to pray for your wife, to provide for your wife, and to protect your wife.
He wants you to do what Christ does with the church. You've been bought with a price. Therefore, glorify God with your body and soul. It belongs to the Lord.
Therefore, when you say, I do, really mean it and do what God has called you to do. This is not only something specific to Christians in redemption, but it's something that is specific to all creatures who put rings on each other's fingers. God has this purpose. And I would suggest, finally, under this head, the application of the creation account, to underscore the absurdity of the man who does not love his wife as he ought. to underscore the absurdity of the man who does not love his wife as he ought." I mean, that flows from the text.
For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This one flesh relationship, based on what he said in verses 28 and 29, no one... hates himself, no one tries to hurt himself, no one tries to be a menace to himself. No, he rather nourishes himself and he cherishes himself. Again, not like narcissists who looks in the reflection and falls in love, but that self-preservation, that desire to take care of oneself in a responsible way.
The apostle wants you to come away from Ephesians 5 if you're a man tonight, and you've been derelict in your duty to repent. to confess it and to forsake it and to find mercy. Honey, I haven't been the man that Paul tells me I'm supposed to be. I hope you do that, brothers, and I hope you do that, sisters. Maintain short accounts with God and with one another.
It's not the case that we're not going to sin against each other. Is it? Well, you know, I do. I'll never sin against you, baby.
I'll never sin against you, hubby. No, no, never. It's gonna happen. It's gonna happen like all the time.
I'm not trying to discourage any would-be, you know, suitors from pursuing their dime, but I am suggesting that there is sin in the marriage relationship. What do you do with that sin? Do you harbor it? Paul speaks to that in Colossians 3.
Husbands, love your wives and what? Do not be embittered against her. You know, the best way to not be embittered against her is to sit her down and to talk to her. I know that seems odd, but remember Leviticus 19, 18?
Don't hate your neighbor in your heart or your brother in your heart, but rather what? Rebuke him? Huh, what's the connection? The connection is, is that I'll hate my brother in my heart if there's some breach between us.
So let's fix the breach. Let's repair the ruins. Let's get at this together. See, what happens in marital disharmony is we're fighting with one another.
We should band together and solve the problems that we face because we are, after all, one flesh. Right? That disharmony, that lack of manliness to say, you know, honey, what you did wasn't right. Or to say, you know, honey, to your husband, what you did wasn't right.
We are husbands and wives. We're also brothers and sisters, not in some weird, you know, Southern state way. But we are brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus. And we bear relationship that way as well.
If your brother sins against you, what do you do? Hate him in your heart? Continue to be embittered against him. Avoid him like the plague.
Say things like, you're dead to me. No, you go to him. You tell him his sin. And if he hears you, you've won your brother.
How is marriage any different than that? How is marriage something over here? Well, you know, I'm really upset with my wife. Have you talked to her?
Well, no. Well, then don't talk to me. Go talk to her. I'm really upset with my husband.
Have you talked to him? Well, no. Brethren, you have to be big boys and big girls. As they say, put on your big boy pants and your big girl pants and do what you're supposed to do.
This is God's command. This is God's word. This is what God calls us to.
Application of the One-Flesh Argument
And then finally, he rounds out this section with the application of the one flesh argument. He makes first a Christological application in verse 32, and then he returns to the marital union application in verse 33. And I think, personally, there's more going on in verse 32 than I know. I think there's something more going on there, not some esoteric, mysterious thing.
I just am limited in terms of competence and ability. But
The Christological Application
notice the Christological application in verse 32. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. It's almost like that's kind of his main point. It's kind of like, that's what He wants you to get from all this.
Look at the created order, look at the relationship you bear to your wife or your husband, but I want you to focus upon those redemptive categories vis-a-vis the Lord Christ and the way that He is united to His church. He's already told us in Ephesians 1 and Ephesians 4 that Christ is the head of His body. And so he brings that afresh in this particular argument in verse 32. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Now, brethren, that would indicate that there is a typical significance of Adam and Eve in the garden, right? Adam and Eve typify or prefigure Christ and the church. But I don't even think that gets at it, because when God made Adam and Eve, He already knew that Jesus and the church would be related as head to body. So Adam and Eve are somewhat modeled after Christ and His church, but they also somewhat typify Christ and His church.
So when it comes to that, this isn't new in biblical revelation. You've got the typical significance of Psalm 45. Psalm 45, I've preached on before, and I've entitled it the Royal Wedding. And I don't mean by that those people in England that do this every few years and they spend lots and lots of money.
The Royal Wedding, Christ is described in the first half of the Psalm, and then his bride is described in the latter half. You've got the book called the Song of Solomon, which in the hands of some preachers over the last several years has been relegated to a technique manual for new lovers. That's not the purpose for the Song of Solomon. It's not a technique manual for new lovers, but rather it's about Christ and His Church.
It is about the Lord Jesus and his church. In fact, John Owen makes the observation, the whole book of canticles or the song is designed to no other purpose, but variously to show for a shadow forth to insinuate and represent the mutual love of Christ and the church. He says, blessed is he who understands the sayings of that book and half the experience of them in his heart. But even beyond that, or in consistency with that, what was Yahweh's relation to Israel?
Again, when I speak about them being married, it's not the same as our marriage. There's not that physical component. It's a mystical union. But Yahweh, with his bride, Old Covenant Israel.
In fact, he divorces Old Covenant Israel. He tells them he's going to do that. Northern Kingdom, the Southern Kingdom better take heed. So this is not a new thing in biblical revelation, and Paul comes now to apply this very specifically and tells us it is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
How does Jesus describe himself? He describes himself as a bridegroom in Matthew chapter 9. He describes himself as a bridegroom in John chapter 3. Where are we heading in the eschatological future?
To the great marriage supper of the Lamb, according to Revelation chapter 19. So while Paul is giving instruction on husbands and wives and how they're supposed to function with one another, he never ever leaves his favorite subject, which is Jesus Christ and Him crucified and resurrected. Jesus Christ as the head of the church, Jesus Christ as our leader, Jesus Christ as our ruler, Jesus Christ as our governor. And then he rounds out the argument with another reminder in verse 33.
Nevertheless, there's a little particle that simply signals a return to the main point. So getting back to what he's been saying in terms of the overarching principle, submitting to one another in the fear of God, verse 21, and then the concrete application in the home between the wife and the husband. And he says or reminds us what he has already said. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself.
Summarizes well everything that he has said. And interestingly, notice what he goes on to say with reference to the wife. And let the wife see that she respects her husband. He has said earlier to submit to her husband.
Well, that submission isn't supposed to be a grin and bear it. That submission isn't supposed to be with a rebel heart. That submission isn't supposed to be stoic. That submission is to be in showing due respect.
So the man is to lead in the context of love. The wife is to submit in the context of respect. The Greek word might scare you a little bit. It's fear.
Now brethren, he doesn't mean by that, hide under the piano when the man comes home. That's not it. We speak of the fear of God. And there's two types, run and hide under the piano, because God's coming and he's going to get you.
And then there's the, and that's not, that's Matthew 10. Fear him who has the power or ability or authority rather to kill both body and soul in hell. There ought to be that fear at some point in our lives. God is a consuming fire.
But there's that fear of God, which is reverential awe. It is that respect. Now, I'm not suggesting, ladies, that you respect your husband the way, in the same manner, that you respect God or fear God. But the word, definitionally, simply means to have a profound measure of respect for, to have reverence, to have respect.
Again, if the man must temper his leadership with love, the wife must temper her submission with respect. She doesn't just do it because she's commanded, she does it because in it there's blessing, because in it there's glory to God, in it there's good for her husband. Remember when it comes to the marriage relationship, we're not saying I do simply to get, we're saying I do more so to give. To love, to care, to nourish, to cherish, to show affection, to show that submission, to show that respect.
One commentator glosses this way, the meaning of the verb here is not terror, but reverential respect based on a husband's God-given position of authority. Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. We're supposed to honor the King, according to 1 Peter 2, and verse 17. There's responsibility for citizens of the body politic.
Well, there's responsibilities within the marital union. Husbands to their wives, wives to their husbands. So Paul rounds out his argument here.
Application
In conclusion, just a few thoughts and then we'll go. Good way to sort of summarize all that we've seen in this particular section. First of all, the institution of marriage. Its biblical foundation is in Genesis chapter 2, verses 20 to 25.
This wasn't the best idea that sinners could come up with. This is instituted by God. It predates civil government. It predates the church, sort of technically.
It is a union that is not like other unions. I mean, it is in some ways, there's parallels, but the husband and wife relationship even trumps the parent and child relationship. You parents, as your children, you know, get out and get married, don't be upset that they're not spending time with you. they should at some point or, you know, hopefully they'll spend some time with you, but you want your sons to love their wives. You want your daughters to submit to and respect their husbands.
You want them to embrace their biblical duty. So, the institution of marriage is god-wrought. As well, our confession, I think, defines it well in 2 London 25.1. Marriage is to be between one man and one woman.
Neither is it lawful for any man to have more than one wife, nor for any woman to have more than one husband at the same time. I think that definition has served well throughout millennia. Unfortunately, it doesn't serve us too well today, because as I said this morning, we've taken cosmos and we've tried to make chaos out of it. We've taken God's gracious order and we have inverted it and perverted it.
And that is unacceptable. As the people of God, let us model the good things that God has given in a way that's attractive to others. If you don't love your wife the way that Christ loved the church, you're giving a wrong impression. Ladies, if you don't submit to your husbands the way that the Lord or the way that the church submits to her husband or to her head, you're not giving the right impression.
You are false advertising. And then in terms of the lawful parties, it's not just given to Christians as Christians, it's given to creatures as creatures. And I hope that if there's any unconverted here, this part of God's law would convict you, right? God says, husbands love your wives.
You have this one flesh relationship with her. You don't hate yourself. You don't despise yourself. You don't starve yourself.
You don't not comfort yourself. So if you're not doing that for your bride, then you need to repent. You need to forsake your sin. You need to come to the Lord Jesus Christ for forgiveness, and for that imputed righteousness that is received by faith alone, and then the presence and the power of the Holy Spirit, so you can love her properly.
As well, with reference to the responsibilities in marriage, because we're dealing with husbands, I'll just repeat, wife, submit to your own husband, the way the church has commanded us to submit to the Lord Jesus Christ. And then just a few things, just to summarize what I think Paul is saying, the necessity to lead her with love. It's not argued for, it's assumed that the husband is the head of the wife. Paul's issue here is not that, Paul's issue is how.
How are you going to love your wife? You're supposed to do it the way God commands. That means a love that is self-sacrificial, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. The necessity to love her with the intention to promote her physical and spiritual well-being, nourishing and cherishing.
Not despising and avoiding and hating. Not neglecting. Not abusing. No, you're supposed to intend her good, both physically and spiritually.
Nourish her and cherish her. The necessity to love her with affection and kindness. If the sort of orbit in which the wife is to submit is to be marked by respect, the orbit in which a man is to lead is to be love. It is to be affection.
It is to be kindness. It is to be gentleness. Again, 1 Corinthians 13, if it argues for us to relate to one another that way, you better be relating to your bride in that way. And then with reference to this, the necessity to love her with Christ as your standard.
That's just built into the text. And I think that if we're listening, we should probably all have a little bit of repentance and a little bit of asking for forgiveness, because we're not like Christ. And then thirdly, I would suggest to you brothers that have wives, show gratitude. Be grateful for your wife.
First to God, listen to Solomon. An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.
Brothers, are you praying every day? Praying for your wife? Praying to God and thanking Him for your wife? Well, I did that, you know, three years ago.
Well, you better visit that again, because as Solomon says, God has blessed you. How does Proverbs 31, that section on the virtuous wife, start? Who can find a virtuous wife for her worth is far above rubies? Do you thank God for that which is far above rubies in your life?
Luther described his wife this way. The greatest gift of God is a pious, amiable spouse who fears God, loves his house, and with whom one can live in perfect confidence. It's a beautiful statement. So thank God for the wife that he has given you.
But may I dare suggest that you thank her as well. She has to live with you. She has to deal with you. She has to put up with you.
And you say, well, I don't want her to get proud. I don't want to make her head swell. You know, again, Solomon, at the end of Proverbs 31, many daughters have done well. But you excel them all.
Right? Do you ever just praise your wife? Well, you know, she's got this tendency to gloat. She's got this tendency to want worship or adulation or adoration.
Probably she doesn't. She does want some appreciation once in a while. Again, we're ready to go stomp a bullet for our wives. Are you ready to thank her for a good meal?
Are you ready to thank her that she picked up your socks? Are you ready to thank her that she puts up with you? Many daughters have done nobly. They've done well, but baby, you excel them all.
Don't fear that you're going to build her up with pride and she's going to glow. She might actually start to radiate even a bit more. And then I want to end with an encouragement to the single men who want to be married. We've done this now three times.
What's the first point? Be marriable. God, give me a woman that's going to submit. No, first pray, God, give me the grace to love a woman the way that I'm supposed to.
Give me grace to do what I'm supposed to do to be marriable. to prepare, to make sure that I can pray for her, to make sure that I can provide for her, to make sure that I can protect her. And then, dare I say it, proceed with caution, proceed with wisdom, proceed carefully. Again, I invoke Solomon. But she who causes shame is like rottenness to his bones.
This is the parallel thought to what I read first in the other section. An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. Or how about this one? Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
Ladies, if your man wants to live on the roof, you've got to repent. Sorry, somebody had to say it. If he cannot wait to get away from you, yeah, it could be him, could be, but it could be you too. And as well, Proverbs 25, 24, it is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
And then Proverbs 27, 15 to 16. This one's always resonated with me, because when I was a kid, the big fear was the Chinese water torture. The Chinese water torture. We heard tales and stories, perhaps fable and myth, that, you know, if you got in bad with the Chinese, they'd lay you down on a table and, you know, just drop, drop, drop, drops of water on your forehead till you went nuts.
So you just lost it. I mean, I can't imagine waterboarding would be a little bit more of a vicious approach, but you know, if you got time and you want to do the Chinese water torture, listen to what Solomon says, a continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whoever restrains her restrains the wind and grasps oil with his right hand. I think it was my brother over here that said that his brother had once said, his brother was a pastor, and he said, the only thing worse than being single is wishing you were single.
In other words, proceed with wisdom. Proceed with caution. Proceed with prayer. Proceed in your search for a woman who will pick up your socks and make your waffles and lie in your bed.
Proceed with caution. That's the encouragement. That's the exhortation. I guess I was lying, because the last point is we need to look unto the Lord Jesus Christ as husbands and as wives.
These things are, I don't want to confess this, but sometimes difficult, and we need grace. We need help. We need the Spirit. We need that orientation that is heavenly minded, such that we can fulfill our earthly obligations.
Live in light of the cross of our blessed Lord Jesus Christ, praying for the Holy Spirit to enable us and to guide us along this pilgrim way. Well, let us pray.
Closing Prayer
Our Father in heaven, we thank you for your word. We thank you for Paul's clarity in this section of Ephesians 5. I pray for your blessing upon the families in this home. I pray for all of the individuals, all of the single people that want to be married, that you would provide for them grace to be what they're supposed to be, and provide for them a wife or a husband that is suitable, that is comparable, that is a helpmate.
And we pray that you would just bless us and help us now as we go into a new week, further conform us onto the image of Jesus Christ and help us to be faithful in our various callings. And we pray through Jesus Christ, our Lord, amen. We'll close with a brief time of meditation.